funny things to say, words you use

"Tell your father his ass is sucking canal water."

Don't know if it was mentioned

 

Bet I can flip ya and dick ya before you throw me and blow me.

 

On a talk show, Burt Reynolds was referring to an actress he worked with and said she had some GAMS, wtf?

 

Some guys that spent a lot of time travelling together devised a new rating system for women on a scale of one to four;

1) you can do her
2) I'd do her
3) I'd eat her
4) I'd eat her after you did her

There are very few #4's.

 

Me and my travel buddies have the 7 levels of hell system. For both women and towns on the blue highways. Level 1 has only been achieved a few times in history, and level 7 has been seen WAY too many times, in both women, and sorry to say, towns in texas.

 

Gams are legs.

 

You're pulling my dick ( you must be kidding )

Stupid? " he wouldn't know shit from clay"

Ugly? , he's got a head like an inside-out snail!

A chaotic situation ?, a shit fight without rules.

Dry? he's drier than a pommies towel......

Wet? wetter than a nun at communion

Dying for a shit...touching cloth , or "I've got the tortoises head"...sorry I have to go I'm holding a greasy cannonball

and finally a guy I used to work for would describe a car part or engine bay that needed a degrease like this .....
" look at it , greasy as a butchers cock"

 

How about this one''He couldn't drive a greasey stick, up a dogs arse''

 

...goes together like champagne and doggy-style!

~Jason

 

I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.

 

before cell phones "here's a quarter call some one who cares" when your tired of BS

I will kick your ass so high you have to take your shirt off to shit

 

shit fight without rules? like a fuckin goat rodeo?
ya pick up what im layin down?
How bout from asshole to applecart?

 

When my 6yo sons starts showing his ass I always quote my grandfather: "If you don't stop that I'm gonna dust your britches"

 

Your A gentelmen A scoller A judge of good whiskey women and fast horses. And son there's not many of us left.
dirt t

 

If brains were gasoline you couldn't power a piss ants motorcycle around the inside of a cheerio.
Looks like someone set her face on fire and put it out with a hatchet
hotter than two cats fuckin in a wool sock

 

To describe a man with a big problem on his mind I like "He's walkin slow, and talkin low and scratchin his ass."

 

"He could break steel balls in a sandbox with a rubber mallet." refering to a persons ability to screw something up......another one of Dad's....

 

When yer goin nowhere with an idea, Aussie voice "yer fuckin air mate"

 

fits like a cock in a bucket

 

When you want to go to the toilet for a piss..

'I'm going to point percy at the porcelain'
'I'm going to strain the potatoes.'

And when you've finished..

'Shake it more than three times and you're playing with it.'

About a good looking woman..

'I'd be up that like a rat up a drainpipe.'

When something's really difficult...

'It's like pushing shit uphill with a pointed stick.'

Cheers, Glen.

 

An old Army saying, It's soooo cold theres frost on the stack-en-swivel (part of a M1 rifle)

More nerves than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs

 

fartin horse never tires
fartin mans the man to hire

snattyfracker (damn near anything can be a snattyfracker)

don't take long to spend the night on this place

ya ain't drunk till yer layin on the floor pukin in yer ears

 

its so cold you gota prime your dick to piss

 

Cant remember if I posted this one or not? Told to me my one of my fellow soldiers (Very serious man!) on ANZAC day while watching some nice young Lady's walk by.
"Id swim through a mile of shit with my mouth open just to suck the cock of the last guy that fucked that"

Yup................................?

 

might be a lil ' blue but here are a couple of things that fall outta my mouth : f--- stick , for f---- sake , dweeb , maroon { looney tunes rule } . of course none of these things are ever uttered around the grand kids . i just taught them german sayings !!!!!!!!!! bad grandpa !!!

 

A few from Australia ,cultural capital of the south pacific.
DILIGAF*
'She can suck the chrome off a tow ball.'..
'Nights as black as the inside of a Gin's bum'..
The captains so horny he'd 'Fuck the hair on a barber shop floor'.
She was so ugly I reckon her mother got her mixed up with the afterbirth.
ugly as a sack full of arseholes.
The brothel was so busy she was playing a merry tune on the jewish piano...
as Flash as a jew with a gold tooth.
Carrying on like Pork chop in a synagogue (getting upset at someone ).
As popular as a ham sandwich at uncle benny's Bahmiztvah..
As untidy as a fuckin ' Gins camp..
looks like he swallowed a razor blade and circumcised the vicar..
Winds as cold as the mother in laws heart..
..I felt like a spare prick at a whores wedding...
gotta have a piss so i'll go shake hands with the wifes( sister inlaws) wedding present..
..or shake out the 'one eyed trouser snake'

*Do I look like I Give A Fuck ?

 

Hike up your skirt, grab your balls, and DO IT!

You're so full of shit your eyes are brown.

You're so full of hot air, your eyes are blue.

Two pedals, on for go, one for woah, pick one and use it.

 

Mom used to say: That's 'bout as organized as a Chineese fire drill

Move it or loose it (your ass )

That's just putting lipstick on a Pig

 

I rely on "Move or bleed."