Get Between Your Kids And Drugs

I think thats a good bit of advice right there.

I don't care what Butt Reynolds says.....



I'll add to what Larry just wrote by saying that every good conversation starts with TELLING THE TRUTH.

We as people are stupid. We can't figure out anything. We can't do anything.
We are failures.

The only chance we have on earth is the TRUTH. (I ain't talking about religion here either).

I'm talking about simply telling the truth.

Whether its building a car, painting a picture, or getting someone off of drugs. The closer to the truth you get. The more you tell yourself the truth during the process....the more positive the outcome will be.

Want proof?

Look at the WRASSLER KUSTOM thread. That boy didn't tell himself the truth about that paintjob.

 

AMEN TINGLER

 

I am straightedge. I also have a very non-addictive personality. If I don't want to do something anymore and have made up my mind, I just don't do it. I am very lucky that way.

My dad i like that too, and he was a narc for several years before he retired from the RCMP. He told me the stories and everything, but I really didn't get it until I fell in love with an addict.

My recent ex used to have a powerful bad addition to Meth. She decided she wanted off after a bad car accident and resulting arrest. We worked very hard together while she worked through the withdrawl, and the cravings, spasms, pains, and all the other shit. It took about a year before she really was confident enough to say she was off Crystal.

No 12 step programs, or rehab. She wanted off, which was the hardest thing. She had to drop most of her friends since they were all drug users, and her old hangouts, and basically her entire old life. But she did it and has been clean for three years now. We could have never done this if she hadn't made the decision that she wanted off.

Sometimes, the most important thing an addict needs is someone who believes in them and loves them unconditionally. Someone they can draw strength from when they have none. Someone they can go too when the cravings start knawing at them.

If you are there for your stepson, that can make all the difference.

Just thinking about all we went through is making me tear up. We are still really good friends today even though we have broken up as a couple.

 

As a soon to be daddy, this thread really hits home for me too.

I'm 25, almost 26 living with an AMAZING woman who I am having a baby with. I've never tried smoking, I don't do drugs, and I crack open the occasional brewsi maybe once every 6 months.

I never did get caught up on drugs and stuff.. and I can site specifically the reason why I didn't. It's not that I was shown how horrible it can be at a young ago... it's not that I had parents who lectured and confined me... it's that my parents supported GOOD habits and stuff as I was growing up.

I think one of the strongest weapons against things like this when raising a child is getting them into something positive from an early age.

Should I have a boy OR a girl I can tell you this.... I will have a good little helping hand grabbing me tools and stuff while I am working on my cars and motorcycles from the time they are old enough to read a wrench!

My parents got me into BMX and skateboarding as a kid. We had talks about drugs and booze, but it wasn't the "don't do it" talks that most parents administer because they know what happens when you say "don't" to a pre-teen.... it was more of a "there's this stuff out there, and a lot of people are into it... but these people don't usually get anywhere in life. You're in a position where you can do anything with your life, and that won't help. Stick with the BMX and guitar, you'll be better off."

I plan to raise my kids the same way. Give them positive alternatives, make time to help support them in these alternatives, and prove to them that you don't NEED to do drugs and drink a bunch of booze to fit in.

Afterall, they say this is where problems like this start. Might as well nip it in the butt right away, right?

 

you sure you didnt mean to type 2400.00 and 1200.00??24k??jeez!! thats foolishly over priced!!but...im glad your willing to help...god bless ya fer it and your family...best of luck terry!!!

 

I see a wide range of people responding to this,thank you,everyone.I know there is cheaper Rehab but he will only try this once,I'm sure,and if it failed he would tell us he tried it and it didn't work.So we went with the best we could find.Guess that's why Cadillacs cost more than Kias.He knows this is his shot to get his life back.And yes,he has to get away from his loser friends!All your input is appreciated.

 

As a recovering cocaine addict I can feel you and your familys pain. I put the people who loved me through hell. Rehab saved my life, but not until I reached the point that I knew drugs were going to be the death of me. I went though a small fortune, lost my wife, kid and house. Cocaine addiction will make you do shit you never dreamed of. Early recovery is no cake walk but it was better than where I had been. I been clean since April 25th of 89.
Rehab was 10 grand then and worth twice the price to me. Still the success
rate is not very high. You have to want sobriety more than ANYTHING else in the world. That is the only way it works. It's got to be life or death. ANY thing else and you're still fair game to the disease. I pray for those still sick and suffering everyday. I hope for your family my prayers are answered.
Rodman

 

I'll pray..................................

 

5 years ago I had to kick my little brother out for useing dope! He had been living in the den I had built in my garage{known as the "rats nest"}and trying to stay clean.We told him he can stay as long as he kept trying.He stopped trying.We kicked him out. It hurt like hell,but not as bad as watching him kill himself slowly with this shit! We also could not let him drag down the rest of our family. He was angry about us doing exactly what we said we would if he didnt want help{He had slipped before and had re-doubled his efforts,so he was able to stay}After 5 years of "running" and several trips to the E.R. and four trips to the state hospital{He was in North Carolina during this time}He finally decided enough was enough.He got clean for a while off and on but never seemed to get really free for very long.His life fell apart to the point he finally called home again. This time HE WANTED to go to rehab!
Short story long, yesterday, I put him on a bus to Spokane and 30 days of inpatient plus 60 days of 1/2 way house rehab. He really wants it this time and I hope it sticks.
I my self have been clean and sober for 15 years so I am familier with addiction,alcoholism. I have my little bro' back for today,and I am happy about it. Tomorrow,???.
Iguess my rambling point is you have to be striaght edged about his and your own recovery. If he really wants help, give it to him. If he doesnt,then you need to take care of your own and cut him lose . Some of us have to die so the rest of us can learn to live. Sad fact but true.
best of luck,and prayers to you
R.R.

 

Having smoked cigarettes for 20 years before I got mad enough to quit. I know how bad that felt for about the first week, then it just kept getting better. That was almost 10 years ago & I still dream at night sometimes that I am smoking so I guess the mental craving never really goes away. I can only presume the intensified hell these people get themselves into with the bad drugs! Gary 4T950 Chevy Guy

 

thats a damn good idea, I'm a fairly new dad (11 months) and think about this crap often, I as well grew up not touching the illegals ended up making something of myself and leaving the shithole town I grew up in, advancing while all my "friends" stayed in the same rut.....I havent talked to them since and prob wont, just turned down my 15 year reunion, I have no desire to see these idiots....I was always the one working on my car during lunch while they were off getting high....

 

I don't have anything to offer except best wishes and good luck. I hope this story has a happy ending some day.

 

BRAVO Tingler!!
My biggest problem now is telling the truth. Most don't want to hear it, but it sets you free...

Does Butt Reynolds ever say anything good??

Spoons

 

There is something FISHY going on in what you are doing.
It is really rare these days to have anyone addicted to COKE!
Most people are TWEEKERS which is METH.
Unless he is smoking CRACK, which is dirty coke.

(Coke is way expensive, even in NY)

For 24G's, I hope you at least get a copy of a DRUG TEST!
The two drugs are not the same,
and will require two different treatments.

If you don't know 100% what your doing,
then the 30 days may be wasted.
Hardcore tweekers can stay up for 3 or 7 days,
and sleep for one and do it again.

Good luck anyway!

TP

 

I'm not an expert, but I have been to rehab in '91 for booze(it was outpatient though, under a grand). Inpatient is expensive, 24 grand sounds about right. It helped me, I've been clean and sober ever since.

Most rehabs are based on the 12 steps, and you're expected to continue to attend 12 step meetings after you're discharged as part of your recovery. Those meetings are free(well you can donate a buck or two towards rent/coffee if you have it).

Rehab is controversial even in the recovery community, there are lots of opinions. I say to each his own.

Ultimately it's up to your stepson. Once he goes to rehab they'll give him the tools to stay sober, but it's up to him to use 'em. Nobody can do it for him.

As you've discovered, the relapse rate for addicts and alcoholics is very high. Most never recover. That said, if I can do it, anybody can. It just takes hard work.

There's a cliche saying, but it's true, that 'you can't make someone drink, and you can't make them get sober'.

Best of luck, and if anyone wants to PM me, I'll do my best to answer any questions.

 

me being 17 if i didnt have cars and the influence of older friends then i would be on drugs and all that stupid shit meth is big in this area but im proud to say ive never even smoked a ciggaratte or pot not any of it ive been into cars for as long as i can remember its sounds crazy a 17yr old to be so sure about something but i am i get my rushes off of doing work on my car or learnng stuff old timers dont know my parents are proud that i have this in my life and how fast ive picked it up...i dont mean to bore you all but i happy where im at and i to think cars can save lives me bein 17 most guys my age could care less bout a V8 they want a pissed off weed wacker motor so my friends range 18 to 56 mostly 20s but my good friend josh shaw is like my hero all the stuff he knows and all that and he got there by cars not drugs i strive for more (knowlege?) about the life i live...sry i got carried away but i really hope it gets worked out ok well ive had to cousins one on meth and he went to rehab and is back on it with 4 daughters its terrible and then my other heroin my dad and his and friends got between him and the drugs thats the best way to go i think....good luck stay strong

 

This may tick you off a bit to hear, but personally, I believe you are enabling more than helping. Rehab should be paid by the client and not the client's family. It is a "feel good' thing that seldom works out in the least, but makes you feel as if you have done something worthwhile for the effort. What you have actually done is to have set the fellow up once again. You have strenthened his addictive personality of taking advantage. Sounds harsh, but having worked in drug and alcohol programs for years, I can tell you I am more right than you are. You will go deeper into debt, and chances are wonderfully great that not one red cent of your money was well spent, in reality.

The cost of the rehab is not all that out of line. Many cost much more. Forget about the success rate as a true indicator of squat, as the numbers are easily manipulated, and often not accurate in the first place. The bottom line is that the person has to assume responsibility and accountability. It is something tha few can do, once addicted.

I don't subscribe at all that the reason is some past trauma that they could not handle. I believe that a lack of parental support is a major factor, but escape is a big factor as well. It is easier to escape reality than to deal with it in a head on manner. Ease of finding addictive substances is also a big part of the problem, just as the way we now view addiction in the movies, on television, and in our lives. One addiction frequently leads to another, but there as many theories as there are stories about addiction. None are pretty, in reality. It also depends upon what you are addicted to, but once the substance has a hold on you, your thoughts of family, friends and relatives are changed forever.

Most family members know very little about dealing with a drug abuser. You mention that he had been addicted for years. Then equate it to a car that has not had the oil changed for years. Wouldn't you blame an engine failure on poor maintenance? Well, parental support was certainly lacking, although it, in and of itself, is no real answer to the question.

Point him to the location for help. Don't be fooled into thinking that some doctor or rehab center is going to be the majic cure for his addiction. He is his own majic cure, in reality. 12 step programs are not the total answer for the problem. Actually, they are little better than the tough love approcah of the 70's. Try to use that approach today and you would be laughed out of the business. 12 step helps in some manner, but don't be surprised at all to find that many of the counselers for such programs are willing to talk about their addictions, but fail the client in listening to him about his. Water cooler talk is about last night's meeting or last week's meeting. After a bit, many counselors are caught up in the drug lifestyle and forget there is more to life than just talk about last week's AA meeting or such.

Get knowledgable about how to deal with someone who is addicted. Don't let your good intentions or heart decide where you should spend your money. Don't let guilt be the factor in you going bankrupt to try to save someone who will pull you and your family down in a heartbeat. Their addiction does not let them view what they do to others in the same manner that you and I may view it. Forget about blame. It does not matter if the addiction was the result of poor parenting support, a bad environment, trauma or whaterve. The truth is that you have a person with a problem now. The problem is his. Are you willing to ruin your life to make it yours? Most people do just that, but few reap the benefits of their efforts having been well received or rewarded.

Again, I say the problem is the individuals, and you are enabling to do more than to offer the path to rehab. Paying for it in any manner just helps show him that there is always an escape or an out. He does not have to work at it, as his family always provides it for him.

AA has a poor success rate, as does most drug/alcohol rehab programs, but comparred to CPR (pumping on the old chest to get the heart to respond), they are stellar. Yet CPR is touted as the best thing in the world for a heart attack. Drug programs are not cheap. Doctors have long since learned that they can bill fortunes for the service as it is a cash cow that keeps on giving to their piggy banks, and provide minimal service at that. Insurance companies have gotten on the bandwagon as well. It is hard to tell a good program from a worthless one, and the fish pond is loaded with both.

It is hard to be called an enabler, but it is something that you had best look up and find out about before you sink your money in a debt pool. Accountability and responsibility are not just things that the addicted person has to own up to. Family and friends always have the "someone must save them or they will die" thoughts running through their minds, but you have to assess how it impacts you and your family before getting on the savior bandwagon. Again, direct him to the resources that will help him, but back off from paying for it yourself. Otherwise, don't be too surprised when he bailes from the program, has a relapse, fails the program, tells you it was shit and that they did not help him at all, convinces you to pay again when he tries at another rehab program in the future.

He is not a child, but you are treating him as such by paying his bill for him. He is not helpless, but will have no remorse in the least in making you feel otherwise. He is not presently accountable of responsible, but those attributes are within his reach if he wants to take the first step in obtaining them. You have to show him the same thing, by also taking the first step in being responsible for your own life. Go ahead and pay for his treatment and you will find out quickly that you were duped by your own need to feel you tried to save him. You have to address your own needs before you can address his.

Not what you wanted to hear, but I'll bet a dollar to a donut that it is correct. I'll also bet you fall into the category of the person who puts their own family into debt and misery to feel better as if they tried their best to help the addicted person. It is hard to not do that. I don't fault you for it, but I also claim there is very little success rate in doing that.
Just my take on it though.
Huey

 

The cost of rehab is cheap compared to the combined cost of the addiction. I have been addicted to about everything that hit the streets since the 60s.
Rehab will give him only one tool in the fight and he will have to work the rest out himself. Ive been straight since 89. I did it more for my younger brother then for myself out of guilt. In the late 60s we used to get him stoned because it was funny and cute to see the little kids wasted. I thought if he would see that I went straight that it would make it easy-er for him. It didn't work. He died at 49 with complications from cirrhosis, hepatitis B and C.
The only way I could get straight was total disassociation. I moved out of state and forgot about all my old friends and relationships. I don't think you can quit drugs without changing your whole environment. He may have to pack up his family and start all over somewhere else. If he has to take a $200 a week pay cut but is not spending $300 on coke he is still ahead of the game. Not to mention that he will be giving his children a better chance of making it in life because addicts bread addicts. Good luck and take care

 

I think you have hit upon some of the best, though the least touted, methods of drug prevention ever known. Positive role modeling, positive values, positive and sincere praise, real interest in the kiddo's life at all points, and a sincerity in talking with kids instead of talking down to them. Expectations and moral support go a long way, but you hit upon most of the things that are important to keeping a good kid from doing stupidly bad things. Does it work in all cases? One never knows, but the success rate is probably greater than anything else happening in the world.

In the 60's I played in a rock band. Somehow I missed the drug use, the alcohol use and the other things that were so popular with those who played in clubs, beer joints, and such. I wasn't sheltered from it, as it was all around me for years, but somehow I just did not endulge and get addicted. Almost all of my buddies from those days have had multiple marriages, ruined lives, fought addictions to alcohol or drugs, committed suicide, had drug addicted babies and raised babies that ultimately became as drug addicted as the parents were. Somehow I was spared that sort of thing, and I think that it was probably some of what you mentioned that was the key. I was blessed with three children, myself, and none have had the problems that are so frequent in today's society. Indeed, I have been blessed. Additionally, my wife comes from a family with the same values instilled by her parents. Still, we have neices and family members who have been touched by drugs and alcohol, so I can't say no family will ever be safe from that, as if all of the above is a sure thing towards never having a drug/alcohol problem. It is just a good starting point or springboard in life.

Thanks for the story you shared,
Huey

 

Values??
I was raised well, taught well, and knew better.. But I did it anyway. There is a Personal problem or demon that he is trying to escape, That's why we use. Whatever it is, ( Divorced parents, substance abuse, etc.), will have to be addressed openly.. Work a 12 step program, get a sponser, and importantly ASK for Help.
I can't see where a Rehab center is going to "fix" the problem in 30-60 days. This problem has been going on for a long time and can't be fixed that fast.
I applaud your efforts for trying to help ( financially and spiritially ).. Try going to a Al-A-Non meeting and get a little insight to the addiction process, That will help also..

Godspeed and a Prayer,
Spoons


Huey....Unless you've been there, You don't really have a clue, do you?? I do agree with the enabling part though..

 

I both feel sorry for your problem, and hope I never have to undergo it with my son, but I must be an asshole right now.

I get my ball BUSTED for every little OFF TOPIC post I put up. I have ignored this for long enough! This is completely off topic, and shouldn't have been posted to begin with. Keep on topic please!!!

I could have been nice and not said anything, but nobody ever does that for me or any other new guy, so, F. U. ALL!!!

 

What was your point in your rant, Joe??

Spoons

 

It was pretty obvious. This whole thread is OFF TOPIC!
Do you want me to write it in Crayon for you?

 

Sure.. I'm game

 

Joe has a point.