funny things to say, words you use

Bang it harder then a screen door in a hurrican!

 

My Aunt likes to say, and everything and all. After every sentence. Drives me crazy!

 

My current favorites are:

to express astonishment "Jesus-christ-monkeyballs!"

to describe a bad situation or experience "a shit sandwich with no bread and extra shit"

confrontation "I'd slap the fag right outta' you but I can't hit that hard"

reference to a female with especially tight clothing in the groin region "ship of the desert"

Just in case some of you didn't get the last one I'll use it in a sentence just as I did the other day "Dude, check the ship of the desert on that chick over there."

 

"People in Hell want icewater too!" (My old daddy, when we thought we wanted something. ) pigpen

 

These are some that I like.
"that bitch was so fat, when she bent over her pussy looked like a fifth wheel"

" I'd fuck the stink out of her ass"

"that's a top of the line head unit" Usually said about a big redneck 4x4, or an '85 v-6 camaro with mags.

"It's about as broad as it is long" meaning it's the same either way

"He's tighter than two coats of paint"

" I fucker her so many times, she's starting to look like me"

 

ones i use too much..

"that looks like an open can of fuck with a bent lid"
"that looks like jack hammered dog shit"
"i'm hungry as a hostage"
"how about a nice big cup of SHUT THE FUCK UP"
"i'm sweatin like a pregnant nun"
"it's hotter than two frogs fuckin in a wool sock"

 

what i say about an ugly chick... variation from previously mentioned

"it looks like her face caught on fire and they put it out with a chain saw"

when refering to a hot chick
"she is what i call 'ass-tastic'"

when someone is doing something and they suck at it (like refering to their driving skills after they wreck a car)
"i hope you fuck better than you drive"

 

here's one of my fav insults

"you are just like a broken dick.... useless"

 

when walking into a public bathroom full of people
"ooohhh so this is where all the dicks hang out."
"hey look, its a cock only smaller"

or when standing next to someone at the pisser
"hey nice watch"

 

when someone says something dumb to you yell back at them "You shut your mouth when your talking to me!"
or when you need them to do something
Dont just stand there with your teeth in your mouth, hand me a.....

 

Some more:
" That smells like the back seat of a '72 Buick I once had"

" That looks or smells like the lid off of a jar of fuck"

" He talks like a man with a paper asshole"

" He couldn't kick the shit off of his shoes"

 

My two that I am known to use are:

"Built like a brick shithouse" and "Let me tell you a story..."

In context:

"talk about tough, that dudes built like a brick shithouse"

and

"Let me tell you a story...that car sucks."

 

figure i would throw this one in.....overheard this while lettering a friends pulling truck..... "that thing shines like a diamond in a goats ass"....

or for that not so shiny ride.... "that thing is drier than a popcorn fart"

brandon

 

i say god damnit way too much, and i was watching soem stoopid video on this tourettes guy........and he says BOB SAGGET.........it's a hillarious alternative......


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aR7GUiiKEz0&eurl=http://www.tourettesguy.com/videos/

 

" teamwork makes the dreamwork."

" is that a ugly girl, or a beautiful man??"

" i dont have a dick... i have a peepee"

 

or when i see an ugly pinup,"hey!, its cherry butterface!"

 

Here a couple of my all-time faves:

A co-worker of mine, many years ago said this to a Vice President, at the company I was working for, just moments after the VP walked in:

VP sez: "Hi John, I was wondering if you could help me out?"
John sez: "Well.... Which way did you come IN???"

I absolutely LOVED that one... Unfortunately, the VP was a pretty dry kinda guy, and about six months later, with the next set of "Headcount Reductions", John was GONE...

Co-inky-dinky???? You decide...

Here's another:

When you're with a friend, and some real jerk who has been talking to your friend says:

"Well, I'll see you later..."
You interject with:
"Not if he sees you FIRST..."

Couldn't resist sharing, as I've been watching this silly thread for ages. You gotta laugh at life.

 

LOL!

 

My Great Uncle Earl: She's got a head like a "Burnt Maude"!
My Dad: Schlicker than Schnot!
Mine : Just for shit's and giggles. oh and: You'll have that on those big job's!

 

What the hell, I'll throw one of mine out there. Pretty much everyone that knows me has heard this and usually has to tell someone else about it right after. The considerate ones always ask permission to make it their new saying. It's pretty much self-explanatory but always fun to explain.

This can be applied to just about anything that looks wrong, smells bad, tastes bad, etc.

ass gravy

"UGH!!! That tastes like ass gravy!"

"Damn! That body work looks like ass gravy!"

Typically someone will look at you, wrinkle their nose and repeat it as a question.

Here's the way it goes...

"Man! It stinks like ass gravy in here!"
Above mentioned facial look followed by "Huh?" or "Ass gravy?"
"Yeah! What comes to mind when you hear those two words?"
Then you can see by their facial expresion that the light bulb just turned on, quickly followed by a knowing nod and a smile.

 

well here is a cool saying! What the hell does this dumb thread have to do with cars of any type.!

 

I'm on it, like a bum on a Bologna sandwhich

Hey fucker, right Church, wrong pue

It's fucked up? Can't see it from my house

 

Aaaaand the guy with a whopping 35 posts has spoken. I think a LOT of these sayings/expressions have been part of car conversations. That's how I heard the ones I posted above

 

I guess I'm just not fortunate enough to sit and post thousands of times on a message board.My fault! Oh and hey this makes 36 now boy, I'm on my way!!

 

Well, at least when you do, it's oh so "meaningful"

 

shut your suck

busier than a three legged cat covering up shit

 

Walking into the bathroom at a swapmeet:

"so, this is where all the dicks hang out"

terrible

 

BITCHEN!!!

 

Waters deep and cold!

 

When I have totally ruined, f-ed up, broken, crashed, destroyed, or set on fire something, I say, as simply and calmly as possible:

"I think that went pretty well".