funny things to say, words you use

I thought Benno came up with the high-score on the FUBAR meter:

But then I found one that's gotta' tie:

Heard at work last night:
"like butter through a dog"
"FUBIJAR (fuck off bud, I'm just a reservist)"

-bill

 

I had a boss that was full of odd sayings. Here's a few of 'em I remember:

I wouldn't have one of those up my ass if I had room for a steamship.

When gorillas jump out my ass.

Fuck a buncha (insert offending item/person/idea here)

I'm 3 degrees cooler than everybody else.

Dingleberries and donuts!!!

 

A foghorn leghorn classic I use:
"That boy's about as sharp as a bowlin' ball..."

Stolen from robo-cop & now used anytime I see a hot chick:
"I'd buy THAT for a dollar!"

"As bright as a warm rock."

One of my dad's favorites:
"Whaddya think I am? Made of money?"

"I like those legs - they go all the way up!"

"Worth the climb" (said about a good looking, but tall girl)

"xxx like you read about" (when something is really a classic case of it or just well done)

Stolen from Heathers:
"Fuck me gently with a chainsaw"

A classic:
"Slap my ass & call me Sally"

"I don't give a good goddam" (with optional endings)

"You gotta be shittin' me" - shortend to YGBSM in email!

"Fuckin-A" (very useful multi-purpose phrase)

"Square root of fuck-all" (very, very little)

"...as you do" (fine British expression added to the end of something else eg: "I was sat there drinking a beer...as you do")


I've also been known to quote movies at appropriate times - some of my faves are:

"Oh a counter offer. We lawyers - I'm a lawyer - we lawyers call that a counter offer." (obviously from My Cousin Vinny & used at an obvious time...) Also, "You like to renegotiate as you go along"

"ROUSs? Rodents of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist." (obviously from Princess Bride & said when someone says something preposterous when you might normally respond 'that'll never work')

"I am your King" or "I'm Arthur, King of the Britains" (obviously from Holy Grail & said when someone asks me who I am...)


One of my mom's favorites:
"Who died & made you king?"

"That's some funny shit right there - I don't care who you are" (I was saying this long before Larry the Cable Guy became popular...)

"All day long - even if it rains" (Said in response to someone who asks 'is it [fill in day here]?')

"Why don't you go stand on your head & butt fuck yourself"

"Holy shit, Batman!"

"He's a few clowns short of a circus" or "He's a few fries short of a happy meal"

"Ignorance is cureable - stupid is forever"

"Have you always been this dumb, or did you have to work at it?"

My favorite mixed-up metaphor:
"Busier than a one-legged paper hanger on dollar night" (from the classics: Buisier than a: one legged man in an ass kicking contest, one armed paper hanger, & whore on dollar night)

"That's as wrong as two boys fuckin!" Often followed up with, "And a girl watching!"

 

-- hung like a sabertooth chipmonk

-- she was so was so loose it was like throwing a hotdog down a hallway

-- beauty is just a light switch away



--

 

LMAO....reminds me of my dad's favorite saying, too...he'd look right at me when and say, "I can't look at your ass and read your mind!"



Another of Dad's gems: "If I want any shit out of you, I'll scrape it off your teeth."

 

Now we're cooking with GAS!!!

 

"Faster than a raped ape"

 

My old man is famous for them:

'If you want any sympathy from me you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis"

"When the going gets tough, the tough get going"

Ya, he is a bit of an SOB.

 

One of my Father-in-Law's favorite sayings: "(s)he's so dumb, Ripley wouldn't believe it." That cracks me up every time.

I was often threatened by my mother, "I'll kick your ass up between your shoulder blades." Or, "beat you 'til you turn green."

And finally, when I'd ask for something: "People in hell want ice water."

 

"My asshole was eating a hole in the seat" refering to a wild ride.

Another one I heard from a friend: His old man always told him:
"Dont' get all worked up 'bout that pussy.......Ain't nuthin but the hairy end of a gut!"

 

A kick in the nuts is A kick in the ass slappers....

 

Epic
Sick
Straight pimpin'
Way to go, Francis
Thank you Captain Obvious
Slap you silly with the snotty end of my fuckstick

 

Bouncing around like a BB in a empty boxcar.

 

I actually read through all 11 1/2 pages and cracked up over some that I've heard growing up and others with a small twist to them. Surprisingly I can still add a few.

My dad would always say when something tasted good: That'll put hair on your chest or that'll put lead in your pencil.

When things were hard but didn't want to give up:"when it's too tough for everybody else it's just right for me".

Seeing a mighty fine woman: "I'd drag my balls over ten miles of broken beer bottles just to finger fuck her shadow"

 

another one i use is bitchin-enything cool is bitchin
when my son was little & got under my feet id tell him-
go tell your mother she wants you

 

"F@&* you and the horse you rode in on."

"Like herding cats with diarrhea..."

"He's out there wandering around lost like a goat in a hail storm."

"Like ten monkeys trying to f@&* a football."

"My memory is so bad I can't remember what I had for breakfast."

"She was so gorgeous I'd eat the peanuts out of her shit."

"Watch her walk. She's got an ass end like a fourty dollar mule."

 

"If I've told you once, I've told you forty-levan times"
"She was tighter than a nats ear stretched over a rain barrel"
"Is a fishes asshole watertight?"

 

Dumber than a milk cow.
Don't know sic 'em from go fetch

 

"Holy piss!"

"Its hotter than two rats fuckin in a wool sock!!"

"I get so confused. Its like going into an outhouse with two holes. I dont know what to do, so I stick one foot in each hole and shit in my pants!"

"This damn (part) just shit the bed!"

 

Low buck? - we were so poor when I was a kid, if I didn't wake up on Christmas day with a hard on, I'd have nuthin' to play with...

How does it handle? - Like a labrador on linoleum...

 

Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

 

amazing how many quote
dad
grandpa
mom
grandma

Guess it does matter what people say !!


That boys so dumb, take his brain turn it into gas ..would not be enough to start a ant's motorscooter

I got two words for yah

1st one starts with "f " --2nd starts with "u"
Gramps

 

Oh, MaGoo!! You've done it again!

Dan

 

They name streets after you------one way.Take a flying fuck through a rolling doughnut.Does the Pope shit in the woods.

 

when referring to some piece of crap tool, car or whatever i like to say "i wouldn't fire that at a dog for shitting in the house"

 

He don't know come here from sick 'em.
Can't scare me but you can scare my horse.
What do I know? I'm just a dumb Okie.
Be still my beating heart.
Tighter than socks on a rooster.
OI812.
Slickern' owlshit.
What day is this? What's my name?
FUCK!

 

Great googly moogly!

Hello Josephine!

Jumpin Jesus on a pogo stick!!!

 

are you fucking kidding me.this is not car realated...!!

i've had cooler post shut down..

"pumpin' ethyl"
"rectum...damn near killed 'em"

 

OK OK I'll bring it on back to car related......

"If it's got tits or wheels Eventually it'll give you problems!"

Oh, and a couple more:

Beauty is only skin deep but ugly is to the bone.

No matter how good lookin' she is there's someone, somewhere who's tired of puttin' up with her shit.

 

ain't room enough in here to whip a cat
when monkeys fly outta my butt
ain't but two kinds, good ol big uns and big ol good uns
boy howdy or boy f'n howdy
a bmfh, type of hammer
I