This appeared on the HAMB a long time ago. It's still the funniest thing I've ever read online. Ok. For all you newbies who don't know about the "poo grinder". Here it is. It took some searching to find. Easily the funniest thing I've ever read on the HAMB. on 01-24-2002 @ 06:46 PM You know that feeling 'cause you tinker with cars you think you can fix anything? Well sometimes you better not try, here's why: I live in an old house from the twenties with originally just one toilet, outside, where you take a crap right into the sceptic tank, somewhere down the line whoever lived here got sick of his ass freezing to the toilet seat in winter and they installed a bathroom on the second floor. Unfortunately they cut a few corners and instead of running a big pipe up to the second floor to dispose of turds they installed a 'brouilleur": one of those big blenders behind the toilet bowl so they can run the chopped turds down the little sink-drain pipes. Dunno if you have those things over there, they're kinda comparable to those blenders you Americans have in your kitchen sinks. Anyway, our "brouilleur" has been acting up for months, it just kept on going, normally it shuts itself off 30 seconds after you flushed, first it became a minute, then it just wouldn't shut off at all. So what we do is take a crap, flush, wait 30 seconds then pull the plug. Been going on like that for weeks, so today I finally get my courage together to do the dreaded job of checking out the shit-caked brouilleur box. It's a white plastic box that sits right behind the toilet bowl and out the top comes a small pipe that dissapears into the wall. It only took a couple of minutes to unhook it, and without getting too much shit on my hands. I take the lid of to be greeted by the most horendous sight ever, tubes and mechanisms with a nice old layer of shit in all shades of brown over 'em. Take the thing downstairs and outside and pour it's contents over the fence (no neighbours) then take it into the garage and put it in the sink. I can't see anything, first of all 'cause I can only look at it why holding my breath (me, a smoker, 10 seconds), secondly 'cause you can't see anything other then shit in the shape of machinery. Logic tells me the mechanism probably shuts off and on with the level of water/piss/sheit in the box. So I decide to plug it in and run water from the tap in it to see what happens. It fills up, and up, and up when all of a sudden the thing starts mixing, and, remember the pipe coming OUT THE TOP, and THE LID BEING OFF????? There was a fountain of shit coming out of that thing all the way to the ceiling!!!! Of course most of it caught me on it's way back down, it was horrendous, I was shitman, the white T-shirt didn't help either, in my hair, fuck, everywhere... The missus is still laughing, and I've just spent two hours in bath, changing the water 3 times..... So, my guess is it is a brouilleur!
Now, who didn't see that crap coming? I paid extra money to get modern plumbing... Then I pay a plumber when it doesn't work like its suppose to. I can get myself into enough messes, some messes I just don't feel the need to experience. Its not so much a matter of IF I can fix it, its more like I don't WANT to fix it. That is one of the reasons I work to earn money, so some things I don't WANT to fix, I don't have to mess with.
Yah, that one still brings tears to the eyes. Was some good writing on the old hanb... 'Nuther one, which I can't find, was a true tale told by a fellow I bought a camera off of yrs ago, who was lactose-intolerant. Ego, friends' snide comments, & indulgence led to some rather humorous events ending in the bathroom stall. Wasn't as funny for the janitor, though... ;D... Sure do wish I could find that one, was on some corvette forum yrs ago(I only went there to read the Tale, as told by the camera-seller). Marcus...
Christian's plumbing story is one I cannot forget, one of those events where I laugh, only because I know I could do the same. #Iwanaflattie had a similar story that goes through my head every time I pick up a rattle can: " on unclogging clogged cans of paint": Yes. So this is what I did: One summer morning,i was working on a few things all at once. I was building a tiny 4×6 flatbed utility trailer out of a 1935 chevy axle. All it needed was the 2x8 boards cut. At the same time I was trying to dissmount about 10 tires out of their wheels with my little HF manual tire changer that I bolted to the floor. I was working on one floor with tires scattered around me. When this particular 17.5 big ass wheel/tire got to hard to dissmount,I was so angry and frustrated that i pulled the grinder and cutoff wheel and started to cut the tire off. What a fucking,hot dirty mess that was! Unsuccessful,i threw everything on the ground and quit. Hot and sweaty,black rubber dust in my face and hair,tripping over tires... I was Red Green on meth. I decided to at least prime the damed trailer before taking a shower and drink more beer. I knew I had 2 cans of rustoleum Rusty red primer on a shelf that I bought like 6 months before that I didnt used. I went hunting for them and found them where I left them,how lucky. I pulled my Makita Reciprocating saw with the "special" rattle can shaker blade(idea stolen from the HAMB) I proceeded to angrily shake the shit out of them for around 10mins each. Finally locked and loaded with 1 spray bomb in each hand,I began to prime the rails. .....the pos cans were clogged!! .....both of them. I tried changing tips,I cleaned the tips with laquer thinner,i tried to shake them but no cigar. One the cans fell and the tip broke inside the can..oh that was it!!! I took a screw and tried to fish that little pos broken plastic tubbing with no avail. So Out comes the battery powered drill with an 1/8" drill bit to carefully dig the remaining plastic tubbing that way I could just insert a new tip and try to prime the stupid frame. I was carefully drilling that plastic out when I went in a microshittymeter too deep and the can with all its might,shot a cold,cloggy stream of paint directly to my face. I put my finger on the hole as hard as I could but I was blinded by paint so I tripped on a tire,caught my self then backed out and stepped on a wheel hole,my boot got stuck,fell on my ass while holding a paint grenade with one hand trying not call for help. Finally the paint dried in one eye that I could see. It got in my eyes. It got in my fucking teeth,my hair,my neck!!!ohhh it was a mess!! But now I had in my hand a new years bottle of champagne just gooshing out a fountain of shit brown primer.. And thats how I primed my trailer,with an uncontrollable stream of shitbown primer,as if my trailer had won a formula1 and i was showering it with champagne. Hell,Im not about to waste a good can of primer when the closest HD is 120 miles away.... ....but wait,theres more!!! Remember I had TWO of these shit cans? Well the same thing happend with the second one...except,i knew what i was about to endure." Cheers, Harv
Hahaaa, Reminds me of the time my Mom Stepdad were having issues with the septic system. Well Step Dad "Bud" pops the cap off to have a look & all you see is a shotgun of shit explode in his face. It was funny as hell to everyone but him... I think that's the last time he's messed with the septic system.
Thanks for reposting these wonderful wits. Still funny all after all these yrs. Any more? I think one of the reasons why, other than the well-written venting of frustration, is the level of detail - allowing the reader to visualize the event. Over and over, as needed. . Well done, boys. Well done. Marcus...
Man Hippo Boat rescue popped in my mind too ! Also the "I'm into cars not Grammar" thread that went off the rails. Don't remember what it was about, but it devolved into a photoshopped image of Liberace in a Belly Tanker, a hamb plaque and a bunch of Gold Chains. With the header "Cars not grammar" or some such. Man I've been looking for that photo for years.
Well, that triggered the "What should I name my car club?" memory! You now owe me one internet point!
Anyone recall the rude boys? That was some great old HAMB. Or the Fecals the Clown posts? sorry can't find the threads on my limited phone searching.
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