funny things to say, words you use

smooth move ..ex-lax

 

Here's a couple:
1. Everyone brings joy to this place. Some by entering, others by leaving.
2. If you'd be a self-starter, I wouldn't be a crank.
3. Well, he's been hung by his own petard.
4. He must have been behind the door when the brains were passed out.

 

Sweatier than a Whore on Cowboy Payday

 

When someone wants you to do something ~ Hold your breath

When something is only so so ~ Doesn't get me whet

When it looks ok from a distance ~ From a birds eye view

When someone is in trouble ~ He's in deep grease.

 

I would walk barefoot all winter just to step in her shit this spring

 

1. Fits like socks on a rooster
2. rainin' like a cow pissin' on a flat rock
3. I like to blurt out, PORN to someone who can't remeber what their going to say next
4. If it don't fit, force it, if it breaks it needed replacing anyway.
5. slipperyier than Owl shit

 

"its sometimes better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt"

 

fastfrankie73 says " He talks like a man with a paper asshole"

My friends dad always said that when he knew you were lying or exadurating. I always get such a kick out of it. But I really don't know what it means. I think it's like your ass can't hold in the shit you are slinging.

 

"Outta here like a fat girl in dodgeball!"
"Can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear"
"We ain't building a fuckin' watch!"
"It ain't no statovarious"
"If you can't weld good, weld a lot"
If it cracks it's strong - but if it breaks, it's gone!
"Arguing online is like being in the special olympics - even if you win, you're still retarded."

 

I doubt that's original to you....

 

I,m a diesel mechanic. I work with one of the most irritating personalities I've ever run into. He talks constantly. I allways say he has an overactive blabber.
One time he had to cut some injector coppers and couldn't read the instructions so I had to come over and read them for him and explain each step. Someone asked me what I was doing over there with my buddy? I told them I had to translate the instructions from english to moron.

 

How about he is so tight he would fart on a rock to save grease!

 

A tall woman "two axe handles to the first knot hole"

 

a few months ago at work some of the guy's were shouting back and fourth ,i work at a car dealer, and it started to get a little heated and one of them busted out with" aint nothin holdin you back but straight up fear...bitch" it shut up every one and i was rolling on the ground laphing my ass off. the other guy couldnt think of any thing to say. thats one of my favorites now

 

we must work next the same guy ha ha ha

 

"Copper wire was invented by him and his dad fighting over a penny"

I like that and know just the guy to use it on.

 

"if he had a brain , he'd be arrested for smuggling SHIT!"
"Can't fix STUPID !"
"Bitch can't help being ugly but she can at least stay at home ! "
"That car wouldn't pull a sick whore off a bar stool ! "
" In my home town , you don't loose your girlfriend , you just loose your turn !"

 

You here those guys with the small man syndrom always spout off " Dynamite comes in small packages buddy ! " Then the big guy says " and it's shipped in train cars too Mother ..Fu76er !"

 

"Runnin' around like a headless chicken!"

 

"She's makin me harder than Chinese algebra"
"Harder than a wedding dick"
When someone at work asks me how I'm doing, I answer "Could be worse. Could have your job."
"You can always tell a Swede, you just can't tell him much."

 

"Beauty is skin deep but ugly's to the bone."

"What a rock" (ugly girl)

"I'm so far behind I think I'm ahead."

"You make a better door than you do a window."

"You'd complain if they hanged you with a new rope."

 

My wife is the third oldest out of 18 kids, so I have a pile of brother and sister-in-laws under 20. I just talk like they do when I am around them, but I try to do it wrong. For instance, they might say "yo, that's phat!' or "you so dope". I would say "you are a fat dope".

 

when im really busy at work - i say im running with the choke out

 

18 kids?

 

Ive got a nice kid at where i work, hes just a bit slow..Good welder and pretty much able to weld anything, but he still gets on alot of the other guys nerves with his stupidity.
the other day i had to say it to him ..it was killing me..

I said
Oh I see your problem...your Stupid..
and you know what? he didnt get it. sigh

 

he he he...15 of them are adopted!

 

My car metor use to say " send him to school and he eats his books"

 

Here's one to say to those people we all know, that just like to blame you for everything:"Shit in your pants, and I'll take the blame."

 

Now that is one i can use!

 

Buy you books, send you to school, teach you everything I know, and you still don't know nothin'