and now I am faced with a dilemna, this, more than anything, will show my occasional indecisiveness.... decisions, as in priority... in spring of 1989, I was dating a girl that lived in the mountains north of Ozark, AR. We had known each other since 7th grade when I was playing trombone in Band, and I was quite taken with the little lady trumpet player...I was a dumpy fellow at the time, with a beatle-esque haircut, she was a kinky haired brunette with glasses that moved to arkansas from indiana, but something about her spoke to me. When I was a junior in high school, I bought my first car, a 1974 Camaro...it wasnt long before I discovered that girls liked guys with cars, and my status with this little lady was raised from "guy that was nice to me in band class" to "guy who looks ok and drives a fast car"... On a warm arkansas spring night in 1989, beneath a blanket of stars and a shining half moon, outside her parents' house, out in the driveway, I recieved my first "grown up" kiss.....(sigh) memoriessssssssss we went out for a week or so, went separate ways but still remained friends. fast forward to 1992, I was married to my son's mother, my little friend from band class was there, had become friends with my wife...and was there to cook for this domestically ignorant hillbilly when the wife and I separated a few months later...we soon found ourselves having interest in each other once again after the first divorce hearing.... from june of 1992 until march of 1993, we were inseperable. then the unexpected happened, when I was in Tulsa for a visit with my Brother and sister-in-law, I recieved a phone call....my beloved band girl was with another guy, she didnt tell me herself......so strange that I also recieved a call from my son's mother, from whom I was not yet divorced, saying that she really wanted to see me.... after I got back to arkansas, I called my little friend, she told me all about what had happened, and that she didnt think she could look me in the eye and pretend it didnt happen, that she hoped we would still be friends.....I promptly told her to get bent, I had no need of her or her kind. the wife and I got back together, and I was happy. THe little friend came to work where I was working at the time, and attempted to talk to me in the breakroom, I pretended not to know her, nor care to.....she was crushed, and I was branded a cold hearted bastard by people who didnt know what was going on.... two years after the wife and I split up, the little friend called me one day telling me that I could hate her all i wanted to, she still loved me, and although we wold NEVER be anything, she says I am the best friend she ever had (something she said to anyone she met until a few days ago)... I cursed her, told her to leave me alone, nothing I could do would work. she still called me.....on her wedding day, when she and her husband eloped, who did she call from the wedding chapel? me...who did she ask for when they were in an accident and she was 9 months pregnant had died? me......although I was not exactly thrilled with her, I went. we cried.....who was listed as godfather of her two other children when they were born? me....although I didnt really want this "honor"...who was the one man on earth her husband called and wanted to take her to Ft Smith to pick up a puppy for their little boy? me....of all people. We talked a lot that day, and I decided to let bygones be bygones....if she was that willing to be a friend to me after all I had done to discourage it, then she was a friend for life.....I hugged her and told her she was indeed a good friend, and that I loved her, just dont read too much into that fact... she later was going through some trouble at home, her husband was becoming abusive, no, we didnt have an affair.....would have spoiled a friendship....went through that before....we talked a lot....she DID however, have affairs with several guys in town, and some OUT of town...became pregnant and claimed it was this one soldier from texas... turns out, it wasnt him after all, after she illegally married him while still married to her first husband....it was NOT his child...the baby got sick, she was accused by the stated of Texas of trying to kill the little boy, which was quickly thrown out...however, some minor charges by a shithead district attourney kept her more or less chained down in texas, unable to legally come to arkansas to see her family, three other children, and this hillbilly friend. since 2000, she has been in texas, unable to return to arkansas, her family not fully understanding what was going on, at one point homeless until a manager at a fast food joint gave her a job and let her sleep in the back room at night. She recently started going to church, and siad she had found what had been missing from her life since sometime in 1993... she called me once after I got off work a couple months back, we talked about a lot of things...mostly how she wanted to get back to arkansas and see her kids...that it was killing her to be so far away from them, I told her I knew in a small way how she felt, being in east tennessee and my family back in western arkansas....she said she would call me again soon....Friday morning as I was running late for work, I got out of the shower to hear the phone ringing.....I let it ring, as I was wayyyy late....before I walked out the door, I *69 to get the number...it was my friend. ahhhh hell, I will call her after work.... I got home friday night, my Girlfriend was here, we were going to Gatlinbug to get matching tattoos saturday morning (we did, they are pretty kool, my first flash work actually used on skin!!!), my mother called and told me............."I got some bad news, I am glad Jayne is there with you.........Missy died this afternoon..........." The funeral is wednesday. it is 650 miles back to Ozark. The only people who seem to care about it are the same ones that cursed her name while she was living....i have no desire to see them, I know where she is to be buried, next to the son that was taken from her before he was ever born.......at last, she has what she wanted, peace, and to be with him. the decision I face is this, should I go be amongst the assholes who are trying to act as though they care? get up and speak, as it appears a certain member of the family may be asking, all I would do is speak my mind and ruin the service for those hypocrites attending.....not the kind of thing a (irreverant) reverend is supposed to do..... or... go when I can, go to her gravesite and say my peace there? If I get banned for posting this, I understand. I apologize in advance for any wrongs I have done by posting off topic. I will just say this in closing....keep in touch with those that care about you, and those you care about, call your mother, tell her you love her, give your kids a hug, ya never know when any one of them will be taken away. thanks, friends, for always being there..... Mark
You summed it up in the title. Go. Most of the people on here are of an age where they've lost people close to them and the nagging feeling is I should have gone, visited before, etc.
I might not be too popular for saying this, but I reckon she spent her life doing her best to fuck up many other peoples lives, so let her go on her way without troubling yourself over her any further. Turning up at her funeral serves no purpose to you, her, or anybody else. Get on with your own life and your loved ones. Paul
I think if you were friends with the family they would appreciate your being there. If there were any ill feelings I would stay away.
You better go, fate has connected your lives for better and worse, now fate has ended your relationship with this woman. I would go, anyway. Best wishes for the future.
I agree with disastron...You don't want to regret it later on in life. If the scenario gets bad, leave. She always wanted you in her life, for the good or the bad - well, this is bad, dontcha think she'd still want you there?
You'll do what you think is best when ya wake up and grab the car keys heading somewhere... might just not end up where you thought you were going.
The Jalopy Journal
