funny things to say, words you use

Dad would say "that's funnier than a fart in a space suit"

 

Oh yeah...and "you can't snow the snowman"

 

From my Momma-
"and If a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his butt when he hopped"
"if wishes were horses, then beggars would ride..."
"The Devil's beatin' his Wife!" (when it's raining and the sun is shining)
"Don't put nothin' in yer ear that's smaller than your elbow" (Try cheking that one out)
And from my dear, departed Grandma-
"If that girl had as many pricks on her as she's had in her, she'd look like a porcupine!"

 

Some descriptions of someones face:

Looks like a goalie for a dart team

Looks like it was set on fire and put out with a golf shoe

Face like a:

long wet Sunday

bag of soggy chips

....

Strong like bull, smart like boxcar

In the middle of bumfuck nowhere

Dumb as bag of hammers

Lower than:

snail shit

a pregnant snake's belly


Or if someone is just dead wrong I sometimes say


Do not pass go, Do not collect 200 dollars,

 

another one is "he built that car like he'd had 3 teeth,1 in his mouth and 2 in his pocket"

 

When I see a hottie... "Those legs go all the way up and make an ass of themselves"

 

dumd as abag of rocks or a fence post slicker than deer guts on a door knob my dicks so hard a cat could,nt scratch it.

 

If your gonna kill it, over kill it.

Danger will robinson that (fill in item or person here) is going San Franciscan (gay)

 

"Get out of the ocean Honey, you're stinking up the fish"

 

When I see a girl that has a great body but a so so face ...I say shes a washing machine ...Just something I'd through a load in !

 

Reffering to a red headed person:
Red on the head, like the noodle on a poodle.

To say something is expensive:
The price is high as giraffe pussy.

Something durable:
Hard as woodpecker lips.


-Abone.

 

Dumber n a baga hammers
Drunker n Cooter Brown
Bull hunch
Dick so hard the cat couldn't scratch it.
Scared me and I ain't scared of nothin
Is a frog's ass watertight?
Scared me so bad you couldn't drive a needle up my ass with a sledgehammer.
To some badass always "gonna kick yer ass" You ain't screwed to the floor.
Dumber than a creek minnow.
Keep on and I'll slap you retarded.
and of course me tag line..

Later
VonDad

 

"That's as funny as a one legged cat trying to bury a turd on a froze over lake"

 

One I always remember "she's got the body of a goddess and the personality of a fence post" It's really another blond thing

Dumber than a fence post

He don't know his ass from a hole in the ground

 

LOL ..these are all great

 

just a cunt hair off

 

One I always remember "she's beautiful but has the personality of a fence post"

Dumber than a fence post

dumber than shit

He don't know his ass from a hole in the ground

aw go piss up a rope

when pigs fly

ass deep on a tall indian

 

Busier then a one legged man in an ass kickin' contest.

Color me pink and call me Sally.

If it ain't broke, brake it.

That thing runs like a raped ape.

Faster then a scalded dog.

When I was in college we used to say "nice shoes" when we'ed walk by a chic with a nice rack, then one day as I said it to my friend the girl slapped me across the face. She was barefoot.

 

If it aint broke, fix it till it is.

 

That boys cheese done slid offa' his cracker

 

you just aint poop'in in yer post toasties

 

1st is how my son described this girl he knows "She's two grapes short from being a fruit salad!" Also, "That guys not the sharpest tool in the shed" And, "He does'nt have both oars in the water"

 

Midwest farm sayings I remember:

"Were cuttin' fat hogs now"- when things are good.

"It's raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock"

"couldn't hit the floor with his hat"- bad shot

" a real turd floater"- heavy rain

" Fuck em' all, but six, and save them for the pall bearers"

" If dynamite were brains he couldn't blow his nose"

 

Dude Talking....Sounds like a Shit Salesman, with a Mouth full of Samples.

 

Been around since Moby Dick was a minnow

 

The price was higher than a cat's back.
He's lower than a snake's belly. (no good bum)
I live cattycorner from the drug store. (diagonal)
I jumped on that deal like a duck on a junebug.
His elevator didn't go all the way to the top floor. (dumb)
She's a few bricks short of a full load. (dumb)
He'll be here on Mark time. (my brother Mark is always late)
I flubbed up. (goofed)
It's like spitting into the wind. (impossible or dumb task)
Hotter than a popcorn fart.
He's half a bubble off. (Off level, sorta crazy)
I chased her until she caught me. (Grandad talking 'bout Grandma)

 

your so tight you wouldnt pay a nickel to see a piss ant shit a bale of hay.........

 

Looser than a robins dick in a hogs ass = really loose

Like a tall dog shitting in high cotton= really nice/good

and.... A big leaker = blowed up engine

 

That's older than Dirt's father..

My grandpa used to say "You'll have girls chasing after you with mattresses strapped to their backs"

Still waiting for that one......

 

i'm pretty bad with droppin the f bomb...really bad at work...like that one time in my supervisors office when the line i run was outa parts and the 8 of us were standing there and he asked if we wanted to come in the following day (friday) and i slipped up with a big fuck no!