How do you keep your heart in it.....

How do you keep your heart in your build? I am having a hell of a time lately.....I dont know, its just been a buch of things pilling up on me I guess, a couple of cars that I really wanted came up lately and they slipped through my fingers, my merc project just seems like it is never going to be done, I just want to drive a car for a change....I just lost a good friend that I grew up with, he and I worked on cars with each other for years when we were younger and then he was found hung, they ruled it a suiside but I know it was not, so do his parents, I wont go into details, but there is alot of evidence otherwise but we cant seem to get anything done about it....I have other friends that have cars and done seem to appreciate what they have, I look at their stuff and it just blows my mind that they dont know how lucky they are, and they dont seem to care....I dont know, I guess I am just a *****....I just feel like saying **** it and selling it all and giving up....45 years old and I feel like my life is over already....I live in a ****hole of an area where I cant ever seem to get ahead and it seems like I am just going to die with the talent I have and I know I have alot of talent, I can build the cars, I just dont have the place or the funds to do it, I watch all the builds on here and I know every move you guys make, I know every thing you do and I know how to do every bit of it, I have done most of it already and love doing it, I love to create, and where I am all anyone wants is big wheels bolted on their cars.....I am sorry for the rant/whine whatever, but I guess you guys are my therapy today, its just been a really bad bad week for me....Jim

 

I have worked very closely with mental health workers for years and my wife is an RN who had worked in the psych unit for years....what I hear are the symptoms of depression, I am not being your doctor or anything....I think if some one told you ,"stop your whining and pull up your bootstraps!", it wouldn't really help. Depression does kill people, both mentally and physically....who knows what really happened to your buddy. You have a lot on your mind, if it was me I would find a nurse prac***ioner psychiatric care provider, some talk therapy seems indicated and maybe medication. I know others on here might just tell you to grow a pair.....I know different, I see it in the patients and clients I work with. God bless.

 

Hey brother....loosing a close friend can and will turn your life upside down. I lost a dear buddy several months ago and I too floundered around for a while.

Give yourself some time to absorb the blow and don't judge yourself for feeling all kinds of weird **** for a while.

After a while, try to get back in the groove by doing a few things on your rod....ease back into it and you'll feel the bug start to bite you again.

The other thing I did was find a way to get my mind off of myself and the stuff going on in my head. I found a program at my church to volunteer for and it has rocked my world.

 

if you can, get a private investigator to look into your friend's death, and if there's any su****ion about the cause of death, or if you think evidence might be revealed that would be useful in substantiating foul play, you can have an independent autopsy performed. i'm sorry to read about that situation, i've dealt with similar personally and i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

as for your general malaise, everybody feels that way sometimes. but look, you're 45, that ain't old by any means and like you said, you have the talent to build the car. your ride will get done and when it does it will mean that much more. ****, at least you own something and that's a hell of a lot more than a lot of people can say. and even if you do need to sell everything and pick up and move to an area that's cheaper/nicer/better for cars, there's no shame in that. that's just a fresh start. the only shame is in giving up.

 

When I started reading your post at first I thought it was just going to be one of the ones we see where someone is bogged down in the middle of a build and wants to know how to get the juices flowing again. But then as I got deeper into it I started to feel that you are REALLY down in the dumps about more than the car thing. Then when sumfuncomet made his post it sort of confirmed what I was thinking.

Look, there is no denying that life has it's ups and downs. Sometimes you are on top of the world and other times the bottom can fall out and you wonder if someone has it in for you. I've had a great life, but there have been periods where we lost almost everything and I felt like I couldn't go another day. It happens, but then life will turn around on you again and you start climbing out of the hole again.

I think you need to sit down and talk with someone who can help to put things into perspective and help you to feel better again. It is good that you vented like you did, we all need that release from time to time. A lot of us on here care about other people and what is going on in their lives, so if you want to PM me ever, feel free to do it.

Good luck, and I hope things get better for you soon.

Don

 

Hey Jim, you and I are in a similar boat. Im 45 my name is Jim I have (some) know how to put my junk together. And a few months ago lost
a family member. I felt the same way you do about the cars and all that goes with it. I am the type to keep it all in ..ya Know like Mr Tuff guy I don't
need nobody's help. I think the best thing I did to help was talk to some close friends and family about it or just anyone that will listen. Tell them everything on your mind, it does help. Once you get started you will go wow where did all that come from??? It will take time. With this person that is now gone in my life I kind of feel that the car project I'm working on now will be in some small way to me will be a dedication to him. That makes it more of reason to get back out there and turn those wrench's.
I wish you the best. And I believe one way or another Justice will be served
to the deserving ...

 

Hey Man - take a deep breath and bear with it I had a rough time a year ago when I was working on my 33 Chevy that I just got running on the 4th of July - I had was bustin *** on it for Vintage Torquefest 2011(which was on my birthday 4-29) was bustin *** burnin the midnight oil,sleep a couple of hours ,breakfast with my family then the 9-12hr workday,quick dinner and back in the shop again-didnt call my Dad on Sunday as normal and he p***ed away on 04-18What a blow that was and didnt get to grieve had to take car eof his maters and missed the show - didnt drive it to the show this year either but still went -it kicked me in the ***,hangin with some old friends came home and started back on it and got it done -you need some time to get back into it -dont beat yourself up - listen to Sumfuncomet maybe get some help -you will get it done and will appreciate the hell out of your craftsmanship -take care of yourself and am glad you chose to speak out that is the first step in the right direction -I got alot of inspiration after Dad's p***ing and really helped me out alot -lot of great PEOPLE on the HAMB and a hell of alot of great cars & projects as well -Take care and good luck -sorry to hear about your buddy -my condolences...

 

Well the only thing I can say is that it might be "the" time to go do something completely different for a while and just let the car sit until you get a new burst of enthusiasm.
I lost my son 23 years ago and couldn't gather much enthusiasm for anything for quite a while. Then a few years ago I got tired of the car thing and took a few years off to play with my sailboat. I'm just now getting back to really trying to make progress on the 48.

From my own experience the worse thing you can do hot rod or custom wise is to try and work on one when you flat don't feel like doing it. Take your lady on that trip that she has wanted to go on but you always didn't have time to go on. Go to some event or place that you have been putting off or p***ing up because you needed the time and money for the car.

 

Most of us go through rough periods and somehow manage to come to terms with things that turn our world upside down,loosing your parents or a close friend can and does cause depression.

Talk to your family,a minister or a free clinic.

I lost a very good friend I grew up with a few years ago and I know how devastating it can be,,we are here for you but you need someone that can do more that offer there sympathies,hang in there brother. HRP

 

giving up? im sorry but thats something a true hot rodder would never say. i got my coupe as a peice of junk and i had no money to build it. but i worked on it,watched what a spent,traded good,used parts i could find. and im driving it. i thought i never would be able to get that car going.but i never gave up. i still have another one thats been a never ending process.but if hotrods are in the blood, its cant be bleed out. hot rodder till i die

 

One other thing that I might add is that being in a person's 40's is a little trying in itself. You start looking back on your life and reevaluating it and somehow feel you should be further ahead than you are by now.

Prior to turning 40 you are still "young" in some people's minds, but you are also approaching 50, an age some people feel is not so young any more. (I'm 67, so to me 60 is young and 100 is old ) They don't call 40's and 50's midlife crisis for no reason.

The death of your friend has obviously hurt you deeply,as it should. It shows you are a good person with the ability to love others. Most of us have lost someone close and it hurts, big time. You will never totally forget, but time does help heal.

Just wanted to add that.

Don

 

Well, I'm not going to give you the "I know how you feel" ********. Because I don't know how you feel, yet I can relate. It does **** to have a skill or p***ion and not be able express it. I to have a couple friends, who have HUGE shops and numerous cars, yet they don't have the P***ION. For them, it's a way of making money. No P***ion at all. I don't have a garage or a shop. The buddy, who used to let me use his shop/business, got beat up and robbed. He's decided to get out of the trade and retire. So, I'll have to work on my car in my driveway or pay someone to take it to thier shop and fix it.

I also live in a community where I'm the outcast. I'm surrounded by guys, who think throwing on a set of 24" rims or a fart can muffler is a major mod. They see me and don't have a clue to what I'm driving. They usually don't want to know or care.

My job contract at the Veterans hospital is almost out and I'll be looking for work again. I'm getting ready to go back to school to learn welding. I know I can do it and I know I'll love it, but I wonder if it will lead to a good job that will serve my needs.

My mom is old and doing okay, but not enough. I moved in with her, so she won't go to a nursing home. I'm the oldest and single, so I stepped up. I can't do all the things my friends do, but I don't mind. Family comes first.

It sometimes gets me down, but only when i sit still and dwell on it. My T has been down for a ****ing month and I needed it for an escape. I've read most of my old magazines and watched Mad Fabricators and "American Graffiti" a hundred times each. It's helped, but it isn't the same.

So, my advise would be to reach down deep. Count your blessings. You may have to reach deep, but you'll find them. Do what it takes to stumble into your garage or shop and do SOMETHING. ANYTHING.

The "waiting for something to change mood" is ********. It NEVER helps. YOU have to change the mood. It ain't easy, but it's possible. I'll bet if you PM'ed anyone here and asked for thier number, they'd give it to you and just talk. Sounds like that may be what you need. This **** is a slump and it will p***.

 

Some great advice from everybody...a thing to remember is that it takes time to grieve that loss, you can't rush it, it works at its own pace....there is a saying, time takes time, a good thing to do is get out of yourself. Give to others, volunteer, etc. another poster said don't grind away on the car without feeling like you really want to, you won't do your best work. All good advice! I am a Ho****e worker and I am privileged to be a part of the dying process with complete strangers, also I am present for the grief counseling in some cases so I do have experience in this area. As Don mentioned, if you ever want to PM me either,feel free to do so. Look up Elizabeth Kubler- Ross on the Internet, she goes into great detail on the grief process in a way the layperson can understand. Take care.

 

Jim, Do not ignore the advice from sumfuncomet.

As for your project car. take a break on it if you don't feel like working on it. On the HAMB, we revere the traditional kustoms and hot rods, but truth be told, they ain't the number one most important thing.

You've got the skills and ability to finish the car. It will come in time. Just hang in there. If you don't have a "to do" list, make one. Best piece of advice a buddy gave me. There was a sense of accomplishment every time I crossed something off. And it really helped manage the project.

Been on the road since '09, there's still times I just shake my head and say to myself, "I can't believe I'm actually driving this car". If I can do it, I KNOW you can, and the troubles you will have gone through on the project, will just give you that much more feeling of satisfaction, knowing that you did it.

Sorry to hear of your loss. Please don't talk yourself out of seeking help if you need it. Take great care!

Bill

 

Jim, you need to breath deep, relax, and then make a plan to get going and move on. It will not be as hard as you think. Just take it one-step at a time and you can accomplish anything. That is how all us hot-rodder’s build cars. We make a plan, and then take one small step at a time. If it does not work, we change the plan, modify the work and overcome the issue.

As for money, if you can handle side jobs on hotrods, then get some business cards together. That will cost you $30 on-line for some cool ones. Take them and pictures of your work to places like the <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comSpringfield</st1:City> swap meet, the "dam cruise", the huge monthly cruise night in <ST1lace <st1:City w:st="on">Belton</st1:City> <st1:State w:st="on">MO. </st1:State></ST1Go over to <st1:City w:st="on">Arkansas City</st1:City>, <st1:State w:st="on">KS</st1:State> for the last run; don't forget about Ol’ Marianas river run in <ST1<st1:City w:st="on">Ottawa</st1:City> <st1:State w:st="on">KS</st1:State></ST1. Put a flyer on the board at Pete and Jakes in Peculiar MO. Talk to people, show them pictures and offer to work on their cars. If you can do body and paint for a reasonable price, you can be busy for a few years...! If you don't have space, do the work at the owners home. There are all kinds of people who want cool cars, but don't have either the time or talent. Just choose your most marketable talent and flaunt it.
<O</O
<O</O
One more thing...save your money and get out of Branson<ST1. I think you will be much happier somewhere were your talents will be more appreciated. If you don't want to go far, then just move up to the <st1:City w:st="on"><ST1Kansas City </ST1</st1:City>area where there a ton of hot-rodder’s and cruises all the time. Branson is nice for country music and vacations, but is not really a big hot-rodder’s scene. At the very least, move to <ST1<st1:City w:st="on">Springfield </st1:City></ST1where there are a lot of hot-rodder’s who you can connect with. Consider joining a car club too. That way you can get some needed support from guys who know.<O</O
<O</O

Many of us have all been where you are today. Projects that linger for years, troubles that keep us from the hobby and friends who change over the years. You work to fix the troubles, you tinker on the project when you can and you make new friends...who knows, some of them might just be right here on the HAMB. <O</O

 

A fresh start from the routine. Clean foods. Nothing fast. If you consume any of the following: smokes, beer, booze, cut back on them. Watch out if the Doctor has prescribed any modern pills period. Now onto the 'want'. The wanting the nice, finished cars other have has to go! A large burden will leave you when you let go of the 'want'. Money, women, stuff, ect. The want is an anchor. Work and finish the one car you own. Get it on the road 1st. Work through these setbacks. A feeling of accomplishment each step is a boast and reward. A lot of 'heros' here will walk away for a few weeks, to clear their head. Fish, hunt, bike ride (pedal) hike, surf, ect. Balance out. Give them a try.

 

Sorry for your loss. My only advice; don't give up, ever.

 

I hear you dude!I'm 46, hang in there. I agree there's a perfect storm brewing to make this "hobby" even harder to do. Many years ago I walked away. It took a while to realize that for me, nothing else could fill the void. If you're the hard core rodder I think you are, then remember this; our p***ion is what defines us. It's who I am. Who are you?

 

One more thing, sorry about you losing your friend. I lost one when I was 15.

 

Jim, I don't know why I was different but back about 5 years ago while I was still building my 55. I had 3 people very close to me p*** away and the son of a lifelong friend go into a coma from a work related serious injury. This all happened within 5 or 6 months. The only way I could get through the days without all the sadness and grief was to literally dive into my project and stay there 1 day at a time. For some reason I became much more focused and determined and before I knew it, I was driving the car to work and doing the interior on the weekend. I feel for your loss and I know how hard this type of thing can hit you . Stay strong and if you have to move to get things going your way again, then maybe you should think about it. Good luck Jim, we're all here for you if you need us for anything.

 

I have lost several friends but this one was really different, I lost some good ones to wrecks, we all were really stupid when we were growing up and some of my buddies paied the ultimate price for that, but knowing how this one happened is really hard to deal with....Thats not my only problem and I know its not, that was just one thing on my mind at this time.....I dont know, I guess I have to go get help tomorrow, I am in a really bad place right now....thank you all very much...You are like a extended family, I need one right now, things are bad..

 

GOD does wonders.
B.B.

 

Jim,

Having support systems during times when people experience the psychosomatic stressors that life presents is very important. The empathy that is shown by many of the above posts speaks well for the character of many of the people on this board. We all have times of distress and disappointment (states) and if it continues for an extended amount of time and repeats itself, it might be more of a concern and considered ongoing depression (trait) .
As many comments have stated, it would probably be in your best interest to discuss this with your health care provider and sort out your options to find a way to deal with your loss.

Best of luck

 

Jim, I went through a simular situation when my 20 yo son was killed in a crash. The shock of it, the loss of a close friend, and my son was as much a friend as he was my son, it takes something outta you. My Maverick was still a project, my son got to hear it run and see it yard drive, but never got a chance to go down the road in it. After a week or two, I dove headlong into finishing it. It helped my take my mind off of him, but then again, it also reminded me of him as he had helped me a lot on it.

I know the fustration of wanting things, but never being able to afford them. I've always had to make do with second best just to get something close to what I want. I still have to watch my money closely, I may have to wait weeks or months sometimes for something I need for the toys. Life is rough unless you're dealt the rich card, and most of us haven't been.

All I can add is to take it day by day. Do things the way you want them. If the car is buggin' you, take time away from it, go fishing or something you like to do. Let it sit for a while. It'll be there when you go back to it.

 

I have seen situations such as this that the family and friends refuse to accept the possibility of suicide....it is tough to wrap your head around...

It may help you to get an unbiased PI to look at the totality of the cir***stances to tell you the truth....

 

If you didn't have other things weighing on your mind the car things would not seem so insurmountable. I think that dwelling on all the things happening in your life, and then looking at your progress on the car is just another brick on the pile.
Time to address the various issues troubling you, and put the car on the back burner. Not having the right garage, tools, etc. should not stop you. But even with the perfect garage and tools right now, you'd still have trouble finishing that project if other things have you depressed.

 

I posted above, but listen....you really need to go find someone to talk to....in person.

Go to one of the bigger churches in your area and ask if they have a grief counselor. I've got nothing against the smaller churches, but the bigger ones sometimes have the resources to have some qualified counselors on staff, or on call.

Seriously brother....go talk to a qualified person. It'll do you a world of good.

PM me for my phone number if you need someone to just get you through the next few hours.

 

I have been where you are. We can and do make it through. God is your friend, and mine. I will talk to him right now about revealing His comfort and grace to you. Will you talk to Him too? Hot rods are patient, loyal friends that will wait quietly for the time when you can focus your attention on them again so don't give any thought to walking away totally from the activity you love.

 

Amen Brother! I have been driven to my knees very hard, as many of you have been. The most painful thing that ever happened to me was losing a son. It is what we go through and live through that teaches us and makes us who we are. My son taught me more about the value of life than anybody else on the planet. In that respect, his work was done. Work and hobbies can be very good therapy because it forces us to think of something else for a bit. Remember that you will have good days and bad days... when it is all said and done , you will find that you had more good than bad.

 

You may be in a bad place now, but remember this...there are things you can control, and there are things you can't control. Focus on what you can do, it'll help you get past the things you can't do, we all have rough times, some people seem to have a permanent black cloud...some never seem to experience one.
I been where you are, a lot of us have, I know its small comfort, but life is full of bumps in the road, focus on what you do have, not what you don't, look at the good, stop dwelling on the bad, some days life is hard, but the sun always shines, remember, tomorrow truly is another day.
Some days you're the bug, other days you're the windshield, thats just how it is.