"Mechanical Genius" comments you've heard?

I pulled into get gas in the Cadillac on Saturday night ; taking the car out for a test drive. The store attendee comes out and starts "telling" me about the car.

Him: "you know those old 55's used to have 350's in them right"

Me: "no,bud sorry this here has a 331"

Him:"Nope that's not right my grandpa had a car just like this and it was a 350"

Me:"ill take 20 in gas and a pack of lights"

driving off.

 

I enjoy walking in the local parts store asking for "chromed tuned high performance battery cable ends" or "hydraulic mud flaps"!! Keeps em searching the computer for a while.

 

the sad thing is they probably have the battery cable ends, right next to the gold plated ones.

 

When they can't find it do you tell them it should be listed right after the muffler bearings and the headlight fluid?

 

Engineers are God's little joke on the rest of us...

 

you are 100 % correct ...some countys in Georgia test for NOx... most fail due to high readings. EGR not working , to much advance or lean due to dirty fuel filter or cloged injectors. NOx is that stuff that burns your eyes...it causes that beautiful sunset also.

 

a chick walks into a parts store and asks for a 710 cap.
A 710 cap the guy asked?
yeah it goes on the engine she says.
Show me he says , when they look under the hood she points to the OIL cap.

 

I do this alot,,,next time you go to an autozone and one of them young kids just out of school waits on you,ask him for a water pump for a 1972 wolkswagon,he will spend 30 min,looking on that screen trying to find a water pump and finally call for the manager..

 

My wife works in an autozone as a manager,she said this guy came in the store one day and was lookink at some muflers,he held one up and asked her what kind of sound did this one make,she responded by telling him that she could not explain how it sounded,so he puts it up to his mouth and let out a loud roar.

 

Upper radiator hose for a '65 Corvair...
Differential cover gasket for a '72 Olds Toronado, with the 12 bolt and the 455 engine...
Replacement fuel injector for a '77 Camaro Z-28...
Set of spark plugs to fit a '88 Chevy 1/2 ton P/U with the 6.2 diesel engine...
Spark plug wires, distributor cap, and carburetor rebuild kit for same diesel...
Intake manifold gasket for a Ford 200 cid inline 6...

 

Don't forget about Chrome plated muffler bearings, and you know you can't have a suped up honda without an after market flux capacitor.

 

A friend told me about when he sold parts and a local machinist called and wanted axle bearings for a Ford 9 inch. My friend asked "Which 9 inch?". Guy said "Doesn't matter, they're all the same." My friend asked two more times which axle it was and what car it is in and the guy wouldn't tell him, swearing that all Ford 9 inch axles are the same. So my friend sends him a set for 67 Mustang w/ 28 spline tapered axles or something oscure like that that can't be shortened or resplined. The guy called back with rather colorful language and told my friend that he sold him the wrong bearings. My friend told him "I sold you exactly what you asked for: a bearing set for a Ford 9 inch. Now which 9 inch axle is it?!?!"

 

Now thats a good one, would loved to have seen that.

We recently had the front clip straightened on the family dirt track car, we pulled the engine and transmission out and it was just a roller. We go to load it onto the trailer and I tell my nephew "go put it in gear" as a joke. My Brother in law says "no" to him a few times but he is set on putting it in gear until he reaches inside the car and remembers theres no transmission in the car. We all had a good laugh. I asked him to get me a bucket of steam later. He knows I am just kidding with him and just laughs and asks where do I get one of those? I am teaching him the ins and outs of shop humor. He figured out muffler bearings on his own thank god.-Weeks

 

Same friend sold a nasty little 12:1 1970 340 Six-Pack motor on the E-bay a few years ago to a guy in Pennsylvania (back story on the motor is interesting but a bit OT), anyway, my friend is on the level and rebuilt the engine, and e-mailed the guy videos of him dialing in the carb and breaking in the engine and stuff with open headers so the guy knows what he bought). Marty had to build the motor with a set of Crower chromoly adjustable pushrods (that he had sitting around for 20 years for another project) because it needed longer pushrods due to the taller rocker shaft height on the Mopar Performance heads. So he puts the motor in a crate, complete from carb to pan, distributor, everything and ready to drop in to the guy's Duster, and sends it down the road. A couple weeks later the guy e-mails Marty and has a bunch of questions about the motor and why he can't get it to run. The guy says that he removed the distributor cap and all of the wires and the carb before setting the motor in the car because he didn't want to break anything in the process and now the motor won't run right. It back pops and won't rev or anything. Marty already knows that they crossed a couple of the plug wires when they put it back together but the guy swears that they didn't and that it doesn't run right due to something that Marty did. He proceeds to tell Marty that he figured that the valves had too much lash, so he tightened the adjustable pushrods, and now it runs even worse. He took the engine to a "reputable machine shop" and they told him that the camshaft is junk and that the piston to cylinder wall clearance was bigger than factory specs (forged pistons btw) and that it must have been something that Marty overlooked when he built it. Marty told him that the engine wouldn't run right because he crossed two or more of the ignition wires and to tell his machinist friend that forged pistons require more piston to wall clearance because the pistons expand a greater amount than the factory cast pistons. When the guy wanted Marty to buy him a new camshaft, Marty told him to buy it himself because he wiped it out when he cranked down the pushrods on a motor that was already broken in. Marty doesn't answer any more of his e-mails.

 

done that here and it works,and got all pissed off at the dumbass becuse he couldn't find it

flux capacitors only work in old carbed hondas, the plutonium messes with the fuel injection computerized garbage in the newer ones.

 

He had the rear jacked up with big tires so he kept a downhill momentum and gained RPM's..Duh..

 

The gal at the counter at our local Autozone is cute,but doesn't know what the hell a carburetor is.Kinda ruins the fantasy for me.

 

Brakes...ha!

That one's a classic! I had a non-boater friend ask me that once when I was teaching him to use an outboard....of course, that question only came up once we were already at speed....

 

I guess thats a little like the guy that thought the Blackhawk Helicopter was an auto as it only had a brake and accelerator pedal!

 

I do exhaust work and stainless is a big part of it. I've learned when building a stainless system with an X in it I have to leave room for it to move when hot. We measured the tips on a friends Marauder (with stainless) then went out and beat the shit out of it and measured them again they moved rearward three quarters of an inch.

 

A machinist I know swears that the factory transmission heat exchangers (the one inside the lower radiator tank) actually HEAT the ATF instead of cooling it. He cannot be convinced that the coolant at the bottom tank (about 190 degrees) is several degrees less than the ATF coming into the cooler, and that a small amount of heat from the ATF is transferred to the coolant.

 

He is partially correct and you are partially correct - the engine coolant preheats the trans fluid initially and then cools it after the trans warms up.

 

Nope, used a half inch drill and went at it. The stones are about 4" long and at least 1/4" to 3/8" wide. Three of them on a spring assembly that kept them flat against the cylinder walls. Once you got the hang of it, you can put down a beautiful crosshatch pattern.

 

my favorite brian brennen story was an editorisl he wrote several years back that he stated "my 2 favorite cars are 32s and 40s,wish i could have both.the only thing i would do differant on the 40 would fill in the quarter windows, then he added " i will probably hear about this". right then i said to myself you are right if i ever run into you ,you will definetly hear about it.

 

I had purchased a 32 Ford 5wnd body and I had it in the back of my pickup.
I was on the ferry heading from Victoria BC Canada, back to the mainland.
Being on the ferry, it gives a lot of time for people to mill around and ask what it was etc.
One older fellow came up and asked if that was a 32 Ford, Finally, someone knew what it was, I answered "Yes it is".
Then came the normal response I was used to getting, "That's a nice car, I used to have one like it, but mine was a 5wnd coupe"
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Kelly

 

"GM rear drums are self adjusting."

 

But he thinks that it DOES NOT cool the ATF at all.

 

A coupe years back I went to a U-Haul to rent a two wheel tow trailer to move my 40 Ford. Young lady ask: what kind of car?
My reply: Ford. Y.L.: Ford what? Me: FORD!. Y.L.: Ford what? Me: FORD COUPE! Y.L. :Ford coupe what? Me: FORD COUPE DELUXE! Y.L.: I'm sorry , I don't have that listed on my computer, I can't rent it to you. ME : yes I understand.

 

I tried to rent a U-Haul tow dolly to pull my current project home. Girl asked me "what car?" A 1956 F100....
It's not on my computer, sorry.

Went to another place, Girl asked me; "What kind of car are you towing?'
A 1991 Saturn...

 

If I had a nickel for every parts counter guy who stood in front of a computer screen, picked his nose, and said, "That part doesn't show up on the computer. I don't think they make it." and myself saying, "Well then look it up in the catalog." and then buying the part that he said they didn't make, um, I would have a lot of nickels.

Not a h.a.m.b. car, but I called a junk yard looking for a exhaust manifold for a 1988 S-10, and had to argue with the guy for what seemed like and hour about whether S-10s ever came with a 2.5L fuel injected banger.