Hypocrite..how do you tell your son Not

You are just being protective,responsible parenting..how do you tell your son Not to go out street racing, burn some rubber, spin some doughnuts, drink some beer, smoke some pot, chase girls till you get one half naked in your backseat? How do you tell them not to do that when you had so much fun doing it? You think of friends that got into trouble, went to prison, died, etc. you want your son to be one of the lucky ones,like you, but it seems like such a chance to take..this parenting ain't easy, makes you have greater respect for yours, putting up with some of the **** you pulled..Ahh, I gotta go out in the garage and de-tune the kids car...

 

our son heard about & seen some of the **** his mom & i did. what can i say, we have a great realationship & never hid anything from him.
so basicly i told him that everything he has done, will do & even thought about doing i did at least twice & if i liked it i did it again.

BUT i also told his i was the PERFECT EXAMPLE of what NOT to do & learn from mine ( & his mom's) mistakes.

they're going to do whatever the **** they want to do, just like the rest of us did when we were younger. all we can do is give them the info & hope they listen & learn from it....joe

 

My boy is only 1yr old and I have started praying already.........

 

raising kids is too hard. that's why i sold all of mine for car parts. really.

 

You tell em and hope it sticks...hope for the best

Good luck

 

better yet...you have all these talks while wrenching away

 

My dad had his share of drinking and racing and all that ****, but me (who is only 16) i decide to play it safe and not put myself or my cars in danger, guess i have respect for things.

 

like TooMany said, be honest that you did as a teen and it wasn't the right thing to do and for your kid/s to learn from you. you can't tell your kid to not do something because they'll go out and do it anyway, the more you say they can't smoke pot the more they want to. so, just talk to them about drugs, alcohol, driving like an idiot, etc, etc and the consequences that come with it and hopefully they're smart enough to make the best decisions. i don't have kids nor do i want any but if i did and they were arrested for underage drinking for example, i wouldn't bail them out nor should any other parents with their own kids.

 

Truthfully, I have no great answer. I took my daughter to bars by the time she was 17, bought her drinks, we smoked weed together and I was not a good teacher of moral conduct if you get my drift.. My convoluted thinking then was that at least she was with me. It was 100% wrong and I'm ashamed to admit this. She'd had an unorthodox upbringing to begin with. Her babysitters were occasionally 3 patchers (trustworthy friends and our neighbors) while I worked. My mom was a subs***ute teacher and couldn't always take care of her. These dudes did the right thing and I'm grateful to them.

My daughter is now 35, a great wife and mother and has two years of college behind her. She hopes to go back. She doesn't do any of this **** and hasn't since her early 20s. She even quit smoking cigs last year and I'm so proud of her for that. Meeting a husband with good morals and a non-partier undoubtedly helped. But since people who never partied or screwed around often end up with disasters for children , I'd have to say it depends on the values you've taught them.. One thing that I would never do is to lie to your kids about your own indescretions. Explain, but don't dictate, that what you did wasn't right. But you'll have to rely on your child's upbringing and values up to now in the end.

Jan

Jan

 

Always keep a good line of communication open with them. ALways talk to them!! Dont let them feel afraid to discuss such issue with you. Be honest with them and hoopefully they will be honest with you.

Talk...talk...and more talk!

 

I try to do all I can with my kids but I'm not a good example. I was 4th in my cl*** and a straight A student. I went to college on scholarship and studied Physics cause it was the hardest thing I could find.

I partied with the best of them. Some were so good it only took 4 hours to cut their remains out of their car. Other died tragically.

My mom called my buddy "Eddie Haskell" because he was always like "Hello, Mrs. Bowles, fine day we're having" so she thought HE was the one getting ME in trouble.

The MIP he got was for my beer, I was just doing something for Student Council at the time (I was president). The time he wrecked his car was when he was coming to get me out of trouble. The bike my roommate got stolen at a party was because he left it to drive my unconcious *** home.

Communication is key but also trusting them with responsibility, like letting them FULLY understand the costs of a car (like buying, building, BREAKING, and fixing) will help. I was much more careful with my cars than I was with my body. I broke my body real good 20 years ago and most of it healed except my right shoulder. I've still got broken car parts I can't afford to fix...

Oh, and I pointed out a car last weekend just like one of an ex-girlfriend in college that I rolled into a corn field. 86 Pontiac Sunfire. When they asked me how I did it, I told them it was because I was a STUPID *** who was driving where I shouldn't have been and I didn't know the road and wasn't paying enough attention. I could have been killed and I was scared ****less when it happened. I also explained that I could have really hurt the girl and that would have been the worst thing. To hurt someone else from your own stupidity.

If he's old enough to drive and you are just now worrying about it, you might be a touch late. Better get talking and teaching fast. And when you detune the car, you'd better make sure he and his buddies can't reverse it too easily!!

I'm glad I've got boys!!

 

No, your not a Hypocrite.

LOTS of things have changed since we were kids

Here is a partial list:

DUI
Probable Cause
Search and Seize
DNA tests
Paternity suits
Family Court hearings
Child Suport Agency
AIDS

All ****** good reasons why my sons ain't getting anywhere near the free reign I had.

......of course I can always count on MY parents to show them the picture, bills and bail notices

Teach them good values, teach them to duck and weave......and most of all remember ...........they ain't daughters

 

From what I can see kids today (well anytime) will always try to out do their parents. Hell our society encourages it. Problem is that this gets applied to everything. Go brag to you kids how much beer you could drink and how much dope you could smoke how wild you were and you might be surprised how they strive to out do you. Happened to my friend - she fully expected her kids to get into trouble that she did - she almost (unconsciously) encouraged it - she didn't expect the ******** drugs that followed.

The way I see it - we have to "set the bar". Being honest with your past is one thing - bragging about it is another. Kids are smart they know the difference.

After that you have to be a parent FIRST - being their friend is SECOND.

Spending time with them is priceless - in more ways than one.

 

Half naked in the backseat? Hell, I bought a Caddy Fleewood limo so's they could get all the way naked!

I have two girls. Been telling them the stories of my youth since they were little kids; they know what both Mom and Dad did growin' up - well, most of it, anyway.

An example by way of story - if this helps:

When Emily was small (about 4) I made her a 5HP go kart. Jackshafted it down to a running pace, then plopped her into the seat and let her have at it in Pop's back yard - ten acres of hills and trees by GM Proving Ground. She promply did a donut, squealing with delight, and smacked head on into the brick wall of the garage.

Later on, she was doing laps out by the apple orchard and decide to go for a little air over a rock - the kart went one way, she went the other. She was unhur but shook up - I took the moment to explain to her about what accidentd are, and how they can hurt - a teaching moment. She's a pretty responsible driver - and still remembers the crashes of 12 years back.

OTOH, her friends' parents are complete tight-***es about everything, constantly grounding their kids for non-offenses (compared to what we did as kids) it's kinda funny, as these same parents partied with me when we were young - and categorically deny any ***ociation whatsoever with the wild bunch at the House of Speed and Chrome. I think this causes the kids to want to find out what's so good about being bad...

Finally, a STUPID amount of $$ has been spent on the backyard over the past few years - custom stamped concrete deck, inground pool, light system, sound system, tiki bar, fire pit - with the intent on creating a place where OPK's (other parent's kids) would want to hang out. We've had as many as 40 out back at a time. They get their space - but I'm watching. When I get a bad egg (and I did a couple of parties back) I stay on them like stink on **** - they get uncomfortable and leave, as they can't sneak off and drink/smoke/**** like they thought they were gonna do. Word has gotten out it's both cool and safe to hang - and the bad apples know they're not gonna outwit the dude with the military flat-top.

Create the environment; give 'em room - they'll turn out okay.

 

before you tell him, you need to extract all of his testosterone, it'll be a lot easier then.

 

hugging and telling your kids you love them goes a long,long way.

 

i doubt i was the exception to any rule, but my dad is a really conservative guy. he never partied hard, smoked cigs or gr*** (at least i THOUGHT that at the time), he rides his motorcycles responsibly and is generally a very responsible guy. it didn't matter, when i was in my teens he was talking to brick wall. my parents were lucky because i had the brains (and dumb luck) to skate that fine line between stupid fun and disaster. i didn't really respect my dad too much until later in life. i just thought he was a wimpy square. well, i still think he's pretty square but i have a ton of respect for him now.

 

I had a kid's ideal life after the age of 12. My mother didn't care what I did as she was always working on my next step dad and my read dad didn't care and couldn't do anything if he did. Therefore, imagine it and I did it (well, not murder).

I was poor so money came from where money always comes from for poor kids with too much time and no morals and no teachings.

Mom couldn't tell me not to do drugs, she bought and shared with me and my first wife at 17. (no kids thankfully).

when you have no moral comp***, you create your own. I am/was a very strict parent much to the chagrin of my kids (though they went more crazy after the divorce) but the poor step daughter now. I always knew what, with whom, why for all my kids actions. And, I verified and showed up where they were supposed to be.

Did it help? None are dead. Eldest ran off with a guy who had been busted for dealing coke. Found out later that how she got through high school

My son got a DUI six months ago. He's dealing with those repercussions now.

So, you do the best you can and hope they learned something. They are going to do what they are going to do. You can only hope they make better decisions than you did (which they won't) but all in all, once they are adults, they get to make their own mistakes.

All I tell them now is that they get to make those decisions...and pay for them.

 

I don't know if there is a formula.

My brother and I raised by the same folks in the same home.

I've raised hell all my life. Turn 62 this month and I know I ain't had my last fist fight.

He is a minister and a great guy. Put himself through college after I left him alone with our alcoholic parents when I joined the military.

My kids are awesome. Self sufficient/ hard working/community involvement/great parents/etc.

His kids are high maintenance.

 

im with chuckspeed, im only 23 and my parents did the same thing for me when i was younger. They gave me a place to hang out with my friends and an enviroment they knew was safe because they were there but they gave me my space. Now i have my own place and my dad and i work together and go home and work around the farm and in the garage together.

 

I have three sons, all just out of their teens and in college. The oldest one usually cuts the new ground, so how you deal with his screw-ups is watched closely by the others. When my oldest did some stupid things it was dealt with quickly, fairly, and firmly. The younger ones learned more from how that went than any amount of preaching. The only real problem we've had is the middle one's driving, and I honestly can't figure out what the problem is there. He just can't seem to go more than 6 months without a wreck of some kind.

 

I haven't figured the answer to that question out yet.
I'm 49 with a 12 year old girl,an 11 year old boy, a 5 year old girl and I'm scared to death that sins of the father will be revisited.
I'm (we're)doin' the best I (we) can and I really hope it all works out Ok in the end.

 

I got into all kinds of **** when I was young, I'm just shy of 50 now...The good thing for me and guys my age is that it seems the Cops were cooler back then. Half the **** we did, like drinkin', some street racin', partying outdoors...you know what used to be harmless teenage/youngster fun. The cops would chase you away, maybe take your beer or make you dump it out, warn you but not lock you up or give you a ticket!!!!

These days things are so much different!!!! Don't get caught doing that **** because it will hit the fan. It seems that most cop are less willing to cut folks a break these days....especially if you're driving while even a little roasted.

Kids now have to be much more aware of the risks and the ultimate consequences. As parents we can only teach, support (emotionally ), empathize, sympathize and love them.....But don't forget that you are the parent....not their friend.

 

Very true and hard to see when you're in the thick of a transgression!

I've emphasized the sonsequences of a DUI or drug possession -- you're right, things aren't the same as they were even 20 yrs ago.

 

Getting a large sigh painted thats going to hang in the living room. So all I have to do is point " NO FUN TILL 21"

 

No matter how many mistakes you made as a parent, always be sure you know how to tell them what's right and what's wrong.
And if they do enough wrong, they should know damn well that you as a parent cannot always be there to help them out if they are in trouble.... deep trouble.

 

My Dad never told me what he did when he was young. I come from a modest Catholic home. Dad was not a heavy drinker. Never saw my folks get hammered. However I did do what ever i wanted. I chose not to drink, smoke weed or smoke. I didn't want to mess up my car, ha ha. I basically stayed out of trouble and waited till I got in the Military to cut loose.

Now,I find out that appearantly Dad used to street race in front of the highschool and drink on the weekends with is buddies.

 

I have a great relationship with my Dad. I don't know exactly what it was when I was growing up, but all my Dad had to say was he say he was dissappointed in me. After a while, everytime I was in a position I knew I could get myself in soem big trouble, I could hear my dads words. I know that save me from making some bad decisions that would have chenged my life bigtime.

 

I think that i come from the other side of the family fence my dad was laid back-he dosent drink, smoke or swear in the house, and his first car was a then 50 year old t model ford with a top speed of 30mph, married young had kids. Me well i drink, smoke, swear constantly (taught by the best boys school) not married yet and my first car was a xf falcon- and my average speed at 3am on the way to my girlfriends house was 110mph. (No im not joking about the speed!). And dads warning- none he mostly kept me in line by giving my ****- eg "did u you have rev the **** out of it to leave the black line on the way into town" i always bow my head and shuffle my feet. nowing im an idot and learning from it. hell he spretty dam good for a dad when ever I break a car he helps me fix it.

 

I don't have kids, probably never will. But, to me, if you want to keep your kid from wrapping his car around a pole, make him work on his own car. I never really laid it to my car, because I didn't want to have to work on it when something broke. I raced some, not much, but again, I never went too far, because I loved that thing, and didn't want to waste it. It was a great deterrent.

I'd just tell them the truth about your experiences... good and bad. I never got into drinking or drugs, because I saw other people's experiences, and saw that it wasn't that great. I could be a slurring stumbling drunk who never did anything with my life like one uncle. I could be a moody, hateful ***** like my uncle who popped pills. Or I could work hard, and hold a straight line and be a stand up guy like my dad.

One other thing, some time ago, I figured out why I cuss like a mother****er. When I was about 10 or so, I called my brother a pecker. Didn't even know what that word meant. Dad slapped me across the face for it, and mom *****ed me out. Instead of letting me explain that I didn't even know it was a bad word. I think somewhere in the back of my brain, I decided "Oh yeah, well i'll show you", and it became a hard habit to break. Just something to think about.