funny things to say, words you use

oh man this thread is awesome, and it reminds me of some shit my pops said while he was pissed, or just being a dick, which was alot of the time, well, while wrenching.... sometimes ya laugh sometimes you don't know if you should....

1. "Your'e up shits creek without a paddle."
2. ask em a bunch of questions........"What are you writing a fuckin' book?"
3. do something dumb......he's like "what were you thinking?" and before you can say anything he goes...."thought Farted and he shit his fucking pants!!!!!!!!!!!"
4. he always used to hand you tools or things and then say..."it's all urine pee pee......lol wtf?
5. he said that....don't know shit from shine-ola thing alot too, im glad someone else posted that, bcuz i had no idea what that meant.
6. anything that leaks at all..........that faucet leaks like a f-n SIV....
leakin oil like a SIV...your'e mouth is leakin like a siv?????/ do you have diareah of the mouth????????

someone help me here.......wtf???? is a SIV????????

 

Don't know if it's on here already but '' AS NEAR AS FUCK IT IS TO SWEARING''

 

You're so dense you could put a dent in a BB with a rubber hammer under 50 ft. of water.

 

someone help me here.......wtf???? is a SIV????????

It's "sieve". A strainer.

 

thanks, thats what i kinda thought, wasn't sure.

 

When I am in an "COUGH, COUGH" a Debate or someone is being negative and say " What If ? "

I say
IF, IF????
If my Aunt had Nuts, she would be my Uncle !!!!!

 

" I know very little about a whole lot of shit ! "

 

How tight is it ? Tighter than a preachers dick in a calf's ass.

 

my dad always tells me "wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which one fills up first". well i had "shit" tattooed in my left hand and "wish" tattooed in the other. he just shook his head and laughed when i showed him.

 

"That guys got deep pockets and short arms."

In response to someone asking if that's ok: "Gooda, like the cheese"

In response to how something fits: "like a German virgin, Goot-N-Tight"

 

raining like a cow peeing on a flat rock

 

To somebody that needs to "man up":
"Why don't you just get up on your hind legs and DO IT!?".

Cracks me up every time.

 

If someone is messing with ya...Tell them " Don't let nothing but fear and common sense stop you"

 

The best part of you ran down your mums arse crack and left a brown stain on the mattress.

So ugly she fell out of the ugly tree,
If she is REAL ugly you can add....
And hit every branch on the way down!

For the dumb shit,
He don't know his arse from his elbows, sits on his arse all day and wonders why his elbows are sore.

This one I learned from a nice little German exchange student, very pretty young lady.
Nein, nein, nicht in my arsh sticken.

Doc.

 

"Only thing left between us is air & opportunity"
"If you're feeling froggy, might as well leap".
I often use a finger to draw a circle around my face and say, "This is my give a shit face. Get used to it."
"If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport."
"If I wanted any shit outta you, I'd squeeze your head"
"If I wanted your opinion, I'd give it to you"
"The last time you made a good decision was when you decided to shut the fuck up. I wish you would've stuck with it."
"I sure as hell wouldn't let you wrench on my car... but I would let you fix the wife's!"

 

Here is one you can tell the little women .
I only keep you around for cold nights and when theres nuttin to do Not to here you talk !!!!
Use at your own risk lol

 

The wind out there will blow the dog off the chain

 

Another use at own risk....
If sheep could type, we'd throw rocks at women!

 

A comment heard last saturday describing a well known football player ...on a national radio program ..: ' He's walking amongst the cheerleaders like a half open pocket knife..."

some one is talking nonsense to you?..tell them,"if i wanted to listen to shit,i'd flush the toilet.."

 

"Proof of penetration" (A great looking weld or a pregnant woman)

After reading all the great one liners here, I only have one last quote from the late great "John Wayne"

"Were burnin' daylight"

 

I'll tear your head off and spit down your throat

 

Hell, Dudes!

Some of the best ones are in your "Quotes/ signitures!

Such as "Alfsters" "You will never hit your thumb with a hammer if you hold the hammer with both hands."
Great stuff all!

 

I have a party daily from my phrase. (I searched but came up without a hit)

"It's not a party until there's blood" or another ".....until someone pukes"

 

That's more fucked up than a soup sandwich.

 

"My dad was so tight, I was 21 before I knew you could get lumber without the nails already in it"

 

my favorites-
tighter than a nun's cunt on easter ( useful for tight bolts, etc....)
nervous as a whore in church
busier than a 3-legged cat in a sandbox

 

"cold enough to freeze the nuts off a brass monkey"

We used to have a tv weather man who when signing off after forecasting a cold night would look into the camera and with a straight face say " and remember to bring in the brass monkey"

 

He could pinch a nickle so hard the Indian was on the bufalo.

 

When something is tight my dad says it's
"tighter than a boars ass at fly time."