fun tech on changing oil

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change..
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, swipe your debet card and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change: $35.00
Coffee: $6.00
Total: $41.00



Oil Change instructions for Men :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss..
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter a**** trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands..
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!

 

haha that my early morning saturday rutine!

 

so sad but true.

i bring my daily to quicky lube just because i dont have the time to spend on it or the want to give it the attension quicky lube does (lube latches , hinges, washer fluid, check trans fluid)

 

Great one!

 

Ha ha ha ha......that's funny as hell. That sounds so close to most of my oil changes here that its scary. Uncle Eds Oil Change is where I go now.

 

I dont take my car to Jiffy lube--After 3 weeks of putting off doing it myself, I have my wife take it so none of the homies see me waiting there.

 

well... that could almost be true... but do real men pay with a check? not me.

where'd you find that? some men hating femi-nazi website run by ugly short legged lesbians?

my purple thumbnail will attest to the fact that you should never drink until after the project at hand is almost done.

 

Good One

 

bump this oldie for 2012 and yes a long weekend and a slow monday ...

 

Drive a thousand miles & have your cam lobes go flat from the SM or SN oil....

 

Funny, but how many dummies really get stuck changing their oil at 3000 mile intervals. I have 2 vehicles with 300,000 miles and I change them at 5000. I might break even since I do my own oil changes.

 

Bump for the 2014 crowd ... This one makes me laugh every time I read it

 

Six bucks for a coffee?
WTF?

 

starbucks next door . if you want to call it coffee . I make my own for whatever it costs , and it is real coffee not waterdowned foo foo ****

as for my oil changes 1 hour including the greasing of all the parts and a real inspection ( tires off ) . no beer . and my filter gets cut open and looked at the element gets put in a bucket for the bonfire or wood burner stove and the metal can goes to the steel recycle bin. not being green but being cheap , was P.O.'d the last time I took steel in I was short of the 1 ton break by 3 pounds . lost 5 bucks .

 

Good one

 

I am thinking about taking my lowered vehicles to a quick lube just to get the suspension greased,I do not want them to touch the oil and they would be clueless with the filter on my 235.

 

I prefer the "crush the **** out of the old filter with channel locks before resorting to the screwdriver and hammer" method.

But the clever stash in the trash is spot on. And apparently universal.

 

The Jiffy Lube here (in front of the old Autozone) has a manager that is 'thoroughly modern'!
I took my '55 F100 in, my wife and I just installed the reversed & flattened front springs that she did, with the '58 axle (another inch drop!)
That truck is lower than the crotches on the locals' shorts, so it's a two-step operation to get my floor jack under the front axle. So I dropped by Jiffy.
The manager said they wouldn't have a filter for a truck that old, so I raised the hood...
"It's a second generation Chevrolet," I said.
The guy acted like he was struck..."How the devil do you put a Chevrolet engine in a Ford truck???" Something told me "Run!"
I closed the hood, and left...
My wife jacked the truck up, and we did a service...It was Saturday...better than cleaning the garage...
Struck me funny. A 'mechanic'. Most of 'em ask 'why?', not 'how?'!

 

Some of us dummies do it at every 3k. And I do my own. 400K + out of a H%^&A with a carb. Still knocks 34mpg on the freeway....More than paid for itself,but I have more in oil than the ****box is worth......

 

Find another Starbucks. They're every where. I have my own machine. Works great.

 

Mike, why were you even there in the first place?

 

You gotta be aware and put in an additive.
(If you do it yourself you can look for older API oil.)

 

go to ******X(insert any fast lube name) get job done,leave ,go about two miles, engine dies, look underneath, no oil plug. expression on face.....priceless....... the reason to do your own maintance right there!!!!! hasn't happened to me but to a friend of mine when he changed out the break in oil.

 

In all honesty, Quicky Lube, forgetting to install the drain plug, happens a LOT less than the driveway mechanics.

 

I have heard, first hand, more horror stories about these places. How do they do it? Absolutely no QC. Just had a friend of mine last year lost an engine because the drain plug fell out. My daughter (away @ college) had X_lube forget to put the oil in! Luckily she watched gauge when she started it up (after paying of course) and shut it down immediately. No damage. Got an "I'm sorry" and a discount coupon. (went in trash @ cash register). Saw a deal on the news where one of these joints were not even doing the work. The news channel did a sting and caught several locations of the same chain. Turned them into the State's Attorney General.

Bottom line....DIY!

 

And when they DO remember to put the drain plug back, hows about not cross threading it? There is only one thing easier than changing your own oil on your old car, and that's having your morning dump.

 

No need to do either with one of these. There are a few different styles,
the wider the strap the better.