Favorite one liners as told by gearheads

During my off road desert racing days dealing with blown engines ane broken trans, famous words from the builders "Wow never saw that before"

 

Keep it between the ditches

Objects In Mirror Are Losing

 

He doesn't know his axle from a hole in the ground.

The only substitute for cubic inches would be rectangular dollars.

Hold my beer, watch this...

YGBSM

 

"He's such a good welder he can weld up the crack of dawn".

(Crew chief to driver); "Get out there and twist her tail".

 

"if ain't broke, don't fix it"
"if it breaks, you found the weak link"

 

If it ain't broke fix it 'til it is. Origin unknown

While your grinden them gears I'll take a pound. JC

 

John Radu, my fabricator in the early 60's
said "he could weld anything but a broken heart and the crack of dawn"
I guess your welder is better

 

I've actually copied a few from the HAMB and saved them, unfortunately haven't kept info on who said them.

Why is an asp in the grass a snake, but a grasp of an ass is a goose?

Harder than woodpecker lips.

Harder that Chinese arithmetic.

The difference between Genius and Stupidity is that Genius has its limits!

My dad always said "dont hi-five someone for fu*kin up", Thats why theres fat chicks on the cheerlead squad now.

If I had a dog that looked like that, I would shave its ass and teach it to walk back wards.

"A fish rots from the head down . . . "

Nuttier than squirrel poop.

pumpin yogurt off the five knuckle shuffled piss pump

Shivering like a dog shittin' peach pits.

 

"Awd damn... I've been to 16 county fairs, 9 goat ropins and 6 skunk fuckins and never seen anything like that!" Jeff Haile

"See that kid over there? He is quick. In fact he got first AND third in a jackin' off contest." Lee Young

 

Hold this up while I move the jack. JC

 

as my ol granddad allways said ...'wa boy ! a 60 hp flatmotor,, won't pull a sick whore off the pot ".

 

You can move a frieght train with a washing machine motor if ya got enough gears. My grandad

 

I've got a 3/4 cam!

Hummm.... I've always wondered what ever happen to the other 1/4!

 

My Dad ustsa say : "You don`t have to be a chicken to tell if an egg is bad"

 

when your engine throws a rod you would say: "she has come her onions"

 

In the 90's we were in a hotel parking lot watching burn outs in a make shift water box...

when someone yelled to a guy in a new Grand National Buick...
"Hey Jackass pull that HAIR DRYER up here and lets see what she'll do"

but one of my favorites....
"Boys I'd mount that like a long haired dog, and break her down like a double barrel shot gun!"

 

I heard this on the radio yesterday:

"That girl has been on more laps than a napkin"

 

I don't think they were talkin' about a car.

 

"that's not gonna hurt too bad"

 

My dad used to say "get your foot out of the carburetor!"

 

Busier than a cat trying to cover up shit on a marble floor!

 

Bussier than a one legged man at an ass kickin' contest. Unknown

More moves than a cat. The 'Beaner

Stupidity should hurt. Clark (I think)

I'll meet you on the big end. Danny Kilcup

 

A little kid standing next to the makeshift water box at the traffic light at a big cruise in was holding a cardboard sign that said "SHOW US WHAT YOU'RE WORKING WITH". And darn near everybody did!

 

...beats walkin'.

 

"OOOoohhh! THAT"S gonna leave a mark!"

"If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed to be fixed anyway."

And my own... "Honey Baby Sweetheart!!! Have I told you lately how much I LOVE YOU!?!?!" about two seconds before I ask her for the checkbook so that I can buy another car, truck, tool, etc.....

 

An ex girlfriend about a flat tire she had "It's only flat on the bottom"

 

Horns broke...watch for finger!

a friend of mine used to call fat chicks "Scooter girls...cause they're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one"

Same friend used to say that it was good thing god didn't give men tits, cause we'd never get anything done.

 

From my father in law after I broke his truck, as he is marking the tach with indelible marker, "When it gets to here Shift!!"

 

Resulting in an efficacy exceeding the lubricious properties of feline excreta.

Me

 

I'll bring these booster cables back in 5 minutes!