Quotations of interest to our....."types".

Said by me while making the first trip in my friends 550rwhp ZO6;

"He clocked us at that, he can catch us at that"

And my favorite:

The road of excess leads to the place of wisdom.
William Blake

 

Oh yeah, all the beer swilling potheads I know are true genius' Of course, Blake was a paint huffer so he MUST have been enlightened.

 

All the beer swilling pot heads I know don't have the energy or ambition to experience anything else.

And a moment of enlightenment doesn't equal genius, but it can coincide with self destruction and debauchery.

 

"takes a pretty big dog to weigh a ton"
"everybody's gotta be someplace"
"nothings lighter than a hole"
"if you were any dumber, you'd need a helmet"

 

Drum roll please.......



"That's a nice dune buggy"


Stu

 

hey, fuck you grant i put my pants on one shirt at a time just like every other muskrat..wait, that aint right...how's that go again??man im hungry.....

he who eats cheeto's while watching porn gets orange weiner....buda

this one's true..my great grampa used to say...thinner then piss on a plate..whatever that means.

my dad [ rip pop] would always get drunk and call my bud rp [kropduster] you little queer bastard!!! out of love of course!!!

okay, heres the best one i ever heard...this gos back when i really was a pothead, me and my friend jerry came in his house late one night and jerry knocked a bunch of shit off on the floor.. his dad [ who was around 80 at the time] woke up and sayed this " jesus jerry, your clumsier then a cub bear jackin off with boxin gloves on".. i threw up!!!!

 

How old would you be if you didn't know how old SHE was?

 

What I'm looking for is a strong back and a weak mind. my dad when he needs help moving something big.

Hamburger stand back in the day: 7 days with out a Biff-burger makes one weak.

What we have here is failure to comunicate.

 

"You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear" (Unknown)

"And if the dog wouldn't have stopped to take a shit he would have caught the rabbit" (My Dad to Me anytime I made an excuse for something not happening as planned)

And then there's Homer Simson to Bart when he sees Bart cutting wood with a skill saw without saftey glasses..."Boy! didn't I teach you anything about saftey? That's not how you do that, let me show you...see? if you close your eyes you won't get chips in them....werrrrrrr...screech...oowee...doh!

 

Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, some people just dont know how to use them right.

and see below

 

The early bird might get the worm, but it's always the second mouse who gets the cheese

 

So I'm standing at a cruise night with some guys and this old woman pulls up in a Honda and says "You boys are sure bringing back memories" (or something like that) and before I can slap my hand over my big dumb mouth I blurt out "Yeah in the backseat" I'm lucky that she didn't hear me.

Joe

 

ok u know im in mizzipi so ize got alot . code name for viagra, mycoxaflopin or its like pushin a chain
or this one tighter than two dic*s in a rubber
or its so hard u could hunt with it
or your weeeeker than nat pis in a 5 gal bukit
last one (you can get it any color u want it as long as its black.)
go ballz deep!

 

"a fool and his money are always invited to poker games"

dj

 

If it ain't broke,fix it till it is.
Hey ya'll watch this!(last words spoken before he lights the fuse)
There's a fine line between clever and stupid.

 

Variation from Dorothy Parker:
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."

 

"it's better to remain silent and appear ignorant than to open your mouth and remove all doubt" I dunno who said it.....

 

Aside from my tagline, another great quote:

"Son, never pass up a fuck. You'll be one fuck behind for the rest of your life & you can never make it up!"

 

If you can't impress them with facts, dazzle them with bullshit

 

he was always quite successful hunting grizzly bears with a club...

there was 237 fellow members in his club....
.....unknown....

are reading that newspaper your sitting on?
mad magazine


"primer is easier to touch up!"
me

"they can't see both sides of the car at the same time."
me
paperdog

 

IT WAS
Abraham Lincoln


and a favorite of mine

"any club that wants me as a member I won't join"

Groucho MARX

 

You either need to skip a day or double up. (Your meds of choice) Say after someone royally screws up.

 

" You boys could fuck up an anvil with a Coke bottle"
" Rule #1, Do what you're supposed to do, when you're supposed to do it."

my Dad

 

"The pain of discipline is much easier to endure than the pain of regret" Unknown

"Never sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff." Robert Gilbertson

 

A few variations, the way I've heard them -

"take a flying fuck at a rolling donut" (I think from Stephen King's novel "Christine")

"opinions are like assholes, eveyrone has one and usually they're full of shit" .. I'm sure someone said that before I did -

"A boss is like a diaper, always on your ass and usually full of shit" - read that somewhere too -


"I'll give ya a dollar for it" - swap meet customer, usually while holding something clearly marked at least $5. Usually followed by "I can get $x.xx for it on eBay" -


My friend has a good one in regards to women when they're bitchy or rude with you - "she just needs someone to service her properly" -

 

I love 'codgerisms' Here's a few I've picked up along the way.

Used often by my Dad: "Boy, if you were shootin fer shit, you wouldn't even get a smell"

"Boy, you could tear up an anvil with a rubber mallet"

"That feller couldn't pour piss out of a boot if there were instructions on the heel"

"I wouldn't piss on that sumbitch, if he were on fire"

"Back when I was a poor black child..." - said by my buddy who can come up with an alternative method after you've exhausted all others to fix something. He's a resourceful guy.

Port-a-potty poem "He can't plumb, and he can't fit, but Chem-Can-Man knows his shit!"

"Flush twice, it's a long way to Oklahoma"

 

An old buddy of mine was a hell of a welder, one day I asked him, " Robert, how good of a welder are you?, and he said without missing a beat, I can weld up the crack of dawn."

 

RS
that would be

Just thought of one actually I overheard it today by a young guy at the coffee shop and then remembered that I hadn't heard it in a very long time.

" I'm so horny I could screw the crack of dawn."

 

It looks nice from far, but it's far from nice!

( you may substitute "she" for "it")

 

If you ain't never blowed nothin up, you just never went fast enough!

Quote from the guy who taught me how to build harley drag bike engines.