O/T - There but for the Grace of God go I

Asking for advice:

As you probably know, Detroit's economy ain't so good right now. Folks are getting laid off left and right, and there are vacant houses not all that far from where I live - less than a mile or so.

Anyway, I hadn't heard from a buddy of mine in several weeks. This is unusual, we talk about once a week. we've been friends since high school, we raced together, built cars together, he was the best man at my wedding. Anyway, I call his cell phone - disconnected. I email - I get a bounce back that he don't work there anymore.

He's in his mid 40's (like me) an engineer (like me) a wife and two daughters (like me) and he's prolly sittin' at home, deeply depressed with few prospects for employment. He won't be able to sell his house and move (nothin's sellin' here) so I'm pretty sure he feels trapped.

I want to help him - somehow - but I don't even know how to start the 'yeah, I heard' discussion without hurting his pride more than it's already been hit. I'm afraid to call him during the day, but I don't want to have a discussion with him in front of his wife, either!

You guys have any thoughts?

 

Waiting doesnt help, if you feel you need to do something DO IT now and dont think about. You will loose your blessing if you wait.
Danny

 

Give him a call and tell him you need help in the garage.
Thats where you guys can bear your souls. Buy lots of beer.
Sounds like he ought to cut his losses and get out of Dodge regardless of how much he will be put back.
I've lost four jobs by layoffs. True survivors never ever quit.
Just give him the quick kick in the pants he needs. Good luck

 

First off I would find some who can rent your houses so you have some income to pay for the house so you can get out of dodge to another state . To find work.My brother-inlaw ran in to the same problem.Rented his house to leave town .Found a job rented a house till he sold his house and is doing just fine now .He has done this like three time. Don't wait you get deeper in debt.

 

Friends don't need excuses.. just call him. I have 2 friends, that have been my best friends for the past 30 years, since 6th grade. We've lived, fought, fucked and raced against and with each other the whole time. I wouldn't think twice about calling either of their asses in a heart beat and they wouldn't hesitate either. Call him and go have that beer. It'll mean the world to him.

 

Get a 6-pack of his favorite beer/pop and go over his house after he would normally come home from work.

When I don't call my best friend for a week, he leaves the "why you bein' a phone dick?" message on my machine and I have to buy the first round. If I don't call for two weeks, he on my doorstep.

 

Just stop by his house, you were "in the neighborhood". He needs your support more then ever now.

 

WE need 400 employees NOW. Sealy Texas. Homes sell for half of what they want up there. Golf all year around. Come on, I'll split the finders fee with you.

THIS IS A SERIOUS POST. No chit. This is a real job offer.

 

Yeah, what everyone else has said!
Good luck. I did not think Detroit was fairing so badly lately.
I am from Michigan, escaped years ago. I had heard Detroit was on an upswing, guess that just the press's pipe dream.

Fuck NAFTA
Duane

 

Just be there for him, and listen. To many people like to talk when all they really need to do is be there and listen.

I had moved away from my life long friend when he hit hard times. We talked over the phone a lot and I could tell he was hurting but he wouldn't ask for any help. I was in a position to get them both jobs then I moved them in for 3 months and then helped them get thier own place once they had some cash saved up again. 13 years later and all is still well for him. Our friendship is at 40 years and counting.

 

I used to live in the same town as a good friend of mine. My job took me 500 miles away. This was 25 years ago...

We are stronger friends today and still phone each other at least once a week, simply because we each take the time to talk to each other, no matter what the circumstances. Give him a call or better yet--as suggested above--go see him.

 

Richard D has told me in the past the if you are an engineer there is work in Texas. Maybe you could PM him. Honestly like said above,. put the house up for half what it is "worth" up there and someone will buy it pretty quick. Then go to Texas and buy twice the house for what money you have. I'm going from Mass to Indiana right now and selling my house a bit below market to stir interest because Indiana is so cheap compared to here.

Good luck. I'll say a prayer for your buddy.

 

Go, and go now. He hasn't been on your mind for nothing. In times like this, people don't remember what you say, they remember that you cared.

 

53sled and myself used to live a few blocks from each other hell we were in the same frat together now he lives back in kansas city and i'm still here in pittsburg, ks (about 2 - 2 1/2 hours to his house)but we talk every friday and sometimes more. if i knew something like that had happened to him i'd be there in a minute. hell that's what friends are for. you don't get to pick your family but you can pick your friends, don't let stupid shit like pride get in the way of that.

 

Just treat him like there's nothing wrong. Let him talk, if he wants to. Even if he's a "real man" who doesn't normally talk about his feelings, I'm sure he's scared as hell about what's going to happen to him and his family in the future (especially in a high unemployment area) and needs an ear to listen. Take him out to lunch or for a beer or something. Just let him be the first to talk about it. Don't treat him like he's dying, he's just unemployed. I got put in his position this spring, and luckly I wasn't the main bread winner, so I have become a stay-at-home dad at least for now. It cut back on our spending, but has given me alot different perspective on my wife and kids!

 

My company in Livonia is hiring. Might not start out where he'd like to be BUT I'm making more then DOUBLE what I was 4 years ago when I started. HUGE room for advancments in in this company PLUS the bennies are AWESOME.

http://www.mybrighthouse.com/about_us/careers.aspx

 

According to the feds at Bureau of Labor Statistics, the need for engineers is still growing--so if your city is full of unemployed engineers, like everyone above is saying, it's time for him to hit the road to elsewhere and just consider the house something to be cashed in for whatever it can bring. Put the house on the market for the coming spring, leave the family to finish out the school year, and go look for a place with too few engineers living in it!

 

And go talk with him no matter what--go to his house, invite him out for something, whatever you think will work. The inside of his head is probably going around in circles like a mouse trpped in a box, and he needs to talk to someone who can see beyond the box!

 

Don't wait around, hell get your ass over there, even if it means takin a day off work. It will be well worth it. the number of friends I have I can count on one hand. I have 100's of aquanitences, but I only have a few friends I trust my life with. I talk with them on a daily or weekly basis, just depends how busy we all are. We usually end up leave V-mails to one another untill we catch one on the phone. If not V-Mail the E-mail(though you said his was not working anymore). I say take ur happy ass over there and go fro a cruise get things out in the open, hell even if it means openin up your house to him. I have done that on more than one occassion with my friends/family. Make sure you know he knows you are there for him and his family.

As for jobs, hell yeah Texas has a ton of jobs, and there is a toyota plant in San Antonio, who I believe is still taking apps. From what I have heard, they have gotten an OK to expand already.

As for those job openings in Sealy, Texas, is there a website. what are you guys hiring for?

Good luck with your friend.

 

The correct answers are already posted. You know your friend and his ways. If you never have had a conversation of this sort with someone , it can be challenging to initiate the meeting because your unsure of the right things to ask or say. Your opening statement needs to be well thought out and possibly scripted to be most effective. Dont be afraid to share a difficulty you have expierienced as it may be what is needed to open the door.

Express your concern about him and his family and let him know that your there for them . Ask the question;" Whats the most important thing we should be talking about today?" and wait for his response.
There was a book published several years ago called "Fierce Conversations" by Susan Scott. It may be helpful in providing you with the direction needed. There is a web site www.fierceconversations.com . I know that theres not time to read a book in this situation but this information is helpfull when these issues arise. I expierienced a similar situation with a friend over 10 years ago and wish I had this information in this book. It would have made a tremendous difference in the outcome of the situation.

Trust your heart and instinct , They will help you find the right course.

Best regards

Larry

 

this is all really good advice, thanks!

The guy is real closed about his feelings - always has been. Having been inna similar situation once, I want to give him the opportunity to talk and accept some form of assistance.

FWIW - I had a friend approach me a couple of months ago; the company he worked for at the time was on the rocks and he hadn't been paid in over a month. Four kids. He now sits about 20 feet away from me; doin' a great job and happy to have the opportunity to earn a living. I can't get my buddy a job here as his area of expertise is different than what we do...

Michigan is near the top of the heap in unemployment; the Metro Detroit area is creeping up on double digit unemployment rates. When you're young (in your 20's-30's) it's easy to pull up and go elsewhere; as you get older, it gets a bit harder. 45 is an odd age; if you're not a tradesman or a senior manager, you're hard pressed to find a job makin' the money you've gotten used to.

It's the sorta thing that keeps us middle aged guys awake at night.

 

I work for Boeing in So. Cal. and they are clearing out half of our building to make room for some of the 400 engineers they say they need here and in Seattle. Our Sr. Manager has BS sessions with the troops every three mos. and he has been saying for over a year that they cannot find enough qualified engineers. I don't know specifically what disciplines they are looking for. Ya, i know that So. Cal. and Seattle are not cheap places to live but the benefits package is pretty killer.

 

We need engineers here in Orlando, too. Mechanical (esp w/solidworks exp), electrical, RF (Zigbee and/or digital radio exp).

I've heard that places in the upper midwest were sucking, but they are boomin in the South. Hard to find qualified people sometimes. right now I need draftsmen (or is that drafts-persons?)

 

Go before it is too late, extreme times often garner extreme actions. A bunch of steel plants closed around here, I don't even want to tell you about the suicide rates. I'm not telling you this to scare you, just to get you off the computer and over to his doorstep.

 

Damnright. Even though there are options out in the world, he is trapped and desperate til he sees them; job gone, no similar jobs in his known world, and house now just a trap too. He need help in getting his periscope up and in letting go of what would seem a hopeless area and hopeless house for his current situation. Maybe he needs tech help, too--lots of people simply don't know how to go about looking for jobs outside their known universe, or how to assess and present their own skills outside of the job they knew.

 

Get off your dead ass and go see him. When I lost my job and nearly everything else 3 years ago no one called, or came by. Life was shit, now those assholes are comming around again, to try and get me to build shit for 'em.

They can all kiss my ragged ass.

Ya want your buddy to feel the same way???

 

Pork - it's not a dead ass, it's merely a flat,saggy, middle-aged one!

And yes - by the time y'all had posted, I was there and back.

I was rollin' up to his house in Lucy the Chrysler chanting to myself...

'his car's not gonna be there.'

Got in view - damn. there it was.

We've known each other a loong time; my arrival mid-day eliminated the awkard intro. I knew; he knew I knew - that was enough.

We shot the shit for about an hour and a half; he's working part-time at his wife's family's restaurant to help make ends meet - and prevent himself from dippin' into his emergency cash. Fortunately, he saw this coming, and has enough jing saved up to last a while. If he can't find alternate work here in Michigan by spring of '07, then he'll pull up stakes and start over somewhere else.

There was a point in time when the Detroit Metro area had THE highest living standard of anywhere in the world - along with free health care and a killer pension. Those days are long gone - and they ain't comin' back.

Thanks for the advice, all...it you were right. I did need to see him directly; while I was there the phone rang several times - he didn't pick up. He'd been meaning to call, but couldn't work up the nerve.

 

I'm not saying this is your friends situation so don't take this the wrong way BUT this is a lesson that alot of people can learn from.....living beyond your means. (edit: I KNOW this isn't your friends situation now cuz I've just read your ^ reply but I'm not deleting what I wrote cuz it's what popped into my head as I was reading all the other responses)

Lots of folks are just a paycheck or two way from being homeless and thats a scary thought especially when children are involved. Folks nowdays think nothing of having a leased car payment OR TWO, huge houses with payments that go along with them, the finest furniture, the latest style designer clothing, private schools for the kiddies, etc, AND NO SAVINGS because they spend every dime they make each month.

Most folks don't plan for a job loss or death of a working spouse. WAKE UP FOLKS! Get your shit together now and PLAN for the unexpected. I believe the "experts" suggest a family have 6 months of living expenses at their immediant disposable, most folks don't even have one! And statistics show lots of folks spend MORE each month then they actually make.

OK, I'll step of the soapbox now.

 

Got a girl that works in the dept my wife works in and today they were forclosing on her house. She didnt make the payment every month is single bought a 4x4 pickup she didnt need and tried to get out on workmans comp . Still bought stupid shit like a purse for 60 bucks. I told my wife oh well .. I dont feel a bit sorry for her. Sue said she had been at work and crying all day. She tried to get her 401k money to save her house but waited too long then didnt follow up thru the plant just whined.. Again oh well... Tuff shit. I feel sorry for the people with brains that actually use em ..
Dave

 

What Soapbox?