Ok... here's one of my tame ones.... I just couldn't resist.... There are these 3 gay guys that share an apartment. One Sunday afternoon they decide to sleep in all day and have a mega-threesome. They are going at each other all day long. Finaly at about 5:00 in the evening, one of the three gets up for a glass of water... just as he is exiting the bedroom door, he turns and looks at his partners and says "now you guys don't start back up without me... I'm serious"! A few minutes he returns to the bedroom, glass of water in hand and after entering the room he notices a huge glob of cum on the wall right next to the bed. He spits out the water that was in his mouth in disgust and looks at his two partners laying in bed and says "DAMMIT YOU BASTARDS, I TOLD YOU GUYS TO WAIT FOR ME"!. One of the two guys in bed turns bright red, looks at the roommate in the doorway, points to the guy laying next to him on the bed and says "he farted". HC
what is the difference between a deep freezer and a gay man.................the deep freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
[ QUOTE ] <font color="green">OK It's Thursday now. </font> [/ QUOTE ] that very well may be, but hankcash has to give everything a homosexual spin before he's satisfied
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] <font color="green">OK It's Thursday now. </font> [/ QUOTE ] that very well may be, but hankcash has to give everything a homosexual spin before he's satisfied [/ QUOTE ] Cherry, I tell you all the time... I am gay! Why do you think that I hang out with you so much? OUCH! CB 0 HC 1 HC
[ QUOTE ] wow...deja vu. [/ QUOTE ] Shit, I didn't see that one already posted.. I am an ass... I will delete! HC
While that is a good joke HC, I think Jester already enlightened us with a very similiar version. [ QUOTE ] A woman with no arms or legs is laying next to a pond when this Arky comes along. The woman is crying so the Arky stops to ask her if she needs help she replies "No one loves me and I've never had a hug" the Arky thinks about this a moment then gives the woman a hug. The woman begins to cry again "Whats wrong now" the Arky ask " No one loves me and i've never been kissed" the Arky gives the woman a kiss and turns to leave when the woman begins crying again. "What now" ask the Arky. "No one loves me and I've never made love before" the Arky goes to the woman lifts her up and ......throws her in the pond and says "Well your screwed NOW !" [/ QUOTE ]
OUCH!!!! CB 2 HC 1 Whats a SPECIMEN.....? An Italian Astronaut..... See,you guys don't have to work BLUE.....
Sherlock Holmes is on his death bed with his dear freind Dr. Watson at his side. Holmes tells Watson that he has one last wish before he dies, he wants Watson to fuck him in the ass. Watson is shocked and of course does not want to do it. Holmes assures him that it's allright and that no one will ever know about it, so Watson reluctantly agrees to fuck Holmes in the ass. As Watson is preparing to perform the act, Holmes instructs him to grab a half cut lemon from his nightstand and squeeze the lemon juice all over his willy. Watson is perplexed and asks "What the devil shoud I do that for, Holmes?" Holmes the replies "Lemon entry my dear Watson, lemon entry."
NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt! HONESTY My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said ! with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago. OPINIONS On the first day ! of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents." KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle." MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into ! shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appl iances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning." DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of! the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayer s and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his Father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ... and into the hole he gooooes." SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I ! can't write and they won't let me talk!" BIBLE A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,"Kemo Sabi, look towards sky, what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars." "What that tell you?" asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astronomically, it tells me Saturn is in Leo. Time wise it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?" Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabi, you dumb ass. Someone has stolen tent." Yes, I know its Thursday......
Nobody went political so I guess I'll finish this post off and we can get back to drama... A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat and had grown to be in strong favor for the distribution of all wealth in America. She felt deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative, which she expressed openly. One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to higher taxes on the rich &more welfare programs. In the middle of her heartfelt diatribe based upon the lectures she had from her far left professors at her school, he stopped her and asked her point blank, how she was doing in school. She answered, rather haughtily, that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain. That she had to study all the time, and never had time to go out and party, like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend and didn't real ly have many college friends because of spending all her time studying. That she was taking a more difficult curriculum. Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Mary." She replied, "Mary is barely getting by," she continued, "all she has is barely a 2.0 GPA," adding, "and all she takes are easy classes and she never studies." But to explain further she continued emotionally, "But Mary is so very popular on campus, college for her is a blast, she goes to all the parties all the time and very often doesn't even sh! o w up for classes because she is too hung over. " Her father then asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your 4.0 GPA and give it to her friend; who only had a 2.0?" He continued, "That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair equal distribution of GPA." The daughter visibly shocked by the father's suggestion angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair, I worked reall y hard for mine, I did without and Mary has done little or nothing, she played while I worked real hard!" The father slowly smiled and said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."
Rat Rod Guy: "Did you see that rad ride at the show?" His Buddy: "Which one?" Rat Rod Guy: "The flat black one." His Buddy: "Which one?" Rat Rod Guy: "The one with the red wheels." His Buddy: "Which One?" Rat Rod Guy: "The one with the small block Chevy!" His Buddy: "Which ONE?!" Rat Rod Guy: "The Death Rod one with Iron Crosses!" His Buddy: "Which ONE!!!???" (continue to infinity!)
From one of my favorite movies......What do you get when you cross a peice of onion and a donkey........a peice of ass that brings tears to your eyes. Did you hear about the guy with five penises.........his pants fit like a glove
Guy walks into his shrinks office wearing nothing but saran wrap... Doc says "well, I can clearly see your nuts". HC
Two condoms walk past a gay bar. One turns to the other and says "lets go in and get shit faced!" If you beat your fish it will die...
for CherryBlossom.......why is 6 afraid of seven.....cause 7 8 9. What do you call a fly with no wings....... a walk
Here goes it.....a bit sick but hey, we all got problems.. Q: Whats the difference between a dead baby and a ham sandwich? A: I dont have sex with my ham sandwich before I eat it Q: What is the exact opposite of Christopher Reeve? A: Christoper Walkin Q: How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower? A: Give the bitch a shovel Hope at least someone enjoys em.... Greg
Alright... If Buford can bust out the sick shit... I'll lay a post killer on you guys.... (JOKE DELETED) I COULDN'T LET IT STAY OUT THERE if you read it you are one of the lucky few.... I am going straight to hell.... HC
Really lousy ones: Q: What's the difference between a watermelon and an easy woman? A: If you're not sure let me give you $5 to go get me a watermelon. Q: What's the difference between a watermelon and an easy woman? A: One you have to thump to see if its ripe and the other you have to hump to see if its tight. Q: How are a watermelon and an easy woman alike? A: They are both seedy and wet and pink inside. 1000 apologies. I don't know what I was thinking
How many zen buddhist monks does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the light bulb, and one to not screw in the light bulb. Both, however, may be illuminated by the experience. Didja hear the one about the Dali Lama, he walks up to a hot dog vendor in New York City, and says "Make me one with everything." So the Lama pays the vendor with a twenty, and then asks for his change. The vendor tells him " Change must come from within." Yeah, O.K., just about that Kinky6
The Jalopy Journal
