funny things to say, words you use

"Busier than a 3 dollar whore at a shriners convention!"
"Lay off the hookah pipe."

 

When describing a big busted bubble headed bleach blonde..
"If tits were brains she'd be a genius!"

My dad liked to say "Were you born stupid or did you go to school?"

My brother says "If I had a job I'd call in sick!"

 

One of the countless terms for being drunk (like I am now):

" I wuz in tha gripe of da grape"

 

word

 

I'm as happy as a two peckered puppy

 

-Don't teach your daddy how to pee-

-I've seen more pussy than a toilet seat-
(doesn't apply in my case)

 

Fumbling around: "like 2 monkeys trying to fuck a football"

Woulda/coulda/shoulda: "if a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his ass when he jumped"

 

He/she would skin a turd for sixpence.Turd (dog crap or any crap) meaning that the person would do anything to get what they wanted without worry of the consequences...........Marq

 

I have had to curve my language since i had a kid, so i am alway saying "holy moly" instead of shit, the other day i was washing the car and gave my 2 year old a hose, she kept squirting it and kept sawing "holy moly'

pappy says "holy katz"

"better out than in" or "my compliments to the chef "for farting or burping at the table

"usless as tits on a bull'

i'll pay you (or i'll get to it or we'll do it) "second tuesday next week"

"about half crocked"

"you'll be fine, as soon as it stops hurtin"

 

you cant polish a turd

going thru life with one oar in the water

noisier than 2 skeletons on a tin roof during a hail storm

doesent know if he was punched, bored or dug out by a ground hawg

dummer than a bag of hammers

 

I'll play. I tell my school kids, "here's the deal" and "spud" I don't know were they came from but I say them all the time. Who knows
Mick

 

holy snapping assholes, its cold enough to freeze the nuts off an iron bridge

 

One of my wife's favorites is "it's like arranging the deck chairs on the Titantic" ...in reference to something that's a complete waste of time

or when I ask my dad how he's doing: "if I were any happier I'd be twins"

 

It is what it is.

 

All my life I've heard "Balls to the wall" Saw on TV the other night it came from ball type centrifical goveners on old steam engines being maxed out. I guess I always thought it refered to a different pair of balls!

 

next time your out for a steak and they ask how you like to have it done say, "knock the horns off and drag it in"

 

She is a round heeled double breasted mattress thrasher

I'm busier than snail at Morton salt company picnic

 

If you keep doin' what your doin' then you will keep gett'n what yer gett'n

 

As useles as a screen door on a submarine

 

useless as Tits on a boar hog

 

Make hay while the sun's shining

You cant make chicken soup outta chicken shit

6 one way and half dozen the other

Sometimes the f--kin ya get aint worth the f--kin ya get

 

how about cut off them horns and wipe its ass!

 

It's like playing cards with your brothers kids

 

don't let yer pink stink

 

Yeah she's pretty hot "I'll pipe her down".....

 

colder than witches tit in a snow storm in a steel bra on a sunday

hotter than a freshly fucked fox in a forest fire

can't tell yer ass hole from yer elbow

sharp as a marble

sharp as a ball of cotton

well i'll be finger fucked in the dark

kick me in the balls and call me betsy

shakin' like a dog shittin razor blades

sweatin like a whore in church

i get more done on accident in an hour than
you get done on purpose all day

if you had half a brain you'd be dangerous

she's a blocker more.......only looks good
from a block or more.

butter face
everything looks good but her face

have you been eatin retard sandwiches?

can't see it from my house

when someone says I wonder what..........
stick yer thumb up yer ass and pull it out an smell of it
if it don't stink it's a wonder.

 

Dumb as a box of rocks...

Shines like a ruby in a goats ass!

One for the siblings:

"F' with me ONE MORE TIME and I'll bury your ass in the backyard and tell Mom that I don't know where you went!

You candy-ass(I said it LONG BEFORE "the rock")

Hornier than a 3 peckered billygoat!

Neater than sliced bread...

Fits like socks on a rooster....

Hey, We aren't building a church here!

Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra...

Sweatin' like a whore in church...

Talkin to yo is like arquing with a brick wall...

 

tighter than a nun's c***t

 

ur all a couple venturis short of a six pack! dunno what that means....drown yerself in a sewage treatment pond.

 

who pizzed in your mailbox ?