Letters from the Dez

Letters from the Dez

Excerpts from writings, scribbles, letters to friends, quotes, some rambling and a lot of outright confusion.

In no particular order

All mine except for a few that were too good not to use.
The authors are listed with each stolen quote.
Most quotes being near the back of the book.

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Dez is just California shorthand for “desert”.
California uses a lot of shorthand for geographical locations.
The coast - usually west - as in “We’re headed for the coast”.
The beach - you’ve got that one figured right - that’s where you end up at when get to the“coast”.
The Grapevine - I-5, used to be Highway 99, headed over the hill going south to LA.
The River - as in, going to the river - The Colorado River south of Lake Mead.
The Valley - if you’re in the Southland, it means the San Fernando Valley.
If you live in Central California, it means the San Joaquin Valley.
And the usual which I think most of us use:
Up North.
Down South.
Back East.
Out West.

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When I was very young, a lady told me, well, she told me so darned much, and since I didn’t listen as well as I should have, I forget what it was.
I’m sure that it was good advice though.

Somebody once said that there are those who do and those that teach.
Perhaps another category should be added:
Those who watch.
And criticize

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Writing a book is scary.
You think people are gonna read it and no one will like you.
They’ll like you just fine.
It’s the book they can’t stand....

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Write anyway, if for nothing else, for your own entertainment.
And it’ll keep you out of trouble.
Provided you can keep secrets.
Write about the person you know best.
You.
Surely you’ve done interesting things in your life.
Hope so anyway, you don’t seem to be that boring.

Fun part about writing about yourself is going back and reading it a few weeks later.
For some reason, even though you lived it and wrote it, it seems somewhat new.
Makes you wonder though.
Did I really do all that dumb stuff?

Share your mistakes and misadventures with others.
Those are the fun parts for most of us anyway.

It’s simple.
Be honest.
Don’t tell all and confess all.
We really don’t want to know everything.

And if you put in plenty of mistakes and misadventures, a little hero story here and there will be enjoyed and not perceived as self aggrandizement.
Boy, there’s a word I thought I’d never get to use.

For myself I can think of only one hero story.
It’s a small one and kind of funny.
Could have been serious though.
So, here it is, we’ll get it out of the way right up front and that’s about it.



“The Time I Saved the Children from the Speeding Locomotive”

Sounds good so far, right?
A really simple story.
I was at the Farmersville, California Car Show in the Park.
And the last man in line for the restroom.
(Nobody said it would be glamorous.)
Next to the restrooms was a well built, realistic, wooden steam locomotive built on a 2 ton or so truck chassis with and was used in local parades.
Normally stored in the back of the park, it was moved next to the restrooms to be out of the way.
Since it was pretty neat, it did attract a lot of kids who were climbing on it and generally playing in the engineers compartment.
The keys were in the ignition, and of course one of the kids gave it a crank.
It started right up and started moving off in low gear.
Right toward the judges table.
I was standing about even with the middle and when the rear of the locomotive came by I simply swung on board pretty much like a conductor getting on a moving train.
Wading through the kids was the hard part, I threw a couple of the smaller ones to one side and got the key turned off and the brakes applied, stopping it about 10' from the judges table and all the trophies.
Course then, kids, all unhurt, started pouring off the loco like lemmings off a cliff, all the while pointing out the boy who turned the switch on.
And he, a typical boy, just as loudly, proclaimed his innocence.
Al, the show organizer and all round good guy was white as a sheet.
Not because he would have been a victim, and he would have been, but because he saw what could have happened to the kids.
Kinda shows what kind of man he is, more concerned for others than for himself.
Says a lot, and is admirable.
As for me?
I got a simple and heartfelt thanks and that was about it.
Enough for me, never wanted to be famous anyway.
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Getting organized

Why are women so organized and an organized man such a rare thing?
Simple - all ancient man needed to complete his functionary activities was his spear.
How could a guy lose that?

Course, maybe a spear is similar to the car keys.
Modern man loses these a lot.

Women and the car keys? Modern science has shown that women can organize much better than man can and are also much better at locating things.
Which simply means, that if you put something important down, you’d better tell your wife where it is.....

Functionary activities of a woman was quite a bit more complex.
Children to raise, meals to cook, skins to sew,*****es and medicines to gather.
It’s a very long list.

In Neanderthal times, the delineation between male and female was very clear.
If we let the women hunt, next thing you know they’ll want to drive.
And vote.

Looking at both sides of the problem depends on your point of view.
Dad always said to look at both sides of the problem, especially those concerned with women.
I looked, and I still don’t understand.
Oh well.

Don’t think he understood either.
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Ancient man had no problems making wine.
I note that today, certain snob types look down on those that prefer beer.
For what it’s worth, beer is the more technological achievement.
I guess the test is: Which would you rather have on a hot summer day?
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Census reports show that women outnumber men by a roughly 5/4 ratio.
So why is it that some of the guys I know, have such a hard time meeting women?
They’re out there, where are they all hiding?
And where was the**** revolution when I needed it?

Women complain that they can’t meet men.
They’re hunting in the wrong places.
Plenty of men at football and baseball games, drag strips, golf courses and of course, the tool stores.
Geez - you wouldn’t go fishing in a sand dune would you?
True love is nice, but a lot of women are looking for security.
Guess that explains why you sometimes see a really beautiful woman with a guy that looks like he fell out of a coconut tree.


It’s a guy thing

Men like cars.
Don’t know if it’s a statement of wealth, a phallic symbol or they just like cars.
Women see some of these cars and tell the guys that it’s cute.
Cute! We don’t need cute - never tell a man he’s got a cute car.
Tell him that it looks really fast and powerful.
We fall for that one every time.
Note our response - we stand up straighter, look serious, our voices get lower and we agree.
It really is fast and powerful.
Of course the unspoken words are: But I can handle it.

Truth is: Every American male and probably the rest of the male driving world think they could take A.J. Foyts place at Indianapolis.
The real truth is: Most every American male and probably the rest of the male driving world couldn’t even keep the engine running on an Indy car, let alone drive it.

Want to see the measure of a man?
See how he responds to competition with a woman.
None of this namby-pamby stuff like the golf courses have with Ladies tees and all that.
See how they do when competing straight up.

My sister is an excellent trap shooter.
A typical male dominated sport.
All those powerful guns you know.

She shoots on a squad against men now and then.
Watching some of these guys back out when offered a chance to compete against her brings to the fore some Olympic class back-pedaling.
It’s flat amazing.
I think these are the same guys that wouldn’t do the dishes or change the baby.
A woman’s job you know.
Course they’re nowhere to be seen when the wifes car needs gas etc.
A woman’s job my****.


Talkin about it
Bad language - not the prerogative of the male.

Some women have a pretty good handle on the occasional curse.
And occasional is the key.
Constant cursing doesn’t prove a damn thing.
If you do it all the time, it means nothing.
A well chosen cuss-word at the proper time works wonders for impressing others with your frame of mind at the time.
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Men hate arguments in public.

Real men anyway.
The men that argue in public with women are to be pitied.
First, because they look stupid.
Second, because they are almost always seriously outclassed.
Of course women know this and use it to their benefit.
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So, who’s confused now?

Tears I don’t have to explain.
There’s not a man in the world that can handle that.
Whether it’s tears from a 5 year old.
That really melts your heart.

Or tears from a young lady past 21.
Melting hearts are not necessarily what happens here.
The simple answer is: Male confusion.
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And guys, if you want to get along with women, note that they are all young ladies.
And beautiful.
Learn that, even if you don’t learn anything else.
You can be the dumbest guy in the world and if you learn to respect women and appreciate their beauty and grace you’ve got a leg up on the rest of the guys in the world.
Course since women have a lot to say, you’d better learn to listen.
Additional points there.

And girls, if you want to get along with men, note that they are all lusting devils and take advantage of it every chance you get.


This Mars and Venus stuff.

Strictly to sell a book.
And a brilliant ploy it was.
Let’s face it, ladies want to be****ociated with beauty.
And what’s more beautiful than Venus?
Remember that.
It is a lifelong quest for them.
If you’d have said Women are from Pluto, you’d have been strung up on the nearest flagpole and if you were lucky the rope would have been around your neck.

And labeling the men from Mars.
Hey, that’s cool.
We’ll take that.
After all, isn’t Mars the God of War?
We like that, we grow up breaking and destroying things.
Tell me guys, is there one amongst you that has not blown up a toy with a firecracker?
Noise and Destruction.
That’s what we’re all about.
We like the big bang almost as well as we like****.
Well......... almost..........
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Sex

The big word with so few letters.
Women want to be wooed and won.
Makes sense to me, it’s a worthy project.

Men have a different outlook.
For them**** comes in three different grades.
Good.
Really good.
Wowie - and where the hell are my socks?
Hey girls, we’re easy.

We’re not too far removed from the caveman.
Heck, even a caveman could learn to drive a car.
Course, neither one of us really understands women.


And why the heck do we all look so different.

Take faces for example.
Eyes.
Nose.
Mouth.
Ears.
Hair.
Not too many things to deal with here.
Yet nature allows us to each look different from the other.

I don’t know if I go along with some of the evolution theories.
Course there are not too many black people living North of the Arctic circle just as there are not too many Eskimos living at the Equator.

I think Oprah said it best:
“We are different colors, shapes and sizes mainly for identification purposes.”
Smart girl.
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The weaker**** indeed

Marriage - Thought to be a feminine institution as the female needs a provider to help raise the young due to they are very slow to mature.
Course the truth probably is that early males found the companionship, help and somewhat logical thinking of the females to be a very desirable trait.
Couple that with the fact that they’re pretty good looking and you have a really great package.
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Giving Birth
Strictly a woman thing.
Lucky for us.

I’d much rather read about it, hear about it, worry about it and maybe even listen to it.
Doing it?
I don’t think so.
So - who’s the tough guy now?

I think the giving birth thing, is somewhat similar to the adventurer and the armchair adventurer.
I’ve lived through a few adventures, some fun, some serious and some downright scary.
I’ve read about more than a few adventures.
The way to go in all this, really is to be the armchair adventurer.
You can always put the book down.
Many times, being the adventurer can be tough, unpleasant and downright scary.

In my view the heroes of the world are the women.
They’ve got a tough job and they do it well.
Lucky for us.....


Language Barriers

Why women are more communicative than men.
(They have a lot to say)

Why men don’t need to talk much and when they do, most of them don’t say a lot.
(They don’t need to.)

Men that talk too much are not to be trusted.

Women that don’t talk enough are not to be trusted either.


The sign language of hunting

Understood by all men and a few women.

Vibes are instinctive and have been finely honed by thousands of years of human interaction.
A stranger, will tell you who they really are and what they really want in the first few minutes of meeting them.
Men seem to have a better feel for this than women as men are less trusting than women. Although women are picking up this skill due to the modern requirement for them to join the hunting parties (work) and the simple fact that women, are now, more than ever, exposed to dangerous situations.

Ladies - Got bad vibes on entering an elevator alone?
Especially when there is a strange man inside?
Hate to leave for fear you might hurt his feelings?
The heck with that, get out while you can.
If he’s a genuine bad guy, you’ve escaped a dangerous situation.
If he’s a genuine good guy, well, he’s been turned down by women before and another one won’t hurt.
Just part of the “guy” territory.
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Men understand each other, regardless of what’s spoken. (Or unspoken)

Men don’t understand women. (Probably because they don’t listen.)

Women don’t understand men. (Even though they think they do.)

Women understand women. (Because of their good communication skills.)

Women don’t understand women. (Just what did she mean?)

And I don’t understand what any of this means.


Domestications

This from the owner of three dachshunds - actually they own me, but I’m not telling them that because I’m not sure they’re sure.
Or something like that.


The dog is descended from the gray wolf.
Of this, there is no argument.
I do feel though, that early man didn’t have a darned thing to do with domesticating dogs.

The dogs, being pretty smart their own selves, realized that man could make fire.
And being smart, pretty much domesticated themselves.
After they recognized that man was a fire maker they quickly realized that laying in front of the fire was a pretty good way to spend time.

Course for modern dogs, many of them live in homes without fireplaces.
These dogs simply recognized that man was a desirable partner as he had the keys to the fridge.
And who appointed him keeper of the keys?
Any right thinking dog knows he can handle the fridge job.

Ever watch a dog do his dog job?
Not the trip to the yard, that’s his dog business.
The dog job, guarding the family and such.

Some of the funniest parts are watching one dog who’s guarding the window start barking at a perceived intruder and the other dogs that are comfortably ensconced in their blanket give out with a half hearted woof and then have to drag out and join in.
All the time watching you out of the corner of his eye to see if you’re watching him.

Dogs, like people, get to retire.
There’s no retirement party, no gold watch, no particular date or age.
You will notice that some dogs retire earlier than others.
The retired dog has the same problem the blanket covered dog has.
He feels obliged to woof at what may be a problem, but now he takes his cues from those he owns.
If you’re not worried, then he’s not worried.
Sometimes a half-hearted woof is all you get out of him.
You didn’t really think you were the owner did you?

Whoever said “It’s a dogs life” sure wasn’t paying attention and more than likely never was owned by a dog in their life.

I ask you.
Who gets up and goes to work every day?
Who feeds the dog every day?
Who makes sure the dog has water and shelter?
Who feels obliged to play with the dog?
Who gives the dog extra treats because it makes both of you feel good?
Who lets the dog out when he wants out?
Who lets the dog in when he wants in?
Who lets the dog snuggle in the chair with your favorite blanket?
Who bought the dog his very own blanket?
Who bought the dog a better blanket than the one you own?

Want the easy answer to all these difficult questions?
Look in the mirror.
You’re not gonna see a dog staring back at you.....
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The Idiot Dept.

I think women come off well in the “Idiot” dept. because they know when to talk and when to shut up.
Watch a group of women having a conversation, very seldom will they interrupt one another.
Occasionally when they’re excited, but so do the guys in that case.
Watch a group of men having a conversation, they interrupt all the time, finish sentences for one another and many times two of them will be talking at the same time.
Women like to talk and generally have a lot to say.
I think the unwritten rule for them is: If I’m polite and quiet I’ll get my turn and the others will listen.
Not so with men.
I think here, there is no unwritten rule.
It’s simply the male competitive nature.
No one is really interested in what you have to say, they’re just waiting for a chance to do some talking on their own.
Probably the best way for men to have a conversation with one another is one on one.

Best way for a man to have a conversation with a woman is to listen.

Ever read a book by a female author?

Note that they are interested in all the details.
For guys just describing the general vicinity of the conversation is good enough.

Want to be known as a brilliant conversationalist?
Ask the other person a few questions about their interests, not necessarily their job unless that’s their raison d’etre.
Just listen, don’t say much of anything except to ask another short question.
You will have made their day and they will think highly of you.
More than likely you have all this figured out already.
Also called: How to deal successfully with your boss.
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Real Idiots

I’ve known people that just won’t believe something unless they see it for themselves.
Usually their only source of information is the tv and there’s not a book to be found in the house and a lot of times not even a newspaper.
They seem to remove themselves from the gene pool somewhere along the way.

Not many people have been in situations they couldn’t just get up and get out of.
These are usually the idiots we see in the eastern and southern coast hurricanes that end up getting rescued by helicopter because they didn’t think things could be that bad so they decided to stay.
Part of this is that America has a culture of people that have always been taken care of and figure somebody will come and save them if necessary.
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Listening and Talking

Nature is kind of funny and she has a sense of humor too.
Many little lessons to be learned from her.
Some interesting, some tough.
Course the tough ones can be interesting too.
Just that sometimes when they get really tough, they can be fatal.
I guess that would make you a very good listener though.
For sure, you’re not going to interrupt anymore.

Ever notice that you can’t hear when you’re talking?
Well, actually you can, but not well.
Just well enough to hear someone else trying to interrupt.
Barely.

Seems like peoples from ancient tribes and modern tribes that still follow the old ways didn’t talk much.
When they did, it usually paid to listen as what they had to say was well thought out.

My thinking is that the listening/talking thing is part of nature’s evolutionary scheme.
Those that talk make the most noise, and are the first noticed by the predators.
Generally the quiet ones escaped being the main course.

Course the big flaw with this theory is: Why do we have so many that wish to talk now?
And why do they talk all the time.
Where are the predators now that we need them?

I have another theory here.
Many of us, whether married, part of a family or other group, truly are alone.
Talking reaffirms that we are here and are part of the human race.
It’s a natural human thing to do

Ever work with a bachelor?
Or bachelorette?
Come Monday morning they usually have a lot to say after being on their own for the weekend.

And it’s not just the bachelors.
I started noticing myself doing the same thing when I was batching it for a few days while my wife was doing her three times a year get together with the girl friends.
Usually done in one of 3 places, so that means she was out of town for a few days now and then.

After I noticed myself doing it I realized it wasn’t just a bachelor thing.
Even the married, or had a significant other, co-workers did the same thing.

Talking does give us a chance to be part of humanity and part of the group.
As does listening, but it’s not as much fun.

Some people admire the speaking stick used by some tribes.
A good idea, but for me it wouldn’t work.
By the time it got to be my turn I would have forgotten all my questions.
And taking notes I’m sure, would be construed as a form of poor etiquette.
You’re not listening if you’re writing.
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Leaders

I think it was Custer who said, “You Can’t Lead from the Back.”
You gotta admire a guy who thought he was right and plunged right into a dangerous situation.
Nothing like having the courage of your convictions.
Too many “leaders” like to make decisions and send others to carry them out.
Usually with ambiguous instructions, so they can waffle toward the “not my fault mon” side.

On the other hand, Custer was a damn fool and a vain one and took many good men on both sides to their death.
It was probably fortunate that his career was stopped before he got to be president.
From what little I’ve read about him, he probably would have made it.
What then coach?
Declare war on England again?
Might have gotten our fannies kicked this time around.
Then what would our Australian friends call us?
Pammies?
Like they call the British today the Pommies.

Got on a roll there.
Trouble with getting on a roll is sometimes you run into things......
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Just stuff

Why do the young, and sometimes the old, walk with head down? (Sidewalks are a recent invention, prior to this time the walking surfaces except for well used paths were fairly rough.)
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Sitting on the porch and watching the world go by.

Why didn’t you take part?
And if you didn’t, no******ing now.
It’s too late.

People get too involved in saving money for a rainy day.
It is a necessity, but later in life, after retirement and all that, the rainy day is here.
Spend some of that money on yourself.
Within reason of course.
Why should your kids have all the fun?
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The Wild Bunch

Women are lion tamers at heart.
Why else would they enjoy taming big and dangerous animals?
Like horses.
And men.

Don’t think I agree with a female co-workers statement that “all men are pigs”, although a lot are.
Seems to be a comment used by a lot of women.
Said women, usually have had a couple of bad experiences with men.

A lot of it seems to be their fault.
They are careless in choosing their male friends at times.

I think part of it is what I call the “lion tamer” part of a woman’s psychological make-up.
They seem to be more intrigued by the “wild ones” and think they can tame and change them and they disregard a lot of the nice guys out there.
These generally are women that you think are very level headed.
Probably has a bit to do with raging hormones too.
Simple truth is, you can’t change anybody.
You can get em to behave for a while, but they always - say that again - always - revert back to their old habits.
Some of these guys look like Knights in Shining Armor, but they always ride off into the sunset.
Leaving the women wondering why.....
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I used to be somebody

Revered tribal leader - once the Neanderthal leader retires from the active life of hunting, he has a few years of hanging around, dispensing information and legends and just generally being admired by the tribe.
Elder statesman stuff and all that.
Some of today’s tribal leaders just won’t quit.
Part of the problem for many of them is:
They just can’t give up being somebody.
It’s not the money, it’s the power and admiration they receive.
Course for many, the admiration thing is all in their heads.
Once you retire, generally you become part of the hoi polloi.
Many of them can’t handle it.
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A short bit on sports

Some forms of violence can be good.
Like controlled violence in the form of a good hard serve in tennis.
Alternatively, violence should not occur on the golf course.
Of course, a bit may happen after the 3rd failed attempt at getting out of a tough sand trap.
It’s amazing how far the average non-athlete can throw a sand wedge.
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Are you a believer?

Cars have souls.
Don’t believe me?
Go out and kick it and call it a worthless pile of junk.
Then get in and head across the desert for Las Vegas.
See how far you’ll get.....
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Time Flies

Why is it that women are always portrayed as being late?
Only one woman in my entire life was ever consistently late.
After my wife and I realized this, we found it easy to deal with.
We just told her that everything started an hour earlier.
Worked great.
Course, she then felt we were a couple of dummies who couldn’t tell time.

The truth is that men are the late ones.
Even when they get ready first, they’re still dinking around with something when the wife is ready to go.


Women make great excuses

Not the fact that they can make great excuses, although some can.
It’s great being married and having someone to blame your faults on.
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Navigation

I never knew too many guys who wouldn’t stop and ask the way.
I think this is an old wives tale.
And I hear it from a few young wives too.

From what I see and what I read, it’s obvious that men and women navigate in completely different ways.

Women seem to navigate by landmarks.
No problem in going down Main St., turning left at the bookstore, going to the big magnolia tree, turning right and the restaurant is three doors from the corner and painted an ugly beige.

Men seem to navigate by directions.
They go in the general direction of their destination, heading into the sun, keeping the mountains over their left shoulder and going down the road to the ugly beige restaurant.
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The difference between lost women and lost men

Women: “Well, we’re lost. Let’s stop and ask directions”.

Men: “Lost hell, we’ll just drive around a bit till we find it”.


Map reading

A skill practiced predominately by men.
And one that most women have a tough time with.
That’s reasonable - men made the maps.

Overheard an interesting conversation at a Marina once.
Woman readying her sailboat asked the male sailboat owner in the adjacent slip which way to Catalina Island.
The man told her to head 200 degrees magnetic, hold about 5 degrees high to allow for wind drift and add another 5 degrees for the Littoral current.
The woman gave him a really strange look and said: Never mind all that nautical stuff, just point.
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Goin to the store

Jobs always take 3 trips to the store. You buy what you think you need, you go back and get what you really need and you go back one more time to get what’s needed to finish the job.

And don’t forget the 4th trip.
The one where you go back to get what you think you need to really finish the job, buy a new tool and never do use what you went back to get the 4th time.
Course you got your new tool.
Lucky you...
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Opinions and technicalities

Why is that men - usually, very seldom women - learn a little bit about something new, usually a hobby and then decide every body else involved in said hobby is an idiot?
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I think that helping others for most people is a genetic thing.
Part of the “we’re all in the same tribe here” thing.

And not asking for help is a “guy” thing.
I note also, that asking a guy for information is a sign of respect for him and is usually well received.

I’ve gotten some interesting answers, and now &amp; then the answer to a problem by asking questions of people, with said question, being entirely out of their field of expertise.
Kind of interesting what a different viewpoint can bring forth.
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I used to read about sailboats in Junior High School.
I even went so far as to design a few.
Now that I’ve learned a bit about them, their requirements and technicalities, it looks like the boats I designed would never sail against the wind.
At least not very far into the wind.

Perhaps I should have designed in very large storage compartments.
From the vantage point of a few years, and sailing my own Junior High School sailboat design, I can see that my next stop would have been one of the Pacific islands, Japan or even Russia.
Sorry guys, I was heading for Santa Barbara when I left Ventura.
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The big secret to landing an airplane

Have the wheels touch the ground at the instant the airplane quits flying.
Sounds simple, is difficult.

So, here’s one that an ex flight instructor co-worker told me.
“When I started flying, the round-outs to a landing were always the most difficult for me. I learned to watch my instructors eyes out of the corner of my eye. When they started getting bigger I knew I was close. When they got real big, I did the round-out and usually came out just right”.


Music

Interesting and educational.
My wife bought me a guitar for Christmas one year.
A few guys I worked with were guitar players and it looked like fun.
I mentioned it to my wife, she listened, and presto-magico, a guitar showed up in my stack of Christmas goodies.
Learned a lot, had a good time with it and still do.
I really should play it more.
The secret is - learn to play just for yourself and your spouse. Don’t set a specific length of time to practice, sometimes it’s 10 minutes one day and 3 hours the next.

Theories - I think musicians, at least the really good ones, are either excellent at mathematics or could be.
Seems like music is just a system of numbers and patterns and a mind with a mathematical bent finds it easier to remember songs.
A little soul helps too.
Even non-musicians have the patterns for thousands of songs memorized. (Even if they think they don’t.)
I did learn how to read music, at least the basics weren’t very hard.

One interesting part is how other people perceive your playing abilities.
Once they see your guitar, many will ask you to play it.
And usually, they won’t take no for an answer.
So, regardless of skill level, you get it out and play one of your favorites.
Right away the requester can tell you’re no Roy Clark or Segovia, and in most cases will then ignore you and return to the general conversation.
That’s ok, just don’t be surprised when it happens.

One surprising thing was finding that you improve a bit every day.
What was a difficult********** pattern or chord form you tried yesterday, and tried is the key word, not necessarily practiced, you will find it’s much easier today.
And even easier tomorrow.

Think you’re not making progress?
After a bit of normal playing, take the guitar and hold it left handed and try to make mirror image chords and strum the strings.
You will find it very clumsy and difficult.
Just goes to show that you really are learning.


Real Tools and Computers

Want to conquer the world?
Not necessary.
Learn to use tools.
Real tools, woodworking tools, metal crafting tools.
Make something you’re proud of and your family can be proud of.
Family heirlooms are better made than purchased.

And don’t fall for that poorly constructed junk that’s supposed to be rustic.
That’s just an excuse for lack of knowledge and lack of skill and lack of really caring.
People were real craftsmen/women a few years back and a few still are today.
They didn’t make such junk and to suggest they did is to ignore their historical worth.
These people did things and had skills that are hard to duplicate today, even with our computers and modern tools.

Ever hear a song played by computers?
Absolutely, positively has no soul and no feeling and no life.

Got a favorite musician, singer, group, whatever?
Listen to what they play.
There’s something with real feeling there.
No aluminum framework or transistor is ever going to duplicate that.
<>


Husband Points

Gifts.
These work best when given on just another day and not a birthday or the holidays.
A point not lost on women.
Makes them feel most special, and it should.
They are special.
We’re lucky to have them around.
Or is it, we’re lucky they tolerate us?
Either way, I’m glad.

Gifts also have many uses.
Ticked off at your friend?
Want a bit of subtle revenge?
Buy your wife a nice gift out of the clear blue sky.
Jewelry recommended here.
In fact I recommend jewelry most any time.
It’s always well received, is most beautiful and goes well with beautiful women.
Remember the point that all women are beautiful?
Good, don’t forget it.

Course it really works well to hand over the gift just before going out on a Saturday night. Specially if it’s jewelry.
Your wife will show her girl friends, extra credit for you.
Enjoy it while you can.

The girl friends will go home and beat up on their husbands a bit.
The husbands may bear a small bit of ill will toward you for awhile, but it will soon be forgotten because they are involved with begging for forgiveness.
All the while wondering, what the hell did I do?


More points.

Did you tell her she looked especially beautiful today?
Make sure you tell her that when she’s nicely dressed, or a least presentable to the outside world.
Tell her she’s beautiful, when she’s wearing a ratty old brown robe, hairs a mess and is stumbling down the hall with the days first cup of coffee is, to put if mildly, not the best time.
Do that, and if she wants to shoot you, I’ll understand completely.

Don’t lie though.
If she’s wearing an outfit that you can’t stand, keep your mouth shut.
A little discretion is called for at times.
Better for your health too.

Do be sure and say something extra special nice when she’s wearing something she looks especially good in.
And that doesn’t mean some see-through wonder from Fredericks or Victorias.
Those are nice, but is not what we are discussing here.

What you need here is credibility.
Tell her when she looks nice, lay it on a little thick when she looks very nice.
It’s not called “buttering up” for nothing.
In fact mention it again during the day.
Once, twice, that’s enough.
Too many times and she’s gonna figure either you want something or are guilty of something else.
Remember Shakespeare’s line about: Methinks he doth protest too much.
Old Will was a smart guy.

By the same token if you don’t say anything about the outfit you can’t stand, and she will quickly pickup on that little fact, then when you do say something it will be believable.
Being a silver-tongued devil does take a bit of practice.

Course the thing about husband points is, that they are fairly easy to earn.
In fact, if you work at it a bit, you can get quite a few of them accumulated.
Sometimes they are harder to earn than other times.
You can use your imagination here.

The other thing about husband points is, that they are easily lost.
The whole batch.
I’m sure you can figure it out.

Husband points seem to have a definite shelf life.

Frown at the wrong time, don’t listen well and say “huh?” at the wrong time and weeks of husband points are down the drain.

Some of mine are in jeopardy because I’ve gotten so much done lately in the honey-do dept. that a few more are being requested.
Gonna tax my “weaseling-out” skills to the limit.

Here’s a short lesson in husband points, increasing the yield and weaseling out.
Once you get this down pat, you’ll be on your way to a black belt in the husband points dept.
You’re a hard working guy, right?
So, cleaning out the basement is something you can knock out in 4-6 hours perhaps.
And is something sweetie would like done.
Get a good start, get her opinion on some of it, her future plans for it, do about half the job and wander off to something else.
If she notices, take her to lunch.
Always a good distraction, what fair lady can resist a lunch with her favorite husband?
Continue with your thing that afternoon.
Go back tomorrow and finish the basement.
Benefits: Job done, you got to do some of your stuff and you actually get extra husband points as it took more than one day to finish the job.
Lunch with her was a bonus.

Be careful though, sometimes she can get on a roll and find other stuff that needs to be done.
Specially if you knock out the original job in minimal time.

Hey - it works for me.
<>

 

Well I guess my lil' lady should be trusted, she NEVER shuts her*****ing mouth(and people that know us can atest to this). Great gathering of lil' tid bits of wisdom from a mans perspective. I am extremely jelous of your writing C9, I have enough trouble speaking and thinkin let writing it down.
-Jesse

 

[ QUOTE ]
Be careful though, sometimes she can get on a roll and find other stuff that needs to be done.
Specially if you knock out the original job in minimal time.

[/ QUOTE ]

"Yes dear, I'll add that job to the list."
"That makes it job number 309 if I'm not mistaken, doesn't it??

"As soon as I can; I'm trying to watch the NASCAR race."

 

Where was all this before I got married?

Good reading.

Jay

 

There's great stuff here, Jay!

--Matt

 

A very enjoyable read, C9!

 

I wish I would have had this list when I was 17... oh well, now I'm twice that age and I can still use the info.
Sam.