TOOL DEFINITIONS: * DRILL PRESS A Tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer (or Pepsi) across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying. * WIRE WHEEL Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say "SH**!!!" * ELECTRIC HAND DRILL Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. * PLIERS Used to round off Hexagonal bolt heads * HACKSAW One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle: It transforms human energy into a crooked unpredictable motion, and to more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal you future becomes. * VISE GRIP PLIERS Used to round off bolt heads (see pliers above). If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. * OXYACETYLENE TORCH Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in you shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a wheel hub you're trying to get the bearing race out of. * WHITWORTH SOCKETS once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or ½ inch socket you've been searching for, the last 15 minutes. * HYDRALUIC FLOOR JACK Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed you new disk brake pads, trapping the handle firmly under the bumper. * EIGHT-FOOT DOUGLAS FIR 4x4 Used to attempt to lever an automobile up off a hydraulic jack handle. * TWEEZERS A tool for removing splinters from the palm of your hand. (especially Douglas fir!) * TELEPHONE Tool for calling you neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. * $10 SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER Useful as a sandwich too for spreading peanut butter or mayonnaise; used also for removing dog crap from your boots. * E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR a specialized tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit. * TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of bolts and fuel lines you forgot to disconnect. * CRAFTSMAN ½ x 16" SCREWDRIVER A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicable has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle. * AVIATION METAL SNIPS.............(see hacksaw) * TROUBLE LIGHT The home builders personal tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop-light; it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40 watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105 mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. * PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and -tin oil cans and squirt oil on your shirt; can also be used (as the name implies) to round off the interiors of Phillips screw heads. * AIR COMPRESSOR A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 70 years ago by someone at Ford, and rounds them off. * PRY BAR A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. * HOSE CUTTER A tool used to cut hoses ½ inch too short. * HAMMER originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer now- a -days is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. * MECHANIC'S KNIFE Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to you front door. Works very well on boxes containing upholstered item, chrome-plated metal, and plastic parts.
This is like the 20th time this has been posted in the last few years... You win a carboard cookie and a glass of air for your effort...
Don't forget the normal duty flat tip screwdriver. Most useful tool in the shop. A: Used as an oil filter wrench by poking it thru the side of the oil filter to give you a handle to twist off that "finger tight" filter put on by a 600 lb gorrila at the last oil change. B: Used as a handy nut bolt and screw magnet after you've accidentally arced it and yourself accross the battery, generator or starter terminals to ground a few times. C: Great paint can opener and paint stir stick D: Alternator/generator belt tension tester. Pry on the alternator till the screwdriver bends and tighten the bolts. E: Door opener. Used by us here in the north as an ice pick to chip the ice from the bottom of the garage door so we can get it open. A hammer helps make the tool more useful here. F: Also used for screws. Remember that stripped phillips head screw above? You can use this with a hammer to chisel off that screw head and permanantly scar your part. G: Gets the doggie-doo out of your boot treads. H: Fuse tester. Use screwdriver to short circuit to ground. If you hear a pop and see a flash of light in the fuse box you can rest assured the fuse WAS good. I: Great for diabetics blood testing as you're almost guaranteed to draw blood every time you pick one of these up. No idea why they named it a screwdriver, but it's a great all around tool to have in the shop.
For those of you that missed it: http://www.jalopyjournal.com/forum/showthread.php?t=73915&highlight=tool+definitions and another one: http://www.jalopyjournal.com/forum/showthread.php?t=74293&highlight=tool+definitions
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