Saying Goodbye to a Confused Kid with a Good Heart

I often read these types of threads, and they touch me, but somehow this one just hit me like a kick in the stomach. I'm sorry Gigantor for your loss and your feelings of "What could I have done differently?" Trust me, you couldn't have done anything differently. You were a friend to him. Somehow, someway, in his thought process, something went terribly, sadly, wrong. God bless him and those who were his friends.

 

Gigantor, I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your young friend. I know it is difficult to understand.

Surprisingly at my age I have never lost any peer to suicide. That being said, my daughter loss two of her close friends to suicide before her 15 year. It is a terrible thing to see anyone waste a potentially good life but it is even harder when that person is only a teenager. Since those days (about 6 years ago) I have always tried to reach out to youngsters who show an interest in those things that I enjoy. I figure if I can help them smile just a little more and give them even a very simple purpose, perhaps they won't become another statistic.

It's hard to do sometimes but the reward is great.

 

Gigantor, I'm very sorry for the loss of your young friend.Raise a glass to him and think of the goodtimes.

Nick.

 

Sorry to hear the tragic news. It's not easy being a kid and the process of growing up is a tough one - especially if you are shy, a little odd, or an outsider. It's tough to keep up with the speed that the world moves at these days - and unfortunately some get overwhelmed. It's important to foster a sense of community and belonging amongst our youth and being motivated by an interest can be the one thing that keeps them going at times. For me it's always been cars, art, and culture - which is why I'm on this forum. Having said that, it's still impossible to really experience the world through the eyes of someone else or know what they're thinking. You were a friend to him - which is what counts so don't be hard on yourself for not doing enough.

 

The kid sort of sounded like me. I am only 26 but I had so much passion for cars when I was younger but none of the car guys I knew would even give me the time of day. Even when asking intelligent questions. I would have loved to just work for free to hang around the guys I admired and learn a thing or too. My only source was magazines.
Old guys at shows with cool cars were total dicks. Car guys or non car guys can be so self centered and constantly trying to spew vibes about how cool they are.
The lesson I took from my experience and your post is to be a more humble giving person especially to people younger than me who may be going through and identity crisis and just needs someone to be a "mentor" even on something as superficial as talking cars or giving advice.
Who knows the kid may have no friends his own age but because some old dude gave him some of his time he might feel better about himself and his view of the world may change.

 

A suicide is why i started the project with my daughter. Her half sister got upset with her boyfriend and jammed her mustang into a bridge to take her own life. i realized how overwhelming life is sometimes to young people and how alone they feel in their problems. thats why we started the project together so we could spend time together and keep those sorts of things from taking over.

rips my heart out to hear of this young guy doing that. make me angry and sad all at the same time.

And for anyone out there who is bearing a burden of such a weight they are feeling compelled to take their own lives, reach out to one of us. i am positive anyone on here would help you rather than read a sad post like this wondering if we could have done something to help. share the weight with others. No shame in asking for help.

sorry to hear about this Gigantor. do you know if his family is in need of any help? is there anythign any of us could do?

 

I can definitely relate. Back in 85 when my sister was killed by a drunk driver I dropped college plans part way through and went home to be there for my Mom. She was distraught and wouldn't talk much, all my friends were off at school somewhere else and I was a social retard to boot. I was in the middle of a great big alone.

Backflash to when my Dad died in 73, watching my Mom grieve, I made myself a promise that I'd never hurt her. That promise and the thought of what suicide would have done to my grandfolks kept me from it.

What did I do for mental health? Tinker and build on my 78 Camaro. I started with a wimpy LT1 and ended up with a conglomeration (is that a word?) of z-28, ws-6, etc... parts. I know there is a lot of Camaro hate around here but that car will always have a soft spot in my heart. Car stuff is still a cornerstone to my mental health although a relationship with a living GOD always comes first!

The problem was that all the way through it I had that damn smile pasted on my face that society expected. Nobody knew how close I came.

These days I try to connect with folks. Cars may be cool and may be what ties us together but we really need to be there for each other. Often easier said than done.

 

Let us know if you need some help man. Hope this isn't something you're considering, there are ALWAYS better options than just ending your life.

 

Hey I feel your loss!

But you nailed it in an honest well written post!

If anyone out there is feeling like that Talk to someone who's a good listener… you'd be supprised!

Thank's for sharring!

 

There is never anything good that can come from suicide i know that first hand and i am deeply sorry for your loss!Not to hijack your thread but i to have dealt with this.My Uncle my hero at the age of 28 took his life on april 26th 2003 exactly two years to the day his father,My grandfather had passed away from cancer.I was with my uncle the afternoon before he killed himself.We were in my grandparents garage working on his 1975 chevy K10.I had stopped by after work to help him rebuild the brakes on it and everything seemed fine we were laughing and joking and having a good time workin together.He lived with is parent pretty much all his life he would move out and move in with friends but always ended up coming back home.He was a great person and had all the friends in the world always smiling and joking with someoneno one would have been the wiser.My screen name is actually something that was given to me from him when i was in kindergarten he would call me slick 50 or slickster or five - o or 5150 and it just kind of stuck all his friends called me this and even my grandfather would call me that and even his older brother and his kids so its something i have held onto.But the day we were in the garage working on his truck he asked me if i wanted to come over later that night and hang out as we did usually.But i passed as i was not feeling good and ended up coming down with strep throat.I got up the next morning and ended up calling into work because i was so sick,and slept all day well when my mom came home frome work i the phone wrang and my grandmother was histaricle and was almost completely unable to understand what she was saying so my mom told me to get dressed we were going up there.Mind you we only lived on the other side of the block from her so we ran up the alley between our houses and inside and waled in the back door to hear her screaming and crying,we ran down in the basement and found my uncle in his bedroom lying on the floor with a bullet wound to his head and all i could do was scream and cry i lost it i didn't know what to do other than think that maybe if i had gone up there that night i might have changed things.Maybe he wouldnt't have killed himself,and was only made to feel worse when as the coroner was hauling him out f the house i told my grandma that he had asked my to come over and i hadn't.She said to me you should have came over and that it could have changed things.I have lived with this everyday for the past 6 years now and nothing will ever be the same.There was no note no reason as to why just gone.I have lost someone that was a big part of my life and to honor him i named my son after him. So all i can tell people is please think of the consequences of your actions before you do something like this. I sometimes am unable to sleep at night because i will never get this sight out of my head i relive this everyday in my head i see him and everything as it was the day it happened.I know here's where i will sound like a baby but there are even times i will be driving by myself and start to cry because i still have a hard time dealing with this.I have no one to talk to about this because no one in my family will talk about it and i am left to my own thoughts.Its not a fun place to be sometimes. I am sorry if i have no point in this story but it helps me to tell all of you.

 

Slickster - I didn't mean to dredge up bad thoughts and worse memories, but I hope you take a minute to read through the previous posts and see that you shouldn't blame yourself. I don't blame myself for Brandon's actions, and while I will always wonder if there was anything I could have done to change the circumstances, I wont go through life kicking myself and wondering what if. He made a shit decision that everyone else is forced to go through.
You said yourself that the very day your uncle took his life you were hanging out with him laughing and joking and had no clue. It has got to be really hard to know he invited you to hang out that night and you passed, but all the same, you were sick and couldn't have known and should not carry around the burden of blaming yourself. The fact that your very own family harbors resentment toward you doesn't help things, but I think if you try to be in their shoes for a minute you will see that it is their way of dealing with their own guilt and resentment. It's weak to blame others for things that any rational minded person would know is not fair. You need to remember that for yourself. If your uncle was as close to calling it quits as he apparently was, who's to say that you going over there that night would have done anything but prolong the inevitable? It was your uncles piss poor decision and something it was not fair of him to burden you with for the rest of your life. Seeing as how you and he were so close, I can only imagine he wouldn't want to hurt you in any way or wish you to carry that burden. So it may take time, but let it go. I'm really sorry to hear that your grandparents fail to understand what YOU have to deal with, but like all things of this nature, it takes time to heal. You can carry on living being the upright guy you are and be proud that you had the relationship and good times with your uncle that you did. You choose what memories you want to carry and how you let them affect your life. What would he want you to do.? Keep on swingin' would be my guess.

 

Damn sorry to hear of this ..our prayers and with you and the family

 

Lots of case hardened guys on this board.......a really hard outside, and a little softer, tougher inside. Lots of praying men on here, too. I like that in a man......slide

 

Sure sorry to hear about Brandon. Prayers for him, his family, and all that care about him. Came in to work one morning many years ago to find a coworker dead from a gunshot to the head. Over a girl. Been almost 30 years ago. Never has left my mind. We can't blame ourselves, we just have to try harder to be a little more attentive, a little kinder, and pray a lot more.
Bob.

 

I hate to read things like this. I had been sitting around thinking how things were not going so good around here, and then I read this. Most of us know of someone that has done this, and it’s really sad.

I was reading through the post with people given such good words to comfort Gigantor. There are some great guys on this site.
<O
I read VonMoldy post; you never know when you treat a person with some kindness what will happen.
<O
I thought about the guy that came last week to install our satellite dish for the T.V. I tried to give him a hand when I could like using my drill press to put holes in a bracket so he could mount the dish to our tower antenna plus whatever I could to help him. I didn’t realize how much I was talking about our grandkids. The guy said he was 26 and had two boy’s one was 4 and one 18 months old.
<O
When he was doing the paper work he said to me that he had time to do one more install but after hearing me talk about our grandkids, and seeing pictures of them in my hot rods with smiles on their face. He was going home to spend time with his boys; they go to bed at 7:00 P.M. he just felt like being with them.
<O
Gigantor, I will say a prayer for Brandon, and his family and the people that will miss him.

 

Definatly not the kind of thing anyone ever should have to deal with. I too have had a couple of people close to me take their lives and like has been said before, you just cant tell, they seemed to be fine and I guess they were not on the inside. If you do decide to go on with the building of the car, let us know, as stated earlier in the post, there may be some of us that can toss some parts or some money that way. Jim

 

You guys are great, you too Megan and MEGasser . Thank you for all the kind words. I'm tempted to print this thread out and let his mother read it, but I don't know how that would go over.
I'm definitely going to talk to my racing buddies about Brandon's car though. For all I know, they already hauled it to the shop, they're those kinds of guys.
For instance, when I talked to Ron this afternoon and he broke the news, he was on his way to their house to put new tires on the families truck, and although he didn't mention it, I know damn well he spent his social security check on those tires and used his own tire machine to mount them. Good people.
I guess they're moving back to Kentucky now, and who could blame them for needing to get away from that house? They're taking Brandon with them though.

 

i knew a guy they gave him pills to help him but did not take his guns away went to his shed that was it

 

My prayers to you, his family and friends. I just lost an old friend last week to the same fate. Rumor is his wife said it was over and he couldn't find a way to live without her. It sucks, he was 27. I just keep thinking of all the people (atleast a couple of hundred) I saw at the wake, if he could have just picked up the phone and called any one of us....I know you can't blame yourself, and I don't but maybe a phone call would have made him feel just a little better and changed the outcome.
It is hard to understand what depression can do to a persons mind and spirit. It is a dark, evil thing that is tough to overcome.

I hope God is there for Brandons family, and guides them through.

Slick50-Don't put this on yourself. You didn't put your uncle in this position. Your family is being WAY too hard on you. It is not easy for anyone in this situation, but they are making it unfair to you. I hope time will heal the wounds, and the emotional scarring will be minimal. My prayers go to you as well.

Guitar kid-many of us have been there. But there is much more to live for than to die for. If you are in need of someone to talk to, try anyone that has replied to this thread. I am sure they are willing to listen to you. Cars are nice, but the people make this hobby/sport great.

 

Sorry to hear my prayers go out to all, feel for the boy!!

 

Slickster, saying something is the best, letting it stay in is worse then anything.
Something id actually like to share is i have felt the same in the past.
i wasnt a very well liked kid, and people were hard on me, things were hard and they weighed down a great lot, but being right there next to cars at the shows, making friends with the people who knew my passion and finally getting my own car lead me to a brighter outlook. at 19 i feel im lucky to have overcome how my mind was wired back when and im sorry to hear someone just like me felt that was their option.

 

about ten years ago my cousin lost his fiance to suicide... absolutely ruined him for a good five years or so. hes married now with two little boys and ino for a fact that it still plays in his head to this day. the point im trying to make is,. the hurt and the pain may never go away but the time will and does make it easier to deal with.

GuitarKid as said before, man please talk to any of us on here or someone you know. i know for me i have had a few very close friends come to me for help that were mere hours away from writing themselves off . you will be surprised at who will listen and be there in your time of need. i hope you get through your rough times and as someone said earlier in the post "the sun will come out again"

Brandon, GODSPEED BROTHER!!!!! Rest in Peace.

cafekid

 

Thanks guys i appreciate all the kindness on here! Its nice to be able to talk to people who are non bias and have seen or been through alot of the samethings.I really feel bad for this kids parents and family in general because it seems the last 6 years have not been the same since all of this has happened to my family and i know things will never be the same for his family.People change and become hard on the inside among other things.So i would like to say i am sorry to the parents of this young man even though i never knew him or them.But they will soon find out as somemone else said earlier that he will always be with them.I know that for a fact as sometimes unexplainable things happen around my household when i talk about my uncle and my wife can vouch for this.They all have their way of letting you know they are here.

 

Hey GUITAR GUY I told my 23 year son about your avatar, and showed it to him today. I am an OLD fart, but old cars and guitars have been a big part of my life, so I understand that you may catch grief from "normal" folks about your love of both. Anytime you want to talk about either, or anything else, for that matter, just leave me a message here on the H.A.M.B. AND I WILL GET WITH YOU ASAP. And yes, I do Know who that guy with the "bulls eye" guitar is!

 

Sorry to hear about your young friend. It's always sad when a young person feels death is a better place than life. We all felt that way at least one time at that age. If they just realized that time in their life will pass by so fast, and if they hang in there it only gets better.

ALOT OF GOOD, CARING PEOPLE ON HERE.

 

damn...
as a few have stated before, lets use this unfortunate event as a reminder that we ALL can be a little more kind and understanding to all people that we come across in our day to day lives.
always understand that people are the way they are because they have been molded by the events in their lives.

never under estimate the power of kindness.

also thanks to all of you that have shown it to me in times that I may not have evn deserved it.

there are some good folks in the world...

 

That Sucks.

 

I may get roasted for this but I wish people who were going to kill themselves would think about what it does to people they leave behind. I think they would see how selfish they are. My uncle killed himself in front of my cousin and it literally ruined him for the rest of his life until he ended up taking his life as well. It may be the solution for you but you ruin many more lives than just your own. There is ALWAYS another way.......Just ask for the help or seek it out. I feel bad for people who take their lives but I feel 100 times worse for those that it affects.

 

Gigantor, Slick50, and anyone else who has gone thru the pain of suicide, I understand how you feel and my thoughts are with you. Sorry for your loss. I lost my mother to suicide when I was twelve. It took me a long long time to work thru it, still workin on it. This post struck a cord with me. It's one of two reasons I'm rebuilding the Woody. My mom wanted the wagon, and now I spend time with my dad working on it. All you guys have had good things to say. Nice thread!

 

http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/

http://suicidehotlines.com/