What's the Most Absurd Claim you've heard at a Car Show, Drag Race, Cruise Night, etc

while at a friend of my dads auto parts shop a customer walks in and asks my dads friend.....
guy: hey man whats the difference between a 13" clutch and a 14" clutch
friend: (looks @ me n dad) hmmmmm im pretty sure and inch. (insert shit eatin grin)
guy: well yeah i know that.
friend: then whyd you ask?


the smart ass was in full swing that day and that guy just topped it off hahahahahah

 

Damn there are some funny stories in this thread.
One good one that I remember was the shade-tree, who owns a metal building so he thinks he's a real mechanic, ask for headers for a 307 Rocket.

Or the dumbass at work who swore up and down that the General Lee was a 69 Challenger. I tried to tell him nicely that the Challenger wasn't made until '70 and never had hidden headlights, but he kept arguing, so I just walked away.
This is the same asshole who told me I must not be used to driving Chevys since I had a hard time pulling in a POS box Caprice that was leaking like a sive and sounded like one of the pistons was smashed to pieces.

Sorry went a bit O/T there.

 

Best one for me was awhile back.

In '68 I was short at Fort Campbell and off base at a local bar with some buddies. As a SoCal-er and rodder I'd long been tagged with the nickname "hot rod" and was wearing a birthday present, a soft cap embriodered with that name, that I'd brought back with me. A local asked about it and on hearing the explanation promptly regaled us with the tale of his '59 Chev with the side by side 409s up front that was a local phenom a couple years ago. Honestly astounded at his gall I played the game, asking and mostly answering various engineering questions, until he was satisfied and headed out, certain he'd pulled it off.
When my buddies asked why the hell I'd let him slide free I told'em what my old man had told me under somewhat similar (aviation, in his case) circumstances when I was a kid. "He already knows he's an ass, ....... and it was fun."

I've just always remembered the funny stuff easier.

 

I knew a guy back in the eighties that was always talking about how fast his street car was, none of the all out race cars at the local dragstrip could touch it. I asked why he didn't take it out there anyway, he'd just win it all. He replied that they didn't pay enough to get him to race, he needed three or four hundred bucks just to show up. I asked what he had and it was a dead stock 350 two barrel Pontiac Lemans Sport Coupe. BUT...and it's a big BUT...it was specially tuned to run LIQUID NITROGEN!!!
For the city boys that's fertilizer farmers apply in the spring! I asked if he meant nitrous oxide and he said no, liquid nitrogen was better! I wound up owning his car a couple of years later when the transmission shot craps. Probably too much liquid nitrogen. My son demo'd it. Rusty.

 

This past weekend at Del Mar, I heard a guy tell his friend " these Cadillac sombreros are getting pretty popular these days." What a joke!!!!!!!!

 

Hey, it is a 3 carb, 389. Mine has a Pontiac steering wheel, ralley II wheels, and says PONTIAC on the tail gate. No Lie.

 

ok here's one for ya. Back in 1988 in Memphis Mo.
Guy named Vancel owned a 68 or 69 Satelite with a 440 in it. (true I saw the car then rusting away in the back yard)
He told me this story of how he was speedin home one night going so fast the speedo had ran out of numbers miles ago. Then as he crested a hill there was a state trooper sittin in the rest area.
Now Vancel claims he had a police radio and knowing him he might have.
He says as he was passing the state boy with the pedal still mashed to the floor that the radio crackled and the voice says "Hey I got one coming at ya!"

Vancel stayed on the gas and just then passed another state boy he claims 2 miles away.

The radio answered. "I know, He just passed me."

Now I don't know how fast you would have to be going to cover 2 miles in the course of that short conversation but I do know that the local police never called him Vancel. To them his name was "Chitwood"


I lived with him for about a year and there were several times the local sheriff would stop him on the street and talk to him and they would bench race about the old days. From Whiskey running with Chitwoods Dad to How many times He didn't give him tickets, when he knew he should have. A couple times they briefly mentioned the night someone ran from a couple state boys and they never found the car. There was always a nudge and a look.
The Sheriff even told me about a night Chitwood took a bet that he couldn't drive all the way around the town square on the sidewalk.
Chitwood did it and left black marks most of the way around!!

Makes me wonder????

 

Here are a few I've heard a lot, "My car is all original", or "Hey, you do bodywork, how much would you charge to paint my car, I'l do all the bodywork I just want you to shoot it". Another classic," It's just a little rust above the wheelwell",and "Everything works on the car, except the wipers, and the AC might need charging!", another, I'm gonna ...... yah see I'm waitin on my settlement then I can.... probably get it". Finally, My friends' Dad's brothers' son's stepsisters' neihbor's uncle had one just like this." Okaaay!.

 

are you sure the engine didn't freeze solid? bwhahahahahahahahha what an idiot

 

This was on another thread...Last fall at a local show a friend of mine had his newly completed, flawlessly-restored '21 T Center Door Sedan out for the first time. Another entrant, an older guy with a sorta scruffy Model A coupe, swore long and loudly that the shiny T had to be a kit car, because no "T-model" ever looked that good. "Ah'm gonna protest it if that thar car places ahead a mine," he threatened. We (who well knew the ins and outs of the T's three-year restoration) tried to convince the old guy that he was wrong, but nobody could convince him that it was a gennie T. He made no friends that day. Naturally, the T won its class.
Fearless

 

My buddy gets this all the time

shithead - nice '57 nomad
buddy - no - this is '56 plymouth suburban
shithead - what??
shitheads friend - nope. it's a Nomad
buddy - plymouth used the name first.
shithead - now i'll tell what.. i know for a fact this is not a plymouth (he says all this real slow) "s_u_b_u_r_b_a_n" . i have a " C_h_E_V_Y s_u_b_u_r_b_a_n". so i knows what i talking about. yeah.. it's a 4X

then they walk off all proud..

 

Overheard at ink and iron last year....Girl#1 Bad bob is cute..Girl#2 Are you fucking insane!...true story.

 

"my best friend from high school races shifter karts, they hold more lap records on road courses world wide than any other vehicle"


those damn things look like more fun than a handfull of viagra and a whorehouse....
we've got a place n of denver that rent's 'em, i thinks this summer i may have to drop some bucks and see if i like 'em....

 

####****%%%% Holy shit Proto Type !! You mean that's a true story !! That means there are 2 of those Trucks !! Hah Hah >>>>.

 

I always get some kid who claims his n/a crx gets 600 hp with nothing but an exhaust, nology wires and an intake.
They always talk about 200 mph rides down the highway as well...

 

I was checking out a 28 or 29 Essex sedan at an outdoor show last summer when two guys come up and start saying it was fiberglass.
Ummmm...yeah. Fiberglass Essex bodies are just flying out of the shops! Who the hell would want a '32 or '34 Ford when you could have a glass Essex!

 

A good friend of mine has a Trilogy super charger on his Marauder. It's an after market piece that Jerry Barne's company ( Trilogy Motorsports ) sells. It looks so good that dumb ass kids look at it and sware it came on the car from the factory. At a show last summer George and I where standing next to his car and two goobers walked up and looked at it. One punched the other one in the arm and said " see dumb ass I told you they where blown".

 

For the city boys that's fertilizer farmers apply in the spring!

Even this city boy knows you don't use liquid nitrogen as a fertilizer. It's kept at about -325 F. and returns to a gas if it's poured out onto the ground. There are nitrogen based fertilizers, but they are a horse of a different color.

 

work with a guy that claims he has. A #s matching 67 chevelle rally stripes 454 and a 5 speed .

 

Or is that a horse manure of a different color?

 

You might not believe how many people see my 57 Chevy 4dr station wagon and call it a NOMAD!

 

One more....my roadster (pictured in avatar) equipped with offy heads....flathead of course. Parked at the gas pump while I filled it up. A guy, about forty to fifty years old, with two teenage sons, walked up, looked at the engine and stated..."Just like your Yamaha, Tommy....a TWO STROKE. See? No valves".
ARRGGGHH!!
No, I did not say a word. Just smiled at them and drove away.

 

A former co-worker claimed to be an expert on custom cars, especially southern California style custom cars where they once resided.

Upon bringing the Impala steering wheel to their attention, they acted disgusted and asked "Well what is this car? Some kind of a knock-off of an Impala or something?"

 

This happend tonight.

numb nuts: What year is that bike, what is it.
Me : That is a 1975 Gold Wing.
numb nuts: I had one of those, xcept mine was a 1967 model.
Me : Oh really................ 1975 was the first year for the Gold Wing.

 

well, if it helps that picture has been the wallpaper on my computer for a while.

 

You guys are correct. It would have been nitrogen, NOT liquid nitrogen. Very foul smelling, very sticky, very clumpy, not good for horsepower. I think I had a few too many liquid something elses while browsing the HAMB that evening. Thanks for keeping me straight.


Iron Man

 

I wish I had a dollar for all those guys that wouldn't believe me! Then the ones that had never seen it, flaming it.... Too f...#*ing funny! LOL Todd Varble

 

i had a kid try to tell me his alternater was his turbo once.........

 

"A buddy of mine used to stick a $100 on the dash and tell the passenger if they could grab it while he launched, they could have it and nobody ever did it!"

Holy crap my uncle told me the same thing! Also that same "buddy"'s Chevelle had such a big cam that just idleing across the parking lot every time it loped it would chirp the tires.

Car has so much HP the brakes won't hold it at a stoplite.(idle set WAY too high)

Car has so much HP it goes 30mph just at idle!(high geared)

I sold a 402 BBC to a guy who is having it rebuilt. It will have right around 950 horse.(w stock rebuilt heads no less)

Good friend of mine, an older guy, says the 427ci 'Vettes HP was underrated from the factory 'cause of insureance. They said 425 but they really made 1000.

But this one takes the cake....I want to say tho, I am NOT making this up! This happened just the way I'm telling it! I swear to GOD.

Guy pulls up in his Ford Courior with a 3.8L v6/auto swap, tells me all about how fast it is. When he leaves he has his buddy jump in the bed of the truck. Now, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!!! His buddy leans over the side......I look puzzeled. This guy tells me, with a strait face, that his 3.8 has so much power that the fuel pump can't keep up, his buddy has to blow into the gas filler tube to create enough fuel pressure! I just nodded my head and they took off, guy leaning over blowing into the gas tank...... as the drove down the road.

I love all the stock 350's w headers & a q-jet that make 500hp....

Theres more, so much more. Seriously someone should write a book w all these stories, I'd buy it!

-John

 

Almost forgot about the factory "dodge polaris police hiway chaser" with a factory 6-71 blower, that fit under the stock hood, and would reach 300mph. If one of those pulled in behind you, you just pulled over. No WAY were you out running THAT car!

I heard that story from a buddies step-dad. I was at my buddies wedding & had to be polite. So I sat there swapping stories w Mr. Gearjammer hearing about his motorhome with the Tawanda 454, stock it's about 600 horse, if he just mashes his foot down on the throttle it'll just melt the duals........& his '57 Chevy, 283 w dual fours & a vette cam, the only car that could outrun the dodge polaris........

Ahhhh the good 'ol days, when HP was as plentiful as water!

-John