where the hell's the bolts?? hang on!!! oh shit!!! is that the last beer you bastard??? she didnt look like a guy last night yes honey, ill just pull out...[ i now have two wonderful kids] but one i use to justify real cashy parts is....'WELL, IF ITS THE LAST THING I NEED TO FINISH THE CAR THEn WHY NOT!!!! THEN THERE'S ALWAYS...........I WAS IN THE POOL!!!!!
"This should only take about 5 minutes..." "It'll be under $20.00" "Is the parking brake set?" (followed by some rocker panel straightening...)
Just recently " Do that again and I'm going to kick you", punk ass kid replies " Go ahead and kick me"... Yep I did.
"it's supposed to bolt right up!" whenever my idiot nephew gets another shipment of parts for his Mustang
In case you haven't received them yet, here are this year's Darwin Awards -- the annual honor given to the person who improved the "gene pool" the most by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has been keen. And the candidates this year are............. * In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. * A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran,"--accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run. * Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident ! of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital. * Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor. * Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger. HONORABLE MENTION: * Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed. RUNNER UP: * TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversat ion grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it."Bingham's foot was never located. AND THE WINNER: Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say i ll-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.' With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves that "S**t happens!" Cheers, =============
Ya know that has happened to me. My buddy had just got his 4x4 running so we hopped in and whent to try it out. First thing he does is lock it inot 4 and power up a hill. I fell out the back window...
Honey remember that noise from the car I told you about last month. Well the radios on as loud as it'll go.
This is just an extra bolt, right?.... I do this all the time... You don't HAVE to have that throttle return spring. I just pump the pedal twice and it stops fine....
i ont remember seein this so.. heres the ultimate sentence for any car guy to hear...and you all know what that is 'NOPE, IM GONNA FIX IT UP SOMEDAY!!! and its there in the pasture 15 years later...fuckers
is he tame? huh...wonder where that bolt came from. i'll mix bleach and ammonia for the perfect super cleaner! (the housekeepers at one of my hotels were mixing chemicals awhile back so i had to deadbolt the closet... ) i told you i was sick! alright, eveybody stand back! i think i can jump that. hey look, there's a couch! (long fun story behind that one.) just toss it in the fire. pull my finger!
That bolts supposed to turn like that. My wrench won't reach, use your fingers. If it falls off that easy its not that important.
uh i just wash the cars, you'll have to find the mechanic that worked on your car. but the best one we use in our shop is..."oh well my car runs at 5:00"
a guy at the bike shop i used to work at had a nasty habit of saying " gimme that...i'll show ya how its done!" and he precceded to show the most painful way of getting to ride in the ambulance to go get a metal plate inserted where the logical part of his brain should have been......
Along those lines, when you ask about a car being for sale. "Naw, I'm saving it for my kid". By the time he realizes his kid is never going to do anything with it, or the Dad dies, the car is too far gone to save. Nik
Shortly after using the torch under the car,Hey I didn't remember having tinted windows,shit,the fuckin car interior is on fire!!!"
The Jalopy Journal
