Need some-one else's prospective on a dilemma disturbing me.

I don't know about you, but every other story about a feature car in a magazine has the "I took 25 years away from hot rods to raise a family/career/business and wanted to get back to it so I picked up a (insert rusty project here), and started in on it." sentence in it.

That means there are a lot of car guys out there that are still in their 25 years of family/career/business raising period. Guess what, you are one of them. Keep yourself healthy, your family happy and the day will come.

I also don't know how much things go for down there, but will the proceeds of selling everything take a large burden off of your family financially?

If so, there are always other projects out there later... '32 Fords even.

If not, YOUR psyche may take a blow if you don't have any dreams and your past work is for naught. Keep it and take a gander at it once in a while to keep you focused on what is on your plate right now.

What does your wife think? It would take a real putz to kick her when she's down... if thats what I'm reading into "if you know what I mean" line.

 

Listen to Harry Chaffin's "Cat in the Cradle" a few times and think about listening again in about 15-20 years from now. The kids are important and if you don't get things straight they will suffer more than they are now. Kids are pretty perceptive, even at an early age, and are "feeling" for mommy and her down times. Whether you still love your wife or not you have an obligation to those kids. Sell your stuff but keep buying the car mags and dreaming about that '32.

My 0.02 cents

 

Sounds like to me you are doing a good job of keeping family stuff first.........good job.........any of those ideas sound good........dreams are hard to kill..........go with the one you want most or makes the most sence to you.......my hot rods are going very slow right now in a delema close to yours.......get your vision..............and GO......................

 

Okay, like a couple of the other replies, I'm reading between the lines. Your situation isn't different from most. Sounds like to me you are over your head with the house, and you have too many car projects. Maybe you should move down where most of us are, and buy/rent a house you can afford. Next, is it the coupe/hot rod you want? Then keep it and sell everything else. You can part out that old Dodge and sell the parts on eBay for a lot. Sell off ever other old car part or project and get down to the one you really want, if it isn't that coupe hot rod, sell it too. Clean house. (don't sell your tools) . When you go looking for a house you can afford, look at the garage first. Every man needs a garage to work on some kind of project, because it's cheaper than booze, broads, or cocaine. If you can't afford a house with a garage, join a club. Every club I know has rich guys that want their friends to come over and admire their stuff. Cultivate a friendship with somebody like that and then you'll have a new outlook on the hobby. If the old lady whimpers about the money you spend on the project, then coping with that, learning to get around the manipulation, is the major job. All women, the best in the world, can all figure out a better way to spend that money instead of you putting it into a hot-rod. Remember this. the Best Hot-Rod in the world, if you do the work yourself don't cost any more than a hill of beans.

 

Thanx for the helpful advice, everyone.

Selling the house isn't an option at the moment, as it has a long way to go before its a saleable commodity, so I'll just plod along with it.

My wife has a workers compensation claim against her previous employer, after having it arbitrated twice in her favour, it seems as though the insurance company is pushing it to the endth degree.

So all is not doom and gloom, on that front.

Taking your advice into account - I'll put up and shut up, keeping what I have, and close the door on the hot rods for a while, get a bunch of $ together, THEN, when the girls are older, and the house is sorted, etc etc, then it'll be play time for me!!!

I'll keep the coupe, pick up the dodge, part it out, keeping the ch***is, and giving stuff to those that I owe, and sell the rest.

thanks again, everyone.

Mark

 

Hey stovebolt.

I agree with Brandy on this. If you don't feel happy personally the everything else become really hard. The last couple of years I was fairly unhappy with a lot of things and it caused many things to go bad...relationships etc.

I say decided which project will be fun and reachable...a 32 project may just be expensive??? Sell off the rest, and make sure you look after yourself andf your wife and kids.

Apart from that i cannot offer too much advice being pretty young. (unexperienced)

Keep you chin up and look after yourself.

Cheers

maiki

 

I lost my job, had a mortgage, wife, child, and one on the way. here is what I did:

Disconnected the cable (didn't put it back in for three years!), didn't go out to eat, used utilities sparingly, got side jobs, went on the dole and foodstamps.

The most important thing I did was STAY POSITIVE! I also let God more into my life, faith helps, I don't give a **** what the wags say. There was one set of footprints in the sand and I was being carried. Have faith in yourself as well. Your marriage has other problem s bub, it ain't the job. Communication went kerfizzle, BTDT too. There are things you can fix, and there are things you can't, and you will be surprised at how you can fix the things you thought you couldn't before.

Have faith, be positive, work hard, suspend the car stuff for a little while, get back in touch with Momma and most of all God.

 

I'm gonna sound like a social worker here, but... wait, I am a social worker! Yup, one a' them tree-hugging, justice-for-all types, right here on teh HAMB!

Here's my 2c:

It's fairly obvious that you have a value that your family comes first. If you're not living within your values, you'll guarantee unhappiness. Personally, I think you're absolutely doing the best thing for your kids by that, but only if you truly do value your family and your marriage and work at making them good rather than begrudgingly staying "for the kids" or whatever. So if you have decided that staying is of utmost importance, build your family up just like you would that '32, with care and love and all the energy you can muster.

I also agree with the idea that you need to keep yourself happy. I contend, though, that jumping into the hot rod isn't necessarily the way, and neither is completely jumping out of it.

We function best (us humans) when we're in balance... and in my work I teach people that balance includes your mind, body, and spirit.

So, while you're going through this hard time and it's easiest to let yourself go -- realize that it's the time when it's the most meaningful to concentrate on those elements of yourself:

What are you doing for your mind, to keep it sharp and positive?

What are you doing for your body: how is your diet and how much do you exercise? For that matter, how about your wife? There are thousands and thousands of drugs on the market, but the best mental health is as easy and inexpensive as this: diet and exercise.

I'm serious, it's the miracle cure that if I could figure a way to package into an easy-to-swallow pill, I'd be looking down on Bill Gates's house wondering why he's so cheap.

Finally, spirit. Do you have a higher power (God, Buddha, Krishna, Nature, the Universe), and do you converse with it? Do you give thanks for your wonderful wife and the amazing gift that is your children? If so, do you do it often enough?

It's way too easy to get caught up in the **** that makes up this world, but when you boil it down, as long as you really live by your values (and not those of the people next door or your in-laws or a guy with a finished car in a magazine), you'll be all right in the end.

Closing thought: I was reading Kurt Vonnegut's new book this morning and he talked of an uncle who would occasionally, mid-conversation, stop and say "If this isn't nice, I don't know what is." Give yourself permission to be happy, and notice even those little times when you are: looking at your children, driving past an old car sitting on the side of the road, noticing the bright colors in nature.

Okay, back to your regularly scheduled HAMB.

 

Wise words indeed ElCaballo. You to Longroof 64.

Frank

 

I think some of these hambers have listened to national radio talk host Dave Ramsey..........good Luck.... Bobby..

 

I won't say what's best for you but when Iwas faced with similar cir***stances, here's what I did:
Restructured the house loan to be more manageable every month.
Always had a project to work on but it was never done and seldom ran...spent more time at ball games, Karate, school functions and worked a ton of overtime to support the family. Sometimes I didn't go out to the garage for weeks at a time but when I did, I included my son in the fun.. When I helped him get his first car, a 50 ford coupe [he still has it at 32 years old] we made it a father/son project. He has yet to drive it but it runs!
When I had an extra 20 minutes and 5 bucks, I'd make damn sure I had all my family obligations done before I'd trip out to the garage and build sumthun to help keep me sane..... it was important to me and still is but I found I didn't need a lotta money to have a project to keep me busy....forget all about 32 fords.....neither one of us has enough money to build a 32 ford in the next 100 years but a bare frame for an old dodge project can keep you busy [and dirty] for a long time with no outlay of fundage..
This is the $100 dodge I worked on for several years...with donated and cheap parts...didn't hurt the family and kept me sane....kinda.

 

Regardless of your problems..never give up on your dream.
Figure out how that can be achieved the easiest for you.
Its important that you keep a project in your garage to give you something to work for. Don't sell everything. If it was me i would sell off the freebee car for stuff for your present project..some day that 32 will be waiting for You.
Take it a step at a time. good luck!

 

I get the impression that your wife's problems are long term, most people don't really understand the strain in a relationship where one spouse has to shoulder the burden of the other being sick or disabled in some way, sometimes for years. Here's a good place to see how people cope with all those ***ociated problems.

http://www.wellspouse.org/phpBB2/

 

Brad, AMEN! You nailed it. if a persons cars are the only thing that means anything in his life, then life is over. Plus, messed up parents will have messed up kids. I see it every day.

 

There you have it, HAMB therapy at its best.

Sniff, I think I'm gonna bust out bawlin'! I LOVE this town.

Hang in there, man. We're pullin' for ya.

Oh and tell your wife that you love her. Often. We car guys sometimes forget to do that.

 

Sound advice, Mate...

 

I feel your pain, man. I'm running solo while the wife takes care of the kids (2 with one on the way). No house yet, but I'm thinkin' next year. Sometimes you hit a spot where everything seems to just pile-up like one of those chain reaction rearend multicar accidents. Best thing to do there as here would be to get out, make sure you're alright, survey the damage and go from there. but always establish a starting point or baseline. Without a solid base, you're screwed, but it sounds like you're on the right track.
I'd also like to say quite publicly that I love my wife. I lost my job a month after buying my Impala and was pretty much resigned to selling it off. When I told her, she looked me straight in the eye and said 'Hell no! You've always wanted that car and you're keeping it! Besides, it's paid for'

 

Stovebolt, not that I'm probably the best person to listen too, but.....

I say we have a HAMB thrash weekend sometime in the new year at your place on the little tourer you just scored. If we all turn up with a part or two and some steel each, we'll have it close to goin in a weekend. If the U.S. guys can do it, so can we. Build the tourer cheap, 50 or 100 buck holden for the bits and a weekend thrash, and keep the coupe for when times are a bit better.

 

Hey, remember, at the end of the day you're still living in a warm and friendly country. Things could be worse, you could be in cold wet England.

After 13 years living in south east asia this ****py English grey dreary miserable wet weather depresses the piss outta me. Moved back here 3 years ago, and still gets me down when I look out the window and see heavy grey cloud from horizon to horizon, day after day.

 

Hey Mark,

I bet a few of us have felt like this, it p***es, in my short time I've learnt things have a way of working themselves out. If I was you I would do away with all non essential bits required for either the coupe or youre dream 32 and say screw the deadline! Finish it whenever (you never know the guidelines might actually be approved by then too).I know it may be tough not having an oldy to buzz around in (I struggle if I haven't had the roadster out in a while) but when you have already got it, it ain't costing you anything to sit there. Unless of course storage space is a problem.

I look at things I've got to do around the house including the wifes car, sometimes it seems it aint ever going to end. So I do one thing at a time, set a task and finish it. Then move on to the next, whether its on the car or the house, at least then I feel like I'm getting somewhere.

Anyway I'll try and catch up with you soon. Not sure whats on this coming weekend but I might call you and drop round.

 

Ya'll have house trailers over there? Sell the house, pick up a 25 year old trailer for around $2,000 and LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS!!!

 

Havent met you yet but will at a gig in the near future .........I hope this small story helps....I have custody of my 2 kids and have done for the last 9 years....I had a huge mountain of **** for years, in my head that I couldnt look at...I had to seperate it all in my head and get pro help......Relationship/ kids/work/house/family/friends/HOBBIES{tin]/ Health, are all seperate issues that can be worked on seperately,bit by bit......I had it all wrong...when I was makin the kids lunches in the mornin and hangin clothes and doin the Mr Mom thing, id be thinkin about the rod Im buildin and gettin resentful, I couldnt spend enough time to do it.. I wasnt there {emotionally} for my kids....when I was at work, Id then worry about the kids ........when I was in the shed, Id have anxiety and worry about work/kids/feel selfish etc and get jack all done...worry worry......NOW, when Im being in the moment, IM THERE....balls and all........If Im called on to be dad for 2 hours, Im dad..........If Im called on to be master rod builder of the year , iM there too..........in other words..I dont run away in my head or complicate it any further.......ohhh, and another thing.......if when your smilin, or feelin good that youve taken life by the horns and workin on things, certain people {anyone in your life} might not like this, there part of the moan/groan society.........funny that.........so unfortunately you cant change them, but you do have the choice to be around them or not.......keep positive, stay around positive people, get pro help, stay in the moment ..., because we need all the above, but balanced........sorry to rant, but believe me, I feel for you...cheers, Bert

 

1, you will get good money for a good coupe body
2, the dodge is free and compleate
3, you are young and have no money, it won't always be like that, the mortgage will become more managable, you wife will get better and you will have more money..........then you can get another coupe to join the dodge you built for no money in your garage.

To put things in to perspective, I did the same as you ('sept my house is over 200 years old and hadn't been lived in for 4 years!!) big mortgage etc, no car to play with, OK there was an MG Midget but it's not worth anything unlike your A. I was the one who had the breakdown. That was 13 years ago I now have had a couple of rods and have an all steel A roadster as well a hard tailed Chop, the house is paid for and my son is almost at an age when we will both be in the garage building cars. Life was a crock of **** for a while but it's good now,
Sell the A, and do stuff for the familly but save some and Build the Dodge.
You will get the cars you want but we all have to wait sometimes.

 

This is just me but I say Get your life in order. Talk with your wife about the goals you both have for your life as 2 people together, it has to be both of you on board with the same goal. I'm 47 and have a 100 year old project that we call home. I spent most if my life trying to get several stillborn rod projects off the ground and now I'm looking at a house that needs a lot of work that I've ignored for too long. We both love the house and my wife was very understanding of my hobbies but now I'm behind on the house so everything else is going on hold till I get a handle on the house and home front, this is my choice, I wasn't beat into it by my wife but I'll enjoy my rod and bike projects more once the house pressure is less. Try to dump everything that makes your lives as a couple more hectic and find strength in each other.