funny things to say, words you use

If your friend cant get a bolt loose, tell him u saw a little 6 yr old girl down the street not doing anything, you'll just ask her.

 

One I say to the wife quite often, usually right after I Fff-something-up:

" Don't you look at me in that tone of voice!!!"

 

hot chick walking "looks like two puppys fighting in a pillow case".

gonna have trouble seeing where your going when i shove your head up your ass..

its like watching turtles f**k...

hotter than two farrets f**king in a wool sock..

if it was up your ass kicking fieldgoals youd know..

you move around like old people f**k...

 

OK, my turn. I was diagnosed with Prostate cancer four years ago and people often ask me how I'm doing. My reply, "I'm still on the right side of the dirt".

My dad often replied to 7-11 clerks who wished him "have a good day", "Don't tell me what kind of day to have".

Old age ain't for sissies.
Colder than a mother-in-laws heart
Ignorance gone to seed
Calf Rope ( when you finally give up, just like a hog tied calf, an old cowboy expression )
You couldn't find your ass with both hands and a flashlight
and my favorite....Eat right, exercise, die anyway!
Randy

 

i remember a guy at work would say, if you would ask him how is it coming(when he was doing something)he would reply mostly by hand...

 

Ooh ooh... "fits like a sock on a rooster"

My favorite is "Pooky". It has many meanings.

"put some pooky on it" could mean apply more force or apply some silicone. "i gotta go pooky" or "i'm gonna get some pooky" are obvious. you can make up your own, "smells like pooky", "I got the pooky on me" etc.

 

How about.. slicker than snot on a doorknob... ?
A preacher I knew used that one.

 

1. Like a duck on a june bug . (from mySouthern Grandma)
2.As serious as a heart attack.
3.Shut the Front Door( instead of shut the ***** up )

 

Forgot theses.
1. Keep the rubber side down.
2. Your Mommy Fries Eggs. ( instead of Mother F***ker

 

oh and then there's that old military one - when somebody asks "what's that?" answer with "Pogey bait" - it's usually something that's used to trade or gain "suck points" with others in order to get stuff.

And the spin I usually hear to a familiar one is "if you can't dazzle 'em with details, baffle 'em with bullshit"

 

"wanna put some glass in that hole?"...for when your riding in your car and you want your friend to roll the window up.

 

I've seen prettier faces on iodine bottles.

 

Nice ass! shame about the face.

Youre dumber thatn a box of hammers.

Hotter than a 4balled tomcat.

 

Boob reminded me of one I still use, Uckempucky , any sticky stuff you use for, well, anything.

 

Uglier than a bucket of foreskin

 

My Brother In Law & I drove to Michigan from Chicago to pick up a front end. The seller said " You guys drove all the way from Illinois, Just to pick up this front end? "
My Brother In Law replys " No, were came to drink your beer and fuck your women. "

 

"grinnin like a possum eatin shit"
"Happier than a puppy with two peckers"

 

People ask how many guys work in the shop. I say half of them.

Someone asks me to measure something or look closely at a part, I tell them I have to get my Eyecrometer.

When I introduce a friend to someone, I always say we went to different high schools together.

Wack n Pack (bondo work)

Quickie slickie (get the job in and out the shop fast)

set the toe, let it go. (quick alignment)

my little ones are eatin my big ones (say that when I'm real hungry)

My dick was so hard, I didn't have enough skin left to blink.

 

Exhaustion-"like a $100 whore on nickel night".

 

Grumpy's Toy used to be a funny car dragster. My Dad, Brother and I always really liked that racer, so, when we would see other cars we liked we would call them "Grumpy". Kinda like, "Wow, that's a grumpy lookin' car".

 

Blingeriffic!!! (stolen from Nads over on the Journal)

 

All dolled up

Thats sharper than a two headed thumb tack

From my grandpa
Ain't that so?
Are ya square with the world?

And some witty things from my grandpa
<grandma> How are you gonna cut your hair when you do?<me> uhhhh....<grandpappy> Well with scissors and a comb!

 

i tried. i really tried to get all the way through but honestly i'm laughing my ass off.

here's a couple i hope hadn't made it yet:

if a particular task is whipping me: "my ass is bleeding buttermilk"

if it's really warm out, its "hotter than a kerosene cat in hell with gasoline britches"

and for 40+ year old hardware "what was 9/16 (or whatever) in 1950 sure as fuck ain't 9/16 NOW"

grandma's favorite: "champagne dreams and beer money, boy; they don't ever meet"

from VW shop techs: "it's done to German torque spec, Gudentight" and /or "turn it till it snaps and back it off half a turn"
your car looks sick, does it have the flu? no, why? it looks like it flew off the road last night....

 

Shit and 2 is 8

 

ouch!

 

Fix it till its broke. Thats been happening quite a bit lately.
A very good friend used to tell me "its like arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic

 

Is that right?!?!?!
You don't say...
Get the F#$K out-a-here...
You could F$&#37;K up a ball bearing...
That dog won't/will hunt......
Use the K.I.S.S. method when you build something......

 

"As fucked up as a three legged frog in a whirlpool"

"Dumber than a bag of hammers"

"Cant afford to pay attention"

 

I can't believe I started this mess .. Sorry Ryan

 

I once had a boss from south arkansas that used to say, "That car's as shiny as a new dime in a goat's ass".