Bench Racing whoppers. Let's hear yours

I can't count how many people have told me when they see my '60 Fury that they had a '60 Sport Fury. Doesn't matter that there is no such thing, they had one.

Factory 428 in a GTO also a popular answer.

 

A friend of mine told me about his fathers Freightliner that could beat any car off the line fro a red light and across the intersection. After that of course the car would pass him by.

I'm willing to beleive that one.

 

Here are my favorites from my retarded ass 'Cowboy' brother-in-law:

1. "In highschool I had a '70 Chevelle with a blown 396. Yea, ran 7's in the quarter and was a dailer driver, even in WINTER! I crashed it at 200mph at Douglas dragstrip, front tire came off and I carwheeled the car the entire way down the strip, and 1/8 mile past into the straw bales. I could outrun every cop in town, they never caught me."

2. "When I got married the first time, the groomsmen stuffed the cab of my lifted Ford with newspapers and peanuts. I didn't feel like cleaning it out so I lit it on fire and it just burned up the paper and stuff."

3. "The road was icy outside of town and a semi hauling 100,000lbs of gravel was stuck. I hooked my big lifted Ford to it and pulled him up the summit (10 miles) at 50 miles per hour smoking the tires the entire way."

 

Chrysler made a 350 Big Block. it was a B series big block that was followed by the 361 and 383 "B" engines, and was produced in the late 50's.

I should have specified Chevy. Shame on me, being a ForwardLook'er and everything for not remembering that.

 

Did you know that the 426 Race Hemi was a bolt in with all chrysler vehicles from 1950 on? And when the first Hemi came out, it ran 9's stock, 8's if you got the 4bbl, and the moonshiners loved'em because they could run 170 MPH stock.

And, as it turns out, you can slap a 413 crossram and some stickers on a late 440, and uninformed people actually will believe it's really just a 413...

 

just this past weekend met an old guy first time and he told me about his 58 Impala that he had in 62 or so and it was a 283 283 hp mech injection with a 4 speed factory and would run 12000 rpm and cruise at 214 mph all day long , nothing in kansas could begin to run with him. ..........man I thought i had heard em all but that was a good'n. any one got a 58 like that, im on it if ya do ............

 

If you think car guys are bad, have someone hear that you like airplanes. The crap you hear from cassual interst people is unreal. Did you know that the SR-71 grows three feet at mach 3.5?! Or that the ground crew can't touch it for thirty minutes after it lands because it' s SO HOT! But I let people go when they are wrong like that. All correcting them will do is piss them off and make you look like an athoritative asshole. I just chuckle under my breath as I pull away in my Plymouth with a 383 Hemi.

 

I had an old Captain that could tell them all day. He would top any story you could come up with. If you said you had sucked a cock, he'd have sucked two or one twice as big.
Said he was on his way back from Las Vegas one time in his old '69 Chevy. Got caught in a sandstorm and it sandblasted the paint off the car. Pulled into an "Earl Schibe" and got it repainted in Nashville for half price because they didn't have to sand it...
I had a Datsun 280Z with a 302 ford in it. He asked me how fast it would run. I told him that I'd had it to what the speedometer showed was 130. He said that he figured it would be faster than that as his '69 Chevy would run 150...
He also was one of President Truman's bodyguards and on a guided missle destroyer in the Korean war... bless his heart, he'd told them old bull shit storys so long I think he'd started to believe them himself.

 

My neighbor's ex-wife's 2nd cousin from her 1st marriage knows this guy from our area who used to date her sister and still has the 63 Galaxie light wt that he special ordered for street use still in his garage but he wont even uncover it cuz the cops were chasin him one night and he saw the cop go into the ditch.

He really needs the money and wants to sell it but only if you have an enclosed trailer and promise to use it only at the track cuz you might get arrested for drivin it now.

He's married to her sister whose ex-boyfriend is the guy who bought the 55 chevy for $500 sight unseen and when he got there it was a vette.

 

When I was in high school, my friend and I bumped into a guy who was well into his 40's (who grew up in the "musclecar" era)...and he felt compelled to tell us about a car he had one time:

"No, it wasn't a '69 Mach 1, it was the Mach 2!"

'nuff said. I immediately shut my brain off to that dude.


For a more personal story, my (long gone) '71 Chevelle SS with a whipped 396 out of who knows what used to run 10's according to the previous owner, despite 50 pounds of bondo, a half-assed rear end gear change, worn out front suspension, a sloppy TH350 trans, worn out you name it- and all this on an ignition system that was running a full 12 volts to the points with no resistor and a junk Quadrajunk. I think he threw the slicks in the trunk for show. They weren't part of the deal anyways. The damn turd barely ran...and didn't run once delivered to my house...of course. Let the buyer beware.

 

Maybe the kid is practicing to be a politician. Kind of like John Kerry could of said " I won the race before I lost the race" if he ever got into bench racing (remember the I voted for it before I voted againist it) Anyway...... Gary 4T950 Chevy Guy

 

Bird Story:

Back in the mid-'60s, my dad and a cowboy were partners in a cow/calf herd. They went a couple hours north to see some heifers that a guy was selling. The seller took off in his pickup down a dirt track and dad couldn't keep up -- he was driving "my" '57 Pontiac 2-door with a 347.

Dad's partner was wonder how fast they were going and leaned over to see the speedometer at 95 -- looked up and a wild turkey was just clearing the hood.

Cowboy ducked and turkey and most of windshield went over his head.

Dad said picking up turkey was like handling sack of jello -- must of broken every bone in it's body

 

Man I FEEL like a bullshitter for even being part of this post, but what the hell...

First off,
The bird stories above kinda shocked me. I have personally had similar experiences and thought that my stories were unique. Whodda thunk other folks have had the same things happen (kinda).

Bird story #1 - Flock of retards: An older cousin and myself were running late to football practice one morning (pre-season). He had this AMC Gremlin - sorry not a cool car story - and we were carving (well relatively carving)around the curves at a high rate on the way to the practice field. We saw the birds sitting right in the middle of the road and assumed (as mentioned in the story before) that the birds would realize their poorly choosen position and get the fuck out of the way. Nope. Lots of dead birds. Not just any birds but blackbirds the big ominous bastards of ill repute. Besides our disbelief and a little higher pulse rate we were unharmed and still humming right along...
Turned off of the highway onto a regularly used shortcut on a B Level road that starts at a low elevation and runs uphill and peaks dropping off to a steeper grade and an abrupt stop just before the road ends at a "T" - not an intersection, but a stop sign to get onto the next highway....
Comming up to the peak I looked over and saw the speedo hit 70 or so thinking nothing of this as it had become routine for many a high school kid's morning including ours. Just then I look at his face because strangely he is staring me down with a ghost-white face. At first I didn't get it, then he pointed at his feet. That's when I turned white......
He had put both feet on the brake petal and had it mashed to the floor as far as it would go. It was at that moment we crested the hill, yea the steep one.........some quick thinking, a handful of complete turns and a few Oh shit's later we found ourselves at a rest half in the ditchon the wrong side of the road and just before the highway. Not even a second later a pair of semi trucks whoosh past us on the highway......

.....Turns out that hitting the birds had damaged the breaklines and he had pumped out most of the pressure when we slowed to turn onto the shortcut.

Best part of the story. We backed out of the ditch and drove to school and were right on time for practice.

And none of that is Bullshit.

 

True story:

Fall, 1968. I had just gotten to my dorm for the start of my second year of college and was "enjoying" my first dorm cafeteria "meal" when two freshmen sitting a couple of seats down the table from me got to talking about some of the cars they'd seen in the parking lot.

I listened to them while I finished, then turned to them and said "Sounds like you'd be interested in what I drove this summer."

Instant cool on their part. "Maybe, what was it?"

"Well, it had 400 cubic inches, turbochared, fuel injected, high compression and did not run on gasoline.

"Heavy duty oil cooled clutch, 8 speed tranny, manualy locking differential.

"Mechanical tach, full instruments, center mounted quick ratio steering, driver's seat had wrap-around sides to keep you in place.

"Rear tires footprint was 18 inches, front tires were smoth, low-rolling resistance tread design. No front brakes but the rear ones were big.

"There's a piece of pavement out where I live that's 12 miles long, straight and flat. One day I got on it and wound that engine a little into the red zone in top gear. Must'a been doing 23 miles an hour.


Final comment as I was walking off," Not bad for a John Deere tractor."

(John Deere 4520

 

Ohh yea, I had two bird stories, this one is short and didn't happen to me but I was there.

Bird Story #2 - When in doubt, take 'em out: When my brother and I were kids we rode on the back of our dad and uncles bikes whenever they'd let us tag along.
One of these rides involved a little jaunt to town. During this particular trip dad and uncle Steve noticed a bird flying just above head level and keeping up with us. Do I have to tell you what they pondered? Of course not. They sped up a hair and the bird struggled but caught up. Oddly this feathered bike fan was straight lining it and staying right in front of the bikes. Quite amusing, for minute...
Well apparently he could no longer hold pace with the undying impetus of the droning American Iron and instead of putting on the brakes and finding himself a place to perch - he takes a hard right dive smashing dead straight into uncle Steve's chest causing him to take an unscheduled off-road trip.
I watched my brother's eyes grow larger than a pair of new half dollars as he and unc went ditch-bound. Then just as quickly he guided the bike back to the road, all the while flailing and tank slapping. Ultimately he retained control and brother held on for dear life.
We stopped at the side of the road to assess damages. Not a scratch on the bike and Brother was A-OK. Uncle Steve had a huge lump on his chest with a hole in the middle where the beak went through his shirt and into his flesh. He said it felt like someone punched him as hard as they could when he wasn't ready.
Maybe the bird was into Jap bikes!?! Like I said when in doubt....

 

Has anyone ever really seen the 350 sbc that some guys cousin bored out to a 4-5-4...?
I must have heard that story from 7 or 8 different people over the years!

How about the drill bit for your hand drill that cuts SQUARE holes?

 

I have seen dealer equipped 428 GTO's....do they count?

 

I had a few people shy away from my old 63 Rambler American once I put 2" exhaust and a turbo muffler on it. The old 196 OHV in-line six sounded pretty good, better than I expected, obviously! You see, Rambler used numbers to designate the different models in the early sixties. My little American was a "440" model. Now I wouldn't say it sounded much like a 440 V-8, but apparently some people did think it sounded like a 440 I was trying to keep quiet! More than one person has walked/drove up beside me and said something like "I bet that little thing screams with that 440 under the hood!". I would just smile and say something like "yeah, but I take it easy, saves tires", and modestly drive on.

Oh, it had nice big chrome numbers on the back of the trunk, obviously factory!

 

I had a 770 Classic. No, really.

 

I'd like to see that. What year? What dealer?

 

True story

October 1956 my buddy Brad had just bought a ’56 Fury and had it nosed and decked first week he owned it. One of the renta-cops at the local Hasty Tasty siad it was “Smooth as a calf’s ass.” (Calf was pronounced Caff in his southern drawl)

We used to drag near Bellbrook, OH off of one of the state routes; a little over ¼ Mile straight stretch and then a sharp left-hander. Hooked up with a 56 Stude silver Hawk at the Hasty and drove to our “strip”. Guy with the Stude had never raced there. I told him “No matter who’s ahead at the end of the quarter you have to slow down cause theres a sharp left hand turn right after the end”. He said “OK”. I flagged the start and at the end of the quarter the Fury was ahead and he shut down. The Stude was going to win no matter what so he didn’t shut down and went into the left-hander pretty fast. I heard his tires screaming trying to get grip; then a horrendous crash. Just after the sharp left-hander was an old wooden one-lane bridge. He hit the corner of the bridge. The bridge collapsed into the creek like it was made of tinker toys. He wasn’t hurt, but the Stude was, and told us to go ahead and leave. Cost the county $725,000 to replace the bridge. I never saw the guy again. Don’t know whether his insurance covered it or not.

 

i wouldn't say that within earshot of four-thirteen...

 

i'm really surprised that none of these storys has started with "here, hold my beer and watch this..."

 

It was a Royal Bobcat car...guy even had the original deaelrs invoice detailing the 428 swap.

 

DAMN IT!! Now, after 36 years.........yer tell'in me it ain't true??

This oughta be a mythe busters thread!

 

Not really a wopper but wierd. My wife had one of those oldsmobile diesel cars. anyway the glow plugs where burnt out. so our sons who where 9 and 11 would take off the air cleaner and spray WD 45 down the intake as she cranked it over to get it to fire.Worked really well always started immediately. The intake is just a big hole and once when they where starting it up a mouse came out of the hood insulation and was sucked right down the intake. They said it coughed a couple of times and that was it. It compressed a mouse at 24 to 1 and out into the exhaust. They thought that it was funny as hell. after that my sons where always wanting to catch birds lizards and such and have the oldsmobubble eat them They never did though. On a more serious note here in arkansas they did away with the mandatory motor cycle helmet law. This past summer a biker was killed when a he hit a hummingbird. he was wearing sun glasses and the bird went right into his eye. OldWolf

 

holy thread bump batman !

 

i got one though. my boss at work claimed he built a 600 horse sbc for his camaro back in the day. which i can believe i guess. then he proceeded to tell me that he rolled through a small town in delaware one night at 170mph runnin open headers hahah. he said the windows on the buildings were shaking out, and an old man screamed to him " slow the hell down with that car ya punk". kinda hard to see windows shake and hear someone talk at 170mph on a small street no ?