How to Cope? Non-car related

wow.. ive lived this mess twice, and tried to help others with this same advice, but never able to put it so well spoken.. very sound advice!!!

good luck my friend this will be tuff, and you have to be tuffer!! i wish i could help more, other than second what was said here.. just spend as much time as humanly possible with her.. taht is one thing that you CAN do, and will never regret,, dave paras

 

This is tough, Lost my dad two years ago, lost my father in law in March 2009, Now, watching my step mom and step mother in law whittle away to nothing. Church helps, hospice people are wonderful. Just spend as much time as you can and look for the little things that bring the sparkle in her eye. I tend to be a detail guy, make sure you have all the legal work inline. Will, power of attorney and living will are all necessary. One thing too, make sure if you have siblings, that you are all on the same page on how your mother will treated.
Hang in there you are not alone.

 

My family had a motto "Live one day at a time and make it a masterpiece" I lost my Mom a couple of years ago and I have no regrets we said it all and I was there holding her hand to the end. Just love her and make sure she knows it. My prayers go out to you and your family.
Donn

 

jesus i glad i read this ... puts shit in prospetive for me , praying for eveyones fams

 

This is tough, Lost my dad two years ago, lost my father in law in March 2009, Now, watching my step mom and step mother in law whittle away to nothing. Church helps, hospice people are wonderful. Just spend as much time as you can and look for the little things that bring the sparkle in her eye. I tend to be a detail guy, make sure you have all the legal work inline. Will, power of attorney and living will are all necessary. One thing too, make sure if you have siblings, that you are all on the same page on how your mother will treated.
Hang in there you are not alone.

 

I don't know your age. but if your a young man you have a lot of funerals to go to. The other guys are telling the truth. Look to your real faith. I lost a brother in law awhile back that was as good a father to me as my father was. When dad died I asked him why he was only 74. Didn't God care ??Where was he ?? The brother in law told me to look around at the trees the grass the birds and the blue sky. Thats where he is. Only a God could make these decisons to take one then another. We will be fine..You will be fine I promise. But don't turn your back on God. My two cents.....

 

God Bless you and your Momma.

 

AMEN.....I can't add a thing. Piece be with you and your family..

 

From personal experience with my mom, Hospice is one of the greatest organizations when it comes to stuff like this. They can counsel you on what to expect. They helped me with medical people -- doctors, nurses, etc. I would contact them. Even if end is not immediate. In fact contact them early. They'll tell you when they need to be there.

I have found lately with my own medical crises (two kinds of cancer) that my belief in God and Jesus Christ have been essential. I found it more than helpful when dealing with my mom as well. If you have chosen not to use these resources that is of course up to you, but my personal experience is that I could not have gotten through some of my hard times without my faith (as tested as it has been of late.)

My thoughts and prayers are with you, as are those of lots of folks here.

 

Ok, I'll throw this in because nobody else has. How about team up with her and fight this thing anyway you can. Read, research and learn every aspect of this condition. If there is no cure for the condition itself, try attacking all of the sub symptoms. Holistic, alternative, herbal...voodoo if you think it has a remote shot.
The human body AND mind is an amazing thing. It will shut itself down if it sees a dead end, it will mount an assault if it senses hope or feels it is needed. You and your mom can hold hands quietly waiting for grim death , or you can make her understand how important her presence is to you, and then together, fight the good fight. Give her...and yourself HOPE. Spend the time you have together bonded and active in the effort to extend her life. Nothing is impossible, nothing is hopeless...but the clock is ticking.

 

This is no joke. Faith doesn't seem like much when things are going your way or you feel like you've got a handle on life. But...When your legs get knocked out from under you...It's the only thing that works. Christ not only died for our sins... He lived the sinless life that we can't live. You made a decision to post this, make a decision to believe in him. It's that dang simple. What I'm saying is he gives strength to those who rely on him. Strength to live and strength to die when it's our time. A good Christian counselor can help explain this better in person. What helps me is knowing that he will make all things right in due time. Sounds like nonsense. Unless...It's the truth.

I'll ad your family to the prayer list at my Church.

-Ron

 

There is nothing but good here. I lost my dad and my best friend [shop teacher] to lung problems. It takes time. The funny thing about it is that now 25 yrs. later, I see certain actions by my son and daughter that are the same as his. The same with the grandsons of my friend. I also will be somewhere and remember out of the blue something we did there. It will get easier in time, but they never leave us , they live on in our memories and in their desendants. God bless and find some comfort in all of the posts.

 

There's a lot of guys on this thread with more depth then you might expect. Unclescobby and wild turkey have given you counsel in a way one would only expect from someone who was a trained professional. And their advice is right on. One thing you might consider even though you have expressed a non-beliver stand-it's never to late for God. Prayer works. Maybe not in the way you hope but it can give you comfort. If for on other reason try a church of your choice and you will find people who have lived through trials like you are experincing and can help in so many things that eat on you. I watched my Mom die from cancer and my dad from emphasema. Both where long tragic and difficult cope with, But you can cope. You just need a support group to help. And know she will be at peace when the time comes and you will see her again. I,m not a professional but if you need someone to talk to pm me or call (928) 680-7709. MY wife wnd I will pray for you and your mom

 

i feel for you man. the only advise i can give you is to submit. find a good bible based church in your area and give Lord what's his (praise). i'll be praying for you.

 

Andrew...Brother. I share in your sadness. I pray for you and your mother.

Don't try to do this alone. As some have said, prayer can help. God can help you through it.

Know that God is also within people. Ask for help from those who can give it. Church...hospice...friends...family. Taking care of someone you love that's sick is very taxing on not just your emotions, but also on your time and physical well-being. You need to be strong, but it's harder if you're doing it all yourself. Continue to get the food and sleep you need. Help from others will allow this. And being strong does not mean you won't greive. You're human. You need to grieve...it in itself will help.

Try to take solice in the fact that we're here for you, and grieve with you. Take solice in the giving nature of the kind souls that may be able to lessen your load. Feel free to PM me anytime, pal.

God bless you and your mother, Andrew...Brother. - Rick

 

Cherish each day with her. Go to breakfast out. Take her to the park. Make her declining time on earth as pleasant as possible. This way you have fond memories of her last days with you.

 

This comes to mind:

Pillippians 4:13 Most know this: "I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength"

That's all you need.

I swear!

It okay if we dont have the answers, If you turn your eyes unto him [God], he will take you by the hand and lead the way; of peace and understanding!

 

...Well Said!

 

You have something that some dont, time with your mother. You dont have to sit around, and think "is there anything i should have said, or did different?" you can say, and do it all now. This is precious time you have right now. Dont let it, or her get away without her knowing how much she means to you. Perfectly healthy people die everyday without hearing, or saying what they wanted. Get it all said, and done. Laugh, eat, talk, visit, remember now!!!!! None of us are guarenteed one more day here. You just got a reminder to live today, not shoulda/woulda....

 

This got me through some really bad nights while taking care of my terminally ill Dad and then Brother, when I felt completely spent and totally exhausted. You and your Mom will be on my prayer list.

Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

 

Judging by the tone of your post, I'd say you already got most of what you need to cope; just being a good and thoughtful son to your mother. I would bet that is all she will want or need from you. Just being there with and for her like she was for you up until now. Whether or not there is a god doesn't matter. Be the best person and son to her you can be and the rest will take care of itself. She is likely going to pass regardless. It is the memories that both you and her will have and share as she does that counts. Make the best of the time left that you can because when it is gone, it will be gone forever. But you can still have the memories as that is what life is as time goes by. Do new things together, but don't forget to talk about all the past memories for her too as that is what her life has been about and let this be about her. Keep things simple and easy for her to manage, don't overdo it. Just sitting around together and talking or not will probably be comfort to her. Show her how good you have turned out. It will make her proud and happy, the best way to go. Giving to her will help yourself as well.

 

There was a book called dead doctors don't lie. It was by a doctor who was an expert nutritionist and he cured or improved the incurable conditions of alot of people using nutrition. Dr Michael Savage the controversial political talk show host is a botanist and has alot of good books about natural medicine and nutrition.
Maybe there are things which can make it easier on her
One of the most profound things I experienced was the interview of a woman on the Art Bell show. She was stricken with Alzheimers. One caller asked her what the scariest thing was about it and she said the dark...you no longer know what's not out there.
She was a saint and she did so much to help other people cope with it.
Even though she knew it was going to kill her, she didn't stop living and found peace in other people.
Maybe you can write down her story and her feelings, maybe interview other people too.
I got extremely ill in my late 20's. I spent several years working my way back to some resemblance of health.
It wasn't Aids, It wasn't lupus... we don't know. I didn't have health insurance and couldn't do too much but try to work enough to eat and pay the rent on a slum dive apartment and lay in bed trying to get enough strength for the next breath some days. I had transient fevers, night sweats, fairly normal bloodwork, a few bouts of menningitis like fevers that had me unconcious for a few days and suffered walking pnumonia of some unknown cause resistant to antibiotics for several years. there were alot of other side effects and I was about 60% crippled.
One day I said to myself Mike. You've done just about anything you had ever set out to do, if you don't get up and set some goals your going to die because your not acting like you realy want to live. so I started making lists of things to do and set some long term goals even though I didn't think I was going to make it through the week sometimes.
I got interested in nutrition and natural medicine and I think that and developing a mental initiative to make myself live if it killed me restored me to functional health. I still cant do alot of things I used to. I was 27 and went to 80 overnight in a period of less than a year. I'm 42 now and I think I got most of it back to where I'm probably only disabled about 10 years ahead of my age.
Some other things that influenced me profoundly was getting over the death of my grandfather. I spent at least half my free time growing up just being with him and it tore a hole in me when he was gone. I'm watching my dad get old and around that time is when he lost all his gumption. It hurt seeing my always busy gogogo dad losing his drive.
I realized that now I'm my grandpa, I'm carrying on for him so someone else can carry the fire another day. that's what it's all about. One more day, One more time. One more moment when you see the lord moving in the world and it strikes you with joy and you know everythings gonna be alright.
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My Mum died of dementia several years ago in her late 70's. As she was deteriorating we bought her a portable tape recorder and taught her to use it. When she felt up to it she told the stories of her youth, her long term memory was awesome but she couldn't remember something said to her 2 minutes previously.

We now have her voice 'captured' on tape, and after after my sister finally got up the courage to transcibe to stories into print, we have her memories of a time long passed as well. These will remain with the family for generations to come.

Good luck with your mum,

Glen.

 

I cannot believe what happened by posting on here. Never did I think that I would feel as if I would gain another family (The HAMB). You guys and gals are truly amazing. Thank you all for reaching out sharing experiences, prayers, thoughts and comments. I will be sure to use your knowledge shared and make the absolute best of every minute. While sometimes are granted to be tough, I will look to make it the best. Someone asked my aged. 31 years and a bro that is 35. Neither of us have kids, which is something I wished I could always give her. Just not the right time yet. But I will be sure to pass on everything about her. My mother was one of the best caligraphers in the US during her time. Incredibly talented, loving, kind and by far the most important in my life. While My father is very much alive, I never had the same connection I do with her. To get my head clear, I bury it building my truck and other cars, reading (hot rod mags) and my new found hobby pinstriping (thanks 00 MACK). Finding this website and posting about cars and learning was the goal, never in a million years did I think I would post about my family and get such remarkable help from ALL of you. You guys and girls are a godsent and I really appreciate the help in this time and always will.
Thank you, Andrew