Rules to live by when workin on your Rod

When recovering from a arm injury, be sure to light your sling on fire at least once with the torch.

When removing the drill bit that just went through your finger, don't bother to rotate it counterclockwise.

When the motor is just about out of the car and the floor is covered with tranny fluid and newspaper - that is the time to torch off the last bolt.

Disregard those bright orange stickers on your garage door that say "release tension on spring before removing"

When dropping the trouble light into a puddle of oil, be sure to drop it from at least 2 feet.

When your throttle sticks at highway speed, don't turn the key off - just drive until you run out of gas. You'd hate to blow open a brand new muffler.

Yikes, it's a wonder we're all still alive!

 

Keep your face shield dirty, that way you can tell when it's down !!

 

You will !!
I have !!
I recognise many of them............

 

This actually happened to me, but 30 miles later. Oil light came on. Fortunately auto parts store was one block away.......
Oh wait... many more things reported here happened too.......

 

Best Thread ever!

Post more tips for everybody.

 

when you use a bucket for a temporary seay in a truck, dont worry about the fact that its not bolted down, it wont tip over with you on it the first time yoou go around a corner

 

Don't drain the 20 or 30 year old oil out of that old 6 cylinder you are trying to pull out of your 58 Chevy with a couple of bumper jacks while the car is sitting on top of the hill of your parents nice new clean white concrete drive. The engine won't fall impaling the oil pan sending black gold down the drive and sure you can spray paint your car red in their nice new 2 car garage. The over spray won't turn the floor and walls red.

 

When putting a new carb on your car that requires different linkage you don't have, just take off the hood and sit on the front fender to run the throttle while your buddy runs the clutch, brakes and throttle as you go to his house to get it. A kid will never run in front of the car after his soccer ball, causing your friend to stand on the brakes, causing you to fly through the air, rolling down the street as your friend swerves in an attempt to miss the soccer ball, the boy running after it, and you.

At least that's what I've heard.

 

when welding hold on tight to the metal just in case your ground connection is not good. that way you can act as the ground. dont ask me how I know

 

Always keep as much flammable and valuable shit near to where youre grindin and weldin.

 

kinda reminds me to never cook bacon when naked!

 

Avoid a friend doing a DIY powder coat..the quick way..

In the microwave..

A throttle return spring is not necessary when you first start that new built motor..

 

if you smell burning, don't worry.

 

If your harmonic balancer bolt doesn't tighten up. A good Lincoln welder will do the trick.

 

22 cal bullets make good fuses

 

If it works, take it apart to find out why.

 

bring your dog into the garage with you,
...you can pat him and wipe the grease off your hands at the same time
...he will lick up the spilled beer and eat the (evidence) cold french fries
...you can tell your wife you're walking the dog when she thinks you're spending too much time in the garage (where it's nice and quiet)

 

Screwdrivers make good floor shifters.

 

:d

lmfao.

 

It is acceptable practice to lay your drop light down on your upholstry while going for another beer. I did that once...on new upholstry. What an idiot!

 

make sure to let the piece of metal you are drilling and holding with your hands,spin at least three times, before you get the pliars.

 

When grinding, always wear that loose fitting shirt and that table that's too low so you have to crouch. That grinder will come to a halt after a few revolutions of your shirt get wound up in it.
The rule of thumb for welding is-no shoes, no shirt, and daisy dukes. You don't want to get an uneven tan- do you?
Back to the grinder. It's not that important to set your grinder on the bench when you plug it in, just hold it between your ribs and an arm-don't worry if you're pushing on the lever. What-you don't expect me to set my beer down, do you?
And if that old, plastic end on that extension chord is brittle to the point of no longer holding both terminals safely away from each other-now is the time to set your beer down and gently use both hands(completing the circuit) to plug it into the wall. Reach for the beer after regaining consciousness.

Jay

 

When parking a car in a shop, always drive it in as fast as possible.

Coat the shop floor with oil to keep it nice and shiny, too, for that clean look

Battery terminals can be checked for juice by simply laying a Crescent wrench across the terminals - saves buying a damn Multi-Meter!

Any time jackstands are used, shows that the user is a pussy. Be a real man and use that bumper jack - that is what it's for, right?

People have an unnatural fear of split-rim wheels. Just take that pry bar and rip that ring right off - who needs a cage, anyway?

Contrary to popular belief, you CAN fill you car up with gas while talkng on a cellphone, smoking, and sliding in and out of the vehicle while the fuel filler is still on the car. Go ahead. Touch it! You'll "spark" hilarity as the fireworks go off!

 

True,only pussys wear shoes when welding

I
Sometimes I let my wife hold my beer and ask her to stand behind the car. That way can tell me how big of a rooster tail I got in the gravel driveway when I peel out. Don't worry I make her put her hand over the beer so nothing gets in there.

 

When using a wire wheel in a power drill always let it hang carelessly at your side with the trigger locked on when you are done wheelin'. That makes it easy to wind up your baggy shorts and underwear in the wire wheel. The resulting twist will squeeze your lemons like a juicer and quickly change your voice a couple octaves! Think Vienna Boys Choir and Ice pack.

 

Don't worry if its blown, just solder a piece of wire to the ends of the fuse. Don't worry about how big it is as long as it fixes it.

 

<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 9"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 9"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/STEVEN%7E1/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/msoclip1/01/clip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <woNotOptimizeForBrowser/> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style> Always protect parts with your finger before hitting them with the biggest hammer you own.

 

Make sure your wedding ring is well grounded as you hold the piece to be tacked with a mig welder, close your eyes and pull the trigger. When the wire hits paint and deflects to your ring, you too can be amazed as to how fast gold will turn red.

A co-worker showed me this one. When you turn over the open gallon can that's half full of lacquer thinner on your bench, spilling it down the front of your jeans and floor, be sure to get pissed and throw whatever is in your hand at the time. Even if that happens to be your flint torch lighter.

 

Regarding rule # 2. I know a guy that used to paint big oil tanks with a paper face mask with a hole puched in the middle for a cigarette!

 

Planning ahead is stupid. Rework is half the fun.