TEST your KNOWLEDGE...tool definitions...True hot rodders ONLY

you forgot the air powered cutuff tool for removing rusted imovable parts on old banger engined with the trans still attached=recent experience with so cal tex on this

 

Welding Helmet aka that plastic thing you use to trap little fires a 1/2inch away from your face . . . or deflecting sparks directly into your ear c****

 

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light where you will never find them. Also removes fingerprint swirls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...."

When mounted in a brench top grinder, leaves a vertical line of tiny wires stuck in your skin from your head to your toes, leading to the use of...

NEEDLE NOSE PLIERS: used for plucking tiny wires out of your skin. Also the use of needle nose pliers to loosen something ALWAYS leads to getting a bigger pair of pliers... no exceptions, why do you even pick the little SOBs up, dumb***?

 

Right angle grider -- electrical device with spinning abrasive disc, very useful in removeing excess weld material, also excellent way to create "open midrift" look in knit shirts.

 

An adjustable wrench is known as a "several sixtheenths"

A flashlight is defined as an aluminum-tubed device used for the storage dead batteries. That was an ice-breaker question on one of my flight exams.

I have a metric soldering iron.. also known as Eurocopter Special Tool #A350-43244... but guess what? it works on Bell Jet Rangers too.

 

The 5/8" version which accepts a pipe as a handle may also be used to smack the operater in the ribs with said handle when 1" drill bit grabs in 16ga. stainless.

 

Magnetic Retrieval Tool - Used while searching for that missing nut, bolt, or socket, to determine if your block, or frame, or suspension member, is actually ferrous metal. Also used to clean all iron filings out of your car, off your workbench, and out of your toolbox.

SAE Sockets - Great for use as punches, drifts, and bearing press tools.

Metric Sockets - Used for rounding the heads off SAE fasteners once your supply of SAE Sockets has been exhausted. (See above)

 

Open end wrenches-devices used to locate very hard objects with your nuckles.
Trouble lights- correctly named devices that make one wonder if they are worth all the trouble just to attempt to see something.
Flat blade screwdrivers- devices used to hammer between two objects in an attempt to seperate the said objects. Often found in the tool box with out handles.
Chisels- devices used to inflet pain in the hand holding them.
Small ball pien hammer- what the hell is a small hammer suppose to do?
BFH (big fuc*ing hammer)- Objects used to relieve frustration, followed by the use of the
VBFH (very big fuc*ing hammer)- which is often used to "fix the damned thing for good".
Beer- substance used to soften the realization of the freshly discovered results of the use of the VBFH.
Crying in your beer- waste of good beer.
Gene

 

This thread is a cl***ic!

 

Lmfaorotf

 

"Thats fummy **** right there, I dont care who ya are"
[Larry the cable guy]

 

This is one I spend all weekend playing with so the pain is fresh in my mind:

Impact Screwdriver: Used in conjunction with a 4lb sledge, this device holds your thumb knuckles at the perfect angle to be struck with said hammer. Also can be used to turn a screw a fraction or a micro degree with each death defying blow. Can also be used to break off the tips of included phillips bits.

My damn knuckles are so beat up from getting hit with this damn hammer you would think I tried to steal from a Las Vegas Casino in the 50's.

 

engine hoist-a device on wheels that attaches to an engine to aid in the removal of overpriced guide headlights from framerails (also works on blc's and e+j's)

open end box wrench-used in conjunction with a socket wrench it does 2 things-helps remove stubborn nut,and wedges itself between bolt head and nearest metal,thereby securing the bolt as the current stubborn piece.

sharpies-if i could ever find one i may be able to describe its use.but that's how you spell it.

channel locks- finger numbing tool.

12 inch crescent wrench-used mainly to round off 7/16 bolts and nuts,but when used as a hammer,can provide your ride with that ol' skool look.

tool box-a place to put stickers, also the lid can be used to trap needed tools inside drawers if you only have one free hand.

eyelids-often used to replace #12 welding shield

plasma hammer-self explanatory

fingertips-metal thermometers

shins-blunt object detectors

blood-drill bit lube

spinal discs-objects used to obtain the leverage needed to lift heavy objects

knees-used to remove sharp metal s****s and molten metal from floor

grinder -loud device that blocks spousal noises

 

Now that's the funniest thing I've seen on this site..only because it is soooo true.

 

i had to put this BTTT! for the last week or so every time i have a ****ty day (like today!) i get on and read this! it kills me every time!!! .....then i get realy depressed wishing i was quick witted!!

 

streetscene august 2003 pg218

 

LMAO!!!!! Now ain't that the truth!!!!!!!!!!!

 

BTT oldie but a goodie.

 

Yea, right on, I threw out my Witworth sockets...never fit anything....
I have 12 yes (12) 9/16" wrenches single and combos....I can NEVER find one..
Only a 14 mm...But when I look for a 1/2" wrench///magiclly there are my 9/16" again...I swear my tool box is haunted.....
"interlocking slide fastener"
"crimped wire connector"
"Jigsaw" no matter how you aim it, it will not go in a straight line
"pop rivets" The ones you don't see come out looking perfect, the ones EVERYBODY can see are collapsed and off center (everytime)
The best one is the anti-seize compound....its alien....I ALWAYS warn people about using it...I have seen it wiped on fenders, dashboards, seats and headliners in shops.

 

I can't stop laughing this is so funny, I'm glad it was brought back.

 

lol also see windscreen urethane/sealant