Deal With It...

OK folks, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style". Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your ****s, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars, the Retro***ual movement.

The Code.......
A Retro***ual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DAMN DATE. A Retro***ual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female. A Retro***ual DEALS with ****. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT. A Retro***ual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself. A Retro***ual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. A Retro***ual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retro***uals need an end cap (possibly 2 end caps if you include shaving goods.) A Retro***ual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old. A Retro***ual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the ***le. A Retro***ual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some changes are inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a foo-foo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it. A Retro***ual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you. A Retro***ual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie. A Retro***ual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting. A Retro***ual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be. A Retro***ual gives a lady his seat on the bus/subway/etc. A Retro***ual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just damned fun to shoot. Crying........... There are very few reason that a retro***ual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a retro***ual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet ( fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part. A retro***ual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless that refers to some foxy french maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or whiskey), or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood". Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Tobacco Road, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservoir Dogs, or Fight Club. When a retro***ual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that retro***ual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face. A retro***ual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner. A retro***ual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship. I.E. hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, car maintenance. A retro***ual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils. A Retro***ual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph. A retro***ual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Where ever it lands is where he wanted it to land. A retro***ual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd LT.)
NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the retro***ual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country. A retro***ual man doesn't need a contract, a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if cir***stances change or the other person deceived him. A retro***ual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT. With guns, we are citizens. Without them, we are subjects. "Life is hard if you are stupid...." Anonymous

 

AMEN

 

I LIKE fish.....

 

mind if i push in your stool?


i'm with ya!!!!!!

 

Double Amen!

 

I don't know how to tie a Windsor knot....

 

Damn and all this time I thought that was just being a man. I didn't realize the need for a silly *** label

 

"maid in manhattan"..gal in a maids uniform in a gl*** of bourbon.... LMFAO!!!!

 

Triple Amen! These words need to be chiseled and placed in stone....

 

Yeah....

 

Great post!I think I'm going to have to steal that last line and paint it on my car right next to my NRA sticker.
Raytro***ual

 

Can someone do a Tech on how to sharpen knives and kitchen utensils.

 

I am pretty sure that sounds like just about every one of my friends.....

 

****in' A Charlie! I can't stand the ever present bashing of the American white hetero***ual male either. Always making us out to be idiots.

 

<font color="green">ROOT and I were talking about this very thing since we had about 20 hours total windshield time together last weekend.

Despite the fact that he acts like a woman and calls himself "ROOT" he is actually quite straight. (in denial)

With all the gay this and that on tv lately, it is actually becoming a fad.

HOMO is in peeps.

Can't wait for the Discovery channel to come out with "HOMO GARAGE"

I wonder what the t-shirt will look like? </font>

 

I try to compensate for the size of my small *****....by wearing big cuffs on my jeans. I wonder what that means.


Also....If I try to talk my wife into **** ***....does that make me gay?

MIke

 

Thank you. Mind if I copy and forward that to everyone I know?

 

Buick59 you are only gay if RECEIVING **** ***!

 

Screw that **** ****! ...



Hey, wait a minute!

 

<font color="green">For those of you that just can't get enough hairy, pimply MAN ***....



</font>

 

[ QUOTE ]
Can someone do a Tech on how to sharpen knives and kitchen utensils.

[/ QUOTE ]

Uhh yeah...... wanna make something of it???

 

I agree with all that, which is exactly why I stopped watching TV.
I still hear those comercials on the radio that make men always sound stupid.

 

What's really sad is that products are being marketed this way now. Look at Bounty paper towels. Pertty good product. But now they are pushing it with a effeminate ****stani hispanic (their label not mine).

Gay is definatly in. Hopefully lots of the rockasillies hop on the trend, sell off the tin they've bought and go play hide the weiney with their pals

 

Why wife is hung up on ice skating shows.
The babes are hot and the guys all look like ***s.

She *****es when I say that so I fart, belch and go to the another room and watch many of those movies Charlie mentioned.

Or go download **** and then get on the old *****.

BTW, who the **** would get up for a 2nd Looie (Ensign in the Navy)? They are lower than whale **** on the pecking order.

 

Can someone do a tech on how to tie the windsor knot!!!!

 

Wow. I almost cried reading this. But fortunately for me, I'm Retro***ual enough to know not to cry for this reason.

Man... half those things up there my mom taught me. If I didn't open a door for somebody (ANYBODY) or didn't give up my seat, my mom slapped me upside the head. She DEALT WITH IT. On top of that, it's "No thank you, Mam" or "Thank you, Sir." Didn't say thank you? SLAP. Thanks Mom. For those of you who are wondering, I never had a father figure in my family. It was just me, mom, and sister. Everything Charlie just said is true.

Travis

 

I like my soup from a can,
my beer from the bottle,
my "***" conncected to a set of ***s,
my ****ter near my magazines,
and my old ****e.

Oh and my old car...

 

I feel eggsactly the same way. These ***gy tv shows have been buggin the **** outa me since they came on. I can't believe they actually get an audience with that ****! No wonder the mideasterners think we're a buncha Godless, devil worshippers. If they ever watched American tv programs, they'd think we all were a buncha ***got interior decorators!!!
Unite, men! Be men again. I wouldn't want a woman that didn't appreciate me being a hairy backed, drink outa the carton, take my vacation when I damn well feel like it, leave the damn seat up, man.... DAmn sissys!