Saying Goodbye to a Confused Kid with a Good Heart

I wouldn't normally share something like this, but I notice the threads mourning the passing of a fellow Hot Rodder from time to time and felt the need to let you guys know a little bit about Brandon.
I belong to a small community of vintage dirt trackers here in Maine. There's a couple old brothers in particular who I consider great frineds and mentors. They took me in and share their knowledge and tools freely and are always there for advice or to lend a hand. They don't know it, but they help to fill a gap left by a less than admirable father.
And I wasn't the only one. This past summer while hanging around the shop after work and on weekends, I got to know this kid, Brandon. He was quiet and shy, but his eyes lit right up when we started talking old cars. He saved up and bought a 53 Cranbrook to make into a stock car that was so far gone even I raised my eyebrows, and I'll consider using anything. He was at the shop a lot more than I was last summer, and spent many long unpaid afternoons helping to revitalize a long forgotten dirt track. Good kid. Long story short, he reminded me of myself when I was 16, wanting a cool old car, not having the money, and looking for other car guys to share their knowledge. I gave him a ride home in September, talking cars and engines all the way there, and that was the last I saw of him.
We've all been keeping an eye out for parts for his car and a donor frame and have been expecting to see him more when Spring rolls around.
I just found out from one of those old brothers that Brandon took his own life last night. Say what you will about suicide, it's a shit deal that's particularly hard on surviving family members. Obviously I don't know the details and try to keep my head above rumor and speculation, but it boils down to the fact that he was confused and quiet and didn't think to tell anyone who could make a difference that he needed help.
I guess part of me feels guilty because I wish there was something I could have done. If I thought he was even considering anything remotely approaching killing himself I would have sought him out and been a better friend. I guess it's hard when there's a decade or more separating you, I work full time and have a wife I go home to and he deals with the bullshit of high school and it's hard to stay in touch. Long Maine winters where no one in their right mind works on cars outside doesn't help either. I'm sure I would have seen him more often if we were turning wrenches and hauling cars out of the woods rather than waiting for the snow to melt.
Enough. He was a good kid who had potential and a warm, giving heart. He was a hot rodder who was working diligently on his car and wanted nothing more than to hear that flathead Dodge 6 run and scream around the track.
I'll miss him and regret that I didn't get a chance to know him better or be there for a shoulder to lean on.
So, please, talk to your friends and kids often and be there for them.
Vios con Dios, Hombre.

 

so sad to hear, my girlfriends 2nd cousin took his own life last monday and my dad's niece ended her short life last spring...suicide is a serious issue and should be brought up no matter how embarrased someone is to ask "hey, you need to talk"...one bullet and there is no coming back!!!!

 

prayers for all of you!!! no jokin matter for sure!

 

Very nice post, Gigantor. Thanks for reminding us to take that bit of extra time when we can and not always think, "Ah, I'll catch up next time." Sometimes there isn't a next time. Seizing the moment is really the only way to fix that. This new world we've made moves mighty fast for nearly everyone but we can slow it down a bit, by force, if we all decide to take our moments.

I know it's hard for you to think that there might have been something you could have done. Most likely, there wasn't really. As they say, still waters run deep. The shy, quiet people I've known usually have quite a few hurdles to get over and, sadly, some don't make it.

But I think you can rest assured that you and the two dirt track brothers really made a difference in the short life of a nice, young man. And to bring some happiness where little existed before is no small accomplishment.

Honour his memory and remember to not be too hard on yourself.

 

Absolutely terrible. I feel so sorry for him and his family.

I always go back to what my wife tells me. The Big Guy never gives you more then you can handle even though it feels like it at times. It's a shame that kids get weighed down so much these days. Youth is supposed to be fun.

Godspeed my friend.

 

I feel bad for the ones left behind. It's a hard thing to deal with. I've lost 5 friends in my 45 years to suicide. There's no reason to blame yourself for 'not being there' or 'not reading the signs' or anything else. I've been down that road all too often and that road led me to a bad place. Just celebrate the time you had with them and don't try to figure out what they were thinking. Raise a glass (or coffee cup) to their memory and move on. Sorry to hear about the loss of a good person. When my dad died, I decided to honor his memory with wrenches and grease. I get the feeling this kid would have liked the same.

 

im 16 and the kid reminds me of me in a way that Im always trying to be around cars and i never have money to do anything. I dont know how he must felt because i never thought of suicide but i feel sorry for the kid and all his family and friends

 

For real. I do the same.

 

I appreciate the kind words and advice. I've been thinking since I found out that the best thing we (my racing buddies and I) could do would be to haul that Cranbrook back to the shop and fix it up like Brandon had talked about. It would be worth the effort for a little solace.

 

Don't blame your self Depression is a dark and scary place. I'm so sorry for your loss I know you and his faimly will miss Brandon for sure. Hope this finds you well and helps with your pain God Bless You and his Faimly Tim

 

That would be a great idea! You might even try selling or auctioning it off afterwords and donating the money to a kids help program in his memory.

 

Now THAT is a good idea.

 

Guitar Guy

In what way does the kid remind you of yourself?

 

So sorry to hear about this man...and seriously, don't beat yourself up over it, you could have been talking to him and he'd have been happy as a lark and 20 minutes after you left might have felt the "urge" to do himself in...there's no rhyme or reason for suicide most times, I've even felt compelled to do it out of boredom...just be happy that you got to know him and that he somehow enriched your life during his...

 

In the series, MASH, the theme song is "suicide is painless." I can tell you it isn't painless to those left behind. I lost my father to suicide and have feelings of guilt to this day, 40 years later.
As you can feel by the posts here, suicide has touched many lives.
May God rest their souls.

 

Wow , Very sad that a young kid has so much sorrow in his life. Sorry for the famaily.. Rip. Duecevw

 

I will have you and all those that closely feel the loss of Brandon in my prayers, but like HotRod1940 said,... this kind of death has touched many lives and so it's with empathy that I will be praying, It seems a story like this opens old wounds in us all, and they still hurt.

 

I am so sorry,kids these days face a crazy ass world these days not to mention meth
and other nasty drugs that are easier to buy than a candy bar.What they don't know is there is people like you that would help if they ask.God rest his soul

 

The very fact that you posted the message and feel the way you do, means your heart is in the right place. I am sure all you guys helped him more than you'll ever know and it very well may have been the best part of his life! I am sure he'll be looking down on you guys to make sure you keep those hot rods going! Keep him alive in spirit around the shop in some way.

My dad did nothing with me when I was young. It was my neighbor who was a car nut with a 71 Cuda with a 383 and let me work in his garage on an old go-kart, then cars as I got older. He didn't talk much but he did more for me than he will ever know. Let me use his garage and tools any time I wanted. Didn't matter if he was home or not. Don't find that much any more.

 

Amen brother. The old car hobby has offered me a lot in the way of solace through tough times. The rides are just a bonding point for building real friendships. God bless

 

couldn't have said it better myself... Godspeed Brandon, may your future days be brighter, and your next life cross my path

next time one of us sees one of those kids that make us go "what the f&*%?", maybe, we'll think of Brandon, and give the kid a chance instead. I know a lot of folks proly said "what the f&*%?" about me a lot...

 

Sad news, I wonder when hearing such news, is how bad could the the young mans life been to do such a drastic think.
GODSPEED to the young man

 

Gigantor,
So sorry to hear this news about a good young man. Suicide is a very hard thing to understand. I had a cousin who was beautiful always laughing and having fun. Her boyfriend went to her apartment one day and she was gone from a gunshot. We were all very shocked. Don't feel like you didn't do enough. It wouldn't make a difference. It's a very dark and confusing place that they go to. Our thoughts are with his family and you also. I think he would like to have you work on his project. He is in a better place now and it will put a smile on his face to watch you.
Gasser Girl

 

Damn sorry to hear of this. I like the Cranbrook idea and raffle. Let us know what you need for that.

 

I 'm sorry to hear about brandon, to much of this happening today...to many absentee parents and gloomy looking times ahead...they dont realize this to is temporary..........I have 4 grown children from 23 to 29 and a new grandauughter thats on paper .... but we raised our kids with an open door policy I bought a pool when they were little and told them invite there friends .....to this day my wife and I get cards from there friends over the years and some stop and visit for no reason .... I have treated all of them as if they were mine I have heard stories of fear , doubt , heartbreak bottom line is if they wanted to talk we listened .....I have a few of my son's buddys they come over and we play with some of my old tin or I show them the box and let them loose on their own stuff.......................THE BEST THING YOU CAN GIVE YOUR KIDS IS YOUR TIME.........

 

Man I really feel sorry for you and the family he left behind. You never know what is going on at these kids homes ...(or lack thereof). Take Care and dont try to figure out what else you could have done differently. I wish you the best and Godspeed!

 

Sorry ..thats a tuff one..
RIP..young rodder.

Gigantor..you couldnt know, so dont beat yourself up over it.

 

sorry to hear this if you plan on doing his car let us know what kind of parts you will need maybe could put something in a box and send them to you

 

This happens all too often,,there is no reason behind what goes on in someones mind that turns on this though process.

Good or bad homelife,,,loving family or lonelyness,,when it happens nobody sees it coming.

I have experienced it in my family and I know of several other Hambers that have had to deal with the same type of tradagy within their own family,the blow hits hard and swift.

I have always tried to express my feelings with family and friends,,,

When times are tuff and I see someone feeling down I tell them the sun may not be shining today and it might not be shining tomorrow but it will come out again,,someday,,and try to trust in a higher power.

I am so sorry for the loss of your young friend and prayers wil be offered up to the man upstairs for comfort to those left behind. HRP

 

I'm not one to normally post on threads like this but there is something about this story that really hits home with me. Not so much the suicide part but how people don't take time to connect with people anymore.

Personally I've made it a point for the last month or so to spend at least one evening or afternoon a week with someone I know that frankly won't be around much longer. The stories I've heard and experiences I've had with these people will last my lifetime. I don't want to be one of those people down the line says that they wished they would have spent more time with their grandparents or this family friend or this great uncle or so on.

That's a really good point I'm really gonna try to remember next time I see a snot nosed punk eyeing over one of my cars.

Gigantor I'm sorry for your loss. Please don't beat yourself up over what you did or didn't do. By posting here I think you've affected a lot more lives than you realize.