Best Line

And I ain't talking roadracing here.

What's the best spoken line you ever heard as pertains to the car hobby?

Here's mine.
The scene, sitting in the pit stands at San Fernando dragstrip circa 1963 or so.
Watching the gassers run out after we were eliminated in C/Gas.

A little old lady watched for a while and seeing once again a killer Willys coupe beat up on a later model opponent, she said, in confused wonder, "All the old cars are winning."

Kinda said it all I think....

 

I had a 49 Ford, so low, I ran over a dime and got a nickle change...........OLDBEET

 

the next door neighbor of a house my company was remodeling would always look at my hotrod when I parked it out front on Fridays (I always drive it on Fridays) Anyways, the old guy told me he wanted to build a hotrod when he got back home from Korea with all the military pay he got. I asked him if he ever did and he said,

"When I got back from Korea I spent most of my money on booze and women, the rest I just spent foolishly."

 

Then there's all the sayings that end in "could suck the chrome off a DeSoto bumper".

 

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I had a 49 Ford, so low, I ran over a dime and got a nickle change...........OLDBEET

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OH YEAH? well i had a 49 Chevy that was so low i ran over your nickle and got stuck!

 

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Then there's all the sayings that end in "could suck the chrome off a DeSoto bumper".

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such as... "YOUR MOM!!!!!" LOL

 

Me talkin about a car that is way under powered,"that thing wouldn't pull skin off rice pudding"
"shes as ugly as the back of my radio"
talkin bout a racecar driver who couldn't drive at all,"he couldn't drive a sharp stick up a dead dogs ass"
My friend had a stockcar and it was handling the shits,so he asked my brother and I to come out to the track on practice night with him to help figure the car out and set it up.We get to the track and put our driver in the car to figure it out.He gets in the car and does some laps.He comes back in the pits and shuts the car off.I ask him whats it like.He says "it pushes so bad I was debating on going behind the backstretch wall just to get it to go threw the corner".......Shiny

 

Took my 75 yr old father-in law ( lives in the bush and never been to the big smoke) to the Melbourne Hotrod show one year and after the show as we are leavin I asked him what he reckoned about all them fancy hotrods.. his comment was, " they sure run big fanbelts!"

He was watching Bathurst Supercar races with me on the telly and during a pitstop to change slicks he says...
"the tread on them tyres dont look any better than the ones he just took off"
LMAO!!!!

DADSEH.

 

"You sure know how to fuck up a nice car"
I have heard that was the answer Chrisman gave the famous kusomizer that had redone his coupe, and asked him "what do you think?"

 

,"he couldn't drive a sharp stick up a dead dogs ass"
Shiny thats some funny shit...You got more screws lose than a Studebaker...

 

"That thing couldn't pull the lid off a piss pot going down hill."

-or-

"This thing handles like a used condom."

 

Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. or Busier than a whore with 3 beds.

 

"shes seen more pricks then a urnal in a saloon"
"that cars uglier then a bag of smashed farts"
"the paint on that car is harder then the top of gods head"
.........Shiny

 

Or one for the North East today,
Colder than a ditch diggers ass in the klondike.

 

Fence Post, we used to always say it was "colder than a well diggers ass",
when I use to drive my 67 bug, and we were driving through a storm, the damn windshield wipers wouldn't keep up, it was always "raining hard than a cow pissin on a flat rock"

 

"C'mon boy! Let's Go! Prove it!"

Not to get into AG geekness, again, but that is my favorite.

 

Honest, heard a young woman say this to her guy at the Belmont Shore car show a few years ago.

"Hey! They raised the roof up on that one!?!?"

Commenting about the only Model A that wasn't chopped at the entire show...

 

Uglier that thirteen miles of hammered owl shit.

Hotter than a June bride in a featherbed.

 

I was standing at the long course starting line at Bonneville just as the North of 49 B/STR RPU ran it's first 190+ mph run. One of the bystander's comment was " He ain't gonna need any Viagra tonight!"

 

This doesn't pertain to the hobby, but it's car related.
A buddy of mine has a repair shop. His wife runs the front office. An East Indian fellow comes in and tries to explain that his car needs to be fixed. She asks what kind of car is it sir? He replies a Pontiac Gooly. She says Gooly?? He says yes Pontiac Gooly! So he takes her out to the parking lot to look at the car. There sits a Pontiac 6000 LE !!

 

Whenever someone can't figure out how to merge on the freeway my wife yells out to them " Grow a pair of brass ones".

 

Spoken to a girl at VLV in the parking lot. "The cops are after my penis.....may I hide it in you?"

I had a frind who was hung over real bad at a car show......"ohh man i feel like bag of smashed assholes"

 

How 'bout: "She's so good she could suck start a Harley."
R-

 

"shes hotter then a mexicans lunch"
My wife and I drove my ol'49 merc to Bakersfield for the March Meet in 2000.Were talking to some locals at the track.A guy says where you from,I said Victoria BC Canada.His wife gives us a funny look ans asks "how often do you get your supplys flown in?" I look at her and say,"did you fail geography or social studies".....Shiny

 

I think I've mentioned it here before, I was waiting in line at a drive-thru burger place with my red Corvair conv't, and a couple that were kinda dirty looking were eating at one of the outdoor tables. the guys says "nice car" and the woman says through both of her teeth "If it were blue it'd be gooder".

Then there's "Slicker than greased dogshit"

 

Wife and I were walking down 2nd street in Belmont Shore one time...As we got to the gas station that usta be there a surfer-looking kid in a rusty microbus nailed the gas and peled out right in front of us making us jump back a bit in fear of getting hit. Her response was;
"That's the first time I ever saw an ASSHOLE inside a piece of SHIT!"

 

Saw the Addict pull a big wheelstand at CHRR and was sitting with the crew in the stands later. I asked how messed up the frontend was and driver says: "no problem, hardly tweaked it". Then the crew chief pops up and says, "Bitch getting that pucker outa the seat tho..."
About 30 of us damned near fell outa the stands!

Heard a fan ask Glenn Roberts how hard it was driving NASCAR once.
He said "Hell, anyone can do it. Just go down to the corner and hang a left..."

 

"she's a C90"

named after a honda moped..
the meaning being "everyones had a go on it but no-one admits to owning it"

 

"Let out the clutch, the fan won't pull it"