What's the Most Absurd Claim you've heard at a Car Show, Drag Race, Cruise Night, etc

About a year ago our local paper here in Kalamazoo (I won't say it's the Gazette...) ran a full page story on some old guy who swore his 80's something Toyota got 80 mpg, UNTILL he had it "tuned up" at the dealership. Of course, they couldn't let that sort of economy stand, and mysteriously swapped some vacume hoses to restore the specs, and guess what? His milage was then in the mid 20's. Those Bastards!

There were obligatory pictures of the fellow, standing next to the battered remains of the car, now resting (rusting?) in peace behind his garage, damaged in an accident, so he sadly can't drive it and restore it to it's former OPEC beating ways.

Of course, I didn't save the article, so I can't prove it's not bullshit piled on a bullshit thread...

 

Best one so far...

 

guess i should finish the tale....caught him pulling out of the local auto zone...pulled up next to his lightning and he had no choice...was afternoon of the local hot summer nites at the ford dealler and everyone was watching...busted his sorry ass before he hit second gear...sold his lightning the next week, claiming the transmission was starting to slip...but then everyone seen it smoking tires and chirppin second

 

I signed up on a car web site years ago- don't remember which one. Saw this guy's avitar & damn, looks like my car. So I sign up & ask him questions in a new thread about his car. I think the title was "Anyone know who owns this cool car?". He had alot of pictures & info to share & seemed to know alot about "his" car.
Many other members were saying how cool the car was & that he built it himself. I let him ramble on & then I called him out. Turns out he had no car & found my photo site (back when photopoint.com was alive), right clicked & saved all my pics to his own album! I busted him w/ a pic at a Super Chevy event on their website & little ole me standing next to "his" car winning best in class from several weeks before.

 

haha!! thanks mark!!! im actually on my way to a third day concert tonight with the family.....be the first concert ever that i couldnt drink beer!!! so ya, keep prayin buddy!!!

 

Best one that I heard is that I fucked my 32 Ford model A coupe up putting a buick in it.......It's a 33 Plymouth coupe.

 

Bike story:
Local guy used to have a 69 Norton high pipe sitting under a tree in his front yard. I finally stopped to ask about it and got a real education: bike bought new by his uncle who went so fast he hit a telephone pole and went almost 10 feet up the pole before it fell to the ground. Bike got stored for 30+ years and nephew has it sitting out front "restoring" it. He got it running once and went so fast that at 150 mph he was almost about to lose his grip on the bars, but there was still a lot more throttle left. He got scared and "disabled" the engine and was now just going to to a cosmetic restoration (let it rust in the open).

Car story:
NEXT he explains the early 90s LX 5.0 liter Mustang that he "rephased" the crank so 4 cylinders fired at once. It produced "900 hp" to the wheels but he had to sell it when he went from 0 to 150 in less than one block in front of a school and the cop sitting across the street got him on radar to prove it....

I have not stopped to chat with him since.
Tombat

 

I can't count the amount of funny shit I hear come from the mouths of the uninformed at events, but one of my favorites was just on the street...

I used to work in San Francisco and would drive my '52 Hudson Wasp in from time to time. One day I was pulling out of the parking lot as a couple was walking toward me down the sidewalk. While they're still a ways away I can hear the guy telling the girl about my car. I'm all but busting out laughing as he gets close enough to say "nice Merc" to me through the driver's window. I say, "Actually, it's a Hudson. A '52 Wasp." As he walks to the other side of my car I hear him tell her that I'm an idiot because I don't even know what kind of car I'm driving.

Funny!

 

Probably not the funniest, but it still rings in my ears...

Driving my '49 Ford, people were constantly complimenting me on my 'Studebaker'.... Ok... The grill is kinda similar... But then when I'd say "Actually, it's a '49 Ford..."

Almost every single one of them... Rich man/poor man, young/old... Would say; "Are you sure?!"

I'd blink and say; "No." And walk or drive away.

That "Are-you-sure" and the break in cognative thought that it represents, has always made me doubt if there really is any hope for society as we know it.

 

You kill me.

 

I used to do Editorial work for an E-Zine that was based on owner built cars. The key word here being Owner-Built as opposed to owner bought.

The most outragious thing I ever heard and I heard it over and over again was, "I built this car."

I still read it alot on the HAMB which is even worse because I more often than not know who did build it.

 

My buddies 69 mustang would do 160 and the wheels came off the ground and he had let me out as soon as possible to clean my pants. I had to walk home.

 

No matter wich one of my cars I take to a show, drag, cruise or whatever, there is always the older guy there who claims he had one just like mine....EXCEPT it was a four door, a different color a different year and last but not least different make.

 

Most of that generation of big cars would do 100 plus, make the front tires chirp funny, take a half mile to get there and a half mile to stop once you did. I even had a 62 bonneville do 105 with aburnt valve[down hill] and when I stopped, the left front tire seperated and blew.

 

I remembered another one, this time I had my '59 Ford parked at 7/11 hanging out with my hood up. Some dude came walking over and looked in at my big-block Ford mill and said "Oh man, is that a Chevy 350?"
-Dean

 

when i worked at a speed shop i always got a kick out the guys that come in and say man i put a 292 hyd cam a double roller timming set headers a edelbrock intake and a 750 carb on my nova with a 305 that thing makes 500 hp now

 

It is just that the hard drive has now become a floppy.

 

"Hey that's (insert someone other then yourself)'s old car!"

oh yeah... i bet you used to have sex in the back seat of this one too?

 

No, he's dead-6 shots to the back of the head at VERY close range, in Ranger Texas 20 years ago. The dude would climb a tree to tell a lie when he could stand on the ground and tell the truth! He had a yellow 77 Camaro and described it exactly as you guys did. Liars are amazing gobs of flesh.

 

please stop ! ! my soda just went down the wrong pipe, came out my nose ! !

 

Over the years I thought I'd heard every story there was. I have to admit some of these are new. I was working in the iron mines in Northern MN and some bullshit artist was telling me how he hit a bridge approach at 130 MPH in his stock '57 chevy and it left the ground and he could see the tree tops before he finally touched back down on the other end of the bridge. Not only did he have the stones to tell me this pile of shit but he had his equally annoying buddy back him up. I walked away from both these c$%&suckers laughing my ass off and shaking my head.

 

My Fairlane's were always Impala's..."hey dooode, noice Impala"!
After about 6 years, I just stopped trying to explain that Ford made other cars besides the Mustang...

 

I used to own a 61 buick 2 dr hardtop that I lowered and made a mild custom....almost every day I drove it I got the "nice impala" from someone....but at least they liked the car!

Then at Paso a few years ago I was admiring the paint on a car I had built and sold ....it was painted and finished at a high dollar shop but I did all the fab and design work. Anyways I was standing there and a kid comes up and tells me about how the shop he worked at built the car and how the fender skirts were built from a VW roof etc. etc. I let him talk for a minute before I told him I built the car in my garage....funny how he split very quickly!

 

I go to high school where there are a bunch of bros. i dont know as much as most on the HAMB, but its still funny listening to these idiots talk about their high performance lifted trucks in class. one claimed to chip it and get an extra 600 hp out of his f-250. another claimed to have a 700 hp hemi in his stock 1500 chevy. theres always more and its sometimes more fun to not correct them.

 

good to know my town isnt the only one over run with bros......

 

"I've got one just like yours at home!"

Doesnt matter what your car is there is always someone that has the "same car" sitting at home waiting to be fixed up....

I think there was about a thousand 1964 Plymouth lightweight cars within a 50 mile radius of where we lived according to everyone that "had the same car" stored away at home.......You could have a Tucker woodie wagon at a show and I bet at least 5 guys will come up and tell you about theirs sitting in the garage....

 

how about this one! yeah it has 20 coats of clear on it.

 

I built it ALL by myself.
______________________________________________________________________
Like I told the kid, "Your music's not too loud, it just sucks and so does OKC!"

 

Years ago after looking over my new sports car a guy says "Yea, I had such-and-such a sports car a couple years ago, it was quite a car" "Oh" I asked "Was the car injected or carburetored" "Hell" he said "Injection, carbureration, both, that baby had everything!"

 

its funny how people can say they hit 130 or 140 mph when the speedo in the car they are talking about only reads 110.

I remember a guy who used to hang out in town, he bought a 1979 nissan skyline, the car was obviously previously modified to some extent having a different carb and extractors but i happened to detail the car before it was sold from the dealer he bought it from, the car went quick for what it was but it had a smooth idle, after he bought it the car seemed to be running rough and had a rough idle. i asked him what had gone wrong with it, he asked why, i said it was idling rough, he said it had a very lumpy cam and its supposed to run like that, i said it should be idling smoother, he took the oil cap of and said in a technical tone "i know its a lumpy cam becuase i can feel the lumps on it when i stick my finger in and when a cam feels that lumpy it will have a rough idle".