funny things to say, words you use

Don't start vast projects
with half vast ideas

Stu

 

I ask the wife"want me to stop and get a loaf of milk and a gallon of bread??"

"Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck"

When somebody says see ya later I reply "don't let your meat loaf" or "don't let your bag drag"

"more fun than a barrel of monkeys" ?????

 

One just spewed forth form a redneck co-worker....."that looks worse than a hogs ass sewed up with a loggin chain."

 

using a tin can for a rubber.

 

"Don't let your hot dog stand."

"Don't let your popsicle stick."

 

How do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or fertilized?

Smells like an anchovys cunt!

Sweating like a whore in church

 

I would never want to be a part of any groupe ! that would have me as a member ! gram phares austin texas /////

 

Let's go to the bar and get "pissed out of our trees"

I was so mad I almost "shit a purple twinkie"

 

Yelled when someone sits at a green light:
"GREEN, GAS, GO! THEY ALL START WITH 'G'! THAT'S HOW YOU CAN REMEMBER IT!"

"My momma didn't raise no fool! I was adopted."

See ya later alligator.
After while crocodile.
Hey man, leave the way you caiman.
Gavial wavy-a.
(GEY-vee-uh WA-vee-ah)

(Ok, it's not very funny unless you're a reptile geek. Pictures help.)

 

Heres one that has been driving me nuts

"PU that stinks"

what the heck does PU stand for?

 

here's one i have posted on my tool box "we the willing,led by the unknowing,are trying to do the impossible for the ungrateful,we have been doing so much for so long with so little,we are now qualified to do anything for nothing"

 

It blew off the wall.
It slow roasted.
It beat it's self to death.
It's a morocca.
Oaf = repairman
Real Oaf = qualified repairman
It's defending it's self. (won't come apart)

 

my own: that really strokes my goat (somethin to think about, rub your chin hair...) variations: whatever strokes your goat... etc.
bloody hell
faster than a scalded ass ape
sharp as a bowling ball
and bob's yer uncle
I'm gonna yank yer arm off and beat you with the bloody end
more fun than a barrel of monkeys
when someone asks me "whadya know?" I quickly reply "too much for my own good"
or "what's up?" - "up is a vector of any magnitude oriented opposite the force of gravity" -quoted from one of my favorite electrical engineers...

I'm gonna stop now.

 

For some reason, when I was a child (1950's) my mother in a fit of "road rage" would call the other driver (male or female) FART BLOSSOM. Stu

 

about a fat chick..... "She's got a Hollywood ass....
You could show a movie on that! "

 

My Mom used to say "Christ on a bicycle! " or "This kitchen's too small to swing a cat! "

 

My lucks so bad I could fall into a barrel of tits and come out suckin' my thumb

Three sheets to the wind

Happier than a retard at the chucky cheese

SOL and JWF (sh*t outta luck and jolly well f*cked)

(playin cards) That's not a hand, thats a foot !!

Dumb may not be a disease, but it sure is spreadin'

C. U. N. T. (can't understand normal thinking)

I'm not as dumb as you look

colder than a well diggers ass

If I had a face like that, I'd shave my dogs ass and teach him to walk backwards

Sh*t for brains

(playin cards again) Decorate the mahogany

You're so dumb I could take your brain, shove it up a gnats ass and it would rattle around like a b.b. in a boxcar

You can't shine sh*t

You're so cheap that you tell your kids to take their glasses off when their not looking at anything

 

I am as confused as a baby at a topless bar.

 

When in worry or in doubt
run in circles, scream, and shout.

She's built like a record player
33 45 78

 

Every time I come back to this thread, I remember some more.

The answer I've been annoying people with: "the direction opposing the pull of gravity; generally perpendicular the the surface of the planet." Damn, now there's someone else saying it...

One from the guy who had the shop next to where I used to work:

"Well, you don't hear 'em called smart cunts, do ya'?"

Or another one I heard: "like giving a tic-tac to a whale".

-bill

 

Que: How ya doin?
Ans: Aw hangin in there...........like a hair in a grilled cheese sandwich.

 

Heard this today

Sweating like a Rapist

 

As an old redneck that I used to work with would say, "nervous as an old hound poopin peach pits".

 

when in doubt... knock em out

 

Bouncing around like a whore in a pecker patch.
Your ass sucks goat titty.
Don't just stand there looking like yourself, hand me ........
Take off your purse and hit it.
Slicker than cum on a gold tooth.

 

colder that a well digers tutu (dad)
greasy,grimy,gopher guts (mom)
nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs

 

to poor to pay atechion
hoter that two squirls in a tube soock
tits on a boar
like squeeing blood out of a turup

 

Now that's a slappin' ass!

 

this old timer next door to where i work would say
Your two kinds of good.

















good for nothing and no good
Bill

 

My stepdad used to say, when referring to the weather in Oregon, said, "It's raining like a cow pissin' on a flat rock"