What's your favorite saying from Texas

I love some of the 'texisms' you here. Things like 'if dumb was dirt he'd cover an acre' and 'wise as a tree full ol owls'

What's the best one you've heard for things being slow, fast or low, or just plain humourous?

 

And this has what to do with hot rods at all??

 

My number one favorite...Used to discribe a trick set up. "Well, that slicker then *** on a gold tooth"
My number two favorite...When it comes to doing my taxes. "I haven't been so confused since I lost my chewing gum in the chicken yard"

 

Ok. It's Sunday. No Nascar race today. I'm bored so I'll play. "It's rainin' like a cow pissin' on a flat rock". "That's slicker'n greased goose ****". "She shines like a diamond in a goat's ***". "That boy's dumber'n a box of rocks". "I'm sweatin' like a ***** in church". Yeah, I'm an Okie. Larry

 

"We were all in love with Di and we were doin' it in Texas"...

 

ok - here goes....we'll try and make it car related

( that fits like socks on a rooster. )

 

"There's nothing between Amarillo and the North Pole but a barbwire fence."

Your's Truly making this determination about 10-12 years ago.
• • I,j...

 

"She's so buck-toothed, she could eat corn on the cob thru a picket fence". "She's ugly enough to make a train take a dirt road". "That's enuff ta make a preacher cuss". "If brains were dynamite, that boy couldn't blow his nose".

 

My favorite saying from Texas is......."Why can we never beat Oklahoma?"

 

How in the hell are these Texas sayings? People say stuff like this all over the south.

But what the heck, I'll play along!

Top 11 pithy Texas sayings.​

11. "Fool me once... shame on... shame on you... get fooled, won't get fooled again." (G.W.B. 9/18/02)

10. A fool and his money is the roots of all evil.

9. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him phonics and he's hooked on them.

8. Children should be seen by social services and not heard from again (Jeb).

7. He who laughs last needs to be reminded who's tellin' the joke.

6. Patriotism is the last refuge of scoundrels, so I'm directing Gale Norton to dedicate all available resources of the Department of the Interior to preserve this refuge and maintain this important species.

5. Life is like a box of chocolates, those on the bottom get crushed.

4. Keep your friends close... and your enemies on the CIA payroll.

3. Time waits, for no man is an island... except Gilligan, no, wait, he wasn't an island either.

2. The price of freedom is... about $27 a barrel.

1. Never put off 'til tomorrow what your dad didn't do eleven years ago.

 

And yet somemore all time favorites.


So dry the trees are bribing the dogs.

He's so country he thinks a seven-course meal is possum and a six-pack.

If she crows, the sun is up.

Don't squat on your spurs.

She has short arms and deep pockets.

He's riding a gravy train with biscuits wheels.

Too poor to paint, too proud to whitewash.

Cold as an ex-wife's heart.

He looks like the cheese fell off his cracker.

He can blow out the lamp and jump into bed before it gets dark.

We've howdied but we haven't shook.

Don't dig up more snakes than you can kill.

Even a blind hog can find an acorn once in a while.

He wasn't born, just squeezed out of bartender's rag.

As welcome as an outhouse breeze.

If brains were leather, he couldn't saddle a flea.

He couldn't pour piss out of a boot with a hole in the toe and the directions on the heel.

They planted their crop before they built their fence.

Noisy as two skeletons dancing on a tin roof.

I'd rather watch her walk than eat fried chicken.

So ugly that his mama had to tie a pork chop around his neck so the dogs would play with him.

He's like a blister--he doesn't show up till the work's all done.

 

"Got the RED ***!"

 

"If Oklahoma ever stopped ****in', Texas would fall into the ocean".

 

"It's colder'n a well-diggers ***".

 

"It's colder'n a witches ***'n a br*** bra".

 

Never been to texas but, I'll try to keep it on topic as well.

"That's uglier than homade sin"
"He couldn't drive a sick ***** to bed"
"Loose nut behind the wheel"

 

As plain as the hair on a goats ***.

 

........MY favorite is going to be a new one. It's gonna' be when new TX resident Ryan says, "Get this ****in' **** off the HAMB!"

 

Since I'm setting in front of the computer and don't feel like moving yet, here's a few that come to mind.

"Dumber than dirt."
"Someone left the gate open." or "The fence is down." (Used when a blue norther blows thru in the winter.)
"Meaner than a rattlesnake." (usually used in reference to girlfriend/wife).
"Hold my beer and watch this!" (precedes catatrophy)
"The only difference in a Texan and a sum***** is.........the Red River." (Texas/Oklahoma rivalry)
As a reply to the "I (heart) NY" bumperstickers-"If you (heart) NY, take I 35 North".
"Skittem" Used by one of my ol' buds to another, right before he got shot 4 times. It took on a whole new meaning after that.

Larry T

 

Go away icky thread fink. Ruin some other kids fun!

 

Texas is the only place I know where you can stand in mud up to your knees and have the wind blow sand up the crack of your ****.

 

This is President George W. Bush... and I approve of this message.

 

In Texas I heard a guy referred to as 2 Tacos shy of a combo plate..

In Chicago we used to say;
To find your way to Texas, go South till you smell ****....that's Oklahoma.
When you've STEPPED in it...THAT'S Texas....

Also: the one thing that Cowboy hats and hemmoroids have in common is that sooner or later EVERY ***HOLE has one.

Glenn

 

hes so slow it take him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes!

 

I am not sure about Texas, but we have a parts guy at the shop that is, " sharp as a marble ", or when telling the new kid Boss how stupid he is, " it's not libel if its true ".... H

 

Here's a car related one...,
"The sun has riz..., the sun has set..., you ain't driven through Texas yet"...!!!!!!!!

My Favorite "TEXAS" bumper sticker..., "Don't Californicate Texas"...!!!!!!!!

My favorite "Texas" vanity plate..., "BLONDE" (put on the car upside Down)!!

 

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —George W. Bush, Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 (Watch video clip or listen to audio)

 

"I'd rather be a fence post in Texas, than the King of Tennesee"

 

#1."READ MY LIPS"#2."A LINE IN THE SAND".....[G Bush]

#3.GOIN DOWNTOWN,JUST LOOKIN FOR SOME TUSH........[B Gibbons]
#4. WELL ,I'M ROLLIN'DOWN THE ROAD IN SOME COLD BLUE STEEL,I'VE GOT A BLUESMAN IN THE TRUNK AND A BEAUTICIAN AT THE WHEEL.........[B Gibbons]

 

Since it's 103 degrees today...

Hotter'n a June bride on a featherbed.

Hoter'n the hubs of hell.

It aint the heat it's humidity, ******** it's the heat.

And the one an old b*** player I knew used. "Got Dandruff and Some of It Itches!"