What's the Most Absurd Claim you've heard at a Car Show, Drag Race, Cruise Night, etc

Couple behind me in the stands at a WDRS at Mission many years ago:
Announcer; "Super Stockers up next, bla, bla bla"
Girl behind me; "What are Super Stockers"
Girls boyfriend; "Those are just hopped up toyotas and stuff, lets get something to eat"

 

I get this at EVERY funeral or family gathering............

Hey, you still got that old Impala?

(see my avatar)

 

When I was a very young kid my dad had a '58 corvette for sale. A man came to look at it and ended up not buying it because it had a bubble in the paint below the back window. He wouldnt make a deal cause there was rust in the body. Im not smart but I know better than that.

 

I've owned a blacked out '69 Torino notchback since about '81 & was really hooked into the Detroit street racer crowd for many years. Always had a variety of FE motors in it - at one point running well into the 10s. Pretty serious sleeper deal. But not a really common combination.

One year I started hearing guys saying that I must've bought the car from "so & so" on the "east side" and what it had and how it ran. Story was always quite a bit slower than reality so I'd just look at them funny and let it go.

I'm running at the Dirty D (Detroit Dragway) one weekend and sunovabitch if I don't see my friggin' clone in the pits. Same paint, same hood, same trim, same tire/wheel combo. After watching a spitting and farting 14 second pass me an my buddy simpy have to go over there to see what's up - I mean this could be embarrassing if folks think that was me stumblin' up the track.

Turns out the guy is really cool. He saw my car a couple years earlier and really liked it. So he duplicated it based on pics and built a version of his own. Probably nicer than mine but less racy. We tuned on it for a while and got it into the 12s that day - and then ran the cars side by side for a photo op.

He eventually sold his into Australia....

 

Barry R, Fe's Hmmmmm.

 

"A 396 is a small block, right?




...all from a kid who wouldn't hesitate for a second to brag about his '69 Camaro that he "restored" and paid for "himself".

 

How about the Pawn Stars episode where they go see a 68 chevy wagon. Nice car on the outside with 2 tone paint and rally wheels. It clearly has 396 tags on it but when they lift the hood it has a ratty ass 2 barrel big block that they are claiming is a 454. The "builder" claims the engine sits too high to run an air cleaner. So here is where the Pawn Star guys, who claim they know cars shove their foot down their throat on national TV.

"So the guy obviously pulled the original 350 and stuck in an engine that's way too big for the car" (Or something to that effect)

I was shaking my head for 10 minutes on that one.

 

The "car that pulled the front wheels" has to be the all time champ.

Whenever I go to a car show or whatever with my '64 C10, everybody ALWAYS gets the year wrong. They always ask if it's a '66, '65,or the occasional '63. I have no idea why. I know those three years are virtually identical,but dang. I also get tired of people telling me I have an Impala steering wheel! I try to be nice about it though.

The performance claims I used to hear on the school bus about The Smokey and the Bandit T/A and the General Lee were pretty bad. The boys on the bus talked about "Smokey" for years,and every Dukes episode was rehashed all week long.

Oh,and EVERYBODY has got something faster at home whether they're working on it or not.

 

I can vouch for that one, as I have that last short-block out in my shop right now
And yeah, I'm getting very familiar with Lock-N-Stitch

Around '85 I'm crew chiefing on a Super Stock alcohol roundy-rounder every Saturday night on the 3/8 mi at Petaluma. So one night I fill a couple towels up with ice cubes and wire them down on the intake- sucker went like a nickle rocket until the ice melted, so we qualified third and won the Trophy Dash. They always made a fuss in front of the grandstands after the Dash there, driver interview, pictures with the car/crew, yada yada. The pits at Petaluma are on the far side of the track from the grandstands, so the crew had to cross the backstretch and walk across the infield to get there. Now this night, our driver, nicknamed "Hambone", had been particularly full of himself even before the Dash, so we take a new crew member with us- there was an old bag lady that came in the pits with her old shopping cart every weekend, sweet old gal with about 3 teeth- so we start across the infield. By the time we get over there, 'ol Hambone has got ahold of the microphone, "Well, the crew had the car running pretty good, and I just drove like I can..." My associate and I look at each other, smile- it's on now, Bozo So he's still hamming it up with the announcer, as we substitute the bag lady for the trophy girl, who's now laughing her butt off-and the grandstand's cheering. So he turns around, on Cloud 9 since he thinks they're cheering for him, and I tell him his greatest fan has come out to see him and expects a kiss By now the crowd is rabid with laughter, and he realizes he's been had Muttered something at us about holes, strained a smile for the picture- and didn't talk to us until after the heat races and we had to change the setup

 

seems no matter where i park the "road zombies" will soon be there
zombie #1: nice 32 duce you've got there!
me: nope, i'll give you two more guesses for a quarter(.25c)
zombie #1, well it's a ford then!!
me: nope, one more and you owe me a quarter!
zombie #1 then its gotta be a chevy!!
me: nope you lose(smiling as nice as i can)
i fire up the 29 Plymouth and drive away!

 

A bit O/T but.....
As I was workin' the counter at the local speed shop around 1980 an expert comes in and wants a cam for his 305 chevy van. I pick him out a nice RV/towing grind. He opens the box,looks at it, and says "These lobes don't look big enough". He left with a nice .550 lift solid!

 

When I was around 9 or 10 years old one of my friends dad came home with a new vw jetta, I think just because of the name of the car the kid thought the car was fast, in fact much faster than my father's 69' stingray convert he claimed. Me and the other kid present didn't believe this so we all settled the score together simply by reading the vw speedo: 85, then we walked to my place and looked at the vette speedo: 160. Case closed, easy when your 9 years old...

 

Had a fellow tell me that he blew the doors off a 69 Road Runner in his 65 283 three on the tree El Camino with a load of bricks in the back because all the Mopar did was fry the tires while the bricks gave him plenty of traction

 

Sheep dip, that story may be true! I beat my friends z06 corvette in a 2 ton 55' olds! He created a huge cloud of smoke and I launched perfectly drove away then boxed him in so he was unable to pass once he caught up.

The best part of this story is he sold his gta firebird after I beat him in my 55' chevy (which was way faster than the rocket)
When he first brought the z06 over and offered me a drive I said to him "see this button here? (traction control) its gay" and I turned it off then scared the shit outta him in his new car... guess he never turned it back on again since he wrecked it a few months later...

 

Once I was a parts counter. Next to me an old fart comes up and asks for a chevy starter. The parts guy ask 'for what'. The guy says 'it doesn't matter. they're all the same'. Mr. Know It All.

The parts guy talked him revealing the car. Me, I would have given him a starter at random.

 

My wife is ok with it.

 

This is funny shit. I think I'd have answered that ricer kid by poppin' the top and taking a big swig... "want some?"

 

Lol. It's funny how many BS stories this thread has attracted!

Folks! It's simple! If you spew bullshit in front of a hundred other people, at least one will know your stupid!

"better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt"

 

Here's a BS story I seen with my own eyes...
360 mopar, sonic tested for core shift, then bored to 4.13 [.130 over] [early 360's used the 340 cylinder casting, and can handle that over-bore if tested for core shift]
Fitted with Ford 428 pistons.....

383 cid small block mopar

I been called a liar a dozen times over on this one. But I saw it in person!

 

Well, I heard this redneck (no offence to country people, he really is a "This is my ma and my sister and I got an IQ of... uhh... 20?" kind of redneck) Talking to these two girls about how he was driving to school one day and (exact quote for what I can remember it, not trying to offend anyone)...

"So this mex-i-can is commin' up behind me aight,"

And he was showing it with his hands, so just imagine that.

"And so I slam the pedal to the floor and I must'a been going like 110 or 120, you know? And this mexically (not really a word, but what he said) mother f****r is closing in on my tail so I am like "Well why not?" and I push the nos and launched to like, 180 or 200, and I am losing the illegal (again, using exact quote for how I remember it coming from his mouth, and yes, he is a racist bigot) and I bust past this cop and I am like "Aw f**k it," and I gas her some more, and now I am redlining that b***h at like 220 and I guess that the cop wasn't in a chasin' mood cause he went right for that wet back and pulled him over."

Then he said something else, but I forget...

Also I have made an outrageous claim here on the hamb that I feel I must correct. So there was a post I put up awhile ago in the street racing thread about being in a friends older ford truck and pulling off 175-ish. That was how it felt in the passenger seat, and I thought we got away...

Well after getting mocked enough, I decided to do some fact checking. My friend actually got a ticket because they got his license plate number, the reason they stopped chasing us was because we slowed down. The other guy we were racing against sped off down a main road here and could have caused a serious accident. Oh and guess the speed that we were actually going. The ticket said clocked at 105... HUGE difference, I guess the adrenaline kinda skews your idea of speed huh? Just felt stupid if I didn't fix that one thing.

 

Seen on another site, now I'm a big fan of Y-Blocks but...

One of my best framers that's been working on my site has been continuously interested in my F100. Today the site power went out, I sent the crew home but I invited him to my garage to check out the Ranch and Bird. He had told me that he'd been finishing up an installation of a 454 and chev front clip in a 56 F100 for his grandson, oh great, another useless trailer queen! As he just had a heart issue a couple of weeks ago I warned him what I was going to do and to buckle his seat belt and showed him where to hold on.

This is a well travelled path for me. The secondaries open up the same time I straighten out in the travel lane and then both 8" tires break lose and it does 3-5 swings before it catches traction on the dry pavement, just with secondaries opening up, no clutch work, and that's just what it did, I didn't bother with anything fancy with 2nd, just went into overdrive and cruised to the garage.

Mike said he hadn't felt vehicle power like that for years, my point to him was why waste a good truck with an unreasonable engine in the 56 when they could have kept it driveable and exciting with a Yblock. He said he never had a Yblock and brought up that silly old oiler issue. He had no idea these engines had that kind of power with a simple 292 4bbl, $175 headers and a 4:11 posi rearend. He's got a line on a rebuildable 59 F100 and I'd bet that'll be his next adventure, Mikes one of my best guys and I sure hope he lives long.

Dan in Seattle

 

this guy was a dipshit but had a pretty good running 406 ford....looking the car over he says "yeah just got done puttin a k cam in" i said "doesn't look like the radiator,water pump, etc. have been touched" he says"yeah well i put the cam in the other way" .....hmmm must have cut up in to little pieces and dropped down the carb...........of course he got his balls busted untill he died...

 

I get this:

Goofball: "yer hurst is on hydraulics?"

Me: "No, my HEARSE has air bags"

Goofball puzzled: "No, how do you make it go up and down?"

Me: Pneumatics not hydraulics, in other words AIR!

Goofball: oh...???

I show him the Viair pumps

Goofball: so they pump the oil?

Me: Yes..yes they do...

I find you meet so many goofs in the car show circuit, but I take it stride...it has also backfired on me

This past summer a guy I know says: "You going to the Smoky Lake car show?"

I says " yep the last one of the year.."

Him: "there's a guy there with a 1926 Studebaker that has a Porsche motor in it"

Me: "No shit? I bet he'll be parked beside the guy with 65 Edsel that has the Stanley Steamer big block in it..."

Him: "Really it does exist" and smiles

I smile back..."I'm sure..."


I hope he ain't looking for that Edsel

 

Some guy was at cruise night with what he claimed was a 1965 Shelby Mustang. It was painted white with a Shelby stripe. We pointed out to him that Shelby's were all fastbacks. His was a coupe.

 

Me and my uncle were workin in his shop once when this guy came typical joe dirt guy walks up and starts telling this story about him and his buddy seeing a 70 cuda 340 6pack car sitting in a barn that collasped when they asked the owner about the car the owner said if you can get it out of the barn you can have it, and crazy enough the barn fell around the car didnt touch the car at all!! but they sold car and dont have any pictures of it..... hmmmmm

 

Ha thats funny!!!

 

A friend of mine once told me that the american grafitti coupe was really a model A. He went on to tell me not to many people know that! I didnt argue with him cause he is always right. Of course one of his hot rods is a model A true story....

 

there is a kid about my age at my local parts store that seems to have the wisdom of 4 oold timers (lol yeah right)

he told me he has an 87 iroc camaro that i guess was appraised at $150,000. i asked him if it was a 1le then (since those i guess are the most collectable of 3rd gen camaro's if i remember correctly) and he was like "nope, it's an iroc"...hmm, okay then, doubtful but whatever

then he tells me to keep an eye out for his next project, a 70 something chevy truck that i guess runs 7's...

thats about when i classified him as "one of those guys" haha, still pretty helpful with the sbc info though, i'll give him that

 

Well.....i saw a guy put metal fender flairs on a vette......with pop rivets and everything...and that's the truth!

 

wow what a funny thread....so many ignoramus' out there...
When I was a lad, me & my brother were at a car show...same ol story some numbnuts infront of a blown camaro sprouting no end of hot air...my bro (recently out of army) says to me, "watch this".
Bounds up to old mate like he's a "special needs employee" and gets right in his face and says,
"wow mate , that's the best Datsun I've ever seen!!!!"

I dunno if I was embarrassed more for my brother acting like a clown, or the bs'ing douche with the crowd looking at him in disapproval...........

maybe you had to be there. Funny day.