Hot Rods Quotes to live by...

"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."

-Jerry Garcia

 

" You can avoid criticism by saying nothing, doing nothing and being nothing"

 

88.6% of all facts are made up on the spot.

 

"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
-Steven Wright

 

It is a well known fact that statistics can be turned into lies, but now we have the ability to organize them all on a spreadsheet.
Bob

 

"Hey Sonny, com'ere and pull my finger." said 75% of dads and 100% of all granddads.

 

it is better to be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and confirm it.

 

If you want a dirty deal get in with a church man.
- my grandmother

 

So I'm still wrenching at Snappy Joe's emporium of outrageous prices when our only repeat customer, a real crazy logger comes in *****ing about the tuneup I did on his beat to **** just OT Ford 1/2 ton PU. "You call yourself a mechanic, but that ****box won't pull a sick ***** off a slop jar since you tuned it up!" So I flopped around checking stuff. Next day he's back. After the third day we found out his A-hole brother's Chevy crewcab crummy had died on the way to the jobsite, which was about 60 miles into the bush. Seems a backyarder fixed the SBC 350 and it died again part way to the claim and so he hooked the 1/2 ton Ford to it and dragged it out to the worksite, with 6 loggers, chainsaws, cable etc and a small Cat blade in the back, on top of the Tidy Tank full of diesel. Towed it back to town after the day was over...Then the backyarder patched the 350 up some more but it died in about the same place the next day. So the Ford towed the whole shebang again. There was one hell of a long, steep hill on the way and the joke was that the Ford couldn't pull the whole godforsaken mess up the hill in second gear, so the tuneup was ****. And it was a 360. I ain't never seen a Ford farkled as bad as that poor old pickup was. One day the rad was leaking like a sieve when he limped it in. We all repaired to the Slippery Steak restaurant next door to hear him ***** about it. Snappy says "I can fix any rad" but our customer said "you ain't gonna fix this one, sport, it's been patched to death." When we pulled the rad it was obvious it was total trash, but Snappy said, "stand back you ****holes and watch this." He got out the torch and two roles of solder and when he was done he had virtually made a solder radiator. I swear it took both of us to lift that thing
back in the Ford. And, it didn't leak. Gawd help any moose he hit with that truck. I did enjoy going for coffee at the Slippery Steak with him, you could always tell when he liked any young lady that came in because he would whisper in his loud, booming voice "gawd I'd like to breed her!"

 

Had a funeral of a good friend.... asked another friend why he wasn’t there? He said “ why should I go to his??? He won’t come to mine!!
Bones

 

A friend told me he hated to attend Family Reunions, “It’ always the same people.”

 

My dad claimed it was about impossible to get them to pay back money owed, and businesses in general are already notorious "slow pay" to begin with.

 

I knew a guy that brought condoms to a family reunion.

 

Years ago I worked at a store and office ladies in billing department said watch out for the three P's...professors, physicians and preachers.

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Stupid people are like glow sticks, I want to snap them and shake the hell out of them until the light comes on.

Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you'll find a brain back there.

 

There's nothing wrong with ****** or nepotism as long as you keep it in the family.

 

Everybody gets a chance , friends get two ,family get three .

 

That's why it's called "Quotes to Live By"?

 

.....

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We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience. - Wayne Dyer

 

"Today's new and improved is tomorrow's junk."


...Thought of that years ago...

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Neighbor told me a good one yesterday. "You can't make chicken soup with chicken ****."

 

I’ve always liked this one “You’re arguing with yourself, and losing!”


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"You don't have a soul, you are a soul. You have a body."

Attributed to C.S. Lewis

That quote up there reminded me of this one

 

“Anyone who genuinely and consistently with both hands look for something, will find it.” -Rumi

 

Surely that depends on the change in question?

There is change-for-the-better and change-for-the-worse. Change as such, in the abstract, is academic.

 

If you had a feather up your ***, and I had a million bucks, we'd both be tickled!

 

Young men underestimate what they can do in the long run and overestimate what they can do in the short run.

 

Plan your work and then work your plan.