dead baby jokes rock....I used to know sooooo many of em, but I didn't tell em for so long i forgot em. I've alway sbeen a sucker for offensive material...
I have a feeling this will get deleted soon anyway, so what the hell. How do you make a dead baby float? ...one dead baby, two scoops of ice cream.
how can you tell if you are at a gay barbeque? the weiners taste like crap. why did god invent shopping carts? to teach women to walk on their hind legs. whats the difference between a truck full of dead babies and a truck full of bowling balls? you cant use a pitchfork to unload the bowling balls. no offense to gay people, women or any dead babies that may be reading.
I love this one, everyone knows it, I'll just type the punchline... The Blonde suddenly starts bawling inconsoleably... "Whats wrong, honey?" the other two ask. "I dont wanna have puppies!"
This pregnant woman goes to the hospital to give birth. The doctor gets it out of her. The woman is looking at the doctor waiting for her baby. The doctor takes her baby and starts slamming it into walls, the bed, knocking shit over and making a big, bloody mess. She starts screaming: "My god what are u doing to my baby!!!!!!" He stops, looks at her, laughingly says: "No, I'm just kidding, it was dead when it came out."
Little Johnny is sitting in class on a friday with 30 minutes left before class is done and he gets to go home for the weekend. His teacher says, "Children, were going to play a game. I'll say a famous quote and the student who names the person who said it gets to leave school early." The students happily agree. The teacher says "Four score and seven years ago." Little johnny is thinking and before he can guess, Emily raises her hand and says "Abraham Lincoln!" she gets it correct and leaves the classroom. Johnny is very disappointed. The teacher says, "Ok class, lets do another one." So she says "I have a dream" Again, Johnny is thinking hard and just as he raises his hand, Margaret yells out "Martin Luther King Jr.!" She is correct so the teacher lets her leave the classroom. Little Johnny is now pissed that he didnt say the answer in time. He says "DAMMIT, I wish that BITCH woulda kept her mouth SHUT!" The teacher stands up and says "WHO SAID THAT!?!?!" Little Johnny runs to the exit door and yells "BILL CLINTON!! I'll SEE YOU ON MONDAY!"
I've told this one before, but I thought that it merrited repeating... How many hot rodders does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change the bulb, and three to talk about how good the old bulb was.
[ QUOTE ] I've told this one before, but I thought that it merrited repeating... How many hot rodders does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change the bulb, and three to talk about how good the old bulb was. [/ QUOTE ] HEY CADDY shouldn't that be 104,including the 96 guys telling him how he did it wrong!!!badoomp tschhh,don't forget to tip your waitress!!
Whaddya call a German virgin? goodntite Whats the worst part of eatin a bald pussy? Puttin the diaper back on afterwards! oooooooooooooooo, ouch, I apologize if I offended anyone.
Theres these 2 guys that work at a factory, and they are best friends. One is Steve, a white guy, the other is Don, a black guy. One day Don was talking to some of the other guys about Steve. He said " I dont know what it is about Steve, but every day he comes in here, and is in the best mood, smiling and happy" So he decides to ask his best bud how he can be as happy too.. So Don asks Steve, " I see you come in every morning, happy, smiling and in the best mood, how do you do it?" Steve tells him "I have wonderful sex with the wife every morning!" Don says HUH? Every morning? How do you get that?? Steve says, "I cuddle up to her in the bed, whisper a love poem into her ear, and we make sweet love." Don says "I'm gonna do that tomorrow! Thanks Steve!" So the next morning Don comes into work late, he has 2 black eyes, a big ass bandage on his nose, and his lips are all busted up. Steve runs up and says "Damn Don! what the hell happened to you!?? Don tells him, "I tried out what you said to do..I snuggled up close, and whispered a love poem in her ear...and then she did this to me!" Steve goes "What do you mean? What did you whisper into her ear??" Don paused for a moment, and said..."Nigga bitch, nigga bitch..eyes like a frog, let me roll you over and fuck you like a dog!" No offense intended to anyone..This is Bad joke Wednesday...
I apologize to all, but i can't resist... [ QUOTE ] How do you make a dead baby float? ...one dead baby, two scoops of ice cream. [/ QUOTE ] Sorry but i think you are doin it all wrong, you make a dead baby float by taking your foot off its head...
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. The Englishman says "This is a pretty nice bar, but back home at the Rose and Thistle I get a free beer from the bartender after I buy 5. The Scotsman says "That's good but home in Edinburough I get a free beer after buying only 3! The Irishman says 'Well there's a pub in Dublin where you go and drink all night for free and when you've had a snootful they take you upstairs and ya get layed for free too! Now that's a good bar! The other two don't believe him of course so that ask him how many times that's really happened and he says "Well, it never actually happened to me, but it happens to my sister every week!
So an Irishman WALKS out of a bar.............. whats 12"long, blue, and can make a woman scream? Crib Death.... ouch sorry for that one.... I have some really good ones, but I dont wanna offend anyone.....PM me if you wanna hear some......
I can't resist..... A man from Arkansas walks into a bar in East Texas, in one hand he holds a dead cat and in the other a sack. The Arky walks up to the bar and ask for a shot of whisky, the bartender pours the drink and the Arky quickly drinks it and then takes a bite out of the dead cat. "Holy Shit mister what the hell" cries the bartender. "Give me another drink" says the Arky. After thinking a second or two if he should pour the drink the bartender pours it and watches in horror as the Arky drinks the drink, pulls out and gun and fires 6 shots into the sack which is full of shit. "Thats it you jackass we don't cotten to you weird o's around here get the fuck out of my bar" screams the bartender. The Arky gets up and slowly walks toward the door, stops, turns and says "I just wanted to fit in.......all I wanted to do was be a Texan, drink whiskey shot the shit and eat pussy.
Blonde joke anyone....... Two blonds are walking along a back road in Arkansas when they come upon some tracks. "Those are rabbit tracks" says one of the blondes. "No those are deer tracks" says the other blonde. They where still argueing when the train hit them.
An Arky, an Aggie, a preist, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "Whats this, some kind of a joke"
Sherlock Holms and Watson are camping when Holms wakes Watson and ask "Watson I want you to look up and tell me what you see". Watson looks up and after about 3 minutes of thought says to Holms "I see millions of stars maybe some not too unlike earth, maybe even inhabited by beings not unlike ourselves, maybe some more advanced than we." To this Holms says "No you idiot someone stole the tent"
You might be from San Francisco if you think drag racing is bill and Joe waring their mothers sunday dresses and sprinting up the road.
What do you call a guy with no legs and no arms laying at your front door.........MATT. What do you call a guy with no legs and no arms and has just falling into the river........BOB. A woman with no arms or legs is laying next to a pond when this Arky comes along. The woman is crying so the Arky stops to ask her if she needs help she replies "No one loves me and I've never had a hug" the Arky thinks about this a moment then gives the woman a hug. The woman begins to cry again "Whats wrong now" the Arky ask " No one loves me and i've never been kissed" the Arky gives the woman a kiss and turns to leave when the woman begins crying again. "What now" ask the Arky. "No one loves me and I've never made love before" the Arky goes to the woman lifts her up and ......throws her in the pond and says "Well your screwed NOW !" I could go on all day but I won't. Sorry Ryan I just couldn't resist....I mean being a Jester I have a calling.
What do you call two queers named Bob? Oral Roberts! Did you hear about the two lesbians who built a house? No nails, all tounge in groove. Insert rim-shot here. There goes my rep as a fine upstanding gentleman.
A Russian astronaut, an American astronaut, and a blonde were having drinks, one evening. after several drinks, the Russian became boastful."You know, we were the first in space" The American retorted with " we were the first to walk on the moon." To which, the blonde stated, " we will be the first to walk on the sun" the russian said " you can not go to the sun, why, you will be burned." The blonde replied, "Hellooooo! We are going at night"
these suckers are old and growing mold What do you call a man with no arm, no legs, under a pile of leaves......Russell same guy hanging on the wall....Art same guy water skiing..... Skip Farmall
blonde jokes...you want blonde jokes? why do dumb blondes wear panties? they need something to keep their ankles warm. Why do dumb blondes wear hoop ear rings? they need something to hook their ankles on. a dumb blond walks onto an airplane bound for Hawaii saying " I'm blonde and beautiful and I'm going to Hawaii and I deserve to fly first class". She promptly sits down in the first first-class seat she can find. The plane starts filling up and a gentleman comes onboard and realizes that the gorgeous blonde is in his seat. He says, " Ah... Mam... your in my seat". The bonde replies, " I'm blonde and beautiful and I'm going to Hawaii and I deserve to fly first class". The man gets angry and calls the flight attendant. The attendant asks the blonde to go to her assigned seat but the blonde replies, " I'm blonde and beautiful and I'm going to Hawaii and I deserve to fly first class". The flight attendant is PISSED...so she goes and gets the pilot. The pilot listens to the attendant explain the situation and then he goes over to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately turns red in the face and gets up and goes to her seat. Everyone was stunned and begged the pilot.... tell us what you told the blonde?? He says," I told her that first class doesn't go to Hawaii"
What's the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other carries groceries.
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson at the beach?.... excuse me but your in my SON!!!! Whats the diffrence between Neal Armstrong and Michael Jackson? One walked on the moon, and one has sex with little boys.... HAHAHAH
How can you tell its bedtime at M Jackson's house? When the BIG HAND is on the LITTLE HAND!!!..........OLDBEET
whatcha call a guy with a bunch of rabbits up his arse? WARREN. whatcha call a guy with shovel up his arse? DOUG. whatcha call a guy WITHOUT a shovel up his arse? DOUGLAS.
The Jalopy Journal
