old car jokes, lets hear em

i dont know why this is funny, but it is.... why does a chicken coop, have two doors? if it had four it would be a chicken sedan

 

variation on your theme,
why is riding a scooter like shagging a fat chick? it's great fun until your mates find out....

 

Why is American beer like making love in a kayak ?



























Because its fucking close to water


I'm with on Lucas though ...

 

Two Martians land in th desert and go walking about looking for life forms to make contact.

They encounter a Gas station and discuss approaching it.
The older one says "lets be careful here."

The younger one ignores him and walks up to the gas pump in front of the station and says "I come in peace."
Of course, the gas pump does nothing.

The younger one retreats back to his green mentor and says "This guys is ignoring me. I'm getting ANGRY!"
Again, the older guy suggests taking it slow.

The young guy goes back to the Gas pump and says "I salute you. I come in peace."
He salutes.
The pump does nothing.

So the younger one pulls his ray gun out and shoots the pump.
The pump explodes and knocks the younger one back 20 feet.

The older one goes over to see how the kid is doing.

The kid says "WOW. that guy is TOUGH. How did you know he was so tough?"

The older guys says" Well, in all my travels around the Galaxy I have learned that someone who can toss his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear is NOT someone you should mess with."

 

This is a great joke! Thanks

 

my mother said my grandfather(a chevrolet man) used to tell this one...
'what time is it when a ford passes a ford? tin past tin.'
must've been a real old one.

 

what's the difference between a Kirby vacuum cleaner and a Rat rod? There is only room for one dirt bag on a Kirby

 

fixed or repaired daily

 

joe says to bob, what you getting your wife for christmas ?. bob replies, a new dining room set. how about you joe. whats for your wife? joe says , i got her a new chevelle. what said bob, you bought her a new car wow. no, no, no says joe, i got here a new shovel for the snow.

 

What's the difference between a Porshe and a porcupine? The pricks are on the outside of a porcupine.

 

Guy takes his car into the garage.Complaining to the mechanic that he can't get his car past 72 on his road."72 for an old car like that is pretty good" replies the mechanic."Not really" he says "i live at number 84 ".....................................................................................................A old boy out cruisin late on a cold night ,pulls up at the lights.A lady of the night comes up to the window and asks if he would like some super sex.He thinks for a few seconds,then asks "what kind of soup is it".

 

Texan at the bar is braggin about how big everything is in Texas. He says " It takes me thirty minutes to get to the end of my driveway". Guy next to him says " I had a car like that once".

 

That makes sense, he did hang out with those who needed miracles!

 

this is soooooooooooo kool !

no jokes , but accronyms (sp) .
FORD :
found on the road dead
fix or repair daily
fucked over rebuilt dodge

 

I hope that I didn't just miss this one. Does anyone remember the old saying that used early car makes? All I remember was a part that talked about it being "Willys Knight" (willy's night) thanks

 

F.O.R.D. Fucked On Raw Deal...........

 

What's the difference between a freezer and a faggot? A freezer don't fart when you pull the meat out.

 

In Hollywood, they have a car that you can get 8 in the front seat----69 in the rear seat---blow the horn & the tires go down on you----& goes lickety split down the freeways!!

Took a trip down to L.A. last year, came across another car from Oregon pulled off to the side of the freeway, driver was all hunched over down at the tire, I asked if he needed any assistance?----He said no, he was just getting a breath of FRESH air!!

When VW's bug first came out in the US, JOE, one of the guys at work decided to buy one because of the advertised increased gas milege feature, sure enough every day at lunch time he would excitedly go on & on raving about his spectacular gas milege, well after listening to this for about 1 week, one of our guys snuck out during work, & ADDED 1 gal. of gas to the VW tank for 3 days. Joe could NOT be contained! He was totally out of control! Bragging about this fabulous German new car!!-----Then, 2 guys started REMOVING 3 gals. of gas for 3 days, suddenly, at lunch time Joe clammed up, hardly looking up from his lunch pail, finally one of our guys asked Joe----HEY, hows the new car doing on gas nowadays??---Joe mumbled some funny words under his breath & the following week, Joe's new VW bug was sporting a "For Sale" sign on each side window!!!----------------Until we had to tell him the truth!!!
------------Don

 

Back in the fifties, a guy goes to the local Nash dealership to buy a new car. To his surprise, the salesperson that was available to him was a real good looking blond. He made the deal, and wanted to go on a test drive. He drove out into the country (with the saleslady at his side), and parked on a dark dirt road. She was kind of confused, and asked him "What else would you like?" When he told her, she said "That already happened when you bought this Nash".

 

A cop was sitting at a red light when all of a sudden a hot rod comes flying through the traffic light,the cop turns his patrol lights on and chases after the hot rod,as he got closer to the hot rod the guy turns on to a dirt road and starts to speed up.At the end of the road was a dead end and the guy comes to a stop.The cop jumps out and runs over to the hot rod and starts yelling,,ARE YOU CRAZY!!!..DID YOU EVEN SEE ME BEHIND YOU WITH MY LIGHTS ON...Yesir i did...THEN WHY DID YOU RUN FROM ME LIKE THAT...Well sir,,,my wife ran off with a cop a few days ago...SO WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH YOU RUNNING FROM ME LIKE THAT.....Well sir,,,i thought you were the cop with my wife and you were trying to bring her back to me....

 

I picked up a hooker one night because she said she would do any thing naked for 50 bucks if i could describe it in 3 words or less so i got her home stripped her naked and said okay bitch "PAINT MY CAR'

 

Why does a chicken coup only have 2 doors?










Because if it had 4 it would be a chicken sedan.

 

Three Hamb-ers were accidentally killed in an auto crash at Christmas. Upon getting the the pearly-gates, they were asked to present something religious to re-confirm their beliefs and earn their entry to Heaven. Something about God, or Jesus or Christmas would be best. One found a BIC and called it a candle... the next one presented the cross on the chain around his neck. All the last guy had were some girl's panties. What the heck are those, the attendant asked...

"Carol's!" the Hamber replied.

 

A guy walks into the body shop where his ex-wifes new boyfriend works. Spots him working across the way. Smuggly for all to hear he yells "hey joe how is it banging on that old worn out snatch" Without missing a beat Joe replies " its not bad once you get in past the old worn out part !

 

Do you know why chicken coops have 2 doors ? Cause if it had 4 it be a chicken sedan.

 

DAG GONE IT I guess I should have read all the pages!!!!!!!

 

A guy was driving down a desolate road one day and sees a priest standing next to a car on the side of the road. The guy pulls over and asks, "Father, is there a problem?" The priest answers, "Yes my son, my car has a flat tire. I have a spare but no jack". The guy says, "No problem Father, I have a jack and I'll change the tire for you." The guy jacks up the priest's car, gets the spare out of the trunk and changes the tire. Just as he finishes tightening the last lug nut the priest asks, "Are you sure the nuts are tight?" The guy impulsively replies, "Tight as a nun's ass!" then quickly apologizes for being so vulgar. The priest quickly replies, while rubbing his chin, "No problem my son, but maybe you should snug them up a little more."

 

You said old So I pulled into the gas station with a flat tire and the mechanic pulls the wheel off and says you have a long slash in your tire,what did you hit? I said it was a milk bottle and the mechanic said didn't you see it and I said naw the little bastard had it under his coat.

 

Whats the difference between a tea cup and a pee cup

You drink tea from a tea cup and a pee cup is what a mexican drives

 

Chevrolet chews heads eats valves runs on low elapsed times