Hot Rods Something I found interesting

ok that's disturbing^^^^^^^

 

you don't say!

 

Because a snake in the grass is an asp, and the grasp of an ass is a goose, er--maybe it's a duck.

 

I have been here the entire time...watching, laughing and learning. It has been a fun ride.

 

And now I am at 24

 

Muttley! Where have you been?

 

A guy walks into a bar with a three-legged pig, sits down and orders a beer. The bar tender asks, "What's up with the pig?"
Guy replies. " This pig saved my life. I was plowing the fields when I hit a rough spot and got tossed off the tractor. Just before the blades of the harrower were going to get me, this pig comes out of nowhere and drags me to safety!"
Bar tender says, "So that how he lost his leg?"
Guy says, " Heck no. You don't eat a great pig like this all at once."

 

I predict this thread will end on the next page...........

 

Long neck?

 

Posted using the Full Custom H.A.M.B. App!

 

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best buddies, best pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?

'When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks!

 

LUCKY DUCK!!!!!!!!

 

Warning!!! Not for the faint of heart!!!

 

Welcome to thre HAMB. What a great welcome, eh?

The HAMB, the home of tons of useful information and unfortunately, also the home of too many wise-cracking assholes.

Posted using the Full Custom H.A.M.B. App!

 

A forever-struggling farmer had always felt badly that he had never had any spare money to give to his teenage son for a fun night in town. He finally decided to give the son a duck that he could take into town that he might be able to barter towards an evening of entertainment. The son understood the situation and thanked his dad for the duck. The son then headed toward town with the duck under his arm. First place he went was the whore house. Walked-in, greeted the good looking madam, told her the story about no money, and as strange as the offer was, she decided to fuck the kid for the duck. When the kid finished, the gal suggested that he was so good in the sack that she'd like to do him again. The kid said...I'll do ya again if ya give me my duck back. She agreed and they went at it again. Now, with both of 'em worn-down, the kid heads out and back toward home with his duck. As he crossed the main street, an old truck came haulin'-ass around the corner. Scared the kid shitless, he dropped the duck and it got run-over and killed. The driver stopped, apologized profusely and gave the kid a $20 bill for the pulverized duck. The kid continued-on walking two miles to the house. When he walked into the house, his dad asked: "How was your evening, son?" The son replied: "Well dad, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and 20 bucks for a fucked-up duck".

 

A monkey and a gecko were walking through the jungle when they came upon a long-dead backpacker. The monkey had seen one before so he rifled through the backpack and pulled out a baggie with some nicely rolled joints and a lighter. He proceeded to light one up and he and the gecko enjoyed one.
After a while the gecko got cotton-mouth and decided he needed a drink. The monkey was just sleepy, so he climbed up in a tree and told the gecko, "The river's just right over there. Come back and wake me up when you're done."
The gecko went to the river and leaned over the water. In his stoned state, his reflection startled him and he fell in the river. As he splashed around, calling for help, a crocodile swam over. When he saw it was a gecko he felt a certain kinship towards him and helped him back onto the shore.
The gecko was grateful and told the croc about the joints and where the monkey was with them. The crocodile went to the tree and saw the monkey. He bumped the tree and said, "Hey!" The monkey looked down at the croc. His eyes got wide and he said, "Damn! How much water did you drink?"

 

Oh, yeah. Then the crocodile said,"I like potatoes."

 

x2

 

A man is walking down the street and is really horny. He goes to the
first brothel he sees but only has five dollars, so they kick him out.
The man goes to the next one. But, since he only has five dollars,
he gets kicked out again.
So by this time, he's really super horny, so he goes to the next one
and says, "Look, I only have five dollars. I'm really horny, and I need
a blow-job for 5 dollars!"
The madam there says, "For five dollars, all we can give you a penguin."
"What's a penguin?"
"You'll see."
So, the madam takes the $5 and leads the horny man to a bedroom.
He unzips his pants, and waits for his "penguin."
Soon, a prostitute comes in and starts giving the man a blow job. Just
as he's about to let loose, she stops and walks away.
The horny man waddles after her, with his pants at his ankles, shouting,
"HEY! WHAT'S A PENGUIN?!"

 

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions".

The husband turned to his wife and said, "That is a bunch of crap.
There is nothing you could say that will make me happy and sad at the same time.

She smiled and said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."

 

A bind man walked into a dept. store with a cat. Suddenly he grabbed it by the tail and started to twirl it around. Agast, a saleswoman asked him what he was doing; "oh, I'm just having a look around".

 

An overweight man heard of an excellent weight-loss clinic and decided to check it out. The owner of the clinic explained that they had two separate 1-month programs...one at a cost of $500 and the other for $1,000. He further explained that the $1,000 program was much more effective, but also extremely intense. The guy hadn't exercised for a long time, and figured he should probably start off at a reasonable pace...so he chose the $500 plan and paid the fee.

The owner of the clinic showed him to a large room, and explained that he'd be in there for 1 hour per day...and locked him in. The guy stood there looking around for a few moments, wondering exactly what he was expected to do. Just then, a beautiful woman entered through another door at the far end of the room, wearing nothing but a t-shirt. She locked the door and turned toward the man. He could now see that her t-shirt was printed with the words, YOU CATCH ME, YOU FUCK ME. Now the guy understood...and the chase was on. After the first week, he hadn't caught up with the woman even once, but he was having a wonderful time and losing weight fast.

The man began to think that if the $500 program was this much fun, he might like the $1,000 program even more. He asked the owner if he could finish out the month with the more expensive program if he paid the additional $500, and the owner agreed.

Just as before, the owner put him in a large room and locked him in. With great anticipation and excitement he waited. Finally, a very large male gorilla entered from a door at the far end of the room, wearing nothing but a t-shirt. He locked the door...turned...and began running toward him.

Horrified, the man could now make out the words printed on the gorilla's t-shirt...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...I CATCH YOU, I FUCK YOU
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

 

Was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said,
“It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!”
Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don’t get offers like that every day.

 

that is fookin funny!

 

100 degrees here today. Too hot.