TECH - How To Lose Your Job...

Edited

 

No, no, you're doing it wrong!

Your supposed to get your foot in the door as a temp with no benefits, bust your ***, learn a ****LOAD of stuff in way too short of time so your head hurts at the end of the day, work holidays, never get sick, never take time off, ask to take on extra responsibilities, go ask your co-workers if they need a hand when your own plate is piled high, act all eager when they make you work a ****ed up 11 hour graveyard shift indefinately, "what you want me to go home at the end of my (11 hour)shift, sleep 5 hours and come back and do it again? ok."... fix **** no one else can... for 9 months because they keep g***ing you up they're gonna hire you on permamnently.... then find out corporate politics dictate they cant hire you and you're gonna get laid off after the 1st week in July.

THATS how to do it!

I dont like this job anyway, theres no hot broads here... I can get drunk during the DAY on the 4th, THEN ride my bicycle in to work in the evening. yay.

 

well hear's a tip on keep'n the job....hire in as a low level tech then learn everything that the equipment supervisor upper level tech knows but don't get the college degree to back up you knowlegde then take over the postion for the same money you where hired on at and then prove the idiot you replaced didn't know **** from shinola. Continue to bust your *** doing your work and any others jobs your can again for the same pay. Works for me.....making less than half the yearly salery of the **** I replaced......hmmm....second thought maybe I should try and get fired myself.

 

No, work for a print shop for 4 years, for SALARY, work late nights meeting tight deadlines, no vacations, no sick time. Learn how to run and calibrate all their complicated digital imaging equipment, learn all the programs neccessary to run the equipment. Then, mysteriously the company doesn't have any money after the owners take a 2 week trip to Germany using the American Express card, you get laid off. Company recovers after 6 months and pick up where you left off, get federal jury duty, ask the company to make up the difference between what jury duty pays per day ($45) and what you make per day ($80) and get fired for having the audacity to ask for $35.

P.S. I only had jury duty for 1 day.

 

I screwed up, I just told the Boss, I ain't coming back.

 

<font color="green">I love my job. </font>

 

Texas
Sorry to hear youy lost you job. but here's a better way to do it.

First off you have to be nearing the 1/2 century mark. Get rated in the top 30% in the nation in your field. Work any shift, be on call and switch shifts at a moments notice. Oh it helps to work for a ****py corporation, and have your employ/promotions based on the good ol' boy system.

Now here's the hard part, your legs have to go to **** because of some disease that you contracted about 50 years ago. Try not to let anyone find out as best you can, and still work the rest of the crew into the ground.

Now the day you become legally disabled let your employer find out that you have to have some concessions. Nothing major BTW.

Nope get sent home instead because you are now going to be unemployed and unemployable.

But it all works out now I'm doing what I always wanted to do, it doesn't pay much but I'm havenig a good time.

well that's my rant for the month.

Good luck friend, you'll fall into something better. It always works out that way.

 

Naw, HERE'S whatchya do...

Spend your own money doing upkeep and oil changes on a company owned vehicle and wash and clean it as if it were yours...because the guys who are SUPPOSED to do it just DON'T...and you're the official driver, so the condition of the vehicle is a direct reflection on you, so you want it to be kept up and clean!

Now, have word get back to you that the same slackers in the garage were talking about you being some kind of psychotic loose cannon....this will piss you off to the point where you decide "**** it! I can get a job somewhere that won't require doing some OTHER ***hole's job in addition to my own...so to Hell with 'em...!!".

Then, first thing the next morning, formulate a plan to announce your resignation in STYLE! It's a beautiful Summer day, so dress in your beach wear, load your cooler, throw your favorite tapes in the car....then slide under it and unbolt the mufflers...the garage is sorta on the way to Camp Dearborn, so why not drop in and show 'em all how a "psychotic loose cannon" quits his job!

Drift your open headered, hopped-up four door death-mobile into the parking lot dirt track style with smoke pouring off of the rear tires and roar straight into the garage...steering for your boss's desk. Slam your front bumper into said metal desk and push it across the shop into the far wall, then kill the engine and jump out of the car and up onto the hood and yell "I ****ING QUIT, YOU ****-HEADS...to HELL with ya...I'm goin' to the BEACH!".

The shop will be relatively empty that early in the morning...but there will still be a stunned silence and a host of disbelieving stares as you hop down from your hood and head over to the time clock to rip up your punch card. About this time, your boss will fall in beside you...stuttering and nervous because he just took over the garage three weeks ago and doesn't quite know how to handle this sort of thing. He'll tell ya that he realizes that you are upset about something, and you'll just smile and say "No...I'm not really...not anymore...I'm FREE!". He will eventually talk you into going to see the general manager of the company so that HIS *** will be covered anyway.

You realize that your new boss isn't really the one to blame, and he is a decent guy who worked his way up from grunt mechanic, so you figure you'll honor his request...besides...it'd be kinda FUN to march into the general manager's plush office in shorts and a t-shirt and have some fun with HIM, too!

So, there you are in the Big Office...sitting casually in a chair across the big oak desk from the Big Cheese who has a reputation for throwing people out the door before they can even SAY "I'd like to submit my two week notice". The Big Guy glares at you as your boss stutters through his speech...

"I...uh...that is I think, umm...I think that we...uh...have some sort of...well, dispute here...uh..or ...something...and..."

The Big Boss raises his hand cutting your boss off in mid ramble and booms directly to YOU..."What the Hell is going on here?".

You shrug and say, "Well, Sir...I've had it. The afternoon mechanics are supposed to clean the van inside and out and do the required oil changes, fluid checks and general maintenence on the thing...and they haven't been doing it. I don't wanna drive a filthy pig sty, and I don't want the thing breaking down on me cuz it wasn't kept up right, so for the last two months or so I've been taking the van home and doing the work on it there AFTER my shift. I've changed the oil three times out of my own pocket and I've spent hours detailing and cleaning that thing...I'm sick of it!"

(Due to the heavy useage and extreme conditions with lots of miles racked up daily, the van was to get an oil change every two weeks).

The Big Boss sits back and continues to glare at you, oblivious to the fact that your boss is even in the room. "Who's job is it exactly to do these oil changes and to wash the van?" he asks.

"The two afternoon mechanics, Sir.", you inform him. "I've *****ed to THEIR boss about it, and I've told them directly...they just laugh and say they ain't no porters or quick lube jockeys."

The conversation goes on, and by the time you walk out of the Big Office maybe ten minutes later, you're laughing with the Head Honcho and he tells ya "Go on...it's Friday...take the day off...have a long weekend...enjoy yourself. You'll have a dollar fifty raise when you come back on Monday and I'll cut you a check PERSONALLY that will more than cover you for the time and money you've spent doing the work on the van. Just back that jalopy of your SLOWLY out of the garage and drive halfway sane on your way out of the lot, okay?!". You laugh, shake his hand and walk back to the garage building where a group of mechanics stare and whisper as you hop through your window Bo Duke style and fire the old Chevy up. You throw on your shades, crank up Van Halen and yell to one of the on-lookers over the open exhaust "See ya Monday!", then ease the car through the shop backwards and lite 'em off towards the gate as the Big Boss stands there wth hands on his hips shaking his head and grinning. You slow down as you p*** him and he bends down to your window. "You've got some BALLS!" he laughs and you head off to the beach!

Ummm...oh, wait a minute...that didn't really WORK...I TRIED to get fired...but all I got was a raise and a nice big check along with a paid day off! I worked there for a couple years after that...but the two afternoon mechanics were looking for work that evening!

 

I hate my job/boss. If he were to die in a flaming car wreck I would riverdance around it, and wouldnt even piss on it to put out the fire.

 

Instead of working, spend all day surfing the HAMB, ebay motors, and other car sites, until your boss eventually realizes that you get paid to do absolutely nothing. Haven't getten fired yet, but thats how its probably gonna happen

Check out the Jr. Mullet!!

 

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a gym, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

So, I became my own boss and found out I'm a perfect fit!



Time to ride the wave of self-employment.
It has it's drawbacks, but you can't get canned.

Pick something that pays in alot of green cash money.
You know, less math to clutter your head at tax time.

I hear selling on Ebay is a good way to make a few bucks, too.

Good luck guys...


JOE

 

Same here...As I say living the American Dream in this 10x10 cell...I mean cubicle.

Hey these things do happen for a reason and something better is out there just keep your eyes open.

 

[ QUOTE ]

I hear selling on Ebay is a good way to make a few bucks, too.

JOE

[/ QUOTE ]

How are the benefits at ebay?

 

"Dilbert" is a do***entary.

 

No, here's how you do it....Finish college early on the 8-yr plan (only took six because I had to work to pay for it), get a job with a major telecommunications company. Survive one "outsourcing", get hired by the new company, put in a total of 14 years ensuring that dial tone keeps flowing...then find out Friday "EDS is seriously considering moving all mainframe operations for the account to India"....sum*****es! Glad I hadn't signed the loan on that new house yet......welcome to corporate America, you are not a person, just a number on a spreadsheet to erase or delete at will....

Brian

 

That ****s man. Sorry.

Cool story:

I worked for a huge University out here in WA, as a project manager in Executive Education. My deal was to set up the curriculums for everything from MBA programs to three day, exec. seminars. The hag I worked for was a *****, a micro-manager, and refused to let me do things my way...but I have a family, mortage, college bills, etc. to pay so I stuck w/ it. I hated every damn minute of it though and was super down.

Well, low-and-behold a Telecomm. Co. VP in one of my programs noticed that I was working my *** off and doing a kill job. He offered me a job at twice the salary of what I was making at the University, 1/10th the stress, and let's me do things my way, as long as I get him results.

I love my job and hope it doesn't go away due to our company's recent acquisition to form the largest Telecomm. Co. in the nation.

My point to all of you hacks who bust your *** and aren't appreciated for it: Keep at it. You never know who's looking.

 

[ QUOTE ]


How are the benefits at ebay?

[/ QUOTE ]

Funny thing is if you are a power seller you can get insurance through eBay....

 

Oh yeah, how about get hired away from one ****ty company and have all this smoke blown up your a$$ about how great it is to have you on board, yadda yadda yadda. Fix their existing network, build it out to cover 9 states in the SouthEast. Merge it with a company they just bought, then get canned all in one fell swoop.

Now I'm working for a University in a Genetics lab doing IT and surfing the web all day...

 

I like my way:
Save your money, pay off the house. Buy a another house far away six months before you plan on leaving the job. Tell the boss you are giving SIX MONTHS NOTICE! Drop the tie you've been wearing for 25 years into your closet. Come to work every day and bone up on your Internet skills every morning. Do some afternoon work and go home early. After the six months are up - turn in you ID, company credit card and beeper, and say goodbye! Said company was closed by the U.S.Marshall a month later! It was fun while it lasted!

 

[ QUOTE ]
"Dilbert" is a do***entary.

[/ QUOTE ]

...So was the feature film, "Office Space".

 

<font color="green">Yeah, I have a friend here in Tulsa who was actually recruited by MCI.

They offered him all kinds of incentives, more money, future bonuses, yada yada yada.

So he left the place he was at and moved to MCi, was put in charge of his department.

Two weeks later he was told to lay off everyone in his department.

One week later they layed him off.

It's like they hired him to do their dirty work and F'ed him for his efforts.

This ****s balls.

RASHY </font>

 

I HATE MY JOB!

this ****in' place ****s...

Sorry to hear that you lost your job. I don't know, maybe it will be a blessing in disguise. Hang in there, chiefy.

 

One of the guys in the shop makes a mistake.
He runs to you because you are one of the two guys in the shop that even knows how to adjust the welders.
You tell him " go to the office, you cant hide that. and if they bring it to the site and have to bring it back, it will cost a lot of money."
He says " No, they will fire me."
You say " OK, I'll ask them how they want this fixed, they need to deside..."
The boss and two of his little helpers are not interested at all in solving the problem, but they do want to know who made the mistake.
You tell them " that is not important, and I am not going to tell you that".
They tell you you will have to or they will fire you.
You ask them " Do you want me to leave right now, or do you want to finish what I am doing?"
They tell you " finish the job"
You tell them" it will be done by Fryday morning"
Friday mornig you go back to the Office to get the paperwork, and the Bosses wife asks " Are you serious? he is on his way here, he wants to talk you out of it"
You tell her " Well, he is late, I've got **** to do..."
Get screwed out of your vacation pay...

That is the way to lose your job ( or one of them anyway...)

Funny thing is, all they had to do was look on the workorder and it would have told them who screwed up...

 

this is how i did it...

have a great job with good pay as the parts manager at a subaru isuzu hyundai dealership for years,doing my own thing,good hours,and with time in the afternoon to surf the HAMB,ebay etc.

then have a mercedes bmw dealership pester you to death at least twice a week for about 6 months bugging you to go to work for them,finally they offer you a rediculous amount of money that youd almost be a fool to refuse,along with working in a state of the art facility...

take the job ,work there and get laid off 6 months later beause of cutbacks....

 

I've found out that ALL work ****s dog *** (as do most bosses/managment). my rule is "do what you want and enjoy yourself". i work on cars for a living, i could go to a dealership or big independent ($$$), but i don't want the drama, favoritism, etc..... i work at a smaller place, pay kinda ****s, boss kinda ****s, but i have a whole (separate) bay for my own stuff (and a key to the shop). if you can make enough money to survive then do what makes you happy.

 

Have the new Mangement Wealsels turn a $50 Million a year company
into a $25 Million a year company,in a growing market.
Watch as the workforce is chopped from 300+ with lots of overtime,
to less than 150 working a shortened week.

Then Piss Off the Golden Boys up stairs,
after they publicly take ALL the credit for your hard work,
and refuse to give them any more ideas they can take credit for.
Refuse to build the Stupid **** they design,because it obviously won't work.
Refuse to redo tests that you never should have had to do in the first place.

After 7 years of hard work,get yourself a "temporary layoff".
NO notice,and NO severance money for up to 35 weeks.

Now I have to chase the ****ers to get my money,as if I would just forget about 7 1/2 weeks pay.
*******s !




Scott Landis is right:
"Leadership is the Art of convincing other people to do the right things for you.
Management is the Art of standing around,hoping the right things happen,
so you can take credit for it."

 

oh man... all these complicated ways...

Just go work for a dot com. Doesnt matter what you do or dont do... You'll change companies at least 5 times a year.

 

Sorry to hear that Jeremy. There are a couple of turbo rebuilders down here. You might think about a move to H-town. The girls are prettier then in Waco. LOL

Big Daddy Eric

 

25 and a half years in the same job in the same place. I'm still here, it's the companies I've worked for that keep getting replaced!

 

Be a Rebel -cause trouble....get kicked out of Hi school[and never graduate]....then work for farmers for groceries,,,,,=then work at Factories for Min wage and work your way to the best position there in 5 years...Then Quit for no good reason and walk out with no plan for the rest of that day or rest of your life.....then start your own bussiness at home with last 400 dollars you have left in the world....THEN you work doin what you like for 29 years....I HATE MY BOSS!....oops....forgot-Im self employed.