Back to stupid things we did. When were were teenagers my uncle and I, both the same age, would cruise Hwy 100 in West Allis, WI, along with a thousand other teenagers. We'd hope in my uncle's '70 Nova that he stuffed a 350 truck engine into. The car was fast and we go up and down the street racing anyone willing to race. We'd first take the freeway to get to Hwy 100, every so often my uncle would open the car up and bury the speedometer needle. We'd then spend the next 2-3 hours drag racing up and down the highway. The cruise area wasn't a highway out in the middle of the country, it's located in a very populated area, a main drag between Milwaukee and a neighboring subburb so they were a lot of activity. We were stupid kids and they no longer allow cruising. One night my uncle tosses me the keys to the Nova and I get behind the wheel, fire it up, put it in reverse. I hit the brakes and they go all the way to the floor. I ask him, "How the f**k do you stop this thing?!!". He just sat there with a smile and said, "With these two fingers" I switched seats and headed off to cruise, we were stupid kids.
Back in about 84 or so I was on my way to McAllen, tx from Corpus driving a semi. Got stuck behind a line of motorhomes about 3000 miles long doing 45. Finally able to pass, I was up to about 60 when I saw this mexican eagle (about the size of a golden eagle or small turkey) bounce off the drivers side A pillar of a motorhome and come right at me. I SWEAR it had a very distinct "WTF! " look on its face!!! It hit the pass side windshield on my freightshaker and exploded into the cab. It looked like there had been a mass murder with pillows inside that cab!! I was unhurt. A load of laundry, a new WS, and a few hrs of scrubbing and all was as good as new.
Just over 10 years ago I was working on an OT subframe project. I'm in the one car attached garage, of the house my wife and I bought four months earlier, welding and grinding away. She is out of town for work, and it's late at night so I've got the place to myself. As I'm grinding I catch a spark out of the corner of my eye and immediately realize what I had forgotten to move. I had been smart enough to move all combustibles out to the yard barn except for one brown paper grocery bag against the wall that my bro-in-law had left behind. In it were 12 GROSS of bottle rockets, numerous roman candles, and countless black cats. The bag caught fire and proceeded to set off all the fireworks. The garage was immediately full of toxic smoke, and shit was flying everywhere. I ran out the back door of the garage into the snow, and realized I had to put this shit out fast. I ran back in, grabbed the fire extinguisher off the wall, aimed it at the screaming spark-shooting mess, and sprayed. Nothing. Totally dead. So, I ran by the blaze, hit the garage opener button, and out the front man door into the driveway. The door opened and the acrid smoke started billowing out. I was getting dizzy by this point from all the smoke, but managed to think enough to grab handfuls of snow and just start throwing it at the fire, finally getting it out. The smoke damage was bad, I couldn't breathe right for a week, and I burned up a few miscellaneous items in the garage, but the house didn't burn down. I learned two very important lessons that night. ALWAYS have a good fire extinguisher in the garage, and ALWAYS make sure you know what's in those innocent paper bags before you start throwing sparks.
God... where do I start? Here is an early one... Small boy.. Riding old bicycle.. Handle bars were loose from the neck and would always turn crooked from the forks. Not smart enough to tighen bolt. Would have to get off bike and hold front tire between knees and tweak handle bars to correct. Got tired of that and thought it would be easier to just kick the front tire into place while riding along. On very first attempt, tennis shoe gets caught in the front spokes. Shoe travels up in spokes until shoe gets wedged into front fork (my foot still in the shoe). Front tire stops abruptly. I get flung gut first into handle bars. Face plant into road. Seat of flipping bike makes secondary hit on the back of my head. Unsure what just happened but know deep down it had something to do with my attempt at mobile steering correction. Pushed bike back home and just told mom I fell off my bike without giving her the details. Asked my dad how to fix the steering on the bike. Never told either one what happened.
Yeah, come on. you can't post up teaser pic's like that & not spill the rest of the story. Plus, if you have "before" pics you surely have the "after" ones too. Lets see them.
Lets hear the rest of the story. <input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="jsCall();" id="jsProxy" type="hidden">
you mean like in Hot Shots part 2 where Charlie Sheen runs out of Arrows and shoots the live chicken? that look? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gox6mPaJ17c&feature=fvw
I'm sorry to say i've got a rather large list of those kinds of stories Went out with a friend to gather up a 59 ford 4 door he's driving the tow rig with the flat bed and and I'm following along behind in his Toyota ,we get to the place where the car is and air up the tires and roll it on then place the front clip on it and ziptie (big zipties) the doors on as the car was in lotsa pieces, about that point he starts complaining its almost 3 and he's going to miss motocross on tv so he hops in the truck and starts to inch off while I'm still strapping it down, got one chain on the rear and a 2 inch tie strap on the front before he took off ,I jump in his truck and follow along, we get out of there and up the one big hill just fine so I'm breathing easier but definitely too soon, as were going through town by home depot the car jerks breaking the tow strap holding it on the front and the ass of the car rolls off the trailer hits the ground and gets drug for about 30 feet sending sparks everywhere, til the chain which is what is keeping it on the trailer detaches and the car rolls off the rest of the way and rolls to the side of the road , but wait it gets better he doesnt stop just keeps going like nothing happened and pulls into a church parking lot about a block up and comes walking slowly back with his hands in his pockets ,about this point one of his other friends shows up and tells him "somehow I knew you were involved in this" lol. So I'm screaming for him to get the trailer back here so we can get it loaded before the cops show up yet they have a better idea we're only about 6 blocks from my house so we'll just tow it (nevermind that there are no brakes no glass and the doors and nose are just sitting there and its infested with tons of wasps) so my friend jumps in through the window ,while we tie the car to the back of his Toyota pickup, with about 2 feet between the vehicles and proceed to bounce the 59 off the Toyota for the next 6 blocks and tuck it away safely in my back yard ,and after all that not one cop saw us, and we only broke one taillight on the toyota and one piece of trim on the 59 the looks we got from people nearby when that car fell off the trailer are still funny to this day another time that same friend asked me to help him move a car a "couple miles" the car was dead and the battery was almost dead so we hook a short rope to it turn on the blinkers and head off qith the sun just going down ,he's doing 60 all the way with me maybe 8 feet behind him, after 4 miles I'm wondering how much further after 10 miles the battery totally dies and its dark out after 25 miles I'm thinking I need new friends, the place we were going to ended up being 45 miles away, he almost didnt survive that trip after we stopped and I got out lol But my favorite story is second hand from another friend of mine ,when he was about 10 him and some other friends were out playing army in the woods and came across an old crate the loggers had left there when they had logged the place 40 years before, DYNAMITE with all this white powder all over it ,he says they spent the rest of the afternoon throwing them at each other ,luckily for him none of them went off ,I always wonder how he is still alive after all the crazy things he's done Troy
Guess I can post this now since it happened sometime between 1971 - 73. You guys can wear me out all you want but all I was doing was watching and I was only about 7 or 8 at the time anyway. There was these twin brothers that lived down the street from us, they were a couple years older than me. Their folks were always going on weekend getaways to Lake Meade and taking vacations down in Baja and going to Mexico and crazy shit like that. Because their dad was a lot younger and cooler (I thought) than my dad they would always come back with these huge grocery store paper sacks full of fireworks. The twins were always wheeling and dealing with the other kids in the neighborhood and at school selling firecrackers and I guess other bigger shit too. I was never hip to any of their transactions, I just knew they were sellin'. These kids were like the 5th grade firecracker mafia and everybody knew it. Anyway the twins and their dad had amassed this damn crazy huge arsenal of all kinds of fireworks. Thier garage looked like a munitions bunker or something. Fuck M80's and roman candles, they had like huge star shells and shit, REAL fireworks. So 4th of July came, and their (hot) mom was after them to get all the fireworks out of the garage. There was a pretty big field nearby where we rode bikes, the twin's dad decided to put on a big fireworks show for the neighborhood. So it gets kinda mostly dark, and they get to lighting shit off. It goes on for a while, pretty hot stuff for 7-year old me hanging out watching fireworks right over my head and other kid's parents are grilling out and getting tanked on Coors. Even my mom had a couple glasses of sangria with the other moms and was gettin kinda looped out. My dad was pretty much a stick in the mud and stayed home to watch the 6 million dollar man or some shit on TV. Whatever. They made it through about a couple bags of fireworks before one of the star shells went off about head high and sent red-hot embers all into the pile of fireworks. The shitstorm started right after that. Next thing we know there's this huge fireworks firefight going, shells blowing up, roman candles going off and bottle rockets chasing everybody. Started a huge brush fire, we all got the hell out quick and somebody called the fire department. It was on the news for days afterward, the fire burned a relatively large area but can't remember how much. We were pretty far north of the city so no houses got burned, thankfully.
Almost killed my son who was asleep in the middle of the floor, around 1988, I had a m1 carbine and setup a target in the garage, i setup a slab of wood that was 4-5 inch thick and set it up, not thinking at all that an m1 round would go clean through the piece of wood, the side of the garage, then a short open space and then into the rest of the house. It entered just below floor level and apparently took out the wiring to the back of the house. When I went looking for the problem with the wiring, I saw that the bullet was right on line to hit my son where he was sleeping previously,, luckily the round was about an inch or two below floor level. I no longer own that rifle,, and I thank God nobody was hurt.
Originally Posted by LUX BLUE I gave the bike a little gas and instead of "ring, ringedeededee," it just went "wonk, wooonk" like a saxaphone stuck on the anus of an elephant. My sentiments exactly! I was on my couch when I read that, LOL! I was expecting to see one of your stories on here, Tone! I'm probably going to submit one of my own soon enough. Cheers!
I have done enough stupid things to fill this thread all by myself but I don't usually advertise that fact more than necessary. Maybe I will add a couple later.
I work for a import sales and service shop . I had been doing some upgrades to a fairly hot 911 widebody Porsche . This car is powerful , you can roll the throttle on at 3000 in 3rd and see it black track in the rear view mirror . Anyone that knows about the older widebody turbos know they like try to put the back tires in front of the front tires under hard acceleration . Like I said earlier I had made some upgrades on the car , alot were to the fuel , ignition and exhaust systems . I made a couple of light throttle runs made some adjustments took it out again , it sounded and felt good . I then took it out on the interstate to give it a bit of a shakedown . I made a couple of moderate runs from 30 to about 85 , again it felt good . I took the next exit ramp turned around and headed back. The car felt good so I thought I would kick it going down the entrance ramp back onto the freeway . Well when I hit the bottom of ramp and she was at about 7000 in 2nd , I pulled 3rd and I must have hit that rpm where the turbo is at full boost and on this car it is above 2 bars (about 28 lbs) , ya know how I mentioned that turbo widebodies like to put the back tires in front of the front tires , well I hit 3rd she came around and I entered the freeway backswards at about 75 mph . I was looking at the front of a white Suburban the poor woman that was driving it , her eyes were as big as silver dollars . I hit the brakes the car made another 180 , I pulled it into 2nd and was gone . I took the next ramp pulled over walked around the car not a dent or scratch but all 4 tires were flat spotted . My right foot shook for about 5 minutes.
Where do I start ! My cousin and I were building his 31 coupe, 40s style with a hopped up B motor. Had the car all bolted together and wanted to fire the motor, so we taped a 2gal gas can to the windshield post, ran a hose to the carb and fired it. thought why not drive it around farm while we had it running. Hhhhhhmmmmm-no throttle linkage, I know,I'll stand on the frame rail and run it by hand(great idea). We even got cordinated enough to run through a few gears. all was well till he hit a groundhog hole and I wacked the throttle WIDE open, the car spun around in the grass and I fell on the motor-those brass plug wires feel great in the middle of your chest, not to worry, it quit running when it sucked my shirt in the carb. It was all funny till we relized I about took off all my fingers in the fan.... No more of that shit. And we were sobber.
Guy I know pretty well tells a story (and his wife confirmed it later) where he had his garage in the basement of his house in his younger days. He had an old stock car in there he was working on and they fired the engine up with no transmission on it, just the heavy manual flywheel bolted to the crank. For whatever reason the flywheel bolts weren't tight but it was tight enough to start up the engine. He starts revving the engine in the basement and suddenly there is a huge noise and dust everywhere in the garage. He shut it down and couldn't figure out what the noise was. They looked around and under the car and still couldn't figure it out. Tried to restart the car and the starter just winged over. Looked closer and the flywheel was gone. There were marks in the concrete floor and block wall where it came off the crank, hit the floor, climbed the wall and into the floor of the living room upstairs. They found the flywheel imbedded in the couch. I kind of doubted the story at first but I asked his wife later when he wasn't around and she pretty much told the same story from her perspective (she was upstairs but not in the living room..) She told me she wouldn't let him start the car in the garage ever again. She knew nothing about cars but had enough detail that I believe the story..
Yikes! That flywheel story remiinds me of one my buddy told me. He was looking to buy a '69 Chevy truck. He and the owner were standing there with the hood up, motor running. All of a sudden a clank clunk sound and the fan blade whizzes right past his ear and lands in the neighbors yard!!
OK this was not me but I saw it. About 1983 We were cruising Colfax and this loud POS chev truck came up next to me and started egging me on for a race.I glanced over and this dumb ass had a pair of vice grips clamped on h is steering column for a steering wheel ?
A friend of mine from high school drove his Mach 1 like that for a month, at least, because he bought some steering wheel mail - order and they sent the wrong adapter. I think he broke the OE wheel getting it off.
Came across this thread while doing a search for "vapor lock" I don't mean to "necropost" but these stories made me pee! I have a few dumbass stories to share : Many years ago I had a boxer (dog) He was a good dog but hated other animals esp. other dogs, well it's a nice summer day and I thought I would change the clutch in my 56 Dodge Suburban (2 door wagon) I jacked the car up had it on stands in my dirt driveway with the floor jack under front cross-member for added safety. I chained Bruno (boxer) to the front bumper and he was content to lay there while I was under the car undoing the tranny bolts. What happened next was kinda weird, I didn't see the neighbors male Doberman sniffing around the back the car. The dobey came up the passenger side of the car and the fight was on. These two were going at it like it was a Michael Vick event, unfortunately they ended up under the car with me. I was scrambling to get out smacking them both to no avail with my 3/8 ratchet. By the time I did make it out I looked like I had been eaten by wolf and shit over a cliff. They made the car rock but it did stay up... Another time the high idle stuck on my 71 Chevelle in front of my house so I thought I would hop out and manually trip the throttle by hand, I had done this a few times with no problems. I popped the hood and removed the air cleaner however I forgot about my 3 year old son who was in the front seat beside me when he took the notion of of sliding the worn out granny shift into drive. The car lurches and I have no where to go... I hopped up on the motor and we are heading down street hood up with me laying over the engine, my feet sticking out over the grill, face down, with my jewels hanging inches from the fan. I pulled the coil wire which shut the engine down and lit me up like a Christmas tree but left the car rolling thru my neighbours wooden fence which I broke with my feet. The car finally stopped with no damage. I walked back to the drivers door and my boy standing on the seat laffing says "I drive the car dad!"...It was kinda funny I guess
Pulling the engine out of a '76 Camaro to do a swap in my mother's garage when I was 17. We did most of the work at night, after school. I need more light than a couple of hangers, so I got the brilliant idea to play electrician and Jerry-rigged an old snaking light we had out there that noone used in years. The roof was leaking pretty good this particular night and I reached to bend the light into the car and... WHAM!!! I couldn't let go of it. My friends, who laughed afterward, but were s ares shitless at the time ran inside the kitchen to cut the powder to the garage. I learned a valuable lesson that night.
Not Car related , but deffinatley fast and motor related. Had a really rough winter going on , lots of snow and temps in the single digits. Ourselves and neghboring farms were having problems with coyotes grabbing live stock , coming right up and grabbing housepets etc. They had killed 4 calves at the neighbors place in a span of 4 days . So i pulled out my retired racing snowmobile and was asked to thin out the numbers so to speak. So with 8 inches of snow on the ground , i rounded a point of timber and there was a yote breaking from one of the cattle pastures at the neighbors. My brother is behind me on a single cylinder sled and he just sat and watched. Now my artic cat was pretty much setup for flat tracking , no suspension travel to speak of , low and lean . Yote is running through bean stubble and i cram the gas to close about a 300 yard gap . He is pouring the coals on as well. He crosses a grass water way and i do to in hot pursuit and gaining ground . Only thing is , when i crossed the water way i left the smooth bean field and entered a chisel plowed cornfield . There was enough snow that i was kinda skipping until i got out to the middle and it got rougher . When i last glanced at the speedo it was bouncing off 70mph and thats when i hit a frozen chunk that sent the sled to its side and me flying off. Now i was wearing a helmet , only thing that saved my life im pretty sure. I remember as i was bouncing through FROZEN CHISEL PLOW thinking , " when is this going to stop ? i should be stopped by now! it felt like there were 50 sammy sosas standing around me having batting practice on my boddy. Half way through the slide my helmet was ripped off my head and i took a few blows to the skull. i rolled around i remember making that low gut moan like im taking my last few breaths. My brother picks me up and puts me on his sled , i tell him i can make it to the house . He rolls mine over and follows me home. No broken bones, couple superficial cuts on my face and some DEEP bruising all over. My left leg from the knee down turned dark purple and yellow but it didnt hurt to bad after a few days....... Never again , just the heat of the moment got into me . In my mind i think i thought that it was the same yote that killed our beagle a few nights before. Ill never forget , My brother said when he came out to get me , he rode up to that water way that i crossed. He said there was my tracks hitting the bank one one side of it and they disappeared and showed back up 15 on the other side of it ha ha ha.
The Jalopy Journal
