Here's one I use a lot talking about ratty or "unfinished cars": " You can't put a shine on a sneaker." Good for describing us T-shirt and jeans guys,too !!!!
Drunk ****: Hey man, you make music? Ryan: Nope, tone deaf really... Drunk ****: Damn, that must ****... Ryan: It's not so bad... Kevin: Yeah, he gets along pretty good. Drunk ****: You don't skate the same line you used too. JK: I'm going to ****ing kill him Inside joke... You had to be there.
[ QUOTE ] I am 6'2" and 300lbs. Every time you want a drink picture me hiting you square in the face with a 2x4 if that helps. [/ QUOTE ]
my favorite pick up line... "nice shoes. wanna ****??" i've never tried it but i've heard it works. a couple girls i used to work with said it COULD work. they said it would be a great "icebreaker". i'd be afraid of getting my nose broken personaly.
My friend did "research" on that one Kustombuilder...4 or 5 out of 100 will actually go home with you, for all the other ones, duck.
An oldtimer buddy of mine describes anything that goes easy, or quick or smooth as " like **** through a tin horn" I have no idea what the hell that means!!! How about " that chick is as hot as a dog with 2 ****s" Or for someone that is confused "he dosen't know whether to **** or go blind" Again, no idea!!
Best pick up line of all time: 1) Wanna go for a drink and a ****? Slap! 2) What's wrong? Don't drink? Slap! 3) I suppose a ******* is out of the question? Either a slap or........
My buddy Steve goes up to the god lookin' neighbor gal and she says "what smells so good" he thinks to himself "A hard on... but I didn't think you could smell it!". "Tighter that a horses *** at fly time" My neghbor used to say "anyone hurt in that wreck" every time we'd bring a new car home. And when we'd see a tall woman we'd say "she can stand flat foot and **** in the back of a dumpster". Sam.
[ QUOTE ] my favorite pick up line... "nice shoes. wanna ****??" i've never tried it but i've heard it works. a couple girls i used to work with said it COULD work. they said it would be a great "icebreaker". i'd be afraid of getting my nose broken personaly. [/ QUOTE ] Mike I had a friend a long time ago who used to say that to just about every girl he saw when we were hanging around the beach.Never worked for him and he mostly got cold stares as the girl stalked off.One day this not-too-bad looking chick comes walking along and he tries his usual line.She didn't even stop walking just said,"No but my brother does;Why don't you bring your mother down?" Don't think he ever used that one again!
"Are you ignorant, or just apathetic?" "I dont know, and I dont care" "Give that boy a steel ball,and a rawhide mallet... he'll destroy both of them in an hour"
Not my line, but a buddies. He's got a 100 pound pitbull named "Dawg" What do you do if Dawg starts humpin' your leg... let him!!
Looks like a fried egg hanging on a hook! (small, saggy ***s) He's more useless than a monkey ****ing a football!!
Hes not the sharpest tool in the shed Hes a few sandwiches short of a picnic His elevator don't go all the way to the top Hey honey wanna go halfers on a baby Excuse me,do you mind if I lay on top of you. Blondie,blondie drop the laundry You see a hot girl with a skirt on at a bar.walk up to her and ask if she wants to play "dress up" Paint is for houses,NOT HOT RODS Fibergl*** is for hot tubs,NOT HOT RODS My brother is losing his hair big time.People will say to him,**** are you ever going bald eh.He'll reply,"If you wanna waste your hormones growing hair go right ahead.I'm using all mine on my wife!" I use this line all the time in roadblocks.... Cop...Good evening sir, Me...good evening, Cop...Had anything to drink tonight, Me...Nope,don't drink myself, Cop...OK good night, Me driving away muttering....I drink with my friends.......Shiny
Its ok to "whip your mule" if he comes up to the barn on his own....just dont call him up and whip him. Think about it..
The announcer at FAMOSA CHRR says after Mike Boyd makes a p*** in the Winged Express--- You couldnt get me out of the electric to drive THAT car!!! Feder
An old guy I used to work with, while discussing beer, said that he dosen't drink that draft beer, because last time he drank it he "coulda **** through a screen door". Same guy also stated one day that he was so hungry, that his ***hole was eating his under-shorts.
this crazy ******* i used to work with used the pickup line after he was fairly intoxicated- "how's about i punch you in the kidneys an **** you up the ***?"
uglyer than a sack of dirty ***holes. been used on more than a few cars and ...................................
"man, it's hotter than two rats ****in' in a wool sock!!" that's gotta be my all time favorite, but i'm gonna start using that skeleton one tomorrow!!
Another one:"She's got ugly she hasn't even USED yet!" "If I owned that dog,I'd shave his *** and make him walk backwards!" "You talk about people who don't know nothing;she doesn't even SUSPECT nothing!"
"If you want people to talk sh!t about you, get rich, If you want people to say good things about you, Die. When $2.00 come up in a conversation I always have to say "Myy twoo dollaarrss" If you know what movie thats from then you know your cool. Im sweaten like a 2 dollar ***** in church.
Kinda stupid but I laughed... When Earnhardt jr did a barrel roll down the stretch at Daytona (his first one?) some reporter asks him... "What did you see?" He replied "Gr*** sky gr*** sky gr*** sky..." Travis
about a dumb person: Sharper then a bowling ball!! Buck teeth: can eat a earof corn thru a picket fench! Bow legged person: couldn't stop a pig in a alley! said about Hank williams: hes so skinny you can hear his bones rattle when he walks!! about a fast car: It gets such good traction the car stays still & the world turns!! JimV
[ QUOTE ] "If you want people to talk sh!t about you, get rich, If you want people to say good things about you, Die. When $2.00 come up in a conversation I always have to say "Myy twoo dollaarrss" If you know what movie thats from then you know your cool. Im sweaten like a 2 dollar ***** in church. [/ QUOTE ] if you kow that one your better off dead
The Jalopy Journal
