Quotations of interest to our....."types".

my Dad use to say I was the only person he knew that could raise dust on a muddy road.

 

In a recent interview, General Norman Schwartzkopf was asked if he thought
there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and
abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

The General said,
"I believe that forgiving them is God's function. OUR job is to arrange
the meeting."

 

" that boy's dumber than owl shit"
"if brains were gas he wouldnt have enough to fire up a piss ants motor scooter and drive it around the inside of a cheerio"

 

That thing is tighter than a bulls ass in fly time.

The American indian chief to the young brave...strong like bull...dumb like ox.

Journeyman to the young apprentice...you've got to be smarter than the wrench.

 

Your so dumb you don't know your ass from your elbow, sit around on your ass all day and wonder why you got sore elbows!

The older I get, the faster I was.

Said to me by a mate in combat,
Hey, I think some cunt just shot me! (He was Ok, minor wound)

Advice given to all grunts before getting on a C130,
Stay away from the props, shit splatters.

Told to me on my first day at recruit training (Boot camp)
Remember, more than three shakes constitutes a pull, a pull constitutes masturbation, masturbation constitutes pleasure, this is the Army we don't allow pleasure!

If dumb was dollars you'd be a billionaire.

Often heard while training paratroopers,
Son, your so stupid I think you miss the earth on your first jump!

Talking to a mate after a serious firefight in Afghanistan.
I was trying to get down so low I was cursing my buttons for being so thick!
and,
Yeah, I was diggin holes with my eyebrows.

Doc.

 

my old man is a tv repair man , he's got this ultimate set of tools .....i can fix it- jeff spicoli fast times at ridgemont high

thats gonna go over like a wet fart in white pants

 

"It's been my experience that if you're upside down and backwards going 80 miles an hour or 180 miles an hour, it's all about the same."

-My uncle George.
His Last pass before hanging it up: 6.02 @ 218mph.
Upside down.
And backwards.

 

"sweatin' like a whore on nickel night"

"If he didn't find it, fuck it or fight it; his dad did." - about a guy I met that had "done it all"

 

"such is life" Ned Kelly

"all over it like a rash on a $2 hooker" my boss

"if it doesn't fit force it, if it breaks it was meant to be replaced anyway"

 

"He's about as useless as tits on a warthog"

"Good enough for the girls we dance with" (in reference to quality)

"Are you going to get a little mud for the turtle tonight?" (sex with girlfriend)

"You need to go out and get you some strange" (sex with someone new)

"Whatever blows your skirt up" (as in- when you want to do something in a certain way)

-all from my old boss at the bodyshop.



"Colder out than a witch's tit in a brass brassiere" - Don Kline

"Hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut" - Robin Williams impersonating Walter Kronkite in God Morning Viet Nam

I found this while thinking about this subject:
http://www.notable-quotes.com/

 

"repetition is the death of art"

 

'Happier than sex maniac in a whorehouse with a credit card",

"Busier than a cat coverin' shit on a tin roof in a Texas tornado."

Seen on the back of a very lifted Jeep "Lowriders are for those that can't get it up..."

 

Overheard in an interview with Ray Davies, of "the Kinks"...........
"I think the kind of criticism that hurts most, is the kind you agree with."

 

"You don't yell whoa in a horse race!"

 

"Don't let your meat loaf"

My Dad to me before my first date. LOL

 

My Dad
"Im so hungery I could eat the hourse and chase the rider"

when us kids would ask too many questions...
" would you rather walk to school or carry your lunch"
or
"Is is colder in the winter than it is on the farm"

I miss my Daddy!!

 

Some of my favorites...

"If it is to be, it is up to me!"

"Once begun, it's half done!"

"It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them."

"A narrow mind has a broad tongue."

"This too, will pass."

"When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing."

"A fool and his money are soon partying!"

"It costs what it costs and takes as long as it takes."

"Man born of woman is of but few days and full of trouble!"

"One is a novelty, two is a collection...and three is a junkyard!"

"That axe is a family heirloom...of course, the handle's been replaced four times and that's the second head!"

"The journey of a thousand beers begins with a single sip."

"I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was!"

"When it doubt, throw it out!"

"If your only tool is a hammer, then every problem will look like a nail."

"The hand is quicker than the eye is, but somewhat slower than the fly is!"

"Stand close...it's shorter than you think!"

"Prices are subject to change according to customer's attitude."

"This project is so secret, even I don't know what I'm doing!"

"Everyone makes us happy here...some by entering, some by leaving!"

"A wise man remembers a woman's birthday, but not her age."

"One ate for three and got sick of five seven too!"

"When all is said and done, more will have been said than done!"

"Sooner started is sooner finished."

"Know your enemy as well as the ground your fighting on."

"There's an ass for every seat."

"One of these days is none of these days."

"The race is not always to the swift, but that's the way to bet."

"Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."

"To hear, one has only to listen."

"Better to burp & taste it than to fart & waste it!"

"Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups!"

 

One of my personal favorites...
"The road to hell is paved with good intensions."
Story of my life.

 

Glass 32 fords are like a clit ........every cunts got one!!!
"im just a garbarge man"(Big Wednesday)

 

Grandad, "Never do business with anyone you can't walk down the street and punch in the nose."

 

Boy I'm tell'n ya, Anything that bleeds for seven days and don't die ain't human.......don't fuck with it.....

Advice from my grand dad when he was pissed off at grand ma

 

When talking about the very last Vauxhall VXR Monaro(Export version of the new GTO). This version is the last production year of the car and the special edition includes a supercharged LS2 with the T56 6 speed:

"It does 75mph in 1st gear. Which means the other gears are just there to decide how angry the police are going to be with you."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGF5SRSqUFQ

 

"You can PRICK your finger but don't finger your PRICK"

 

"Hit it like ya got a pair!" ...some asshole foreman i used to have at the suspension shop.

 

"No Brains No Pain"

"Gimmee a Hammer I Can Fix Anything"

"If I tell ya the Moon is made outa Green Cheese,Don't ask no QUESTIONS Just Grab Your Crackers and Come Along"

"That thing is so Low it could get Stuck on a Gum Wrapper"

 

rule 1 shit happens
rule 2 shit happens on a regular basis
rule 3 get used to rules 1&2

you can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you can't wipe your friends on your sleeve

read from the shitter door in the best bar in town

some men like to sit and think
others like to shit a stink
but i just like to scratch my balls
and read the writing on the walls

 

"you can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you can't wipe your friends on your sleeve"

A slight variation "you can pick your freinds and you can pick your nose butcha can't pick your freinds nose"

"Sis on you pister you think you're so muckin fuch,go in your own jack yard and back off and see how your feeter peels"!

 

That's why you're able to preview the post before you submit it.

 

Great sayings of my stepdad.

"You're dumber than 3 chickens"

('cause one chicken is dumb....3 are three times as dumb)

"You'll have that in these small rural communities"

"I took a bite out of a turd once....it tasted like shit"

 

Thanks for explaining that.