It will all come down to the money so dont let all the advice take your eye off that ball. You need to find a lawyer that will fight for you but the state has already set the rules in her favor so dont let that take you down a dark winding road & PLEASE take care of yourself first.
Nothing but good advice up to this point. I hope you'll take all of it, and go forward with your life. Remember-living well is the best revenge. God bless.
That sucks man. Make your kids priority one! Lawyer up and go for everything,negotiate down. I was the one that pulled the plug in '04, a year later my ex told my mom, it was really a good thing. Make your kids the priority, oh, I may have said that already. Try your best to be civil with the X about the kids. Kids remember things, try your best to make their memories of you all good ones. I know it sucks hard and will for some time, however, you will realize one day that some things are best in the rearview mirror. Good Luck.
Make sure the lawyer specializes in representing MEN in divorce. They know how to protect your rights.
If she's this far along in her thinking, there's no going back. Best thing you can do is be fair, and get it over with as quickly as possible. Give in everywhere you can, because you can always get more stuff, and the quicker it's over the less it will cost you in the long run. Paying lawyers at $200-300/hr to fight over a washer and dryer does not make economic sense, and the sooner you finish this the sooer you can get started on the next part of your life. Chances are, she already has... Sorry to say that, but in my experience when a woman already has the attorney, has the settlement worked out in her head and so on, she's already gone, and chances are very good there's already someone else in the picture. Hate to tell you that, but I'm just trying to prep you so you won't get blindsided again. Good luck, and we'll stand by to help where/how we can.....
Absolute truth! Do whatever it takes to stay close to your kids. My dad got himself a new family and moved hours away when I was 3. If I wanted to see him I had to spend 6 hours on a bus (which I did a few times at 6-10 years old by myself). Needless to say, we aren't close. I can tell you that of all the divorced people I know, 99% of those who wanted out already had a boyfriend/girlfriend. If that is the case, there is almost no chance of working things out long term. My sister got her husband back only to find out that he was still screwing every woman in the hospital where he worked. Now he is someone else's problem. Remember, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't<wbr>, get a lawyer, quick!"
I feel your pain man. I got booted by my pregnant ex girlfriend for new years, just 18 hours after we had a talk about how we were going to spend this year working on getting along and focusing on how to be the best parents the baby can have. I've got lawyers on the horn and its 5 months till birth. They say it gets better.....
Divorce is one of the top emotional events a person can endure. My wish is you don't take it out on yourself. Stay off the booze. Don't isolate and take it a day at a time.
Jagman brings up a very good point. When a woman announces she wants out of this relationship she has already started on plan B. They do not jump totally out to "just be alone and get some space" as they tell us, they are moving on to greener pastures. Don't give too much away being a nice guy, you worked hard for what you have, protect it. Don
been there my friend, at the time it was the worst thing I ever had to deal with, besides losing my wife I lost just about everything else I ever had too. But as many have said, it gets better, 5 years later and my life has never been better, I'm with the girl of my dreams and we just had our first kid. Good luck to you and your kids, it may not seem like it now, but it will get better.
That sucks and i'm sorry to hear it. I got that same request 2 days after my 11th anniversary. It sucks and I have a son as well. Did the counseling and it was helpful but the marriage has gotten worse by the day. Keep your head up and talk to people some. I have a buddy that went through it and has been more help than I'll probably ever be to him. Good luck man!
Divorce: It's so expensive because it's worth it. Get a lawyer, and remember it is a business transaction, no matter how many times she says "We can work it out..." Love your kids, never talk trash about the ex in front of them, even though she will poison their minds against you...it will pay off big time when they are old enough to understand there are two sides to every story. Happened to me after twenty years...in retrospect, it was the BEST thing that could have happened. GET A LAWYER, and NO you don't have to pay her attorney's fees. Everything is negotiable, don't give it away. Expect multiple lies and mistruths spread about you to family, friends, kids, strangers passing by...Get in front of that and make sure the corect info is out there, otherwise you lose the PR battle and the storyline to her and her attorney. Good Luck.
Whatever you do dont leave the house ,Thats abandonment ,The lawyers will give her the house,Stay there in a different room,Try not to fight .......
Some great advice and support here. I'd suggest you read it over and over - it may help to keep your head and heart in the right place. I'll second what Cleatus wrote, that is my life also. Do your best to keep your head straight during this tough time! Get your revenge by doing the best you can, it really upsets them when your life is improving and they find that many times they were the problem and their own worst enemy! In fact I've heard more than once an account how they come back begging usually when it is too late and the guy is already seeing it could be a mixed blessing. These things can sometimes become high drama - WATCH YOUR STEP. Take care - L7
Mine drug on for 6 years, unreasonable requests, I lost all and filed bankruptcy, now she is dragging #2 thru hell.
look at it like this u got a great gift u got the freedom to go out and have fun again without anyone thats gonna bitch and nag if u come home at 2 am and someone had to drive you
Sucks big time, but like everyone says it does get better. I am a bit more than a year into mine, and keeping it civil, looking out for yourself first (if you are not ok you can't be ok for your kids) and then most importantly being true and constant to your kids. They need stability and to understand that your love for them doesn't change and they are not to blame in any way for what happened. No bullshitting there are going to be times when it all seems too much - it isn't but it feels that way - lean on whatever you have as a support system: Friends, counselling, your own spirituality whatever that may be..... Good luck!
Listen, I know all states are diffrent, but in most of them, if she filed first, ask your attorney for HER to pay your attorney fees and court filing!!. Talk to several before you pick one. I say this because this is how they feed THIER family, so each one will talk the talk. You interview a few of them, and find the one who will walk the walk- FOR YOU. Its one of THEE most difficult times in anyones life, so you need to have a attorney you are very comfortable with. I'm telling you from experience, OK. Most states have a lawyer referal service and it should be free of charge. Check on line or in the phone book. Sorry brother, but your not alone, you'll get thru this. Some day you'll look back on this and laugh and say, " Life is grand............but divorce..........................$20 grand".
I didn't see this thread before now and intentionally didn't read anyone else's input but let me offer this: Get an attorney IMMEDIATLEY. No matter what she may agree to now, its likely it will change before you get to a finalized agreement. You need to establish a date of separation (at least in California you do) or debts she incurs while you go through the process will be shared debts. Happened to me. Never speak ill of her in your children's presence. Be there for them NO MATTER WHAT! That doesn't mean letting your ex walk all over you because you don't want this to effect them...it's gonna no matter what you do/don't do. Remind them to take care of their mother if they are with her during the process. They will internalize this, regardless of age now. Again, I know this to be true. My now 29 & 30 yr old children remember who said what. Finally, your life WILL get better. Possibly waay better. Do NOT "fall in love" with the first woman that may let you into her bed or say nice things to you. Take a self declared hiatus from women for awhile; your judgment is not right about those things right now. Best of luck, there'll be times you'll need it but you'll be fine.
Always take the high road. Karma's a bitch, here's your chance to shine. Lots of great advice already given here. I wish you well.
Welcome to the crowd. I found mine and my friend from church that lived just up the street were getting together. We been together just 10 yrs. 3rd time for me. Still hurts like hell. I did get about six good punches into his skinny little gut. Thankfully the didn't call 911. He didn't even fight back so I had to stop punching. See the legal folks on wed. No clue anything was going on. Now two familes a church and many friends hurt for the action of two. He had 15 affairs on his first wife. Those guys never quit. Try to think about dating again a 66 yrs. old..I ain't dead yet !
Dan in Pasadena brings up a very good point. Our natural inclination is to want to go out and prove that we are still attractive to women and start dating again. Wait a while. All your buddies will be trying to get you fixed up, but that is not particularly what you need right now. You need to heal mentally, physically, and emotionally. Time does that. As everyone has said, some day you will look at her and she will be only a person you used to know, no more. It won't seem that way now, but we can all tell you it is true. In the meantime, the next year will be ups, downs, good times, bad times, anger, tears, and alot more. But you will know you are healing when you start having more good days than bad days. Good luck. Don
dude that sucks , keep your head up went threw one years ago turns out one of the best things that happened to me !!!!!!!!!!!!!! didnt seem so at the time because the kids but all worked out . prayers
All great advice to this point. But the I think the next couple of days or week things will get a little clearer. There is a reason that this came up, she doesn't feel loved, that is the problem more than likely. My advice is to certainly cover your own ass, as you should. But don't give up on your marriage just yet, the ship hasn't sank just yet. Try your damnest to work things out. Try not to let outside influence deter you from that goal. You have a lot to look out for. Go to marriage counseling even if she won't, she will see that it matters to you. She will tell you it is a waste of your time, she is wrong. It WILL help you with her if you can work things out. If it doesn't work out it WILL help you get thru it and maybe help you with a future relationship. I was in a sinking ship a couple years ago, the leaks have been fixed and it is mostly smooth sailing now. Most of the above responses that say they are happier now than they were are probably true. But if they could have resolved the differences before a divorce and worked things out they probably could have been just as happy. I really feel for you, and keep talking to your buddies. Try to stay even keeled and thinking straight and logically. And if you are up to reading, the book that saved my marriage is called "The 5 Languages of Love." I recommend it for anyone. For idiots like me, we need to understand and learn things differently sometimes. Good luck, prayers are sent.
Man, it is HARD to admit that this is how I feel now. My then-20 year wife was my childhood sweetheart. She was a big-eyed, long lashed blonde beauty and I was crazy about her. Now? It's been 12 years and I just see her every once in awhile at grandchildren's birthdays. I say hi and not much more....because "she's just someone I used to know" - incredibly.
I haven been married for a year yet but If ever got served,,,,I would get a camcorder or a voice recorder thingys.
Believe it or not I went thru this as well, and wasn't even married to the gal about 14 years ago. We had lived together for approx. 2,1/2 years and had my son. To make a long story short, I insisted on full custody of my son, and let her have everything else she wanted. She went thru that in about 2-3 years including loosing the house (supporting her boyfriend rather then paying the mortgage) and leaving bills locally all over. Haven't heard from her in approx. 7 years now, since she split the area. Don't even know where she's at. Life is good!!!! My boy, my wife of 12 years, and my St. Bernard, all in good health and thrieving. Moral of this story, life is never over, change can be tough, but life always bounces back. Hang tight, and don't let em see ya sweat.
Lots of good advice here....#1 get a good lawyer....#2 fight for your rights as a father...at this point it should be all about what is good for the children while going thru this...keep your head up....it will get better
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