So I ask the lady if she wants to sell her car. Yes, but it belonged to my deceased husband she says. The selling price is agreed to, and she calls DMV to find out how to sign the title to me. She follows their instructions to the letter and I take the title to the DMV to have it registered in my name. You can't do it that way, I am told. You will have to fill out another form, have her sign it and return to DMV at a later time. To once again sit and wait, and wait, to get what I have already been told to do to get the title in my name. We are sorry you got the wrong information. These people ALWAYS have the wrong information. It's your time that they waste, but they are sorry. Next...........
80 year old lady needs a driving test to renew her license. For the test she drives a DMV officer around the block and when she gets back to the DMV parking lot she goes to hit the break, misses, and hits the gas. Puts her Buick right through the front wall of the DMV. No one is hurt but the DMV is closed for 3 days (I work across the street). Now for the fucked up part, Granny can come back and take the test again the next day! Hey DMV thanks to your parts of keeping us safe. Ass wipes!
i bought a jeep from my dad who lives in arkansas (i'm in kansas) i have the title signed and notorized in arkansas with a bill of sale and when i get to the dmv in kansas there is a typo in the vin number on the title. something like an 8 should have been an S. so two months later they let me get my tags and then they make me pay late fees for not having it titled within 30 days. and the two months was the time they took to do the paperwork. thanks jerks i really didn't have any need for that extra money anyways
The DMV clerk told me I needed the owner to sign a couple more papers. "Mam.... He's Dead!!" She told me to "go outside and find him" and when I did come right to her window so I didn't have to wait It only took about 15 min to find him and get this all done
Went into the DMV in Winchester KY to register the 77 Bronco that I had just finished building. The lady behind the counter asked if I had any paperwork showing an old regstration. I said no. She asked how she was supposed to look the vehicle up, apparently just a name wont do it??? I told her I knew the VIN#. She gave me that "yeah right" look. I recited to her "U15GLY47173" by this time there were several clerks listening to the conversation and all their jaws fell open. She looked it up and it was my Bronco. I got it registered. Before that day I ALWAYS had problems with those ladies. From that day on they never messed with me again. I wish I still lived there. Cant catch a break at a RMV here in Massachusetts. Funny how when you are sandblasting a frame and come across the VIN one letter at a time it is permanently burned into your memory!!
I learned the hard way that if you get a ticket in Oregon and don't pay they will assign a Oregon drivers license to your name and then suspend it. Now keep in mind I have never lived in Oregon, just got a ticket while there for business. You won't find out until you move to another state like georgia. I had to pay the ticket and a reinstatement fee for a license I never had. not mention I'm sure it does wonders for your insurance rates.
That lady must have worked at the Maryland DMV office too! Same thing..."I bet if you look real hard out in the parking lot you can find him" The four most dreaded words uttered in the DMV..."you can't do that"
When I changed over to a Massachusetts license ($90--welcome to Taxachusetts!), the lady at the counter mistyped my address and city. I caught that before I left the building, and had her fix that. It wasn't until I got on the road and looked at my (second) temp paper license that I realized they also got my sex wrong. And I don't look much like a girl, I'll tell ya. So I went back a third time and had her fix that (and got a bunch of attitude for asking--although her coworkers were cracking up...) But I did palm the incorrect one off her desk when I left. I want to see if I can get free cover on ladies night at the bar.
There was a King of the Hill about that. Unfortunately, Hank had to get a doctor to stipulate his sex, which of course the doctor wouldn't do, and Hank ended up having to threaten to kick the guy's ass to get it done. I need to spend less time downloading cartoons and more time wrenching...
I went to take my driving test in 1964 when I was 16 and just barely passed the written exam.I never was too good at taking tests. During the driving part,I stopped at a cross walk for a little old lady to cross the street. When we got back to the DMV, the officer says," That was my mother you stopped for, here's your liscense."
The Missus remembered to renew her liscense on THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT in my state let it go by and you're road testing again. I drag her to DMV it's late in the day long line suddenly she doesn't have glasses. I whisper in her ear the "3rd" line she memorizes it. The clerk caught on when it was her turn she was asked to read the "3rd" line BACKWARD . She did, and got out safe, but the clerk was cursing her fat lady coffee cake snatching sweaty self for not getting another chart.
Well, she was pretty good looking. If she wasn't being such a bitch about her own mistake, I would have offered to let her stipulate it for me.
The Texas DMV issued two seperate titles for my Chev pick up, luckly both are in my name. another time I had a title transferred, even bought new plates because I was kinda leary of the guy that had owned the car before me, at that time it usually took approximately six weeks to receive your title ............ I waited .............and I waited........finally I went back to the court house, and yes.. the title had been transferred, and yes the title had been mailed to the new owner, SURPRISE SURPRIZE...........the new owner was not me!!!!! At least the new owner had integrity and brought the title back to the court house. Now they had to contact the new owner, have him come back to the court house and sign the title, then contact me, to come back to the court house and reapply for the title to my vehicle ( they gave me a break this time... no transfer fee). Now after a period of over 4 months, I actually owned, and had a title for my own vehicle. Ain't it funny.
spent a day in one DMV trying to title my van....all this bullshit about having "bonded title" on a TX title and "i dont know what that means so i have to call TX" well i called texas for her and she wouldnt take my cell phone apparently her phone works MUCH slower...i said fuck it. got my paperwork back and went to th eother DMV and was out in 5 minutes after i sucked it up and sweettalked the fat old bitch behind the counter . if the DMV blew up, fuck all the casualties, im down for it.
The DMV's here in CA are mind wretching, you can not have a normal experiance here, although I did have good luck when trying to register a special construction bike I built. I was told of all the horror stories of special construction bikes in CA so I was ready for a long drawn out process (we are talking months here). But when I went it took about 5 minutes, and the lady let me just write down what the vin # for the frame and engine were with out checking. At the time I was just happy that it didn't take for ever and did not pay too much attention to any thing else. Now I have guys begging for me to remember the lady that helped me, which I am afraid I don't remember. Even trying to go back at the exact same time at the same DMV. From what I have heard no one else has been quite as smooth.
There's a gal that works at our local DMV that has astoundingly huge knockers. They are quite a sight. Everytime I go there I try to get as good a look as possible, next time I'm gonna wear those 'spy' glasses that make it look like you're looking 90 degrees away from your target. Her face isn't exactly like Cleopatra's, but let me tell you her cans make up for it.
Oh yeah I just found out it used to be 5 bucks to transfer title now suddenly it's FIFTY BUCKS !! I guess my state will never learn. They make it near impossible to obey the law, then let the scumbags go and bust big people who can pay or have property to be sued for.
Props to the St. Charles, MI Secretary of State- These people cut class when the teacher was teachin' "how to be a useless, rude PIA 101" They're some of the most friendly, helpful and all around good heads I've ever HAD to deal with AND I've never have to wait more than 5 minutes-
I've been having much better luck when I started going to the non-downtown branch of the DMV and I show up at 8:01AM. For some reason, everyone's in a good mood first thing in the morning and there's never any line to speak of. I supposed after you've told your 300th person that they can't get tags with no drivers license, you tend to get irritable.
i'm not sure what it is, but i usually have no problems with the CA dmv. not to say i haven't had my moments, but 90% has been pretty decent. i just go into it knowing i'm visiting a place close to hell, and smile alot. heh. before they started the get a number thing, lines were sucky though. i had this old beater van that was registered commercial and they had a special line for commercial and dealers that was always empty. i'd strut up to the line, with my smile on, the lady would look at me like, 'this punk kid is trying to cut line' then she'd look at my paper work, smile back, and i'd be on my way. gary.
My best story is: NJ finally got their crap together. All computerized. Your in and out in less than 10 mins.(for normal stuff). You don't even have to take a seat. We can thank our former Gov. McGreevy(homo) for it.
I got a car off a friend some time back. He had the title, but never put it in his name. Part of it was signed over, but one part wasn't (and I didn't notice that until I was at the DMV). The "counterperson" quickly pointed that out, and with his big blue pen wrote an X next to it. So I grabbed the title and signed the guy's name myself. He looked at me like I just grabbed his junk and said, "You can't that!" Do what?
A friend of mine went through the DMV in New Orleans, He's the only one at the counter and two rather large women were talking behind the counter about a recipe for red beans and rice. After about 15 minutes my buddy couldn't stand it anymore and says "ahh, excuse me" One of the "ladies" turned around and shouted at him "I don't work for you!!"
I have a 98 Blazer just sitting thanks to the DMV. When my mom passed away she left me the Blazer with a clear title but no signature. So I take the title down, with a note from the lawyer and a death certificate and attempt to put it in my name. Clerk tells me I need the owners signature, so I explain that would be covered with the death cert. She looks at the cert and says, "Oh she died in Rhode Island so why does the car have Cali tags and you are registering it in Oregon". So I explain it all and then she asks for a paper signed by all interested parties saying this vehicle is mine now. So I hand her the paper from the lawyer but that is not enough they want signatures. I explain my sister lives in Ecuador and geting ahold of her is near impossible and ask for a way around it. The Blazer has been sitting for 3+ years now because there is no acceptable alternative.
They've changed the system in Polk county, IA and it works a lot better now, but I once had an experience that still makes me see red. I walked into the room where title transfers are completed to find no customers and one clerk working on some paperwork. I figure it's only polite to let her finish what she's doing so I wait. A few minutes later 3 guys came in at the same time and all took numbers. The clerk looked me straight in the eye and called the first number. WASSA MATTER BIATCH, YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO COUNT TO ONE? If I had any sense I would have asked for her supervisor, but I knew they'd just screw with me in both the lines I still had to wait in before I was done.
Not necesarily related to any actual business at the DMV, per se, but I was at the one in Oceanside, CA about 3 months ago and forgot that I was wearing a US Border Patrol hat that my wife bought me to support the Border Patrol. Long story short, when I went to the waiting area to sit and wait for my number to be called, there were at the least 3 people who glanced at me nervously a few times and then ended up scurrying out the door after weighing their options. I'll let you take a guess as to their immigration status. I didn't realize until the second person left that that was what was spooking them. Funny stuff....
went to renew registration on a vehicle with year of manufacture plates (YOM). the clerk said, these are yosemite plates right. buddy of mine goes in to get a 34 coupe registered and was told he needs a smog check. sometimes it seems that you have to walk them through their job....
Not much problem here in Michigan for me anymore, before computers I had actually stood outside the DMV in line that took nearly three hours to get through!!!! What i don't understand about the DMV is what the cut off jeans, dirty tanktop that doesn't cover the beer belly, worn out old baseball cap, flip flop wearing fuckers do at the counter for ten minutes!!??? I mean I can change a title, and buy plates for two cars in two minutes, and half of that is the heifer waddling around to get stuff. Just what the hell do you do for ten minutes at the counter and then walk away with one plate!!?????
Our friendly DMV just went to shit about two months ago....It usto be real nice and quick. Now they have a computerized system with tv.s calling out numbers...Yeah we now have to "take a number sir" Fucken sucks....Just to get a simple driveing record can take longer than a half hour just cause of the damn numbers. Before it was a five minute deal.
The Jalopy Journal
