funny things to say, words you use

yup, heard it said like:
"so stupid they don't know if their asshole was punched or bored" Also,
"he's tigher than Dick's hatband" and
"He's so confused he don't know whether to shit or go blind"
Daddy said "if you shake it more than 3 times, you're playin' with it. . ." and he wasn't always referring to the obvious. Works great when somebody takes too long to do something.

 

"That's as useless as a rape whistle on Rosie O'Donnell's keychain."

 

"Squeeze a nickle till the buffalo shits"

 

My favorite .. "The sun don't shine on the same dogs ass all of the time" (translated= what goes around comes around).

"Dealin' with you is like gettin' ticks off of a whale"

 

If the front door is bloody and the back door is muddy try the upstairs window.

 

Were you born stupid or did you go to school?

I wouldn't say she's ugly, but, she looks normal in the back of a spoon!

She's got a kind chin, that kind I like to rest my balls on!

 

His momma rocked him when he was a baby, but she used too big of rocks....

He don't know if he's winding his ass or scratching his watch...

He don't know if he's jackin off or strapping a razor..

And above all you can't shit an old shitter.

 

You musta been reincarnated cause nobody could get that ugly in one lifetime.

 

In reply to a comment that he disagreed with, or considered a lie, my grandpa would retort;

"Horseshit" said the sparrow, "lets eat!"

 

I AM going to use the spoon one for shure.....lol

 

used to be this hot bartender at the local biker bar i would frequent, called her onion ass, cause eveytime i saw it, it would bring tears to my eyes !

 

Use this all the time:

"Do something ... even if it's wrong"

"as usefull as tits on a bull"

When refering to the front yard area (must be a NH thing) it is refered to as "the dooryard" Example: Get that POS out my dooryard!!

Paco

 

My Buddy and I and his kid are in the Garage, My buddy says, "Let's go to the drags this weekend". I say, I'm UP for that". The kid says, "I'm DOWN with that!" What?

 

Johnny Cash wrote in his autobiography of the grading system for cotton.
"Fair to Middlin'' is a term we've all heard.I had to look it up again to see what they were:


1. Fair
2. Strict middling fair
3. Middling fair
4. Strict good middling
5. Good middling
6. Strict middling
7. Middling
8. Strict low middling
9. Low middling
10. Strict good ordinary
11. Good ordinary
12. Strict ordinary 13. Ordinary

Fair days to all of us!

 

Has anyone ever heard anyone say, "Well, that's life in the putty factory"? My Pop said this a zillion...no, two zillion times till the day he died. I have no clue where he got this saying (and tons of others).

 

My wife came up with one... I said something that didn't make sense (don't remember what it was), and she told me, "Come, now, Jt, you know that nobody likes an el dente potato......"

 

Gran paw used to tell me " Boy your good on the rough stuff and rough on the good stuff ". And when something went together perfect " That fit like a sock on a duck ya just gotta know how to f%*k with the toes" .

 

That guys nuttier than squirrel shit!!!!! What are you guys doing over there burglerin turds???? You do know this is used right??????

 

i use the term 'wizzy' quite often

 

So horney the crack of dawn ain't safe

That weld looks like a bulldogs ass sewed up with a log chain

That gal was melted and poured in them jeans [from grandma god rest her]

Beat it till it fits, paint it till it looks good

Been around since hector was a pup

That gal has more chins than a chinese songbook

 

Heard this one morning at recruit training (Boot camp)
"More than three shakes is a pull, a pull constitutes pleasure, THIS is the Army, we dont allow pleasure"

Doc.

 

a guy i used to work with, used to say someone doent know Doesn't know shit from Shinola...mom would say she wouldnt have that up her ass , if she had room for a sawmill... another was blacker'n ol coalie's ass, and Nervous as a dog shittin' peach pits

 

As Stan would say, " five o'clock is catching up with us."

 

The answer for all you, Does a bear shit in the woods coments, Not a polar bear

 

he's so tight he squeezes a nickle till the Indians riding the Buffallo

 

"I'm as full as a tick" (after eating)

"He's about as sharp as a bag of wet mice" (someone does something stupid)

"Looked like her neck stepped in something" (ugliness)

"He's so skinny he'd have to jump around in the shower to get wet" (skinny)

"That gal's a Swampdonkey" (again, ugliness)

"Smooth move, Exlax" (clumsiness)

And finally, to instill confusion for just pure damn meanness, when asked a question I may reply with:
"No I'm Doesn't"

 

I heard a old man, a while back say, when watching a skinny girl walk by!!
That ant got enough meat on her, to grease a mans dick!!

 

A old woman I used to know use to say, "speaking about kids growing up"
When thay are little, they step on your toes, and when they grow up, they step on your heart!!
I have found this to be a true saying

Shadetree

 

Anyone that's been in the military certainly must remember FUBAR? F*****d Up Beyond All Recognition. Gotta love some of those military acronyms!

And then there's the reference to what some folks call a bunch of yay-hoos sitting around, watching someone else work? Often heard 'em called the peanut gallery, but I've also heard 'em called the porch monkeys - always chattering but never helping. . . That one was a favorite of my Air Force Training NCO in boot camp.

 

o.k. heres a couple more:
"you're as smooth as sandpaper"

"you're as sharp as a bowling ball"

"when you were born, the doctor slapped you're mother"

"you're father should of rubbed one off that day"