funny things to say, words you use

Bussier than a one armed pivot man at a circle jerk.

Well fuck me dead.

Well I'll be griddle fried black.

Ok so I don't say any of those. But what the hell they sounded good when I was typin'.

 

PISS UP A ROPE!

 

I been busier than a rented mule.

Don't sing thru a screen door, or you might strain your voice.

Yeah, looks like she's got factory air (space between her legs up next to the good thang).

She so fine I'd drink her dirty bath water.

 

Acouple of guys from work always use..
You got kicked in the Jimmey

 

When something fits together nicely ................."A Honeymoon Fit"

 

Dumber than a bucket of shit
Blacker than Hogan's goat
He can't tell the difference between his ass and buttermilk
My Wife says 'six of a half and a dozen of the other'!
When leaving a place or person here in town we say 'skin-er-back' and the reply is 'diiick'(shortened from the original...'suck-a-dick'...spoken as one word)

 

Hard to pinpoint --- "like a fart in a whirlwind"

On getting a nasty whiff --- "Something's rotten in Denmark."

When a tightwad pulls out a dollar to buy something..... "Look! George is squinting -- cause he hasn't seen the light of day in so long!"

and this one... "tennessee toddie, all ass and no body"

 

that's harder than pushing a piece of cooked spaghetti up a bobcats ass.

why don't you go outside and play hide and go fvck yourself!

when somoene doesn't know what they are taliking about: when it comes to that, he doesn't know whether his asshole was punched or bored

 

Father in law said of my Triumph GT 6 "so ya got room for your ass, and a gallon of gas ,but your balls gotta hang out the window......

Friend regarding an obese and homely woman pushing a stroller with two kids in it....." Somebody fucked that....TWICE!!!!"

Said of me when I wasn't feeling well, "You look like you been ate by wild dogs and shit over a cliff!"

Rather than telling someone to fuck off a friend used to tell then to "Eat Shit, Bark at the Moon and Die!!"

When encountering an uncivilized fellow, a buddy used to refer to him as a Churlish, Bovine Dolt.

 

When somethings kinda goofy - "thats sillier than a clowns dick"

When someone's angry - "they're so angry they're farting sparks"

About a complaining woman - "If the Marx Brothers had had a sister, you'd be it - ComplainO!"

 

Ok I have been known to say.

"Dumb as a post, hell I got hickory at home that's smarter than he is."

 

That one reminds me of a former workmate out at lunch when the bill came.

"Deep pockets but short arms"

Stu

 

As a Southern boy, I've always heard it as "shitting in tall cotton"

 

Body by fisher-Mind by mattel,
A good looking girl thats not to smart

 

As useless as a broke dick mule.

slicker than a minnows dick.

That boy's got shit for brains.

 

Great stuff...I want to hear more from the Englishmen...

 

no clue.. "that guy couldn't find his ass with both hands and a map".

hung like a button on a fur coat.

 

Uglier then a mud fence!

You talk like a man with a paper asshole and a pocket full of matches!

 

My daughter ( and most little kids) always says "thats not fair"

I reply "No it's not. The Fair is for fancy sheep and 10 pound tomatoes."

 

My dad once said of a fellow with large cranium:

He's got a heed like a 10 bob cabbage.

The Brits'll get that one. Stu

 

"hand me the goddammit so I can fix the sumbitch and get the motherF******r runnin' " kinda-sorta like dat?
R.R.

 

so stupid he couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel.

uglier than a fence row of assholes

drink a gallon of her piss just to see where it comes from!

She makes me harder than woodpecker lips!

 

thats slicker than a minnows peter!
'' a tire is like a woman ...if it aint lubed up you cant mount it"
that guy could fuckup a wet dream with a stack of penthouses
it'll make your babys be born naked.
that guy couldnt find his ass with a indain scout and a hunting dog.
are you about done? all i like is finishing!

 

slicker than a minners (minnow) peter
don't wanna see nothing but ass holes & elbows{basket ball}
fuck it its not mine {my auto glass guy}
head like a cut worm
milf
butter head (everthing but her head)
blinkers are on(one nipple is hard)
headlights on (both nipples hard)
colder than a well diggers ass
poppin corn( car with a radical idle)
beer it's what's for dinner!

 

Dumber than a rake handle
Number than a pounded thumb
She got rode hard a put away wet
Screwing her is like stinking your dick out the window and screwing the world
Useless as tits on a nun
Screwing her is like throwing a hotdog down a hallway

My all time fav is the one an old guy nailed me with when I got my 1st job back in 1971. I had worked with him about a week when he asked me how old I was I told him 16 He laughed like hell and said

"Shit boy your asshole ain't even brown yet"

 

is that a "red" hair or a "black" hair ?
-Is the pope catholic? {had a guy at work honestly didnt know! }
-Is a pigs ass pork?
-does a bear shit in the woods?
-does the president lie? {goes for either political party!}
My grand father was from the south and had an entire library of this " old-saying " stuff.
_jumpy as a cat on a hot tin roof
_meaner than cat sh*t
- useless as tits on a bull.
- dumber than a box of rocks
-not the brightest bulb on the chandelier
felling badly? how 'bout
- tore up from the floor up
-shot at and missed,shit at and hit
or my favorite from my dad.....
- dragged through a knothole backward asshole first!
R.R.

 

"Freeze the balls off a brass monkey" Real cold.

"Couldn't pull the skin off a rice pudding" No power.

"Nice/big toilet" Nice ass/Huge ass.

"Like two skeletons fucking on a tin roof" Loud.

"Like two tits on a boar" Useless.

 

Well, I was going to read the whole thread until I realized how long it was. I guess if i duplicate a few, it won't kill anyone.

For an ugly woman, or 'honkytonk special' if she's really rough looking, you might say 'she looks like 10 mile of bad road' or
she's uglier than a hedge fence.

Slicker than snot on a fender
He's as sharp as a bowling ball
Useless as tits on a bull
'that'll go over like a fart in church'
'that'll go over like a turd in the punchbowl'
Well, it's close enough for the girls I f*@k
Harder than herding cats

and my dad's old saying about something that's ugly in color

What color is that? Shit brindle brown?

 

Finer than frogs hair split 4 ways.

"Your other right/left" (Smart ass way to correct someone after you tell them which direction to look/go and they do the opposite)

Futher mucker' cork sackin' son of a bisquit
Forkin' A
(PC cursing)

Man, that sucks donkey!

"I'm 3 centimeters dilated and about to touch cloth"
"I'm prairiedoggin' "
"My back teeth are floating"
(I need to use the restroom and I'm giving you TMI*)

Advice to yell out to someone headed for the bathroom...
"If you shake it more than 41 times, you are just playing with yourself"

Yeah, people love having me around.

*TMI (too much information)