"Mechanical Genius" comments you've heard?

about ten years ago I found a nice straight fender in the junkyard on a car that had an engine fire, most of the paint was burned off. Later that night a friend tried to convince me that you could not repaint "metal that had been burned".

Never found out where he came up with that one, but he was working as a bodyman not too long ago

 

yeah, but they must have used a frame that connected to the block and held the drill parallel to the bore- NOT just a handheld drill.

 

Just yesterday, a coworker told me that "You should never handle electronic components until you're ready to install them because the more you handle them the more they degrade." AND "Most of these electronic components are probably running at only 75% efficiency or less because they were handled too much before they were installed." This apparently pertains to all electronic components, even those on cars, including alternators and starters.

WTF???

I was drinking a cup of coffee at the time he said this. I also discovered today, that I cannot swallow and laugh at the same time. And, I guess he just might think I'm not too convinced of his facts since I spit all the coffee out, THRU MY NOSE. I would have laughed, but I was too occupied with all that hacking and snorting. Well, at least I didn't get any on me...

 

Like the guy who asks "What's in the Caddy?". I says "it's a 390",
and genius says "You put a FORD in your Caddy?" "No, it's a Caddy 390"
"All Caddy's had Big block Chevs!" We got our share of stupids here too.

At the parts store, the guy next to me says "I need a new turnslow".
The guy behind the counter thought he was from Neptune until after some arguing, he takes him out to the carpark, opens the hood and shows him... The radiator cap, which has stamped on it.."TURN SLOWly to remove cap".

Last week at work I sent an ENGINEER to the workshop store to get a 43mm SQUARE drill bit to make... a square hole of course! He came back and said he couldn't find one after about an hour of looking. I told him they were next to the triangular ones on the top shelf. This week he got
sacked. I just hope they don't breed.

 

Many years ago I worked at a parts store, I started part time while in high school and worked there for a couple years after high school, I really got a chuckle out of the "they're all the same" post(s) in this thread, heard that more times than I can count. I always liked the guys who wanted something because their "brother in law" told them it would work, like say a coil they were going to put on a SBC, "but give me one for a 454 because my brother in law says it will give it more power."

Anyway, my best Mechanical Genius story,

A guy I knew a little from high school had a Pontiac with a straight 6 in it, somehow this guy managed to pull the head and take it to the machine shop to get the valves done, after somehow managing to reassemble the the car he comes in and asks for a can of compression, not knowing he's done this valve job I think he wants one of the many products we sell that claim to restore compression in worn engines, I grab one off the shelf read a little off the label and hand it to him. No, he says, I need a can of compression, then explains he pulled the head off his car so he lost all his compression and now needs a can of compression!

 

Hey they made a repo plastic one that went over the top off a stock carb setup that did that buddy of mine bought a A coupe with a blower turned out to be same thing whatta joke better than olds valve covers on chevys

 

Good thread. We've all ran across those "sexual intellects" (fuckin know-it-alls) at one point or another. For entertainment purposes, I let 'em keep going with their tall tales-it's wayyy funnier when you lead them on to think you're actually buying it. Arguing with them is senseless.

 

Had the hood up working on a sweet Buick Rivvy , with a silver colored moon roof and the shop owners son ( maybe 17 or 18 at the time )came up to check out the engine and fuck with me.
He said where is the battery? I told him they don't have one, look at the roof it's a solar collerctor, (they were under the back seat like the old VW's) he said jeeze what will they think of next, thought for a bit and said how does it work at night ?
I told him without missing a beat or looking up that you can't drive them at night. He said what kind of idiot would buy a car you can't drive at night. I told him, I guess people with the money to have a day car & a night car.

His dad the owner who was listening all this time came over after the kid left and told me . Your a prick do you know that?

I told him yup

 

Love it! Did the old man straighten the kid out or let him go on believing that?

 

I was working on a project last year with the investor and a mechanical designer he had hired. The project was basically an ATV. During a discussion about fitting the mechanical components within the frame, and checking clearance against the body, a conversation came up about sprocket size.

I said " A larger rear sprocket will give you more acceleration- less top speed"

Mechanical designer says "Hah-ha! no it won't! That's ridiculous."

He proceeded to even launch into a speech about how I should just examine a multi-speed bicycle for example...."at a store if you don't own one"
I almost slapped him.

This went on and on- me politely insisting that for most buyers of the product, that a LARGER rear sprocket would be considered an upgrade, and I should design the body and chainguard with this in mind.

The dipshit investor was convinced that the mech designer had more practical knowledge than me, so after awhile they both started ignoring me when I spoke.

It was a short term contract so i just sent the CAD files wrong- HA!!
I wonder if they will figure it out in China?

 

One time I was going to take my old japanese car to a local garage to replace the oil pan gasket, normally i would do it myself, but without a lift,it's a pain in the ass to do from underneath. I figured i might lose some money,but i knew these guys and the place has a good reputation. Idiot doing the repairs refused to fix it,stating,

I guess they don't do many oil changes. I felt like shaking the dumbass and saying ,LISTEN,WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN YOU DRAIN THE OIL!! he insisted that it happened to some other ones the same way. for the record the pump isn't even in the pan,it's on the side of the block

 

the army has actually engineered a square drill bit now, not making this up, your tax dollars at work,

 

Sweeeeeet, I want one

 

I watched a guy put packing grease on some disc brakes once, he said it would keep them from squealing when he hits the brakes.

I said I thought it would work better on the backside of the pads.
He said that didn't make any sense, and continued on.
I just left.

 

Kinda reminds me of the NASA ball point pen issue, they don't work in zero G. So NASA spent 2 or 3 million making one that would.

The Russian Space Agency gave Cosmonauts a pencil.


Doc.

 

Can't think of a whole lot of car quotes, but being a marine mechanic by trade I have heard some good ones.

(1) Where's the brakes?
(2) Where's the gas pedal?
(3) How do I release the parking brake?
(4) My seatbelt is missing.
(5) Where's park?
(6) I think the shocks are bad, the ride is a little rough.

Jon

 

$2,000,000 to develop a pressurized ink cartridge? I could have designed em one for half that!

 

About 20 years ago, a guy showed up at my dad's welding shop in Fond du Lac, WI with a log and asked if we'd try cutting it into fireplace lengths with the torch.


JOE

 

I'd stay away from fire exposed sheetmetal. I'm no expert, but I think exposure to high heat like a fire would anneal the metal (soften it) if it cooled slowly, harden it if it were dowsed with water, stretch it, shrink it, or any combination thereof.

 

It would be ripple city too.

 

I used to work at Als auto supply out here in Spokane, This guy comes in and says " I need all the tune up stuff for my 57 chevy 350" so I say "OK what year is it?" the guy says "1957" I say "no, what year is your 350?"
He starts getting all red faced and says " Isn't there anyone here who knows about old cars?" I just said " Uh let me get the manager."

 

Stromberg 94's need i say more....

 

I was once told that SBC's are not belly button motors........

 

these are great! i've heard a bunch, but i have a guy lives down the street always checking up on what i'm farting around with; one afternoon my Dad and i are going over an MGB i'd just traded into, when Freindly Neighbor walks up and asks "That got them Stromberg carbs on it? ya gotta fill them up with tranny fluid to keep 'em working...."

he manages a Firestone dealership. No, i don't listen to him.

and by and large the public is struck full of stupid.

 

I had a bumper on my 75 highboy like that every one always looked and scratched their heads, until one day deep in a strip mine cut I got a flat and aired it up and got home ...... no one laughed anymore.

 

As I read these stories I wonder if the guy telling you the story is the guy I confused with bullshit in response to the bullshit that came out of his mouth.

 

I once went to Pep Boys searching for a 3/8-16 Heli-Coil kit. After a few frustrating minutes trying to explain to the moron behind the counter that I was looking for a Heli-Coil thread repair kit, NOT a heater core I finally asked for the store manager figuring at least he would know what I referring to. Wrong, he had never heard of a Heli-Coil insert either. I headed straight for the nearest NAPA shortly after that.

 

he was confused,but on the right track, if you had SU's they do need damper oil in the damper inside of the dome, but it's only an ounce or so. and i've heard of some people using atf before. the lighter fluid makes the piston in the carb able torise faster at the loss of some damping.

 

Mechanical Engineer friend had a "reliable" OT Volvo for which I couldn't help giving him some stick about having a blown bulb and that it was UNSAFE to be driving around in the daytime with only one front running light.

He replied "Yes, I know the bulb is blown 'cos there's a light on the dash comes on to tell me".

I quickly suggested that if the Volvo Safety Engineering Brains trust had put the Dash light out on the front corner of the car THE LIGHT WOULD NEVER GO OUT!!!

Trevor still has the crosseyed-all-screwed-up-look on his face 10 years later...............still wondering whether I was on to something?!?!?!?!
?????Volvo drivers????



.

 

I'm sure someone showed him the "pop off" valves and he (being decended from a line of geniuses) figured what else could they be for!! God help us.