Get Between Your Kids And Drugs

As a die hard motorhead,I would rather this be a car related post,but it has affected my family hard enough I felt I should post this.I recently took my stepson to rehab.He has had a cocaine addiction for the past 4 or 5 years,and has tried to beat it himself,he just couldn't do it.So even though he is 27 years old with a good job,he has nothing,his money has been going to the drug dealers.His father has pretty much been supporting him and his girlfriend,she doesn't have the addiction and they have 3 kids between them.He recently narrowly missed being caught in a drug sweep by the police,it scared him enough to go to rehab.I pray it helps him,this place has a 21 percent sucess rate,which is high,most places are around 10 percent.30 days of rehab costs $24000.00!!!!!!!Thank god his father paid half,but still, my wife and I have $12000 on our credit card,could have had some neat hot rod parts for that$$$!.In the words of Ed Asner-GET BETWEEN YOUR KIDS AND DRUGS ANY WAY YOU CAN.The heartbreak is unbelievable.Thanks for listening.

 

I don't want to sound like an ass, but with only a 20% success rate, I don't think a drug rehab would be worth it.

Take your own advice and get between your kids and drugs. PHYSICALLY get between them and the drugs.


The scene in "Walk the Line" where the Carters chase off Johnny's dealer with shotguns comes to mind.

.....plus that doesn't cost $24000!

Am I missing something???? I'm shocked at how much that costs.
Seriously, I'm interested in learning why. I just can't see paying that much for 20%.
Those odds don't seem very good.

I know about withdrawl.....is medical monitoring of that what this $24,000 is for???

Interesting thread.

O/T....but then again if you got kids its not.

 

As a former Coke addict, I hope this will straighten him out. I wasn't so fortunate. I got caught up in a drug sweep in '89, and had to serve 5 years in the state pen.
I was raised better and knew better, but I did it anyway. What you have to is support him the best you can. He has to do the rest.
Hell, Its cheaper to serve time that to go to a Rehab. It saved my life, and I'm grateful for the second chance.
Clean for 17 years..

Spoons

 

Well I smoked pot for @ 17 yrs. My kid seen the way it affected me and didn't touch it. Smart kid. Finally I quit after smoking some that was laced. You'd be surprised at the amount of money that went down the drain in 17 yrs. naw you probably wouldn't. Also keep the kids away from alchohol.

 

Rehab will help with pyschological problems. Most people use drugs for a reason(s). I believe a lot of it has to do with traumas in their life they can't/haven't dealt with. Rehab should also help the physical aspects, discuss the genetic aspects, and should set him up with 12-step programs. 12-step isn't for everyone. Treat him fairly, but don't "enable" him.

Thanks,
Kurt

 

Tingler, The "Walk The Line" Drug prevention worked out in the mid 60-early 70s, but today the drug dealers have bigger more better guns they you do. You standing between them and that cash is enough for them to eliminate what is between them and the money. Won't bother them in the least. Besides that, the drug addict is the one that has to want to quit. Until that happens, the addition will go on, reguardless if you are there or not and you can't be there all the time. In this day and age, a 20% suscess is a pretty respectable rehab rate.

I wish you all the luck in helping your son beat his addition. I willpray for you and him.
Gene

 

Yep, hate to tell you but you are missing something and you do sound like, well, unfortunately like many people. No, not an ass - just truly unaware of the facts of addiction and the true costs of it.

My bro is battling his crack demons and doing OK. But, this is after 4 bouts at rehab and 7 years. The stats I've heard is an average of 7 times through rehab for coke addiction. I've known smack addicts that just couldn't, even after 20+ years trying, shake it.

Addiction is a beast. If you've never experienced either side of it, being an addict or someone who loves one, you have no idea how horrible it can be. Every day is a struggle for an addict. The conscious brains KNOWS that the stuff is bad for them and may land them in prison or a body bag but the addicted part of the brains never shuts up, never stops yelling "MORE MORE MORE!!!"

I can't put a price on the value of a human soul... not when it's someone I know and care about.


Terry, you have my empathies. The worst thing is wanting to do something to help but knowing that true change has to be a decision the addict is willing to make and a struggle they have to endure. I wish your stepson the strength to slay his demons and to be able to live a life in sobriety. You and your wofe have my prayers as well.

 

As a Paramedic, I see the affects of drugs every day.
I have seen promising young lives cut short because of them.
I pray that rehab helps your step-son. I hope he can get the help he needs to break the habit for good.
hopefully he got scared enough to want to quit, you can't help them unless they want to help themselves.

both of you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Vance

 

I once helped a friend through rehab, For one he has to want help if he doesn't want to stop on his own it most likely doesn't work, as far as nailing 12 k on the credit card look into a state grant, don't look at it as a handout because if you don't get it the next person in line will, my friend was lucky enough to get a state grant and it covered a 45 day rehab,ask the facility about it. The person is now making decent money and his way of paying back is trying to help younger kids get clean and stay clean. Best of luck with your stepson.

 

By the way,

I do feel bad for this guys step son and his family.

I hope that if I had a mess like that going on, someone would help me like that.

$12000 is a pretty powerful statement.



Also, sorry about my first post.

I feel I should explain something here. I am super paranoid about "therapy" in any form. I honestly feel that those shit heads are out for money and thats about it.

They don't know the patient personally. They don't know WHAT drove them to the drugs.

.....so how can they undo that mess?

I think that explains the 20% success rate.

I'm paranoid about institutional help. I just don't trust any form of it.
(and yes I tried going to a therapist once for some problems)

 

Terry D, Continue to fight for your stepson. A 20% chance is better than doing nothing. Be strong, be patient, be forgiving, be firm, but mostly be there for him. When he gets out of rehab, let him know he HAS to dump his old drug buddies. If not, they will drag him back in. Misery loves company. I'll be prayin' for him, your wife, and you.

 

to those that have " ALL THE ANSEWERS"....unless you were/are a drug addict,,or have/had a close one to you,,,your bullshit reasoning of this and that is wasted space,,,,.


,,,empithy and love ,,,along with cousuling,,MUCH support and SHOWING that you care,,mean more that any STATISTICS,......

much hope and good wishes to your son n law,,,i wish him the best,,,.

 

I think the $24Gs is a bit too high for a 30 day program with a 24% pass rate. Thirty days isn't going to be enough. For that kind of price, you should be getting a two year program when you think about it($1000/month). Maybe a 30 day confinement and a step-down program of some type. I've seen countless people over the years with this same problem and it's almost impossible to shake. Working with them at the job is horrible as they think they have everything under control and in reality they have nothing under control. If you can get him through this for $24Gs it will be cheap compared to the lost wages from addiction, hospital ER admissions for overdoses and/or withdrawals, costs for arrests: court, lawyers, fines, probation, urinalysis test, that it will cost in the long run. The pattern is the same no matter what social class, race, religion, age or sex. We're all human and this is the worst thing a human can have happen to them. I wish you all the best of luck and as they say "take it one day at a time".

 

Not To Be A Wet Rag.... But I Know People That Have Done Re~hab 4,5,6 Times And Still Are On The $h!t.

He Will Quit When "he" Wants To Quit .... Plain & Simple.

Might Take Goin To Jail, Or His Girl & Kids Leaving ....... Or Like Me, Waking Up From A Black Out Walkin Down The Street, High & Beers In All Pockets At 2 A.m.

But I Got Over 15 Years......... Directed My Addiction Into Cars....

I May Need Re~hab For That Soon !!!!!!!!!!!!!! :d

 

Everyone who reads this, and has a child (even an elementary school child) should sit the kid down and let them read this. MAKE them read this. And then talk to them. My kid just start 6th grade, and we've been having some very frank discussions for a few years now.
I never tried drugs. Damn glad, because I'm easily addicted (adrenaline, junk food, soda, etc), and have little will power. If I ever tried something like meth or crack, I'd be in a gutter or dead.
But while my friends were trying it, I always stood fast and never did. Peer pressure is a mother fucker...but somehow I didn't start smoking pot when they did. My son just heard the story--in perfect detail--about how I stopped hanging out with my best friend in 7th grade because he started using. And how I was with my friend the very first time he ever tried it. I thought it was important to tell my kid how I felt at the time, how hard it was, and what the consequences of MY actions were--loss of friends.
I go to great lengths to explain things to my kid, in ways he can understand, and situations he can relate to. When I was in middle school, my parents thought they understood what my generation was going through. Bullshit; kids I knew were getting drunk every weekend, skipping school to drink or do drugs, having sex...all things my parents weren't faced with until they were in college. By highschool, there were kids with totally fried brains, kids that got hurt from drinking, and teen pregnancy. My parents telling me their mid-western, small town experiences were condescending at best.
My generation and my son's have a lot more in common than mine and my parents, and I make sure my son realizes that, from a young age, so when I tell him things, at least he doesn't just dismiss it out of hand.

So yeah, talk to your kids. And since some of these talks are hard, sit in the shop on a pair of stools, back-to-back so you don't have to actually look at eachother. You'll be surprised at what your kid will say if he can hide his embarassement.

-Brad

 

my prayers go out to your family...I never been there, so I can't offer any words.....but support thats something we can all give...

 

I have two young boys and I sweat the addiction stuff daily. My step brother is tent city right now for blowin his parol on a meth violation. While I I have used drugs in the past (around college days) I have been blessed to not get addicted to them. While I have my addictions, I have always been drawn to the legal physical ones.

I try to use my brother as an example of what can and likely will happen. to my boys. I know that no one!!! can hide from this stuff. Oldcarmike has an awesome post. Addiction is a beast and only he (your step son) can beat it. Your step son must make a choice, which is very difficult because the drugs actually change their thought processes by destroying the the brian slowly. It effects their reasoning skills. My brother was usin at 13 and has been in rehab 4 times. This is his second stay in jail. He is my age and owns nothing. Everything he has even gotten has been given to him. In fact he feels that he is owed...I feel sorry for him but I also feel like he has done this stuff to himself.

Yes your step son needs your support, but he has to do it for himself...he has to decide that its no more and get away from everything connected to his old lifestyle. Sounds like he is already working on it already.

 

shit man hey at least he got scared outta it'.

 

I hope he can exit his demons...I kicked the coke habbit 01/11/90.....Did it on my own..Not saying it was easy ..I just came down off a two day'r' for my birthday and looked in the mirror and didn't like the direction my life was going..so I made a change ..I hope all goes well for the 24k investment

 

You're right the only person that can make the choice to quit is the addict. My best friend from high school was a genius not a oh he's smart person, but a true genius. He was smart but lacked common sense, he got hooked into weed by his cousins and it escallated to other hardcore drugs, jail time, and a few visits to the hospital. He tried rehab and was thrown out. He lived on the streets and owns nothing. He is trying to get off on his own, but it is a demon and after five years I think he might make it. He is so fried however that he is not the same person and finds it very difficult to concentrate. I am there for him and tell him to call any time day or night if he needs to talk to someone just to stay away from that shit. He (addicts) need to know there is an anchor out there that is watching their back and will help them if need be.

 

good on you for tryin to help this person.
unless you have been there you have no idea what this young man is up against.
i know been there done that only it was with booze,just as destructive as drugs.
took me about 5 or 6 rehabs before i got sober (12 years now).
admitting you got the problem is the firsr step. thats the easy part.
accepting the fact is the hard part.
when he gets out of rehab he has to follow it up with meetings,every night if he has too.
also he can not ever think he's cured, cuzz you never get cured from any kind of addiction.
in my case one beer is to many and ten is not enough.
i wish him all the luck in the world in tryin to fight this,its not easy but i can be done
also he needs all the surport he can get fron family and friends.
just dont give up on him.
rant over.
al sisson
mosheim,tn.

 

I wish you the best of luck in this...

I'm glad your stepson is the one that made the decision.
That will help A LOT.

My brother went through court mandated rehab at a YMCA type facilty for 45 days.

When he was done, he wanted to stay; because the best drugs he had ever used were IN that facility...

That was 10 years ago, and he's still a cokehead...


It blows my mind that we're SOOO different.

He's an alcoholic, addicted to coke, addicted to pretty much ANY pills he can get, smokes MUCH weed, and smokes 2 packs a day of cigs...

and I'm straightedge!

How does that happen???

 

I had my last drug/drink in 1987. Lost a son to both in 1998; Try to plug your son into a 12 step program;....for many it works!...it did for me;.... and it didn't cost $24,000.00!

 

the battle has just begun, its gonna be a long road, but stick with him and put the will to live in him. therapy dont always work, it hasn't always for me, but my own will power to do something about the stuff i deal with has kept me trying til i find something that works. he is gonna have to keep busy and be around good people a lot..in my opinion. its real easy to forget all that stuff you learn after you walk out that door if you dont got a plan. check into a intensive outpatient program or weekly groups so you can help him with the tools. i am sure there are programs like that in the civilian sector like i saw at the va.

 

doing drugs is a path to 100% death so a 20% change is better then death, not the only solution out of an addiction but you gotta start somewhere and heading on an way that has the light of an ending of an addiction is a good way... on the other hand, i have an friend, that was addicted to amphetamine he really was into it really "loved" it didnt wanna quit, was thrown into rehab from his work place, he said while being there that he didnt wanna quit, that he still would do drugs on concerts etc... there he made friends with an herion addict that didnt either wanna really quit, ended up with that the heroin addict moved into his flat.. and now he's using heroin instead, shooting up, he did shoot up amphetamine before so the shooting up part was easy i suppose, ahwell, he did have an job he did have an appartment, now he don't have an appartment... belive he has a job though, but being an delivery "boy" with car and being an drug addict is an bad idea... drugs are everywhere so many people use it, it sucks..... i like to boose though but going Straight Edge to make a statement is not such a bad idea...

 

Terry, I wish you all the luck in the world with your situation. My ex-wife had a nasty habit that almost ruined me and her 2 young children. Divorce seemed like the only option at the time, nothin' else would work. That was almost 10 yrs ago, I hear she finally is getting her shit together.
Association seems to be so important, if you hang around these losers, you will almost always become one. Back when I was in High School, weed was the drug of choice, besides alcohol. Today these hard drugs are taking a huge toll on adults as well as children. More adults need to be a good role model, spend more time with their kids and have a vested interest in them.
....Take a kid to a car show! Get them around good people, like HAMB'rs. Underneath our greasy exterior, are some of the most loving individuals I have ever met. They'd give ya' the Stromberg off their small block.
JT

 

dude,i have a bro-in-law thats a crackhead.
we went to several drug counselors and they both told us "you can not bail them out".whick means that you can't pay for food,cars,REHAB,nothing.
you have to be tough,and look the other way.
so,we sold georges house,used the profit to put him through rehab.then he came to stay with us,he had to get a job,and give us all of his money every week.we picked up his check at his job.we went with him to but his gas,he got no money for lunch,he took his lunch,he went nowhere without one of us to go with him,he had to take a random drug test,which he paid for,whenever we wanted one. THIS IS A BIG COMMITMENT. and you have to be hard!
after a year of being good,george moved out into his own place.within a week he had lost his job,sold his car,hocked everything he owned that he could sell.
all for drugs.
you cannot bail this kid out,take a second morgage on his house to cover your 12 grand. he knows if you bailed him out once,you will do it again,and again.
i'm sorry about being a hard ass,but i have been watching this with my BIL for 12 years..
randy

 

Addict's really need to WANT help. I've always said that you can't save people from themselves. Hopefully, he will figure things out and get his act together. My best to you and your wife. Stu

 

They want to have to quit. About 3 years ago my boozin' got pretty bad, ended up with a DUI on 1Jan.2004. What a fucking loser! I also quit drinking on that day.

 

So much good real world advise. Several years ago i heard a woman by the name of Susan Scott speak to a business development group I belong to.
Her opening statement was " Our lives succeed or fail one conversation at a time. If we look at every positive relationship it was built one conversation at a time . If we look at every failed relationship it failed because we didnt have the courage or knowledge on how to confront those dear to us with the issues truely important to the relationship." Her discussion continued into the way that we here in America talk to each other and the fears we all have about being involved in a conversation about we are uncomfortable with. Many of us dont give the other the proper time to gather their thoughts and reply or absorb what was said. We usually give them our answer to our question before they even get a chance to think about what their answer is.I bring up this point because when dealing with people, many avoid the real issue that is at the source and many dont want to deal with the consequenses of decisions. This is everyday life. Now complicate it with the issue of drugs and the difficulty of resolving issues multiplies infinately. Proper communication is key in resolving issues with ourselves and others. Using certain words can change the direction of a conversation . Avoid useing any question that starts with the word " WHY ". This possibly one of the most inflammatory and supressive words in any language.

The title of Susan Scotts book is called "Fierce Conversations" I would highly recommend reading this book . It is equally important that those close to us also read this book , as all parties need to understand the dynamics of conversation, especially with issues this difficult and important.

If we cant communicate with each other how will we resolve our issues? (especially involving substance abuse).Sometimes the most important conversation we need to have is with ourself. Its all in the book or you can get it on tape if your not a reader.

Best wishes and prayers to all

Larry

www.fierceconversations.com